Trevorism, bonnet bonking, Bruce Willis, a painful Brazilian, busty mermaids and breaking the law with extreme stupidity

TAR THREAT LEVEL: Size 8 1/2

We at the Alternative Review are sick, sick, sick of the lack of attention being paid one of the greatest threats to freedom in our country today: Trevorism.

It's well known that Trevorism is a cause of fear, uncertainty and doubt worldwide, but in these precarious times we should be be keeping a closer eye on Trevorists who are ON OUR DOORSTEPS.

The Met Police doesn't even have an Anti-Trevorist Task Force! International Trevorism just isn't on the radar as far as law enforcement is concerned. What are we doing about this? NOTHING.

We here at TAR Towers demand an answer from Sir Tony Blair, head of the Met Police, as to why:

a) There isn't a dedicated Anti-Trevorist Unit in the Met Police. There is apparently room between SO19 and SO21 in operational unit names, where SO20 was dropped after too many officers misread it as so-so, refusing to join. Obviously some retraining in reading skills will be required.

b) No attention is being paid to KNOWN TREVORISTS in London. I know several. Surely they should be followed into a Tube station and SHOT? Harsh language appears to be all London's citizens are allowed to use in situations where Trevorists are involved.

Surely a crackdown on Trevorism is just around the corner. All we need to do is to keep our upper lips stiff, our backs straight and spleens vented, and Her Majesty's Finest will doubtless do the rest...

TAR dairy

TOMATINA! Throw, my pretties, throw!

Fruity Spanish action on the 25th

This year the party of The Tomatina is on Wednesday 25 of August, and it begins at the 10:00 hours. This party is framed inside the Fair and Parties of Buñol that will be from the 20 August to 30 of August. (:/)

The Tomatina website.

Latest news

Couple had sex on police car

Ananova

Dutch police have arrested a couple for having sex on the bonnet of their patrol car.

The couple, from Groningen, said they hadn't noticed the two policemen sitting in the car.

One of the officers got out of the car and told the couple to stop what they were doing and leave.

The 25-year-old man was arrested after he refused and insulted the policeman, reports Het Laatste Nieuws.

His 33-year-old lover was also arrested after she tried to stop the car from taking her boyfriend away.

A police spokesman said: "The law doesn't say you can't make love on the bonnet of a police car.

"But the policemen have to be available for duty. If the two lovers had left when they were told, nothing would have happened." (:/)

Shtop! Shtop!

Barking Man Bites Mail Carrier

AP

Dateline: Houma, Louisiana - A mail carrier got bitten — by a barking man, police said.

Mark D. Plumb, 20, of Butler, Mo., was arrested and charged with simple battery Wednesday after he ran barking from a house and bit the letter carrier on the shoulder, police spokesman Lt. Todd Duplantis said.

Plumb said he bit the carrier as a joke, and has no history of criminal activity or mental illness, police said.

Plumb was released from the Terrebonne Parish jail after posting $165 bond. (:/)

Man beaten with his own leg
Says he couldn't get away

ABC12

Dateline: Midland —A Midland man talks is talking for the first time about his unusual attack. He was severely beaten with his own prosthetic leg.


Greg Gale has had some rough times.

He lost his leg in a train accident twenty years ago, and now, he's been beaten by his own prosthetic leg. Gale tells abc12's Jennifer Borrasso he and his girlfriend, Tammy Johnson, got into an argument at his Midland apartment this past Wednesday night.

He says she started beating him in the face and head several times with one of his spare prosthetic legs. He tried to get away, but says she followed him out the door, still hitting him with the leg.

A witness saw Gale and called police.

"She tried to kill me," Gale said. I've known her for years," he said, thinking that she is frustrated with their relationship. "Probably because I won't commit... I'm not sure."

Tammy Johnson is in the Midland County jail tonight.

She faces two felony counts - an assault with a dangerous weapon and larceny.

Police say she tried to steal the leg. (:/)

Web Entrepreneur Banks on 'Bum-vertising'
Homeless Advocates Say He's Exploiting the Poor

ABC

A budding Seattle entrepreneur looking for a low-cost marketing campaign says he's found an inexpensive and highly visible tool to publicize his Web site — he calls it "bum-vertizing."

