Internet love is a dangerous game, why Britons can't laugh any more, an update on the demon dentist, and the coach with more 'balls' than most...

Hardcore teddy banned from Zurich bear parade

Reuters

Dateline: Zurich,cs - A giant dominatrix teddy bear wearing a leather mask and brandishing hand-cuffs has been banned from sober Zurich's street display of man-sized model bears, the project's artistic director said on Tuesday.



While tourists pose for snaps next to a brightly-painted and benign array of models such as the "schoolteacher bear" and the "skier bear", "Baervers" -- a pun on the German for perverse -- has been deemed too steamy for the financial capital's streets.

"This bear is perverse, dominatrix and hardcore. We had to ban it because of the children," Beat Seeberger-Quin, the project's art director, told Reuters.

The offending bear, which sports bright red lipstick, a corset and thigh-length leather boots, stands atop a pedestal bearing the words "first class service".

Some 600 teddies, variously decorated by artists, stud the streets of Zurich and its airport in the "Teddy-Summer" project.

The controversial model had been allocated a place near Zurich's Paradeplatz, home to Switzerland's top banks such as Credit Suisse and UBS, before Seeberger-Quin spotted the final design and decided to ban it.

The dominatrix bear's creators now seek a private home for their sadomasochist teddy. At least "Baervers" will not face the same hazards as his publicly-displayed peers, some of which have been vandalised or even kidnapped.

"Two or three of the bears have been splashed with paint, and one bear -- a nice small bear wearing a little dress -- has been stolen," Seeberger-Quin said. (:/)

I'd love that for my street, to hang outside the library.

Britain suffers sense of humour failure due to worries of modern life

AFP

Dateline: London - Britain is suffering a sense of humour failure, with laughter levels three times lower now than 50 years ago and nearly half of all adults unable to enjoy at least one big guffaw a day, research showed.

Money worries, relationship woes and even political concerns were among the reasons given for the collection of grim faces, according to the data, collected for the cruise company Ocean Village.

"Laughter is an essential ingredient of a healthy, happy life and is one of the most effective and immediate antidotes to stress and tension -- it really is the best medicine," said Amanda Bate from Ocean Village.

"The findings of this study show a worrying trend towards glumness. In the 1950s we laughed for an average of 18 minutes daily but this has dropped to just six minutes per day," she said.

Morning misery is rife, with almost half of Britons -- some 45 percent -- admitting they frequently wallowed in gloom until lunchtime.

Around 16 million adults, totalling 40 percent, said they failed to muster even one proper belly laugh in an average day.

It is not all sulking and moodiness, however, as the research found that single women aged 18 to 24 in the northern city of Manchester were the happiest people in the country.

In addition, Bristol, in western England, was named the most cheerful place for couples aged 25 to 34.

Factors such as weather, time of day and age, were all cited as being able to spark the blues.

July and August were the happiest months of the year according to three out of four people quizzed, with January the most miserable.

The study was carried out by ICM Research on behalf of Ocean Village who interviewed a random selection of 1,000 adults aged 18 or over. (:/)

I just don't find that funny, you know?

Store Clerk Gets Own Stolen Check

KTHV

Job Applicant Can't Wait to Steal From Work

Ashley Oglesby was only on her second day of work at a Malvern, Ark., tobacco store when another woman tried to pay with a check — from the checkbook of Ashley Oglesby.

"I waited on her, I rang it up on the register and she hands me the check," Oglesby told KTHV-TV of Little Rock. "And I went, 'Oh my God, this is mine.'"

Oglesby, working the store's drive-through window, warned the alleged check-forger not to leave the premises.

"I turned around and I told her, "I have your driver's license and your license plate number, and you better not leave,'" she told the TV station.

Police arrested Rachael Pitts of Malvern, who they said had a history of forgery.

"The girl that stole [the checks], she got them from another girl that was a roommate with me," said Oglesby. "And they pilfered through my stuff and stole them. I didn't even know they were stolen."

Pitts had even been sentenced earlier this year to two years in prison for check forgery, but police said she might have been released due to overcrowding.

Oglesby, however, is glad that someone else is no longer using her checkbook.

"You win some and you lose some," she said with regard to Pitts, "[and] you get what you deserve." (:/)

Alcohol, Cigarettes and Fast Cars Don't Mix

AP

Dateline: Foreman, Ark.— A leap of faith proved hazardous for a smoker in need of a cigarette fix after a night on the town.

Jeff Foran suffered trauma to his nose, eyes and chin after jumping from a car traveling 55-60 mph. Authorities said he was trying to retrieve a cigarette blown out of the passenger-side window.

Foran, 38, took the leap Saturday night, state police Trooper Jamie Gravier said.

The driver of the car, Jerry Glenn Nelson, said Foran had asked him earlier in the evening to be a designated driver after a night of drinking.

"Foran did the right thing and asked his buddy to drive him home," Gravier said. "It was obvious he was extremely intoxicated."

Gravier added: "If anything could make him stop smoking, this should be it. The man is lucky to be alive." (:/)

Scandinavia in the news

Breaking, Entering and Leasing Out

(lost)

Oslo, Norway — An enterprising if unscrupulous Norwegian found a way to turn a tidy profit on Oslo real estate by renting out a nice apartment in a popular part of town.

What the renters didn't know was that he had broken in to someone else's apartment and then rented it out to 11 different people, the national news media reported Tuesday.

Police said the 29-year-old, whose name was withheld, admitted breaking in to the apartment, and posting photographs of it on an Internet real estate site, asking for a bargain $780 a month in rent.

Since such an apartment normally costs 35 percent more in Oslo, about 60 hopefuls flocked to the con man's showing.

Eleven were so eager that they each paid a $2,340 deposit, for a total of $25,780 transferred to the swindler's bank account.

Ingrid Christensen, of the Oslo police, told Norway's largest newspaper, Verdens Gang, the money was found in the suspect's bank account and he would face fraud charges.

The real renter was traveling at the time of the showings, and has now changed all the locks. (:/)

Finns hoard toilet paper amid industry row

(lost)

Dateline: Helsinki - Shoppers in Finland raided shelves for toilet paper on Wednesday in fear of it running out as a lockout of workers kept the Nordic country's paper mills shut.

"As soon as we get a delivery, the packages vanish off the shelves. The big bags go first," said Hille Laine, manager of a central Helsinki shop which had no tissue paper products left.

Paper makers enforced a four-week lockout on May 18 following a two-day strike by workers. The dispute in the key export sector is mainly over industry's plans to scrap mill shutdowns during some holidays and on the use of outside labour.

The latest round of talks between workers and employers ended without a deal on Wednesday, meaning that the lockout will continue at least until Monday when they are due meet again. (:/)

And now for one of my favourite types of story:

Scissors found in Iranian woman
-- six years after caesarean

AFP

Dateline: Tehran - A pair of scissors and four needles have been recovered from inside the belly of an Iranian woman six years after she gave birth by caesarean section, the Iran newspaper reported.

The report said the unnamed woman from the western town of Marivan in Kurdistan province had complained of chronic abdominal pains -- prompting the discovery of leftover tools in her tummy.

The doctor who performed the caesarean is now facing legal action, the paper said Tuesday. (:/)

Argh!

Smooth-Talking Escaped Con Finally Caught

AP

Dateline: Stuart, Fla.— A prisoner who escaped from a work crew two weeks ago and was driven away by a woman who didn't know he was a fugitive was caught after he tried to shoplift from a department store.

William Hawley, 42, had been on the run since May 10, when he escaped from a Martin Correctional Institution (search) work crew and ditched his prison clothing. He told a woman that his wife or girlfriend was ready to deliver their baby, his car had broken down and he needed a cab.

As earlier described in Out There, Charlotte Yoder took Hawley to five medical centers in two counties. She was not harmed and didn't find out he was a fugitive until she returned home to worried relatives and detectives.

Hawley, a career burglar and car thief, was arrested Monday after a security guard at a Sears in Daytona Beach caught him trying to leave the store with a $15.99 pry bar inside a gym bag, The Stuart News reported.

Hawley also had a glass pipe with suspected cocaine residue, a police report said.

He gave authorities a fake name, but a fingerprint check at revealed his true identity.

Hawley was charged with retail theft and possession of cocaine and drug paraphernalia. He was also expected to face escape and other charges. (:/)

Odd laws ban owning skunks and swearing

Reuters

Dateline: Washington - In Virginia, under the terms of a 1950 law, no animal may be hunted on Sundays except raccoons, which may be hunted until 2:00 a.m.

In Connecticut, a 1949 ordinance forbids the storing of town records in any place where liquor is sold.

A 1974 Tennessee law states: "It is unlawful for any person to import, possess, or cause to be imported into this state any type of live skunk."

The legal codes of U.S. states, counties and cities are replete with archaic, sometimes nonsensical and often humorous laws, many of which were passed decades or even centuries ago for a reason that seemed good at the time but has long since been forgotten or faded into irrelevance.

But these old laws occasionally come back to bite.

Sheriff Carson Smith of Pender County, North Carolina, recently relied on a 1805 law banning the cohabitation of unmarried persons to give one of his employees an ultimatum.

He told Deborah Hobbs she could either marry her boyfriend, move out of the house they were living in together or get fired. Hobbs, 40, quit and went to the American Civil Liberties Union, which launched a legal challenge to the law.

"This is not a dead-letter law in North Carolina. We have found this statute has been used 36 times since 1997 to charge people with a crime. At least seven have been convicted," said Jennifer Rudinger, the ACLU's North Carolina director.

It turns out six other states also have anti-cohabitation laws: Virginia, West Virginia, Florida, Michigan, Mississippi and North Dakota. Four other states -- Illinois, Minnesota, South Carolina and Utah -- have laws against fornication, defined as unmarried sex, according to Dorian Solot of the Alternatives to Marriage Project, a group based in Albany, New York which advocates for equality and fairness for unmarried people.

"The good news is most of these laws are not enforced, as far as we know," said Solot. "They occasionally come up when a prosecutor is already looking into an individual and may decide to throw another charge at them."

The ACLU argues all these statutes are unconstitutional, citing a 2003 Supreme Court decision striking down a Texas anti-sodomy law, which established a broad constitutional right to sexual privacy.

In Washington state, Gov. Christine Gregoire signed a law last month allowing pregnant women to divorce their husbands. It was prompted by the case of Shawnna Hughes who was denied the right to divorce her physically abusive husband by Superior Court Judge Paul Bastine because she was pregnant.

"There's a lot of case law that says it is important in this state that children not be illegitimized," the judge said at the time.

Most states still have anti-swearing laws on their books which police occasionally try to enforce. Judges usually throw them out but citizens sometimes get fined or spend a few hours in a local jail.

In one Michigan case, a man who let loose a stream of curses after falling out of a canoe in 1999 was convicted of violating a law against cursing in front of women and children. He was fined $75 (40.90 pounds) and ordered to perform four days of community service. In 2002, an appeals court struck down the 1898 law and threw out the conviction.

According to the site, in Minnesota a person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head. In North Carolina, it is illegal to sing off key. In Idaho, you may not fish on a camel's back while Ohio makes it unlawful to get a fish drunk or to fish for a whale on Sundays. (:/)

I just loved the fact that you can't have a good, clean swear if you fall in the water! That's so unfair.

Suicide hotline to open only from 9 to 5

Reuters

Dateline: Toronto - A Canadian province will shut its 24-hour suicide hotline and replace it with one that operates only during business hours.

Prince Edward Island, a small province on Canada's East Coast, says it is too expensive to operate the hotline around the clock. Starting June 1, it will be open only between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m., Monday through Friday.

The plan drew protest from mental health groups across the country on Wednesday.

"How many times, when you get upset or worried or concerned about things, is it in the middle of the day? It's usually at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning when you wake up," said Joan Wright, executive director of the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention based in Edmonton, Alberta.

The hotline received about 1,400 calls a year and about 50 were from people contemplating suicide, health groups said.

"One of the things I was hearing is the government felt there weren't enough suicide-related calls," Wright said.

Prince Edward Island, Canada's smallest province with a population of about 137,000 people, is trying to tame its budget deficit. The hotline cost about C$30,000 (12,965 pounds) a year to run.

"It's a very small amount of money in our view," said Reid Burke, executive director of the Canadian Mental Health Association.

"(Given) the economic cost of a suicide, if governments pay attention to dollars and numbers, not what happens to people, it just doesn't make sense." (:/)

Now, a few of you may recall the story about the dentist who was accused of... well... inappropriately combining business with pleasure...

Ex-Dentist Gets Probation in Semen Case

AP

Dateline: Charlotte, N.C. - A former dentist accused of using syringes to squirt his semen into the mouths of female patients was sentenced to probation on seven assault charges Wednesday though he refused to say he was guilty.

John Hall entered the Alford plea — under which a defendant acknowledges there is enough evidence for a conviction without admitting wrongdoing — at a hearing before Superior Court Judge Robert Ervin. He was charged with seven counts of misdemeanor assault on a female.

Ervin placed Hall, 44, on probation for five years, telling the alleged victims he chose that over a maximum 120-day prison sentence in the hope that Hall's activities would be monitored and similar acts prevented.

"I don't feel I can do justice," Ervin told the women who attended Wednesday's court hearing.

Under the probation sentence, Hall is to spend three months on house arrest and perform 120 hours of community service.

Hall, who practiced in nearby Cornelius, was charged with assaulting six patients, including one of them twice, over an eight-month period in 2003.

The state Board of Dental Examiners revoked Hall's license in August after the six former patients said he made them swallow what they now believe was his semen.

In testimony before the board, Hall denied the allegations.

"I have never injected semen in any patient's mouth," he said. "I never would. I've got a 10-year-old daughter. That whole concept is so beyond me."

Police searched Hall's office and confiscated syringes after several employees said they were suspicious of the dentist's behavior. DNA tests on the syringes later showed they contained Hall's semen. (:/)

Ick.

Square-eyed addicts are first casualties of game console wars

AFP

Dateline: Washington - A neglected baby cries alone. Crazed by lack of sleep, a young boy threatens suicide. A marriage crumbles over a lone obsession.

Yet another grim tale of 21st Century social breakdown? No, these are the victims of America's newest social scourge ... video game addiction.

As Sony and Microsoft ready new generation weapons, the PlayStation 3 and
XBox consoles for a pitched battle next year, hundreds of thousands of children and young adults are struggling to contain their obsession with older machines.

Psychologists and psychiatrists estimate that even before the new wave of gaming consoles hits the stores, one in eight players already suffers from some kind of video game dependency.

There are few long-term scientific studies on video game addiction.

But the reach of the video obsession is borne out by the popularity of one online game "Halo 2." By early 2005, one million players, had staggeringly clocked up nearly 100 million hours on the game, according to industry figures.

> now, i'm no game nut, but i can point the finger at at least three people on this mailing list who can claim considerably more hours on certain games - and on games in toto, a number staggeringly higher. (:/)

Now, there are without doubt people on this list who would laugh in derision at people who spend so little time playing games...

Next, is this one of the luckiest escapes of all time (barring the bloke who fell from a plane into the only tree in miles)?

ATV Careens Off Bridge

Ohio Advocate

Dateline: Newark -- A Newark man is lucky to be alive, officials say, after crashing his four-wheeler into Raccoon Creek off a 40-foot bridge to avoid an oncoming train.

Kenneth Gainor, 27, drove over the side of the Ohio Central Railroad System bridge near the intersection of Wilson and Raccoon streets at about 1:30 p.m. Tuesday.


Photos by Kevin Graff, The Advocate

"Obviously, with the potential here -- falling into literally inches of water, the four-wheeler could have crushed him or he could have landed on his head. He's truly fortunate to be conscious, alert and talking to us," Newark Fire Chief Jack Stickradt said.

According to Jeffrey Layman, an investigator for Ohio Central, Gainor had been chased away from the nearby rail yard and drove off along the tracks on his four-wheeler.

"We battle those kids down there all the time," he said.

A train was coming from the other direction as Gainor rode along the tracks, at which point he decided to turn off the bridge into the creek, Layman said.

Newark police officer Ray Hopkins said charges will be filed against Gainor for criminal trespassing on the railroad's property.

While Gainor was not critically injured, given the height of the fall and the shallow water, it could have been much worse, which is a serious concern for Layman.

"You just can't warn them enough to stay away," he said.

As rescue divers entered the water to retrieve him, Gainor groaned and grimaced Tuesday. He was noticeably in pain, but still able to move around and communicate with medics.

The underside of his overturned four-wheeler served as a gurney while rescuers placed him on a backboard and stabilized his neck as a precaution.

Stickradt said Gainor suffered fractures to his lower legs and possibly a spinal injury, although none of the injuries was life-threatening.

"That was definitely not your run-of-the-mill four-wheeler drive," he said.

Plastic Surgery Mum: My Ear Fell Off

The Mirror

STUNNED Tania Shirt's ear fell off as she dried her hair following surgery to stop them sticking out.

Skin around the left ear had died and gone black because dressings around it were too tight, cutting off blood flow.

It worked lose and came off as Tania, 34, got ready for a New Year's night out two months after the operation.

"I was at home on my own when it happened and didn't know if the doctors could do anything for me. I thought it would be like that for the rest of my life," said the divorced mum-of-two. Care assistant Tania had always hated her ears, wearing her hair long and avoiding swimming.

"If my hair got wet I'd burst into floods of tears," she said.

She had surgery after her mum, whose ears also protruded, underwent a successful op. After her ear fell off Tania had plastic surgery. A new ear was carved out of cartilage from her rib. As it is her tissue, the body cannot reject it.

The ear will lie flat against her head in a pocket of skin until blood flow re-establishes. Her new look will be completed with further surgery later this year.

Tania, of Barnsley, South Yorks - compensated for the surgery in 2000 that went wrong - said: "Obviously I haven't enjoyed losing my ear or the pain, but it's been a fascinating and educational experience." (:/)

Sport

Soccer fans forced to watch women in bikinis

SAPA/Auckland News, I think

Dateline: Wellington, New Zealand - Enraged football fans took to the streets of Auckland at four on Sunday morning, looking for a bar showing the English FA Cup's outcome after the local Sky TV channel switched over to another programme at full time.

With Arsenal and Manchester United in a scoreless tie after the regulation 90 minutes of play, Sky Sport went to its next scheduled programme, "Sports Illustrated 2005 Swimwear at Play", the New Zealand Herald reported on Monday.

Fans left watching a parade of bikini-clad women missed 30 minutes of extra time and the first penalty shootout in the cup's 134-year history.

About 150 to 200 people at Auckland's Albion Hotel who described themselves as "gutted" when the coverage ended took to the streets of New Zealand's largest city in search of another bar showing the game, manager Paul Hafford told the paper.

Sky Digital customers found the continued coverage on another sports channel, but subscribers to the cheaper UHF service missed out.

"Obviously, there was a problem, and the UHF coverage finished before the end of the game. Why that happened I don't know," Sky's director of sports, Kevin Cameron, said after fans bombarded the channel with protests. (:/)

Gulliver Prep coach Lazer Collazo resigns

Miami Herald

Gulliver Prep baseball coach Lazer Callazo officialy resigned Wednesday, a week after his alledged involvement of improper behavior towards his players came to light.

''I am doing it for the kids and I am doing it for the school,'' Callazo told the Herald Wednesday morning. ``I am not going to coach anymore at the high school or college level. I am going to stay and work at my Hardball Academy and that's all I have to say.''

School officials said Tuesday Callazo had agreed to resign as coach at the beginning of June.

''This is a resignation he is fully aware of,'' Gulliver public relations director Jen Vaida said Tuesday.

According to a Coral Gables police report, Collazo dropped his pants, took out his penis and accused his players of not having the testicular fortitude it takes to play baseball after a loss to Florida Christian on April 7.

''He then,'' according to a Coral Gables police report, ''pointed to his penis, testicles and asked the team if they had a set of these or were they equipped with a vagina.''

Collazo, who led Gulliver to the Class 3A state championship last season, did not comment on the allegations. (:/)

Sci-tech

Vanity Plate Spells Out 'Speed'

AP

Dateline: Seattle — Most drivers may be puzzled by the vanity license plate "C9H13N," but chemically-savvy crooks may nod their heads knowingly.

It's the chemical formula for amphetamine, and despite a state law that prohibits references to alcohol or illegal substances on vanity plates, it may be perfectly legal.

Bradley A. Benfield, a spokesman for the state Licensing Department, said such a license has been granted to the owner of a black 2002 Audi registered in Seattle.

The plate may be legal because amphetamine, like its close chemical cousin, the street drug methamphetamine (chemical formula C10H15N), is a legal substance when used in medicine.

"This is a serious concern if there is a license out there with something on it that a reasonable person would consider related to an illegal substance," said Benfield. "It's pretty easy for something like this to slip through."

To revoke the plate, state officials would have to notify the owner by letter and refer the issue to a committee, consisting of representatives from the Licensing Department, Washington State Patrol, county auditors and vehicle-licensing agents.

Out of 6.5 million vehicles registered in the state, about 83,000 have vanity plates. Last week, officials dismissed a complaint about one reading "JOHN316," a reference to a New Testament verse, deeming it inoffensive. (:/)

Headline of the week

Well, last week...

Woman killed every six hours
(The Guardian)

... which just made me think "And she's getting really pissed off with it"...

This week's And finally story's a long 'un, but worth its length imho. It's a cup o' tea read - so limber up, chow down, and enjoy:

And finally

This love story may be a tall tale

The Virginian-Pilot, by Mathew Jones

Dateline: Virginia Beach — This is the love story of Irina Nikolaeva and Charles Wright.

Charles Wright holds out hope that the person he has been corresponding with via e-mail since December is the Russian woman he fell in love with and not an unfeeling scam artist out for his money.


Charles Wright holds out hope that the person he has been corresponding with via e-mail since December is the Russian woman he fell in love with and not an unfeeling scam artist out for his money. Chris Tyree/The Virginian-Pilot

Their romance bloomed via modem, through dozens of e-mails between Nikolaeva’s home in Siberia and Wright’s on Edinburgh Drive.

By mid-March, she had accepted his marriage proposal. By early May, she was set to board a train for Moscow, where she would catch a plane for New York, then on to Norfolk.

But she never made it. Now she is lying in a Moscow hospital, beaten into a coma, in desperate need of expensive medicine.

And the worst part is there’s a good chance none of the above is true.

Wright first contacted Nikolaeva in December.

She had been corresponding with a friend of his, and the two had talked of her coming to the States. But when she asked for money for the flight, Wright’s friend balked.

The friend dropped Nikolaeva and began dating someone else. Wright asked for her e-mail address so he could break the news.

The two began e-mailing, sometimes several times a day. They talked of their countries, their customs, their food. She was 27 and a florist.

Wright, 40, sent Nikolaeva a photo of his sailboat. She sent Wright a photo of herself – a brunette beauty holding a vase of roses – and another of her with her family in Belovo, a city in Siberian Russia.

“Hi mine lovely!” she began a February e-mail. “It is pleasant for me that you have dreams of me. I also dream of us.”

These words held a special sweetness for Wright. Never married, he’d been engaged three times before, the most recent ending three years earlier. The attention from Nikolaeva was intoxicating.

Wright , an unemployed welder, has been unable to work since a steel support gave way on him in April 2002. He fills his days playing guitar, going to church, pier fishing and target shooting.

“It so is good that I have met you in this mad world,” Nikolaeva wrote on Valentine’s Day. She described couples coming into her flower shop and talked of her desire to be with Wright.

Tucked into the message, Nikolaeva nailed down the specifics of a loan Wright would send for her aunt’s open-heart surgery.

Wright wired $200 to Russia without hesitation. When his dying mother needed help in the late 1990s, he quit his job as a long-haul truck driver and sold his rig to be there for her.

He’d written to Nikolaeva often about his philosophy on family, on sharing and caring for others. Helping her care for her family was the least he could do.

In March, Wright typed out a marriage proposal.