Ben Rogovy, a 22-year-old University of Washington graduate, says the homeless and panhandlers are an untapped labor force, and he's putting them to work.

"It dawned on me this could be inexpensive and effective," he said. And he believes it's a campaign that benefits both him and the homeless people he's hired to hold signs advertizing his Web site. He said he's giving panhandlers a job and getting advertising on the cheap.

But the name he has trademarked for his marketing campaign, "bum-vertising," has some advocates for the homeless taking notice of what they say is exploitation of the people Rogovy calls his employees.

His "regulars" can be seen around Seattle, holding up green signs with a Web address on it.

"Now he's holding my sign and everybody stuck in traffic is looking at it," Rogovy said in an interview with ABC News affiliate KOMO-TV in Seattle, pointing to one of the panhandlers he has working for him.

In exchange for food, water and an undisclosed amount of cash, panhandlers agree to hold their please-give-sign and Rogovy's sign advertising his Web site, which purports to be an online directory that connects "poker players from around the globe."

One woman, who said her name was Janetta, took less than 10 seconds to say yes when Rogovy approached her about joining his "bum-vertising" team.

"Sure, why not, anything to help a budding entrepreneur," Janetta said. She told KOMO-TV she has to beg, because even though she has two other jobs, they aren't enough to pay the bills. Neighbors told KOMO-TV that Janetta begs every day and they doubt whether she really needs help.

Janetta said Rogovy's money is "easy money" — extra cash she doesn't have to beg for.

"The one thing people don't know, this is a job this is not easy," she said, referring to panhandling.

"They're better off advertising for me than not advertising, I wish I could help them more," Rogovy said. (:/)

"Help."

Testicles under padlock for two weeks

Ananova

A US man was taken to hospital after having his testicles stuck in a padlock for two weeks.

The man, from Brentwood, New Hampshire, says a friend fastened the padlock to his scrotum after a drinking session.

Corporal H D Wood IV said the man was severely intoxicated and had passed out.

He told police that when he woke up the padlock was locked around the top of his scrotum and his friend was gone.

"Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this," Wood said.

The man tried to remove the padlock with a hacksaw after the key broke off inside the lock but without success.

He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith was called to remove the lock. The man was treated and released without sustaining lasting injury.

"At this point we are not sure if it was a prank, or if it was an intentional act, or something done during a sexual act," Wood said. (:/)

Criminal Negligence

Man Picks Wrong Car For Joke Traffic Stop

WFTV.com/AP

Dateline: Tampa, Fla. -- Marvin Williams thought it would be funny to put a blue-and-red flashing light on the dashboard of his friend's car and pretend to pull over another motorist, police said.

But the joke backfired Sunday night when Williams picked a car with two undercover Tampa cops inside.

It didn't help much when he laughed about it as he drove by. Then, when police followed him, the 22-year-old Williams ran from the vehicle, officials say.

He left behind two female friends who were riding with him, and 7 grams of cocaine on the center console, police said. The officers caught up, caught him and found the drugs.

Williams was charged with cocaine possession, impersonating a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest. Officers also arrested a woman riding in the front seat and charged her with cocaine possession.

Williams posted $4,500 bail Monday night and was released. A working phone number could not be located for him Tuesday, and it wasn't known if he had an attorney.

Police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said Williams joked with his passengers about pulling someone over in the moments before pulling behind Officers Sean Kruger and Jason Degagne shortly before midnight.

"The joke was on him," McElroy said. "His victims turned out to be police officers who escorted him to jail -- with a real blue light." (:/)

Man Uses Fork to Rob Restaurant

WOAI.com (San Antonio)

Employees of a north side restaurant were attacked and forced into a freezer during a Sunday morning robbery.

"He just came in and ordered two pounds," says owner Yvette Robles, owner of Trevino's Barbacoa on Bitters Road. "He jumped the counter and I said, 'what are you doing?' He said, 'I'm robbing you guys.'"