“These dreams so are good,” Nikolaeva replied. “I pray that our time has come soon and we have met and were the husband and the wife. I love you more and more and more.”

Wright told her he was “going to skip some bills and put some things together to get you to come over here.” He pawned a family ring to send her $600 for the flight to Norfolk.

In a May 5 e-mail, Nikolaeva said she was bidding goodbye to friends and family and heading for the train to Moscow for a flight the next morning.

“I love you my future husband!!!!! … Your Irina.”

The flight from New York was due in Norfolk at 7:45 p.m. Wright arrived early.

Three hours later he was still waiting, watching one last suitcase go around and around the baggage carousel. It was pink with flowers. There was a chance it was hers. Then another woman retrieved it.

“I was pretty ticked off and disappointed,” he recalled. He was also starting to be suspicious. He drove home and fired off an e-mail to Nikolaeva.

He heard nothing for eight days. Then, suddenly, there was a reply.

“Hello dear Charlie.” It was from Nikolaeva’s mother. “I do not receive letters from my girl some time. … It starts to disturb me. I hope that with her all well.”

Wright wrote that Nikolaeva had never arrived. A flurry of e-mail followed.


The photo Irina Nikolaeva sent to Charles Wright. (Courtesy Photo)

Nikolaeva’s mother eventually tracked her to a Moscow hospital. She had been beaten, and “Very expensive medicines to support her condition are necessary … What to do Charlie? … You can help us. You can lend money? We shall give them as soon as we shall pawn an apartment.”

Nikolaeva’s friend wrote next with the price tag: between $3,000 and $3,500.

This was absolutely out of the question. The flight alone nearly equalled Wright’s disability check. He was already getting food donations from his church.

And things were starting to smell fishy. But what if it were true?

“For all I know, this could be a whole big scam,” Wright said. “I’m not going to say it is, not going to say it’s not. I don’t know what to do.”

Whoever sent those e-mails, chances are good it’s not a Siberian florist in love.

Irina Nikolaeva, if that is her name – if she is a she – shares it with a former Russian figure skater and a linguistics researcher at Oxford. An online dating service features a woman of the same name and age but with a different photo.

The e-mails sent by Nikolaeva, her mother and her friend all came from the same address: gentle_flower@mail15.com. The Internet domain is owned by a Moscow marketing firm.

The Internet is thick with Russian dating sites, and a growing number of Russian anti-scam sites has risen in response. The latter feature message boards overflowing with the testimonials of conned men .

“They’ll say they need extra money to bribe somebody, they’ll need money to buy some clothes or a ticket, and they’ll milk them for everything,” said Mike Walker, a retired West Virginia State Police officer now with the Internet Crime Complaint Center.

“Greed and love. Those are the driving forces of all mankind,” he said.

Walker’s group, a partnership between the National White Collar Crime Center and the FBI, collects victims’ complaints in an effort to track down scammers.

Variations on the mail-order-bride con have been around a long time, Walker said. The Internet has simply allowed the scam to grow bigger, faster and farther-reaching.

The victim is usually familiar with Russia’s economic situation and scammers play on that. They say they’ve been robbed, that their fathers beat them, anything to garner sympathy. Financial requests follow.

“The conniving ones will start out small and work up to it,” Walker said, “making it a little more palatable to the victim.”

Police can’t do much, and Russian authorities usually won’t get involved over such small amounts.

As for Wright, Walker said, “Everyone’s had their heart broken. You know how he feels. The best thing we can do is bring him down gently and stop the bleeding.”

On Thursday afternoon, Wright turned on his laptop.

The day before, he had sent an e-mail requesting the name of Nikolaeva’s hospital and room number, her doctor and the police investigator.

The response from Nikolaeva’s friend answered none of this. She scolded him for threatening to involve the media, saying the publicity would blacken Russia’s global reputation.

Wright has heard nothing since, but he’s not budging.

“The way I look at it, I’m not financially able to help this woman until I can receive verification,” he said. “I’m an injured shipyard worker on a fixed income. I’m hardly even surviving myself.”

Still, he has researched setting up a medical trust fund for Nikolaeva in Moscow. And he has sent another e-mail to Russia, offering to put up his boat and truck to secure a loan.

For now, Wright is at a fork in the road.

In one direction, his fiancee lies near death in a hospital thousands of miles away. In the other sits a scam artist who never loved him.

“If it’s legitimate, I’ll try to do what I can so she can come over here, and hopefully we can have a happy and productive life,” he said.

“If this is a scam, boy, I ought to be lucky. The way people get divorced, I got off easy.” (:/)

Indeed. Until next time...

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Star Wars is finally f*cking over; heroes all round from crazed journos to using snakes against your bank, idiots, fools and Chairman MIao

'Star Wars' fans embrace the Dark Side of obsession

AFP

Dateline: Los Angeles (AFP) - Caroline Ritter's obsession with all things "Star Wars" has, by her own estimate, cost her 60,000 dollars -- and counting.



The 23-year-old Australian's latest foray into what some might see as the Dark Side of fandom involved flying from her native Australia to Hollywood to queue for the May 19 opening of the sixth and final episode in the galactic saga, "Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith."

"Queue" is something of an understatement for the seven-week campout by Ritter and her fellow Star Warriors outside the famed Grauman's Chinese Theater, where the first "Star Wars" movie premiered way back in 1977.

Ritter, who was not even born when the first film came out, wears her passion on her sleeve and, indeed, on her neck, wrist and finger, where she sports an array of "Star Wars"-themed jewelry.

"What can I say? I love the 'Star Wars' movies," Ritter said. "They are my life. They mean everything to me, everything that is important."

The outsider's view of such a level of commitment is best summed up by Ritter's family members.

"My parents understand me. They are wonderful. My brother thinks I'm an idiot," she said.

Crazed or not, Ritter is certainly not alone, but rather part of a large, like-minded community of fans for whom "Star Wars" is more of a lifestyle choice than a sci-fi film series.

More than 30,000 of them, from as far afield as Japan and Mexico, gathered last month for a four-day convention in Indianapolis.

So strong was the lure of the event, at which an appearance by "Star Wars" creator George Lucas was the main attraction, that Ritter temporarily forsook her treasured spot in the ticket queue to attend.

For most, it was an opportunity to enthuse, reminisce, don Storm Trooper armour and Jedi outfits and spend vast sums of money on their ever-expanding collections of "Star Wars" merchandise.

Ritter's house has three rooms packed with memorabilia from each and every movie in the series.

"Up to now, I've spent nearly 60,000 dollars," she said. "Tips, work, ... I saved everything."

Attempts to build a profile of the hardcore "Star Wars" fanatic have highlighted the apparent attraction to the troubled relationship between two of the films' main characters -- Luke Skywalker and his father, the evil Darth Vader.

"Most of the biggest fans have a father issue, or they don't have a father, or they had an abusive father," said filmmaker Tariq Jalil, who explored the pop-culture phenomenon of "Star Wars" in his documentary "A Galaxy Far, Far Away."

"Through interviews, we also found out that many fans were children of divorced parents," Jalil said.

For the stars of the film series, meanwhile, the inability of some fans to distinguish them from the characters they portray has sometimes proved disconcerting.

Ewan McGregor, who played the Jedi knight Obi-Wan Kenobi in the last two episodes and reprises the role in "Sith," recently told of being assailed outside the stage door of a London theater where he was performing.

"There was a guy screaming 'Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan!'" McGregor recalled. "'Do you have any advice for a trainee Jedi?!'"

The devotees camped outside the Chinese Theater on Hollywood Boulevard have divided themselves into three different categories: red, green and blue.

For fear of ruining the suspense, the reds have assiduously avoided any advance information about what happens in "Sith," while the greens have grabbed and processed every scrap and snippet they can lay their hands on.

The moderate blues, meanwhile, claim an affinity with both factions.

"I am very red," 24-year-old Sarah Allen declared proudly. "I want suprises -- the more surprises, the better."

"Imagine someone organises a party for you with fabulous things, ... food, people, entertainment," Allen said. "What if you didn't know anything about it? Wouldn't that be better?"

For Allen and for many fans, the release of "Sith" is a bittersweet moment, marking as it does the final chapter in the "Star Wars" saga.

Her mother, on the other hand, is delighted.

"She's happy it's finishing so that I can get a real job," Allen said. (:/)

You are all very, very sad. I think I'm seeing it next week.

Chinese TV show's cat slinging act draws fire from pet lovers

AFP

Dateline: Beijing - A Chinese television channel was reportedly forced to apologize after receiving complaints from pet lovers about a programme in which a cat was thrown out of a four-storey building.

The Travel Channel broadcast a feature on May 4 showing how a cat can safely survive even when dropped from great height, Beijing Times said.

In the programme, a white cat was dropped from a four-storey building while a narrator said: "Miao Miao (the cat) quickly turns around, adjusts its four limbs, straightens its tail and goes down.

"Let's look at how it's doing ... it is okay!"

Angry pet lovers posted petitions on several websites and lodged complaints with the state broadcasting authorities and the television channel, saying the act could cause bone fractures or damage the animal's internal organs.

The Travel Channel apologised and promised it would not repeat the experiment, the report said.

During the heyday of communist ethics, China banned pets as frivolous and bourgeois but pet ownership has become a new vogue among the country's newly rich amid its robust market economic reforms. (:/)

Not Chairman Miao then?

Czechs cut down on red tape by cutting watchdog

Reuters

Dateline: Prague - The Czech government has found a way to cut down on red tape: Close the bureau for streamlining bureaucracy.

The daily Mlada Fronta Dnes reported on Wednesday more than 40 clerks who had been assigned the job of raising efficiency and trimming the fat in civil service have been let go.

However, since being set up in 2002, the General Directorate of Civil Service did not get very far as politicians never approved a law which would revamp the civil service and give the office the authority to identify where to save.

The Czechs have kept a tradition of an intricate web of bureaucracy set up under the Austrian empire -- as described by Prague writer Franz Kafka in the early 1900s in his works such as "The Castle".

The labyrinth of officialdom was perfected under Communism, inflicting misery on people trying to get anything from a passport to a building permit.

A lot has improved as the country modernised itself and joined the European Union last year.

But there are still lineups behind closed office doors, court cases that drag for years without any progress, and a general feeling that a clerk is the master of all. (:/)

This next is great stuff.

Trooper: DUI Suspect Tried to Hit on Me

AP

Dateline: woodville, Maine - A state trooper says she's baffled by the behavior of a suspect who displayed amorous intentions as she was taking him into custody for getting into a car accident and failing three roadside sobriety tests.

"What did he think I was going to do? Go out on a date with him?" asked Trooper Jennifer Fiske, who arrested Peter Bradley Murray early Sunday morning on Route 116.

Murray, 42, allegedly began behaving inappropriately while seated beside Fiske in the front passenger seat of her cruiser, which has no cage separating front and back seats.

"Then he said, 'You have beautiful green eyes,' and he started touching my arm," Fiske said. "I'd had enough of that."

Fiske got out of the car and went around to the passenger seat to handcuff Murray. She said he tried to cuff himself to her, saying, "I just want us to be tied together."

Fiske responded by giving a sudden short twist to the handcuff and rapping him on the thigh with her police baton. She said he later tried to grab for the steering wheel, forcing additional smacks.

Murray was charged with operating a vehicle under the influence, assault on a police officer, refusing to submit to arrest, and refusing to sign or give a name. (:/)

I love him! He rocks.

'Sorry, you're dead,' pension fund tells German woman

AFP

Dateline: Berlin - A German woman in her eighties said she had been ordered by her pension fund to produce a certificate to prove she was still alive.



Martha Kruse telephoned the Bundesknappschaft fund after her payments were suddenly stopped, only to be told by an employee: "Don't get upset, but you died on January 28."

The fund also asked payments made to the 82-year-old to be repaid.

The employee would not accept the sound of the woman's voice as proof that she was still alive and asked her instead to produce a "life certificate".

The perplexed Kruse was forced to go to the municipal authorities in her home town of Barsinghausen near Hanover which agreed to make out the necessary document, charging her 4.80 euros (six dollars) for the privilege.