The robber told Robles he had a gun and a knife. He demanded cash and the keys to Robles' truck.

When she wouldn't hand him the keys, police say he used a fork to threaten the employees. Investigators say he held the fork to a worker's neck. She wasn't seriously hurt.

"I'm just trying to run my business and I just started and I wanted him to leave so I can continue with my job," says Robles.

The man tried to lock the employees in a walk-in freezer and then drove off in Robles' truck.

"He left with $100, my phone and my credit card machine, and my cell phone."

Investigators later found the truck. It had been left on the side of the road near Wayward and Nacogdoches. (:/)

Sport

ICC expels USA from Intercontinental Cup
Or USA barred from cricket - world sighs in relief

PakTribune

Dateline: Dubai -- After waiting more than a week beyond its original deadline of August 1, the International Cricket Council (ICC) delivered the coup de grace to USA by expelling them from this season's Intercontinental Cup. Their place will be taken by the Cayman Islands.

For the USA, this is a final chapter in its long saga of acrimony and infighting, and may mean that no USA teams will be playing any international cricket for at least the next two years. There are no other ICC-sponsored tournaments scheduled for the Americas in 2005; and even if there were, it is unlikely that ICC would reverse the stand it has finally taken about joint governance and team selection processes as a pre-requisite for admitting USA back into the fold.

It is an inglorious end to forty years of history, which began when USA became one of the first three countries to achieve the newly founded ICC Associate Member status. It has been a chequered four decades, marked at its zenith by USA's breathtaking win at the Sharjah Six Nations challenge and its nadir by its abject performance in the recent ICC Trophy. All that is over now, and what is left are the memories.

Reactions to USA's banishment into world cricket's wilderness were mixed, with a few bizarre items thrown in. The USACA web site, which has maintained its ostrich-like posture over events of importance like Project USA, was not expected to say much; however, it suddenly announced the venues and dates for the 2005 National tournament, which came as a total surprise to the USA Council of League Presidents (CLP) who would be expected to participate.

The CLP, for its part, was quietly celebrating ICC's decision on the Intercontinental Cup team. It was something they had wished to avoid, but (in their view), USA president Gladstone Dainty's intransigence and refusal to negotiate in good faith left them (and ultimately the ICC) with no other choice. (:/)

Cheerleaders Use Chant to Help Police

AP

Dateline: Ann Arbor, Mich. - A man who left an accident scene was tracked down with the help of some cheerleaders who witnessed the crash and turned his license plate number into a cheer, police said.

Members of the Lincoln High School varsity cheerleading squad from neighboring Ypsilanti were in Ann Arbor for a Universal Cheerleaders Association's camp when they saw the wreck near the University of Michigan campus.

"I knew I was going to not remember it because there was too much going on," coach Patricia Clark said Monday on NBC's "Today.""So, when I ran down the street and got the plate number, I yelled to the girls: 'Remember this!'"

The cheerleaders put their skills to work, chanting the license number.

"The coach just said it and we were saying it over and over, and then it just turned into a big chant since we kept repeating it," said Kimmie Ostrowski, a senior captain for the team who also appeared on "Today."

According to police reports, a truck hit a car stopped at a traffic light Wednesday, and the impact forced that car into another vehicle, which then hit another one.

The truck driver, found at his home, told officers he didn't think the damage was severe enough to stop, police Lt. Mike Logghe told The Ann Arbor News.

The man wasn't arrested and his name wasn't released, but police said he could face a misdemeanor charge of leaving the scene of an accident. (:/)

Reporter strikes out with arrival by helicopter

Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

Vince Vitrano, the Channel 4 reporter who specializes in fluff, sure knows how to make an entrance.

Worried that he might miss the first pitch for a recent media-league softball game at Dyer Park, Vitrano decided to arrive in style, hopping a ride on Chopper4 with Power Zoom.

Holy cow!

"There was much excitement and jubilation" when Vitrano landed, said one Channel 4 player.


Photo/File of Vince Vitrano

"It was unbelievable - I thought they were shooting highlights," said a member of the Channel 12 team that was squaring off against the Channel 4 sluggers. "To see him jump out, I thought it was cool - dumb but cool."