The certificate stated that Kruse was alive and well and fully able to present her identity papers.

Thomas Lieth, the head of the Bundesknappschaft fund, said Kruse had been confused with another client who had died, but defended the decision to ask for proof she was alive.

"When someone just telephones us, it is not enough," Lieth said, adding that the fund had apologised.

Kruse was not impressed. "When someone makes a mistake like that, they could at least offer a bouquet of flowers," she said. (:/)

Not lillies, though, one would think.

Court Rules Woman Not Liable in Sex Suit

AP

Dateline: Boston - A woman isn't legally responsible for injuries her boyfriend suffered while they were having consensual sex more than a decade ago, a state appeals court ruled Monday.

The man, identified only as John Doe in court papers, filed suit against the woman in 1997, claiming she was negligent when she suddenly changed positions, landed awkwardly on him and fractured his penis.

The man underwent emergency surgery in September 1994, "endured a painful and lengthy recovery" and has suffered from sexual dysfunction that hasn't responded to medication or counseling, the appeals court said.

Although the woman may have exposed her boyfriend to "some risk of harm," the three-judge panel said her conduct during the sexual encounter wasn't "wanton or reckless" and can't support a lawsuit.

The man's lawsuit already has been thrown out by judges in Salem District Court and Essex Superior Court.

The appeals court upheld those rulings while noting that its ruling doesn't apply to cases where someone has negligently infected a partner with a sexually transmitted disease.

"There are no comprehensive legal rules to regulate consensual sexual behavior," Justice Joseph Trainor wrote. "In the absence of a consensus of community values or customs defining normal consensual conduct, a jury or judge cannot be expected to resolve a claim that certain consensual sexual conduct is undertaken without reasonable care."

The man's attorney, John Greenwood, said he is likely to appeal Monday's ruling to the state's highest court.

"It's a case that hasn't been seen before in Massachusetts," he said.

Greenwood argued that consensual sex doesn't mean "anything goes. ... The fact that some behavior was agreed to by the parties doesn't mean all behavior was agreed to by the parties."

The woman's attorney didn't immediately return a telephone call Monday. (:/)

Erm, no.

Owner saved by dog-tor

The Sun

DOG owner Mitch Bonham had his leg saved from amputation after his pooch LICKED it better.



Mitch, 45, was told he would lose the limb after it began turning black and withering away following an accident while in the Royal Navy.

But then faithful Jack Russell Milo instinctively began to lick his master’s wound as if it was his own, sometimes for up to FOUR HOURS a day.

And when Mitch returned to the consultant who had said he would lose the leg he was told: “Now there’s no need. You’re better!”

Mitch, 45, from Barry, South Wales, believes the condition Sudeks Atrophy which affected his right leg up to the knee was caused by a broken toe he suffered when a heavy anchor chain fell on his foot.

Milo — who is thought to have known something was wrong through smell — began to lick around Mitch’s toe.

As that got better he worked his way up. Mitch said: “The consultant told me that in licking my leg for such long periods Milo had stimulated the nerves and helped the oxygen get into my leg.

“One day I felt my toe twitch. It was like the muscles in my leg were being reactivated — I had been told this could happen if my leg was getting better, but I couldn’t let myself hope that it really was.

“When the consultant saw my leg again he said ‘My God — what have you been doing?’ He said it was incredible, my dog had saved my leg. Then he told me I didn’t need to come back, just let Milo carry on doing what he did best and go back to my GP in future. (:/)

Good job he didn't have a groin injury...

Following is a story that, as an IT hack/ex-IT hack really made me well up. I have never destroyed anything loaned by a firm like this guy. Someone should give him a prize.

ESPN Writer 'Tased,' Arrested for DUI

24 Hour News 8

Dateline: Indianapolis - A respected racing journalist faces charges of drunk driving and resisting arrest after a police chase on the north side early Tuesday morning.



Bruce Martin, an ESPN correspondent, is in town covering the race. The car he was driving was totaled.

It’s easy to spot the bright yellow pace vehicles around town. The 2005 Chevy SSR's are event cars for this year’s Indy 500 and the Month of May festivities.

Police spotted Bruce Martin, a freelance racing journalist, a contributing editor to ESPN.com and other publications, driving one of the cars around 3:00am. A sheriff's deputy chased Martin west on Kessler and 56th Street for two miles.

The police report says Martin's pace vehicle, assigned to him for the month, was dragging one of its front tires underneath it with sparks flying. The two-mile pursuit ended on west 56th Street, but Martin refused to get out of the car. One deputy broke out a window and used a taser on him. He then failed a field sobriety test registering .22, nearly three times the legal limit for alcohol.

“He's facing resisting law enforcement, public intoxication and operating a vehicle while intoxicated,” said Captain Phil Burton, Marion County Sheriff’s Dept.

The manufacturer loans the cars to respected and trusted high-profile individuals. The speedway says it has input as to who receives them. “It is a risk in providing support vehicles like this. In any event you run that risk. This is not a new program. It's been going on for years. There is a risk involved in providing cars to individuals,” said Ron Green, IMS spokesperson.

Martin allegedly told police he'd been drinking in Broad Ripple. After that, authorities say he was involved in a hit and run accident at Westfield and Kessler which damaged the car, totaling it.

Martin was released from jail without bond around noon. If convicted he faces up to six years in jail and $25,000 in fines. (:/)

Motherf*cker. He's a f*cking god.

Veni, vidi, Viagra -- Italy cracks drugged racing horse racket

AFP

Dateline: Rome - Horses injected with the male impotency drug Viagra were used in illegal races organized near the southern Italian city of Naples, police said after dismantling the network.

Italian police seized 80 horses and a supply of drugs used to dope up the animals and closed the race track at Marigliano, which was constructed without permission from local authorities.

The properties were valued at about five million euros (6.3 million dollars).

Investigators issued dozens of search warrants among owners, drivers, trainers, veterinarians and pharmacists suspected of illegal drug sales.

The inquiry was opened in 2004 to look into irregularities within the official horse-racing industry, in particular the illegal use of drugs and secret betting.

At the unauthorized race track, authorities found thousands of doses of drugs, race horses without any documentation, and nearly 1,500 euros in cash from betting.

According to investigators, the drug Viagra improves the horse's cardio-respiratory functions and its performance when competing in races. (:/)

Yeah. And the rest.

Snake man could face lesser charges

SABC News/SAPA

A Johannesburg magistrate has expressed understanding for the actions of the man who released venomous snakes inside a bank last year. Abel Manamela released five puff adders on the premises of Absa Towers in Johannesburg in January last year after a dispute with the bank.

"Manamela misunderstood the system. I understand his problem but that does not condone what he did," said Lucas van der Schyff, the magistrate in the case. He indicated that attempted murder charges against Manamela (53) might be reduced to a count of assault with the intent to do grievous bodily harm. A reptile researcher earlier testified that a bite from a puff adder would not necessarily result in death.

Manamela released the snakes on the premises of Absa Towers after a dispute with Jacobus van der Berg, an Absa manager, regarding his loan repayments and repossession of his vehicle. Amid fevered attempts to catch the creatures, a Philipus Griffin, contract manager for Absa's cleaning company, Prestige, was bitten on a finger and had to undergo surgery. While the State tried to prove that Griffin could have died from the snake bite, Graeme Alexander, a Witwatersrand researcher, said: "It's unlikely that a person may die after a puff adder bites them, unless you have an allergic reaction."

Van der Berg said he had been dealing with Manamela since 1998 and that Manamela was not always a very friendly person. "Before he released the snakes, Manamela wrote us a letter saying he was going to expose us (ABSA) for the 'snakes' that we were," said Van der Berg.

Manamela denied allegations that he had threatened Absa staff. "I disagree that there was another threat. I only said they will see what will happen to the bank and not that I was going to use a bomb," said Manamela. He said he used the snakes to frighten Absa staff so that Absa would sort out his problem as he believed he was being cheated. He said that various Absa branches had given him false information about the money he still owed the bank. According to Adel Strydom, the investigating officer, Manamela had a valid permit to keep the creatures in cages in his yard in Garankuwa.

Manamela had planned the incident and had informed staff at the bank about the snakes.

Manamela, a building contractor who has now been blacklisted, had also asked for the court's assistance to sue Absa. He has pleaded not guilty on two counts of attempted murder and is out on bail of R5 000. His trial is expected to continue until Wednesday. (:/)

Right. That's my plan for the Abbey sorted.

Calf born in New Mexico with 5 legs

AP

albuquerque, N.M. - One of Orlando Romero's calves has a leg up on the other 25 calves born within the last two weeks on his ranch east of Tucumcari. The calf was born with an extra leg, with two hooves, growing from its back.

Ranchers in the area aren't quite sure what to make of the little Limousin heifer. That is, if they can catch her.

"She moves like a damn deer. I had a heck of a time trying to catch her," said Jess Weaks, the ranch caretaker. "She's pretty ornery, that's for sure."

The week-old calf's extra leg does not touch the ground. It is attached to the calf's back between the shoulder blades, and hangs to its right side.

The branch-like growth is the only major difference between the copper-colored calf and the rest of the herd, said Shane Jennings, a neighbor who first spotted the heifer.

"It's just cosmetic. She's out there in the pasture right now, like any other cow. The little booger's doing good. It's in real good health," Jennings said.

Jennings was in the field checking on yearlings last week when he saw that one cow was close to giving birth. He left to tend to other work, and when he returned he saw the cow with her new calf.

But he was startled by what he saw when he approached the hours-old calf.

"I thought, 'What in the world is that?' and as I got a closer look and saw the extra leg I said 'Oh boy, what am I gonna come up with next?'" Jennings said.

Jennings said he's seen deformities in calves before and that Tucumcari's ranch supply store used to have a stuffed two-headed, stillborn calf.

"But I've never seen anything like this," he said. (:/)

Lake disappears, baffling villagers

Reuters

Dateline: Moscow - A Russian village was left baffled Thursday after its lake disappeared overnight.

NTV television showed pictures of a giant muddy hole bathed in summer sun, while fishermen from the village of Bolotnikovo looked on disconsolately.

"It is very dangerous. If a person had been in this disaster, he would have had almost no chance of survival. The trees flew downwards, under the ground," said Dmitry Zaitsev, a local Emergencies Ministry official interviewed by the channel.

Officials in Nizhegorodskaya region, on the Volga river east of Moscow, said water in the lake might have been sucked down into an underground water-course or cave system, but some villagers had more sinister explanations.

"I am thinking, well, America has finally got to us," said one old woman, as she sat on the ground outside her house. (:/)

Victim Bites Attacker - Saves Evidence

WMAZ

Officials in Albanay say a sexual assault victim provided authorities with D-N-A evidence against her attacker by biting off a piece of his finger and holding it in her mouth until she could contact police.

Faced with the evidence, 33-year-old Demetrius Clyde of Albany pleaded guilty yesterday to charges of false imprisonment, two counts of aggravated assault, criminal attempt to commit rape, aggravated sodomy, kidnapping and aggravated sexual battery stemming from the May 2003 attack.

Clyde received a 40-year sentence.

Prosecutor Kathy Fallin says he will spend 14 years in prison with no chance of parole.

An accomplice, Melvin Toomer, already is serving a 10-year sentence on charges of aggravated sodomy.

Authorities say that after Clyde beat the victim with a board and tried to rape her, the woman bit a piece of skin from his finger and kept it in her mouth to provide evidence.

Fallin said the victim was in court for Clyde's sentencing and was pleased with the outcome. (:/)

Rhino, goat strike unlikely bond

Reuters

Dateline: Kromdraai, South Africa - A pair of orphans have formed an unlikely bond on a South African game park although horns and a love for horse pellets are about the only things they have in common.

Clover is an 11-month old female rhino calf who was orphaned in the wild when her mother was slain by poachers.

Her constant companion these days is Bok-Bok, a young goat who was also lonely and abandoned.

Improbably, the two made a perfect match and have become inseparable companions at the Rhino and Lion Nature Reserve about 30 km (18 miles) northwest of Johannesburg.

"One would never have thought that a rhino and a goat would get on very well. We were all shocked," said Fran Berkowitz, one of their handlers, as side-by-side the pair tucked into a meal of lucerne, a kind of hay used to feed wild game.

"It's amazing that two different species can get on so well," she said.

The two sometimes playfully butt heads and spend most waking moments close together.

Clover of course is quickly dwarfing Bok-Bok, whose name is Afrikaans for "goat-goat."

A white or square-lipped rhino -- the second largest land mammal on Earth after the African and Asian elephants -- she may eventually reach around 1,800 kg (4,000 lbs).

At close to 200 kg (440 lbs), Clover is already becoming a handful -- as evidenced when she briefly charged a startled Reuters cameraman, ramming her stub of a horn into his tripod.

When visitors are in Clover's pen, lucerne, horse pellets or milk -- which she sucks from an oversized baby bottle -- are about the only things that keep her from roughing them up. (:/)

Woman Charged With Trying To Burn Down Crowded Bar

WFTV

Dateline: Winter Park, Fla. -- A 42-year-old woman is in jail, charged with trying to set fire to a Winter Park bar with nearly 100 people inside.

Police say Amanda Michael had been kicked out of Odin's Den, located on Howell Branch Road, for causing a disturbance.

The fire marshal says she later returned with a container of gasoline and tried to set fire to the back of the bar. A manager saw what happened and put the fire out. (:/)

DAMN. She knows how to party.

Darwin Award?

Cyanide victims think 'poison' warning a slogan

Reuters

Dateline: Taipei - A man in Taiwan has died and four others were poisoned after drinking a popular bottled fizzy drink laced with cyanide and labelled "I am poisonous. Please do not drink."

Some of the victims thought the warning was a new advertising slogan, police said on Thursday.

The manufacturer of Bullwild energy drink, Paolyta Co., ordered an island-wide recall of about 1.2 million to 1.6 million bottles. The drink, which is popular among taxi drivers and workers, has also been taken off shelves in Hong Kong and Macau.

Police suspect someone laced the drink with cyanide before placing it on store shelves, and released footage taken from a surveillance camera of a man in his 20s or 30s in the hope the public could help identify him. (:/)

He won't be doing that again.

Hump-day goes awry: Camel sits on West Virginia woman

USA Today

Dateline: Shinnston, W.Va. — A 1,500-pound camel picked an unfortunate place to take a breather.

A woman called for help on her cell phone Wednesday after a camel sat on top of her while she was painting a fence.

Firefighters and the camel's owner helped move the animal off the woman, who was having trouble breathing, ambulance driver Brent Hicks said.

"There is no protocol on something like this," he said. (:/)

Roman Shopping Chariot

SKY.com

A self-styled art terrorist has caused embarrassment at the British Museum in London by installing his own 'primative' painting of a caveman pushing a supermarket trolley.



The artwork appeared in the Roman Britain gallery.

Trolleys were first used in the Piggly-Wiggly Supermarket chain, Oklahoma City, in 1937.

The bizarre exhibit, labelled Early Man Goes to Market, was a hoax put there by Banksy, the most famous art terrorist in the country.

Banksy announced on his website that Early Man, painted on a piece of rock 10in by 6in found in Peckham, had "remained in the collection for quite some time".

Museum staff found the rock in Gallery 41 but they had no idea how long it had been there.

Banksy, who calls himself a graffiti artist, has pulled similar stunts to mock the art world at Tate Britain, the Natural History Museum and major galleries in New York in the last few years.

He has attempted to remain anonymous but he is believed to be Robert Banks, aged about 30, from Bristol.

In Bristol, his name is spray-painted around the city and he has become something of a legend and cult figure. (:/)

Banksy = Hero

N.Y. judge tosses forcible touching charge

AP/Boston Globe

Dateline: New York -- A Manhattan judge has dismissed a forcible touching charge filed against a man who patted a woman's buttocks, ruling that a mere pat on the rear, even if unwanted, does not rise to the level of that crime.

The forcible touching statute requires a person to do more than "touch quickly and gently with the flat of the hand," said Criminal Court Judge Richard M. Weinberg, citing the definition of "pat" from The New Oxford English Dictionary. He said the statute's forcible touching language requires "squeezing, grabbing or pinching."

The law is not limited to those types of touching, he said, but its use of the word "forcible" implies that a pat does not qualify.

The judge issued his ruling, made public Wednesday, in the case of Mohammed Nuruzzaman, 36, a Manhattan fabric store employee. Nuruzzaman was accused of twice touching a female customer's rear while she shopped in the store, at 227 W. 40th St., on Nov. 2, 2004.

Nuruzzaman was charged with forcible touching, third-degree sex abuse and second-degree harassment. A complaint says he touched the customer, a student, without her consent and with intent to degrade or abuse her, causing her annoyance and alarm. (:/)

This next might offend, but what really caught my eye was the bit about how this crime is on the decrease - you know, everything's fine! Erm...

Police arrest two suspected human skinners

Reuters

Dateline: Dar Es Salaam - Tanzanian police arrested two men accused of killing a 9-year-old boy and selling his skin for 20,000 shillings ($18) to make sorcerers' get-rich-quick charms, a senior officer said Friday.

Police said they arrested Martin Kalunga, 25, and his associate Nico Benson, 31, in Lilwa village in southern Tanzania Tuesday after neighbors overheard Benson accusing Kalunga of plotting with their buyer to skin him as well.

The identity of the buyer was unclear.

"The two were arrested after they had a loud quarrel, because Benson suspected Martin of colluding with their buyer to skin him," Suleiman Kova, police commander for the southern Mbeya region, told Reuters.

"During interrogation, Martin confessed that they were both skinners and that they had skinned a boy in Mbozi six months ago. They then threw his body into the river Jianga," Kova said.

"These cases are few but are very shocking," he said.

Kova said police expected to charge the pair once they had completed investigations into the identity of the victim, whose remains have not been found.

He said he was not aware of any report of a missing child that would match the description given by the suspects, but police were still making inquiries.

Human skins are used by witch doctors to make charms or potions designed to make their users rich, especially in southern Tanzania, renowned as a center for traditional sorcery.

Police say the once rampant practice has decreased significantly in recent years due to tougher action by the authorities, describing this as the first suspected skinning case in southern Tanzania since April 2004. (:/)

Whoa.

Ex-teacher has sex and relationship with minor,
runs away, nearly killed by tsunami, returns to court case

Myrtle Beach Sun

A former North Myrtle Beach High School teacher who had a sexual relationship with a student for about a year declared his love for the girl Tuesday just before he was sentenced to six years in prison for criminal sexual conduct with a minor.

Stephen George Zeltman told the court: "She's an angel. My actions hurt my angel."

The girl, who is not being identified because she was 14 when the pair began their relationship in March 2002, now is 18. Zeltman is 50.

"They had a consensual relationship," Assistant 15th Circuit Solicitor Karen Hanebrink said. "They considered themselves boyfriend and girlfriend."

Hanebrink said Zeltman bought a car for the girl when she was 15.

She now knows the relationship was wrong because of the differences in their ages and knows Zeltman needs to go to prison, Hanebrink said, but she doesn't think it should be for long.

Zeltman faced up to 20 years in prison. On Tuesday, he pleaded guilty before Circuit Judge Edward Cottingham for a lesser sentence. It was about seven months after he initially was scheduled for trial. Zeltman fled to Indonesia to avoid prosecution.

While there, he survived a tsunami in December but in February was tracked down by U.S. marshals in Bali. Zeltman ran because he was worried about being held in maximum security, Barbara Pratt, his attorney, said during his plea hearing.

"This is a very serious matter," Cottingham said. "To keep the family and the victim from reliving all this in a trial, I agreed to the guilty plea." (:/)

Wise.

Norway in the news

Handicapped toilet stolen

Aftenposten

Cleaners were astonished to find that thieves had made off with a handicapped toilet at a rest stop in Valle in Aust-Agder County over the weekend.

"They must have had a disgusting job," Helge Homme, a cleaner from road service firm Mesta told newspaper Fædrelandsvennen.

A stinking hole in the floor has been exposed by the removal of the handicapped facility at the Honnevje rest stop.

"A very special theft," said Mesta manager Trond Heia. He has never heard of a complete stainless steel toilet being stolen from a Public Roads Administration (PRA) stop before. There is no question of vandalism, the fitting had been carefully unfastened and removed.

The theft will cost Mesta about NOK 20,000 (USD 3,125) including installation.

The PRA and Mesta may be stumped by the toilet heist, but are used to very petty thievery. Road workers regularly find that lamps, blinking lights on danger signals and even the hinges off garbage can holders disappear.

"We don't know what kind of people steal these lamps, we've never caught anyone," Heia said. (:/)

US says no billboards in space

Reuters

Dateline: Washington - The U.S. government does not want billboards in space.

The Federal Aviation Administration proposed on Thursday to amend its regulations to ensure that it can enforce a law that prohibits "obtrusive" advertising in zero gravity.

"Objects placed in orbit, if large enough, could be seen by people around the world for long periods of time," the FAA said in a regulatory filing.
Top Stories

Currently, the FAA lacks the authority to enforce the existing law.

For instance, outsized billboards deployed by a space company into low Earth orbit could appear as large as the moon and be seen without a telescope, the FAA said. Big and bright advertisements might hinder astronomers.

"Large advertisements could destroy the darkness of the night sky," regulators said. (:/)

Thank god! Until next time...

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Fingers in custardy, why Arnie's not mad at the moon, why American pilots shouldn't fly, Steve Wonder's video for the blind, and a whole slew more

This week's been crazy for TAR. So much TAR, so little time. As a consequence we're going out late and there's very little comment from me this week. Perhaps that's a good thing. Perhaps not. Who knows?

Well, you do actually. TAR wants to hear your comments, and your recommendations. TAR also needs Sports funnies spotters, as I don't read sports news.

Either way, write to TAR at tar@rcw.info and tell me what you think.

Custard Customer Won't Turn Over Fingertip

AP

To a dessert shop customer, the severed fingertip found in a pint of frozen custard could be worth big dollars in a potential lawsuit. To the shop worker who lost it, the value is far more than monetary.

But Clarence Stowers still has the digit, refusing to return the evidence so it could be reattached. And now it's too late for doctors to do anything for 23-year-old Brandon Fizer.

"I'm not saying who has it, but somebody has it," Stowers said this week in a telephone interview, refusing to let on where the fingertip is now.

Soon after Stowers found the finger in a mouthful of chocolate soft-serve he bought Sunday at Kohl's Frozen Custard in Wilmington, he put it in his freezer at home, taking it out only occasionally to show to television cameras.

He refused to give it to the shop's owner, and refused to give it to a doctor who was treating Fizer, who accidentally stuck his hand in a mixing machine and had his right index finger lopped off at the first knuckle.

Medical experts say an attempt to reattach a severed finger can generally be made within six hours.

But according to the shop's management, Stowers wouldn't give it back when he was in the store 30 minutes after the accident.

"The general manager attempted to retrieve it and rush it to the hospital," reads a statement posted Thursday on Kohl's Web site.

'Unfortunately, the customer refused to give it to her and declared that he would be calling the TV stations and an attorney as he exited the store.'

Officials at Cape Fear Hospital said their efforts to retrieve the finger also failed.

Even if Stowers decides to sue, an expert in medical law said the fingertip could easily have been returned while preserving the evidence.

'The man who lost the finger has the superior claim,' said Paul Lombardo, who teaches at the University of Virginia's law school. 'It's his finger and he might be able to use it.'

Fizer is dealing with his loss in private. The Carolina Beach resident's mother, Sheri Fizer, said the family had been instructed by an attorney not to talk about the case.

Public opinion seemed to be running against Stowers.

'It's a mystery how that customer can live with himself after he refused to return the finger so that doctors might try to reattach it,' said an editorial Thursday by the Star-News of Wilmington.

'Unless he offers a better explanation for that decision, people will assume that customer Clarence Stowers cared less about another person's loss of a body part than about his chance to squeeze some bucks out of the custard stand.' (:/)

Driver fined for 'having a face like a moron'

Ananova

A Romanian traffic cop has been demoted after he fined a driver for "having a face like a moron and being a big monkey".