And memorable.

"That will forever be remembered as the helicopter game," the Channel 12 player quipped.

The honchos at Channel 4 have been a little less enthusiastic in talking about Vitrano's off-camera theatrics with the oft-hyped chopper.

News director Bill Berra and general manager Mark Strachota did not return calls. And a reticent Vitrano offered up only this one-sentence mea culpa:

"In retrospect, that was not the wisest thing to do," said Vitrano, a Milwaukee native who has been with the station for more than five years.

According to insiders, back on June 29, the reporter had a live report from the helicopter early in the 6 p.m. newscast about the upcoming Summerfest activities.

But Vitrano, one of the few stars on the anemic Channel 4 softball team, was slated to play his game at 6:15 p.m. Rather than ride back to Timmerman Field, where the chopper is based, and arrive late to the game, he had the pilot drop him off at the park near 80th St. and Blue Mound Road.

It was a sight to behold - with the whirlybird landing just beyond left field - considering the number of wires and trees in the area.

"It was kind of weird that there was enough room for the chopper to land," the Channel 12 player said.

Vitrano was met with some cheers and applause, something sure to make a blow-dried TV guy's heart go pitter-pat.

It wasn't long, however, for the television folk on both teams to realize Vince might have stepped in it.

"I'm glad it wasn't me," said the Channel 12 source, adding, "If we had done that, we'd have lost our jobs."

Within days, Vitrano was confiding to friends and colleagues that this stunt would do little to advance his career. He is still on the air and wasn't suspended. We've been told, however, that he was taken to the proverbial woodshed, with Channel 4 big shots making it clear that the station's helicopter was to be used to deliver the news, not the newsman.

And to add insult to injury, the presence of Vitrano didn't have much of an impact on the field.

"We got smoked," recalled the Channel 4 source, who was unsure how badly they were beaten.

The Channel 12 ballplayer had a little better recall.

"We crushed them. It was 24-4, I think. (:/)

Cops on the Rocks

Or: Life Imitating George Clooney, Imitating Art

Reuters

Dateline: Rio De Janeiro, Brazil -- Thieves tunneled into a bank in northeastern Brazil and stole $68 million, the biggest bank heist in the nation's history, police said on Monday.

"It's something you see in the movies. They dug a tunnel ... that goes underneath two (city) blocks. They've been digging for three months," police investigator Francisco Queiroga told Reuters by telephone.

The thieves broke into a branch of the central bank in the northeastern state of Ceara over the weekend and removed 156 million reais ($68 million).

The theft was not discovered until Monday morning because the bank was closed.

"The tunnel was dug right underneath the vault," Queiroga said. "We've never heard of so much money being stolen from a bank in Brazil."

Queiroga and the central bank said the tunnel was 200 meters (650 feet) long, but federal police who took over the case from local investigators said in a statement later it measured 80 meters (260 feet).

The tunnel, which started in a house rented by the gang, was reinforced with wood and plastic and had electric light.

Police said the thieves had perforated the concrete floor of the vault to get in, but motion sensors inside did not go off.

Federal police also said it was the biggest known heist in Brazil. They suspect that between six and 10 people did the job.

It exceeds the amount stolen by Britain's "Great Train Robber" Ronnie Biggs, who fled to Brazil and lived in the country for many years.

He and 11 other gang members robbed a Glasgow-to-London mail train in 1963 and made off with 2.6 million pounds -- some 30 million pounds ($53 million) in today's money. (:/)

Legal Schmeigel

The legal truth behind 'towel reservations'

The Scotsman

A GERMAN lawyer has sprung to the defence of Britons fed up with his countrymen using towels to bag all the best places around the pool.

Ralf Hocker has published a book which says that leaving towels on sun-loungers is not legally binding.

"A British tourist would be quite within their legal rights to ignore the reservation implied by the towels if there is nobody there," said Mr Hocker, 34.

His book, entitled The New Dictionary of Popular Legal Errors, also says people in bars who leave coats on chairs, and pedestrians who claim parking spots for yet-to-arrive cars are also on shaky legal ground.