Marius Vlasceanu pulled over Gheorghe Tosa as he drove through Craiova in Romania, local daily Jurnalul National reported.

But Tosa failed to see the funny side as Vlasceanu fined him £22 and handed him a ticket explaining the reason for the fine was "having a face like a moron and being a big monkey".

Head of the Romanian police Dan Fatuloiu said Vlasceanu, who claimed he had handed out the fine as a joke, had been demoted for "inappropriate behaviour and defaming the police force".

He has now been given a desk job in a remote village. (:/)

Scientist 'lives on sunlight'

Ananova

A German scientist is being studied by colleagues after claiming to have eaten nothing for four years.

Cancer researcher Dr Michael Werner claims to get all his energy from sunlight.

He says he drinks only water mixed with a small amount of fruit juice.

Dr Werner has written a book about his experiences, saying that when he started the experiment he even managed to put on weight.

In his book, Living through the Energy of Light, he says: "I can't really explain what is happening on a scientific level in my case, but perhaps just a little bit of faith is all that is needed." (:/)

Pizza delivery ends Australian prison siege

Reuters

Dateline: Sydney - An Australian prison siege ended on Monday after a group of inmates agreed to release a guard they had held for two days in return for a delivery of pizzas, prison officials said.

A group of up to 20 inmates seized control of the reception area of the maximum security Risdon Prison in Hobart, capital of the southern island state of Tasmania, on Saturday, demanding better treatment and improvements to the jail.

The siege was resolved in far less dramatic circumstances.

"Our staff member was negotiated out with the delivery of 15 pizzas," Graeme Barber, Tasmania's director of prisons, told reporters.

The prisoners had earlier made a list of 24 demands. But none was so pressing as the need for a take-out meal and the guard was released unharmed not long after midnight.

About 20 prisoners, some being held as hostages, were involved in the siege. The last of the hostages was released by their pizza-filled captors early on Monday.

Risdon Prison holds Martin Bryant, who was convicted of Australia's worst massacre of modern times when he shot dead 35 people in 1996 in the Tasmanian tourist town and former penal colony of Port Arthur. (:/)

Blaze Damages North Carolina Fire Station

AP

Dateline: Charlotte, N.C. - Firefighters at a station here needed some help from their colleagues in unusual fashion.

Firefighters called for help when a fire started in one of their two trucks, engulfing the station's garage and making the station's gear inaccessible late Friday. Firefighters from a nearby station arrived and extinguished the blaze.

"It's just kind of a twist of fate thing," Fire Station No. 8 Capt. Dennis Williams said. "It's due to happen to some people."

No one was injured, but the fire caused about $500,000 in damage, including a fire truck and equipment that will need to be replaced.

The fire started in a cab area, where firefighters sit, Charlotte fire Capt. Rob Brisley said. Investigators haven't yet determined what started the blaze. (:/)

Virgin Mary Image Restored on Underpass

AP

Dateline: Chicago - A stain on the wall of an expressway underpass that some believe resembles the Virgin Mary is again attracting visitors after two car wash employees cleaned graffiti and brown paint off the image.



Rosa Diaz and Anna Reczek used a degreaser to clean the wall Friday on their lunch break.

Onlookers said they again could see the Virgin Mary. The Illinois Department of Transportation has said the stain was likely the result of salt runoff on the emergency turnoff area under the Kennedy Expressway.

A man had scrawled the words "Big Lie" in shoe polish on the image Thursday night, and authorities charged Victor Gonzalez of Chicago with criminal damage to state-supported property, a misdemeanor.

Gonzalez, 37, told relatives he believed visitors were worshipping a graven image in violation of the Second Commandment, said Mandy Gonzalez, who identified herself as Gonzalez's niece.

On Friday, Chicago police directed transportation workers to paint over the image with brown paint for safety reasons.

Hundreds of people have flocked to the underpass since last month to see the image. Some leave devotional candles, take snapshots or kneel in prayer before the wall. Others approach the image, touch it and make the sign of the cross. (:/)

Mom Crashes Car Into Son Leaving Hospital

AP

Dateline: Manchester, N.H. - A man on his way out of the hospital ended up back inside after his mother hit him with her car when she came to pick him up.

The accident happened as Lillian Carter, 84, was heading to the entrance of Elliot Hospital Thursday afternoon to get her son, police said. Ron Carter, 49, was walking to meet her when the car sped up, struck him and then crashed into a concrete pillar.

Both were admitted to the hospital, with Ron Carter suffering from serious injuries. (:/)

Man, 76, Accused of Crushing Birds' Heads

AP

Dateline: East Northport, N.Y. - A 76-year-old man who trapped birds and crushed their heads was arrested Thursday, police said. Animal protection authorities searched William Thomas' Long Island home after receiving complaints from neighbors, Suffolk County police said in a news release.

Officers with the Suffolk County Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals said they confiscated traps and collected the carcasses of several dead animals found on the property. Police said they were charging Thomas with animal cruelty.

Thomas was released on a field appearance ticket and was taken to University Hospital at Stony Brook for a psychiatric evaluation. He also was issued several summonses for hunting and trapping violations, police said.

A woman who answered the telephone at Thomas' home Thursday night said he wasn't there and hung up. (:/)

Military Confronts Reckless Air Crashes

AP

Dateline: Washington - A deadly aircraft accident in Afghanistan last summer is one of a series of exasperating crashes in the military that was blamed on recklessness, not enemy gunfire or faulty equipment, The Associated Press found.

Events that led to the crash unfolded as 11 Marines packed into an Army Black Hawk helicopter in eastern Afghanistan asked for an exciting flight on an otherwise dull mission, demonstrating for visiting dignitaries how troops are sped into battle.

"Fly hard," the Marines asked. The cockpit responded, "You asked for it."

Climbing and swooping, the Black Hawk pilot crested a 400-foot hill then deliberately nosed into a dive so steep and abrupt that everyone inside felt weightless. A wheel chock rose off the floor like a magician's prop and flew forward into the cockpit, jamming the controls.

In the horrific, tumbling crash that followed, a crew chief in the doorway died. Everyone else was injured. The $6 million helicopter was destroyed.

"Top Gun"-style flying, personified by Tom Cruise as a brash Navy pilot in Hollywood's 1986 film, presents thePentagon with a dilemma: How to breed aggressive aviators in high-performance jets and helicopters capable of extraordinary maneuvers without endangering crews, passengers and aircraft.

The pilot in Afghanistan, Chief Warrant Officer 3 Darrin Raymond Rogers, 37, of Mililani, Hawaii, pleaded guilty last week at his court-martial to charges of negligent homicide, reckless endangerment, property destruction and failure to obey orders.

Reckless accidents, which happen every year, frustrate senior military commanders because these typically occur during training flights and are considered easily avoidable. Air Force crews are encouraged to announce, "Knock it off," when a pilot begins to fly unsafely.

"There will be repercussions," the head of Army aviation, Brigadier General E.J. Sinclair, said in an interview with the AP. "If someone goes out there and does that and it's observed, I usually hear about it from another pilot."

For training, the Army uses a dramatic cockpit video from the crash of an Apache attack helicopter at Fort Campbell, Ky. It shows the co-pilot yelling, "Yeehaw!" during one maneuver banned as unsafe by the Army.

The tape also shows the pilot and co-pilot debating whether they can fly safely between tall trees while traveling nearly 90 miles per hour at 16 feet above ground.

"Think I can make it in between there?" the pilot asks.

"Nope," the co-pilot answers.

"Oh, ye of little faith. Look how big that is," the pilot says.

Seconds later, the Apache's rotors struck a huge limb, shattering one blade as the pilot struggled to land safely. "C'mon, get it under control, Mark!" the co-pilot shouts. Both crew survived. The 1997 accident caused $1 million in damage. (:/)

I'm sorry but I found the quotes very funny.

Police nab activists seeking Bush's nuke suitcase

Reuters

Dateline: Maastricht - Dutch police arrested six activists on Sunday who said they wanted to enter President Bush's Netherlands hotel and look for the suitcase which allows him to activate nuclear weapons.

"We heard Bush carries a nuclear suitcase and can push the red button at any time to set off atomic weapons. We find this extremely shocking," said Leo de Groot, a spokesman for the activist group.

The activists, carrying binoculars and wearing signs that identified them as "citizen's inspectors," mimicking the International Atomic Energy Agency's weapons inspectors, were caught by Dutch soldiers as they approached Bush's hotel. (:/)

In London, pricey shark's fin soup is fit for a Buddha

AFP

Dateline: London - The most expensive soup in Britain is the star dish on the menu of an upmarket Chinese restaurant in London -- at a mere 108 pounds (160 euros, 205 dollars) a bowl.

Called "Buddha Jumps Over the Wall", the shark's fin soup -- which must be ordered five days in advance -- is made with whole abalone, Japanese flower mushroom, sea cucumber, dried scallops, chicken, Hunan ham, pork and ginseng.

Despite the eye-popping price, Chinese restaurant Kai, in London's chic Mayfair district, sells on average two bowls each month, the restaurant's proprietor Bernard Yeoh said on Monday.

"I would say it is worth the money because if you were trying to prepare this dish with ingredients you bought yourself, it would cost pretty much the same," he said. "It is not a dish with a high mark-up."

The soup -- "fit for an emperor", the menu promises -- is said to have earned its unusual name from its mouth-watering aroma which prompted the vegetarian Buddha to leap over a wall to find it.

During its painstaking preparation, the soup's different elements are boiled or steamed in four separate dishes for between four and seven hours each. The end result is a highly-flavoured meaty stock.

"The idea is that the slower you cook the stock the clearer it is and the purer its taste," Yeoh said.

At the other end of the spectrum, Kai can cook up an "original Southeast Asian Chinese version" sweet and sour pork for 12.50 pounds, or a basic shark's fin soup with shredded chicken or crab meat for 14.50 pounds. (:/)

Jesus Christ in Legal Battle

AP

Dateline: Charleston, W.Va. - Even Jesus Christ can't circumvent the rules for getting a driver's license in West Virginia.

Attempts to prove his name really is Christ have led the man born as Peter Robert Phillips Jr. through a lengthy legal battle and a recent victory in the District of Columbia Court of Appeals.

"This all started with him expressing his faith and his respect and love for Jesus Christ," attorney A.P. Pishevar told The Associated Press. "Now he needs to document it for legal reasons."

Described by his attorney as a white-haired businessman in his mid-50s, Christ is moving to West Virginia to enjoy a slower lifestyle. He bought property near Lost River, about 100 miles west of Washington, and has a U.S. passport,
Social Security card and Washington driver's license bearing the name Jesus Christ.

But he still falls short of West Virginia title and license transfer requirements because his Florida birth certificate has his original name on it and he has been unable to obtain an official name change in Washington.

"We just need official documentation that that's his name," said Doug Stump, commissioner of the West Virginia Division of Motor Vehicles. "He will be treated no different than anybody else."

Christ applied for the legal name change in May 2003, but it was denied by District of Columbia Superior Court Judge Tim Murphy because "taking the name of Jesus Christ may provoke a violent reaction or may significantly offend people."

In his appeal, Christ's attorney argued that Phillips had changed his name to Jesus Christ 15 years earlier, and "has been using the name since then without incident."

The appeals court last month sent the name-change proposal back to the lower court, saying some required hearings in the case had not been held.

Any comment from the man in the middle of this legal tussle?

"Christ is not speaking to the press at this time," Pishevar said.

Hefty Trio Down 12 1/2-Pound Hamburger

AP

Union Township, N.J. - The Clinton Station Diner's 12 1/2-pound "Zeus" burger met its match Monday in the person of 345-pound "Gentleman Joe" Menchetti and two slightly less hefty friends. The trio managed to devour the monster meat patty plus 2 1/2-pound bun and 3 pounds of fixings in one hour, 11 minutes and 52 seconds.

Their Herculean effort bested five other teams that had come to take part in an event billed as America's Biggest Burger Eating Competition.