Mr Hocker said: "The towel thing is not such a big deal in Germany, but I have to say that the stereotype is true - German people do reserve all the loungers. It is also worth saying that it also infuriates some German people." (:/)

Van Bought From Sheriff's Auction Contains Pot Stash

AP

Dateline: El Paso, Texas -- The used minivan came with an unexpected option -- about 100 pounds of pot.

A man recently bought the 1997 Plymouth Voyager from the El Paso County, Texas, Sheriff's Office.

A mechanic who checked under the minivan found the stash of weed.

Sheriff's officials say the buyer immediately returned the vehicle.

The minivan was seized by authorities when about 350 pounds of marijuana was found inside. Officials are trying to determine how deputies missed the rest of the weed.

The sheriff's department promises to return the van, minus the pot, to its new owner. (:/)

Gaming news

S.Korean man dies after 50 hours gaming

Reuters

Dateline: Seoul - A South Korean man who played computer games for 50 hours almost non-stop died of heart failure minutes after finishing his mammoth session in an Internet cafe, authorities said on Tuesday.

The 28-year-old man, identified only by his family name Lee, had been playing on-line battle simulation games at the cybercafe in the southeastern city of Taegu, police said.

Lee had planted himself in front of a computer monitor to play on-line games on August 3. He only left the spot over the next three days to go to the toilet and take brief naps on a makeshift bed, they said.

"We presume the cause of death was heart failure stemming from exhaustion," a Taegu provincial police official said by telephone.

Lee had recently quit his job to spend more time playing games, the daily JoongAng Ilbo reported after interviewing former work colleagues and staff at the Internet cafe.

After he failed to return home, Lee's mother asked his former colleagues to find him. When they reached the cafe, Lee said he would finish the game and then go home, the paper reported.

He died a few minutes later, it said. (:/)

Texas Man Aims to Visit Every Starbucks

AP/byline Chuck Brown

Dateline: Omaha, Nebraska - Documenting a caffeine-powered quest to visit every Starbucks in the world has become the mission of a Nebraska attorney.

Bill Tangeman, 32, of Kearney, who was a journalist before going into law, is making a documentary film about a Houston native who goes by the name Winter, who set out in 1997 to get a caffeinated drink at every corporate-owned Starbucks store on the planet.

On his Web site () Winter, who was born Rafael Antonio Lozano, said that as of Aug. 8, he had visited 4,775 Starbucks in North America and 213 in other parts of world. Outside of North America, Winter has gone to Starbucks in Spain, England, France and Japan. There are 5,715 corporate-owned Starbucks in the world, according to the Seattle-based company's August newsletter on it.

Winter said his trek has been satisfactory on many levels, not the least of which is that it has allowed him to be on a nearly constant road trip for eight years.

But having the incessant goal of reaching the next Starbucks provided another benefit.

"Every time I reach a Starbucks I feel like I've accomplished something," Winter said, "when actually I have accomplished nothing."

Tangeman wanted to film a documentary for years. When he read an article about Winter last year, he realized he had found his muse.

"I found his story fascinating," Tangeman said Monday.

Tangeman got in touch with Winter and has since spent several days on the road with him, gathering about 40 hours of film for the movie, which will be called, "Starbucking."

The 33-year-old Winter said he is baffled by the attention his quest has gathered.

"I'm tickled pink that anybody would want to make a movie about my project," Winter said.

Tangeman, who has been a deputy county attorney in Buffalo County since 2003, uses vacation time and long weekends to meet Winter at various spots around the country.

The two will meet again late this month in Reno, Nev., where Winter will begin another leg of his tour - this one into Northern California.

"It's been a lot of fun," Tangeman said. "I've been to 22 states with him."

On one trip, Tangeman and Winter gave a presentation, including a screening of a "Starbucking" trailer, at the University of California-Santa Barbara. On this Southern California tour, Winter set a personal single-day record by visiting 29 Starbucks.

"On the day he hit 29 stores he wasn't feeling too good," Tangeman said. "He was a little nauseous."

Winter has visited Tangeman at his home and even grabbed a cup of coffee from a local shop. But he was deprived of his Starbucks fix: There aren't any corporate-owned stores in Kearney, 126 miles west of Lincoln.

Tangeman said Winter has visited every corporate-owned Starbucks in Nebraska except for one that was just finished in Omaha. The speed at which new Starbucks are opened has been a major obstacle in Winter's quest, Tangeman said.

Tangeman wants to complete "Starbucking" by the end of the year in hopes of submitting it to the Sundance Film Festival, which begins in late January in Utah.

"I am pretty close to having everything I need," Tangeman said.

If Sundance doesn't accept the film, Tangeman said, he will submit it to other festivals.

"There's a million film festivals, so hopefully we'll find someone who will take it," he said.

Winter, who earns money to keep his quest going by doing computer programming work, and currently lives in the Washington, D.C., suburb of Silver Spring, Md., said he and Tangeman will split whatever profits the movie may make.

Winter hopes the movie does well. One basic reason for his hopes is that it could give him more money to continue his quest.

And some of the perks of fame that might come if the film is successful, like maybe meeting Natalie Portman or Scarlett Johansson, wouldn't be too bad either, Winter said.

"On a superficial level," Winter said, "celebrity has its benefits."

Winter's site.

Starbucking, the movie.

The Arts

Her cup(s) runneth over:
Busty mermaid sets off alarm

Sun-Sentinel (S. Florida)

Artist Norman Gitzen is determined to defend his buxom babe. After all, he created her.



Lovingly shaped out of hand-pounded steel and bronze, the mermaid, called The Siren, has provoked spirited debate about art and the obscene. With her arched back, the center of attention has been on her breasts.

The sculpture is part of the village's recently established public art program. About 21 artists have loaned art work to be displayed in public places throughout the village.

But it's The Siren, prominently displayed at the entrance to the Wellington Community Center, that has folks talking. One of the local weekly newspapers even began a poll, asking residents whether the mermaid should stay, go or be moved to a less conspicuous location.

The debate was prompted by a single anonymous phone call to the village switchboard by a woman complaining about the stacked statue. She promised to take her concerns to the Village Council.

Gitzen plans to be at Tuesday's council meeting to defend the curvy creature.

"If they find her obscene, are they saying all large-breasted women are obscene?" he said. "The world is full of large-breasted women."

Besides, Gitzen thinks The Siren is anatomically correct or maybe even undersized. He is searching for an engineer to see whether her breasts are proportional to her 10-foot-tall, 6-foot-wide stature.

A scientific analysis might find her "underboobed," Gitzen said.

Many residents seem to have no problem with the sculpture. "I think it's pretty cool, and I have children," resident Rita Dorr said.

Anita Nebb thought she would look bigger in person.

"Some people say they should cover the breasts," she said. "Let them go to the museum. Some people want to bring up their families with blinders on."

Gitzen, who lives west of Lake Worth, was inspired to make the sculpture after a longtime interest in mermaids.

"They're graceful, provocative and scary at the same time," he said.

A cabinetmaker turned artist, Gitzen began sculpting the piece about six years ago. It was a work in progress when Vice Mayor Lizbeth Benacquisto saw it during the Wellington Art Society's annual Art Walk.

Benacquisto's interest in the piece motivated Gitzen to finish the mermaid in time for the village's art program.

Benacquisto said The Siren definitely appealed to her.

"Something about the piece sort of calls to you," she said. "She's just so comfortable with herself and her form. It's just something very moving for me as a woman. The comfort of her with herself, I thought was great. And she's got a lot to be comfortable with."

Benacquisto encouraged Gitzen to submit his work to the village's public art program. She encouraged other artists to do the same.

She and other village officials are quick to point out that there are 21 other pieces of art work throughout the village. Unfortunately, it's the well endowed who seem to get all of the attention. (:/)

Underboobed. Someone call the OED. Superb.