All for a good cause. Proceeds from the event — at least $500 — are being donated to Operation Shoebox New Jersey 2005, a volunteer effort to ship such items as candy, toilet paper and other personal items to the troops in
Iraq.

Diner owner Michael Zambas staged the event to celebrate the diner's one-year anniversary. He was also donating 15 percent of the Monday night dinner receipts to Operation Shoebox.

Manchetti's teammates on the Tri-State Titans included Dominick "The Doginator" Cardo, 46, a competitive eater is from Bartonsville, Pa., who weighs 325 pounds, and Arnie "Chowhound" Chapman of Oceanside, N.Y., the lightweight at 240 pounds. He is president of the Association of Independent Competitive Eaters. (:/)

The Doginator. Great stuff.

A correction

Schwarzenegger not mad at moon

Reuters

Dateline: Los Angeles - California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger does not want to destroy the moon.

A U.S. political commentator has admitted he failed to check his facts when he erroneously reported on the MSNBC cable news network last month that Schwarzenegger had jokingly advocated doing away with the moon.

In one of the stranger mea culpas from a major U.S. news outlet in recent years, the commentator, Joe Scarborough, a former congressman, acknowledged on Friday that the governor's purported lunar outburst on the nationally syndicated radio show of Howard Stern was actually a spoof.

Citing a British newspaper, Scarborough had quoted Schwarzenegger on the air as saying: "If we get rid of the moon, women, those menstrual cycles are governed by the moon, will not get (pre-menstrual syndrome). They will stop bitching and whining."

Scarborough chided Schwarzenegger for insensitivity, saying: "Hey, governor, way to make 50 percent of California's voting population turn frigid toward you.

"I don't know how it works in Austria, but let me tell you something, friend. Jokes about such matters, (are) not laughing subjects to women in America."

It turned out the remarks Scarborough attributed to the Austrian-born governor were actually made by a Schwarzenegger impersonator who regularly appears on Stern's show as part of a running call-in gag.

Eleven days later, Scarborough admitted on the air that he had been duped and apologized to viewers and Schwarzenegger "for my terrible mistake." (:/)

Cannibal fantasist gets 13 years for murder

Reuters

Dateline: Berlin - A Berlin man who killed a music teacher and stored his victim's body parts to satisfy cannibalistic fantasies was convicted of murder Tuesday and sentenced to 13 years.

Ralf M., 41, confessed to stabbing Joe R., 33, with a screwdriver during a sexual encounter at his apartment in Neukoelln in southern Berlin.

He then cut up and stored body parts in his fridge, but was in the end too disgusted to eat them as originally planned.

The Berlin court concluded the accused, known in the German media as the "cannibal of Neukoelln," was psychologically disturbed and had developed increasingly pronounced human flesh-eating fantasies over the years.

The prosecution had sought a sentence of almost 15 years for the killer, an unemployed painter, but the court handed down a lesser sentence on the grounds of diminished responsibility. It also ordered his temporary confinement in a psychiatric clinic. (:/)

Good news on severed goat heads: Satan not involved

Reuters

Dateline: Vancouver, British Columbia - A lazy worker, not a satanic cult, was responsible for severed goat heads that caused a scare at a Vancouver-area school, Canadian police said on Monday.

Police were called in after goat heads were twice found on a bench outside a school in nearby Chilliwack, British Columbia, prompting fears in the suburban community that it had been targeted by a satanic animal killing.

A 19-year-old worker at a local slaughterhouse has admitted he took the two heads with the intention of having them mounted, but then changed his mind and left them at the school in hopes a janitor would dispose of them.

"(Police) want to reassure the community that there were no satanic intentions in relation to these incidents," the Royal Canadian Mounted Police said, adding that the man "should have known better." (:/)

Forced Laxative Violated Rights

AP

Police in Milwaukee performed an unreasonable search and seizure when they forced a man to take laxative treatments for several hours until they recovered a baggie of heroin he swallowed, a state appeals court ruled Tuesday.

Police officers said they gave Tomas Payano-Roman the treatment at a Milwaukee hospital in 2002 because they feared the bag would break and he would die of a drug overdose.

But the 1st District Court of Appeals ruled prosecutors failed to prove the liquid laxative treatment "was motivated out of medical necessity for his well-being."

"The only logical conclusion was that the administration of laxatives was done to assist the police in recovering the suspected heroin," the appeals court ruled in granting a motion to suppress the bag of heroin eventually recovered.

Acting on a tip that someone was selling drugs out of a car, officers approached Payano-Roman in the vehicle in April 2002. As they approached, they saw Payano-Roman swallow a baggy containing a white substance, according to court records.

The officers arrested him and took him to a hospital, where he was forced to drink the laxative every half hour. (:/)

Hong Kong Men Lax on Hand Washing

AP

Dateline: Hong Kong - Nearly a third of Hong Kong men don't wash their hands after using the washroom, according to a survey released Tuesday by the Hong Kong Toilet Association.

The observations of 361 washroom users also found only 4 percent of women failed to cleanse their hands afterward.

"After looking at the results, women may laugh at their male counterparts, and hopefully that will help remind them to keep up their personal hygiene," Dr. Lo Wing-lok said.

The study said people who use toilets with automatic faucets and paper towels are more likely to clean their hands. (:/)

Men chat, women text

Reuters

Dateline: London - British men are almost twice as likely to use their mobile phones for talking compared with women, who prefer to text, according to research on Wednesday.

A report from consumer information group Mintel found 39 percent of women and only 25 percent of men were categorised as "Social texters" -- people who text message to keep in touch.

In contrast, 30 percent of men but only 17 percent of women were judged to belong to the "Personal Touch" type -- people who prefer to communicate by talking.

"The fact that women are more likely to be texters could suggest that women now see mobile phones as extremely social tools," said Ellen Shiels, senior market analyst at Mintel.

"They can stay in touch with each other and make arrangements to meet without getting drawn into a long conversation."

The study of 1,996 adults aged 18 and above found 45 percent of owners were "Emergency Users", people classed as those who used their phones sparingly.

Expenditure on phones hit 1.02 billion pounds last year. Around 80 percent of Britons own a mobile. (:/)

Man sets texting record

(CNET from Textual.org from ANI/WebNewsIndia123)

Not that the guy has too much time on his hands or anything, but Deepak Sharma of Ludhiana, India, has gotten his name registered in the Guinness Book of World Records for sending 182,689 text messages a month, notes gizmo hub Engadget.

That would be, oh, something in the neighborhood of 6,000 messages a day, 253 an hour, 4.2 a minute or a new one every 14 seconds. Which leaves Sharma just enough time get in a quick wrist exercise every 12 hours or so.

Sharma aims to increase his messages to 300,000 in the coming month, according to Web News India, which notes that Sharma sends his rapid-fire messages to his relatives and friends, who purport to fully support his endeavour. Sharma's wireless operator, Airtel, reportedly sent him a 1,411 page bill.

[From Web News India (ANI):]

Deepak Sharma aims to increase the number to 3,00,000 in the coming month.

"At first I sent 50,000 SMS, after that I reached the figure of 1,13,000 and now I have reached the figure of 1,82,689 in one month. That makes it to 6000 SMS daily. Now I am aiming to send 3 lakh SMS which makes it to daily of 10,000 so that I can register my name in Guinness Book of World Records", said Deepak Sharma.

Deepak, who sends messages to all his relatives and friends, has received his family's full support in his endeavour.

"I used to be very angry earlier. But then I started supporting him so that he can register his name in the Guinness Book of World Records", said Pushkar Pandey, Deepak's friend.

Sharma received a bill of 1411 pages this month, which was sent specially to him by Airtel. He is making the best out of Airtel's scheme of unlimited SMS with 99 paise. (:/)

Mums pregnant with boys may be less forgetful

Reuters

Dateline: Vancouver, British Columbia - Mothers pregnant with boys may be less forgetful than those carrying girls, Canadian researchers said on Tuesday.

The researchers said they found evidence that women who gave birth to boys consistently outperformed moms of girls in tests that specifically taxed memory in areas of listening, computational and visualization skills.

"When we set out to look at the effects of pregnancy on cognition, we weren't thinking of the sex of the fetus, so we were shocked by our results," said study leader Neil Watson, a Simon Fraser University psychology professor.

Watson said the results suggest that an "unknown fetal-derived factor" that differs between male and female fetuses may have an influence on the mother's cognition.

The researchers' findings will be published in the May 12 findings of the journal NeuroReport. (:/)

Gossip

Tara Reid horses around at Kentucky Derby,
Kid Rocks comes 'prepared'

MSNBC

Tara Reid caused quite a scene when she crashed an exclusive Kentucky Derby bash.



The actress showed up at the famed Barnstable Brown party Friday night and tried to get in, even though she wasn’t invited. "A security guard kept her out, and she did the whole, ‘Don’t you know who I am’ thing, and then a whole crowd outside started chanting, ‘Let Tara In! Let Tara In!’" reports an eyewitness. "So they went ahead and let her in."

Once inside, reports the source, Reid was an aggressive partier and was downing Grey Goose martinis. "She was going up to male celebrities and trying to cozy up to them, with little success," says the insider. "She kept trying to talk to Usher, but he pretty much ignored her."

The next day, at the Derby itself, a source says Reid showed up in a dirty dress "that looked like she’d been rolling around on the ground." She went into a VIP room and knocked a woman over and — apparently not realizing her mistake — walked on. When she was informed what happened, she offered to give the woman an autograph.

A rep for Reid said "No comment" and hung up the phone.

Kid Rock showed up with two women, one African-American and one white. "He wasn’t wearing his usual grunge outfit, but was sort of dressed up," a source told The Scoop.

"Someone asked him why and he said that he must have passed out and somebody dressed him up because he couldn’t remember putting on those clothes himself." (:/)

I've got to use that line.

Fake musicians play out fantasies at
Canadian Air Guitar Championships

Canadian Press

Dateline: Quebec - Backstage at the first round of the Canadian Air Guitar Championships, faux musicians nervously adjust their wigs and tune invisible instruments.

Pierre Lepine, his fake locks a shiny strawberry blond, peeks around the curtain and sees a packed house filled with screaming fans waiting for pretend guitarists to strut their airy talents and nail a pretend riff.


Guy Perreault performs during an air guitar contest, as part of the Air Guitar Canadian Championship tour. (CP PHOTO/Jacques Boissinot)

Lepine and partner Nicolas Cote are moments away from launching into a fiery impersonation of rock band AC/DC. They are among a dozen acts competing for a chance to take part in the Canadian finals this summer in Toronto.

Lepine betrays his nerves with a cringe and a muttered curse before retreating to the safety of the dressing area. He tries to bolster his bravado by giving a high-five to Cote, whose cheesy fake moustache and curly black wig make him a dead ringer for Burton Cummings.

"Sex, drugs and rock-roll, man!" shouts Lepine who by day is a mild-mannered architecture student at the University of Laval in Quebec City.

To compete in this official air guitar competition, contestants pay a $20 entry fee and strut around on stage to their favourite rock-roll song, wailing on an invisible guitar. Official contest rules state the pretend instrument can be an electric or acoustic guitar, or both.

A series of first-round competitions are taking place over the next several months across Canada, including Toronto, Victoria and Halifax.

Dozens of countries now have national championships but Oulu, Finland has been the world capital of air guitar since it first staged the world championships in 1996. The small city on the Finnish coast will again host the event in August in the name of promoting world peace. You can't shoot a gun while playing air guitar, the official website points out.

Local organizer Simon Lacroix has been airing his guitar since the first competition was held in Quebec City in 2003. He brushes aside talk of high-minded ideals.

"You gotta know the music but more importantly you've gotta love music. And you have to know when to give it some punch," said Lacroix.

Before taking on Canada and the world, Lepine and Cote, a cook in real life, must emerge top among two dozen acts performing over two nights in Quebec City. The winner gets a big black belt, more fitting for the winner of a wrestling title.

Lepine, 20, is not quite haggard enough to pass for AC/DC guitarist Angus, and Cote, also 20, looks more like the front man for the Guess Who, but they set the stage with a couple of cute tricks.