Sci/Tech

Review: New Blank Keyboard for Geeks Only

Typing on a Das Keyboard is a lot like typing on any other computer keyboard — except the keys are blank. Most people, especially those who rely on the slow but steady hunt-and-peck technique, might consider that a problem.



Not Daniel Guermeur, chief executive of Austin-based Metadot Corp. The self-proclaimed "uber geek" says he first came up with the idea for a blank keyboard while attending Stanford University in 1989. It was there that the French native noticed others typing much faster than he was.

"I was an OK typist but I was slowing down when I looked at the special characters," said Guermeur, 41. "One day I said, `If I could just improve my typing I could be much more efficient.'"

Two years ago, he built a prototype to test his hypothesis that a blank keyboard would force him to become a better typist. After many people asked him where he bought it, he decided to start making them commercially.

And recently, Guermeur began selling the keyboards for $80 with a new marketing spin: "Das Keyboard. Uber Geeks only."

For those needing a foreign language primer, "das" means "the" in German, and the name has to do with the fact that it's intended for "uber" (roughly translated to "super" in German) computer pros.

"People willing to buy this are total geeks," says Guermeur, a former tech manager for oil field services company Schlumberger Ltd. "The creme of the geeks."

The black, enhanced USB keyboard has 104 keys — all of them blank — in a wedge-shaped design reminiscent of the fabled IBM Model M, a keyboard with spring-loaded, clicking keys considered by some to be the greatest keyboard ever built.

As a reporter, my fingers are pretty much glued to the keyboard anyway, so I figured using Das Keyboard for a week would be a minor adjustment.

It is indeed comfortable to use, with five different key weights designed to keep the fingers nimble. The space bar, for example, requires slightly more effort to press than a quick tap of the "c" key.

I've found I don't look down at the keys as much as I thought I would. Yet I still keep a normal keyboard nearby. (Apparently I need more practice before I reach uber status. Certain keys still give me occasional problems, among them the apostrophe, the colon and the squiggly bracket.

My office colleagues remain largely unconvinced.

The conversation usually goes something like this: I say, "Hey fellow worker, look at this new keyboard I'm testing out."

They look down and the expanse of empty black squares, shrivel their nose and ask incredulously, "Why?"

I tell them by using it, I'm showing how cool and smart I am. Then they walk away, shaking their heads (whether it's in humor, befuddlement or jealousy, I can't really tell).

I left Das Keyboard connected to an office PC shared with others. (It's compatible with Windows, Mac OS X and Linux operating systems.)

Sure enough, the next day Das Keyboard had been unplugged in favor of a standard keyboard.

A popular observation: Wouldn't it be cheaper to buy a normal keyboard and either strip off the markings or give it a quick coat of spray paint?

"You could do it," Guermeur concedes, "but it's a pain in the butt to do that, a major pain. Also the paint would wear off eventually."

It might seem a gimmick, but Guermeur maintains Das Keyboard is an invention rooted in logic.

"If you look at a piano, it doesn't have notes on the keys, it's blank," he says. "Writing letters seems like a good help but actually it's not. It's counterintuitive, actually." (:/)

That's a bloody good point.

Bored on the Phone? Beware Jerk-O-Meter

AP

Dateline: Cambridge, Mass. -- Ever wonder if that spouse, friend or co-worker on the other end of the phone is really paying attention? The "Jerk-O-Meter" may hold the answer.

Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology are developing software for cell phones that would analyze speech patterns and voice tones to rate people -- on a scale of 0 to 100 percent -- on how engaged they are in a conversation.

Anmol Madan, who led the project while he pursued a master's degree at MIT, sees the Jerk-O-Meter as a tool for improving relationships, not ending them. Or it might assist telephone sales and marketing efforts.

"Think of a situation where you could actually prevent an argument," he said. "Just having this device can make people more attentive because they know they're being monitored."

The program, which Madan said is nearing completion, uses mathematical algorithms to measure levels of stress and empathy in a person's voice. It also keeps track of how often someone is speaking.

"It's an academically proven thing," Madan said of the math behind those measurements. "There are a bunch of academic papers published about this."