On the stage are fake speakers, replicas of the Marshall amplifiers often used by rock musicians that instead have "Marchemal," French for "works poorly," emblazoned on the front.

Lepine and Cote haughtily ignore the crowd and shun the MC as they carefully adjust the pretend knobs on the pretend amps and tune their pretend guitars. The crowd eats it up.

Stevie Wonder releases video for blind

(spotted in ABC News) Reuters

Dateline: Los Angeles - Stevie Wonder is releasing the first video containing an audio track for people who have trouble seeing, according to the blind singer's Web site.

One version of "So What the Fuss," from Wonder's upcoming album, "A Time To Love," will air on music channels.

Another version featuring the track narrated by rapper Busta Rhymes will air on channels with secondary audio programing, known as SAP technology, Universal Motown Records Group said.

The technology provides alternative audio, such as descriptions of scenery around program dialogue, for the blind and low-vision audience, said Linda Idoni of the Media Access Group of Boston public television station WGBH.

The Media Access Group wrote the description read by Rhymes on Wonder's video.

"Until now music videos have been very one-dimensional for those who are blind or with low vision," said Wonder in a statement.

Wonder, 54, unveiled the narrated video along with the traditional version of "So What the Fuss" at a Los Angeles news conference Monday at which reporters were blindfolded. (:/)

US company builds seven-foot wide coffin

AFP

Dateline: Lynn, - At seven feet wide, it's certainly the biggest coffin the Goliath Casket Company had ever built.



And since Goliath is the oldest oversized coffin company in the United States, it's probably the widest casket made since the days when lumber companies were asked to knock together a big pine box.

The seven-foot (2.1 meter) casket was built for a 900-pound (64 stone) man who died in Alaska.

Most people who weigh that much can squeeze into Goliath's 52-inch coffin, which is about as big as a double bed.

But this man's legs would not close.

"It's really quite sad," said Goliath's owner, Keith Davis. "The body's been frozen and from what we can gather it's taken a while for them to get (the funeral) arranged."

The expansion of American waistlines has forced US companies to make a number of adjustments.

Airlines have increased their passenger weight estimates. Clothing stores are offering larger sizes. Furniture manufacturers are making wider chairs.

But nowhere are the consequences of the obesity epidemic more painfully obvious than in a converted hog barn on a country road in rural Indiana.

Davis' father founded the company 20 years ago because he wanted to offer the families of the obese a more dignified coffin than the slipshod special orders he saw being made by the casket company he worked for.

He altered the coffin's design so it would not look like a train car and reinforced its structure so it would not bend or buckle under the extra weight.

He built lids that could be propped open for full or half viewings and had foam inserts that made them easier to close. And he expanded the width from the standard 24 inches.

"Thirty-three inches were our biggest back in '90. We thought that was pretty big," Davis said.

"Then we started getting calls for bigger and bigger caskets so I went up to 48 inches. Now I'm making them 52 inches."

Sales at Goliath have also been growing by about 20 percent a year and the four-person company can barely keep up.

Goliath sold 600 caskets last year, which Davis said is just a fraction of the market. He estimates there are 200 to 300 oversized caskets sold every day in the US.

"Fifteen years ago it was two or three per day," he said.

The families of the obese are used to waiting for special arrangements, Davis said. The trick is to make sure there are not any surprises, which is why Davis spends hours on the phone with funeral directors to help with plans.

The list of things that can go wrong is endless.

One woman ended up face down in her casket after the body lift broke. Another funeral home could not get the casket through the door. Then there was the casket that creaked and buckled during the service as it teetered on a small stand.

And there was the casket that did not close which ended up on the evening news. That family called Goliath in tears.

Solutions often are not pretty. Some families are forced to buy two gravesites. Others have to use pickup trucks to transport a coffin to the cemetery. One service was held in a garage.

Davis enjoys the challenge. He also talks about the obese with a great deal of compassion, though he often has to stop himself from walking up to people in restaurants and telling them to put away their second helpings.

"There's no reason for anyone in this country not to have a good diet. There's no reason to go out and eat a whole bag of ding dongs," he said. "If everyone went on a diet I could find something else to do." (:/)

School Suspends Boy for Wearing Prom Dress

AP

Lake Geneva, Wis. - A high school senior who thought it would be funny to wear a dress to his prom was ticketed $249 for disorderly conduct, suspended for three days and banned from his last track meet.

School district administrator Jim Gottinger said the discipline was for more than just the dress, noting Kerry Lofy, 18, was dancing in a sexually provocative manner at the prom, according to a police report.

Lofy doubts that was the real reason he was disciplined Monday.

"The whole night was that kind of dancing. They can't single me out and say, 'Oh it was you, it was only you,'" he said. "I think it's over the dress."

Lofy said Lake Geneva Badger High had no problem letting him go to Saturday's prom with another male, but that school officials drew the line at his dress.

"I thought it would be more appropriate for there to be one person dressed like a girl and a person dressed like a guy, than for there to be two guys to go," said Lofy, a member of the school's track, ski, powerlifting and soccer teams.

Also, he thought people would find it funny to see a 6-foot, 185-pound male in a black, stretchy, spaghetti-strap dress.

When Lofy showed up in the dress, a blond wig, open-toed platform sandals, blue earrings and a necklace, teachers turned him away. He said he showed up later with a tan-and-black plaid leisure suit over the dress, went inside and whipped off the suit during a dance-off. A security guard escorted him out, he said. (:/)

Okay this picture to follow is NOT a real... thingy. So don't complain.

Lawmakers object to fake penis for drug tests

Reuters

Dateline: Washington - A life-like prosthetic penis called the Whizzinator and other products promising to help illegal drug users pass urine tests provoked U.S. lawmakers on Wednesday to take legal action with subpoenas of manufacturers.



Lawmakers objected to attempts to circumvent drug tests with products such as The Whizzinator, a fake penis that can provide a flow of clean urine "again and again, anytime, anywhere you need it!" according to the Web site www.whizzinator.com.

A congressional subcommittee voted to subpoena the owner of Puck Technology of Signal Hill, California, the company that makes the Whizzinator. The panel also voted to subpoena the owners of Health Choice of New York City and Spectrum Labs of Cincinnati, two companies that lawmakers said also were suspected of selling products aimed at circumventing workplace drug tests.

The owners were required to provide financial and operational records by Monday and to appear at a congressional hearing on Tuesday.

"These companies seek through deception to make a buck by violating our trust and compromising our security," said Rep. Ed Whitfield, a Kentucky Republican who chairs the House Energy and Commerce Committee's oversight and investigations panel.

"It is a risk we simply cannot tolerate. This panel will uncover how widespread these products are and recommend the necessary steps to end their use," Whitfield said in a statement.

Actor Tom Sizemore, who played a sergeant in the war movie "Saving Private Ryan," was caught using the Whizzinator to try and pass drug tests, California prosecutors said in February. He was put in jail after using a similar device and failing a drug test, prosecutors said. (:/)

Tom Sizemore... guffaw. I'm thinking of getting one to freak people out in the gents...

Henderson Legs Raise Eyebrows

NBC

Dateline: Henderson, N.C. -- People in Henderson are talking about the massive sculpture of a woman's legs, spread open on Welcome Avenue.



At first glance, it looks more like something you'd find at a strip club, instead of a quiet neighborhood.

A backhoe contractor, Ricky Pearce poured concrete into hand-drawn molds to create the 40-ton, 17-foot-high legs. Then, he lifted them into place with a crane.

Complete with some landscaped foliage, strategically placed, the display is making some folks chuckle, and others shake their heads in disgust.

"The project took about three years," Pearce said. "I was inspired by Marilyn Monroe's legs, with the skirt blowing."

Some residents who live nearby are pleased with Pearce's legwork.

"Oh, I like them. I think they're great," one homeowner told NBC-17. "I think he did a really great job on them. And it just shows a lot of art work."

But, others aren't so forgiving. The sculpture is, after all, located between two churches.

"What is it insinuating to the kids in the neighborhood?" Walter Fuller wonders. "Why do they just show the legs. If it's a woman, why not show her beautiful face ... or her body clothed?"

Pearce said he doesn't think there's anything in the sculpture a kid shouldn't see.

"If they learned a little bit more about this and stayed away from drugs, they'd be better off," Pearce said. (:/)

Senator's Fiberglass Bovine Returned

AP

Dateline: Lincoln, Neb. -- The capitol cattle kidnappers who purloined a state senator's bull sculpture returned the beast unscathed. The fiberglass bovine had been displayed outside the office of Sen. Deb Fischer of Valentine until the rustlers struck on April 26.

The bull - about the size of a large dog - was found unharmed Wednesday morning, lying on its side in a grass circle in one of the capitol's interior courtyards.

"My little guy!" Fischer exclaimed when she saw the sculpture.

The bull was one of several from schools in Fischer's district, which covers a wide swath of cattle country, as part of the "Bitty Bulls" public art project.

Security cameras caught the caper on tape, but the picture was too grainy to allow identification of the rustlers.

"I think it was definitely an inside job," Fischer said.

She suspects one of her fellow senators was involved, but she would not name names.

One ransom note, signed by the "Suburban Rustlers," demanded that she vote for or against certain bills.

"I had to vote for six bills or against two bills ... or give a large box of Jujyfruits" candy, Fischer said.

One note threatened to turn her Bitty Bull into "itty, bitty burgers."

She refused to comply.

"I'm from the 43rd District," she said. "We don't negotiate with cowards."

Fischer said the bull, named "Big Bright," was painted to honor the works of artist Georgia O'Keeffe.

"Big Bright" was back on display Wednesday outside Fischer's office.

"We've got it tethered to my aide's desk with fishing line," Fischer said. (:/)

Skimpy Clothes Banned; What Will Students Wear?

The Pittsburgh Channel

Dateline: Modesto, Calif. -- Midriff-baring shirts, low-rise pants, pajamas and slippers will all be off limits this fall for thousands of student in Modesto.

Student Alexis Thompson said the new school rules will wipe out her current wardrobe.

"I will probably have to buy all new clothing for next year. It is going to be hard because pretty much all the stores sell lingerie," Thompson said.

And it's not just the girls who will have to dress more conservative. Mike Tershler, a senior at Davis High School, said he likes to show off his boxers, which peak over his pants -- a look that is banned for next year.

"I think I look good, pretty sexy. The ladies like it," Tershler said.

But not all students are against the ban.

"I agree with most of the things because I don't want to see a bunch of skin showing because that is not very classy," said student Kathleen Swicegood. "And we are in an environment where we are supposed to be sort of business like. We are trying to grow up."

Clothing business Anchor Blue has some skin-baring clothes, but the store manager said the key is dressing it up for school.

Students have a big incentive to comply with the new dress code. They will get one warning. After that, they will be suspended. (:/)

Tershler really reminds me of David Quainton. I can't quite put my finger on why...

Anyway, the survey results as of Thursday lunchtime were:

Do you think school dress codes should be more strict and not allow revealing or baggy clothing?
Choice Votes Percentage of 25103 Votes
Yes, stricter dress codes are needed 19056 76%
No, students should be allowed to wear what they want 1449 6%
Parents should control what their children wear to school 4598 18%

I voted NO, of course.

And finally

I wasn't sure whether to put this in, though it was the piece that, this whole week (at the least), affected me most. Feynman is, in a sense, the high priest of weird, in the sense that modern science is fundamentally weird, and I feel that, this week, and this week alone, I'm going to end TAR on a sombre note.


Arline Feynman died on June 16, 1945. The paper on which this letter was written is well worn, and it appears as though he reread it often.

To Arline Feynman, October 17, 1946

D'Arline,

I adore you, sweetheart ... It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing. But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and what I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you.

I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector.

Can't I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the "idea-woman" and general instigator of all our wild adventures. When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn't have worried.

Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want to stand there.

I'll bet that you are surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend after two years. But you can't help it, darling, nor can I — I don't understand it, for I have met many girls ... and I don't want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

My darling wife, I do adore you. I love my wife. My wife is dead,

Rich.

PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don't know your new address.

(/)

Until next time...

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