For now, the Jerk-O-Meter is set up to monitor the user's end of the conversation. If his attention is straying, a message pops up on the phone that warns, "Don't be a jerk!" or "Be a little nicer now." A score closer to 100 percent would prompt, "Wow, you're a smooth talker."

However, the Jerk-O-Meter also could be set up to test the voice on the other end of the line. Then it could send the tester such reports as: "This person is acting like a jerk. Do you want to hang up?"

The researchers also tested the technology at a bar in Cambridge where a group of singles were "speed-dating," rotating through a series of five-minute conversations.

"Mathematically modeling" each person's speaking style let the research team predict whether a speed-dater would agree to a real date. It was a good sign, Madan said, if the speed-daters engaged in "back and forth exchanges," punctuated by "ahas" and "yups." (:/)

Please tell me if "ahas" and "yups" get you moist, because they're easy, ok? Really. It's the stringing-whole-interesting-sentences-together thing that escapes me...

Brie Fly

Bruce's surprise German visit

Ananova

A German family were shocked to answer the door to find Bruce Willis asking to come in and see the house where he had been born.

Willis paid a surprise visit to his original home town of Idar-Oberstein in southwest Germany with his younger brother and father David, who was stationed at nearby US barracks when Willis was born in 1955.

Current resident of the house Doris Busch said: "We were so shocked. We were just sitting in the garden, and almost didn't hear the bell. We had no idea it was the house where he had been born.

"We also had no idea he was about to visit. My mother still had her curlers in when she opened the door."

According to local paper the Nahe-Zeitung, Willis had a look around the house he spent the first two years in, and took some photographs, before leaving.

He also refused, in broken German, to have his photograph taken by the couple as he was there on a purely private basis. (:/)

Surf's up for Australian rodents!

Reuters

Dateline: Canberra - Australia -- land of sun, sand and ... surfing mice?

Australian Shane Willmott is training three mice, named Harry, Chopsticks and Bunsen, to surf small waves on tiny mouse-size surf boards at beaches on the country's Gold Coast. The mice are put through rigorous bathtub training and then some have their fur dyed when it is time to hit the beach.

"Usually if he is surfing big waves, I usually colour his hair up. Because he's white, when he gets in the whitewash it's hard to find him," Willmott told Australian television.

Despite Willmott's training, Harry, Chopsticks and Bunsen -- who live in miniature custom-made villas and own specially made jet skis -- are proving no threat to world champion Kelly Slater just yet. (:/)

Man Fires Gun at Car to Silence Alarm

AP

Dateline: Simi Valley, Calif. - A man annoyed by a noisy car alarm fired at least three bullets into a Toyota Camry, silencing the alarm and bringing out police who hauled him away in handcuffs, authorities said.

David Owen Rye, 48, was arrested and booked for investigation of reckless discharge of a firearm and felony vandalism, Sgt. John Adamczyk said. Rye allegedly told officers he grabbed his handgun and went out to put a stop to the car alarm.

The owner of the Camry, a sailor whose ship the USS Theodore Roosevelt just returned from an eight-month cruise, was visiting a friend when he heard the gunfire at about 10 p.m. Tuesday, KCAL-TV reported.

"I mean, that's not a safe guy. I mean, you get upset over an alarm, over a noise like that, (then) there's some little kids making too much noise and he decides to do something awful," sailor Nicholas Moreno, 25, said.

Police were called to the Yosemite Avenue apartment building and Rye was ordered out of his apartment by an officer with a bullhorn. A Los Angeles Police Department helicopter also responded and Rye was arrested.

Neighbor Ken Davis said he heard gunshots and looked outside to see Rye holding a gun.

"It was little scary," Davis said. "I didn't know what kind of mood he was in. I didn't want to say anything to him." (:/)

Man left wife at filling station

Ananova

A Macedonian drove six hours across Italy and into Germany before noticing he had left his wife at a petrol station.

Ljubomir Ivanov , 35, only realised he had forgotten wife Iskra, 37, when he got a call on his mobile from police to say she was still waiting for him at the petrol station near Pesaro, in central Italy.

He said: "I filled up the tank with petrol, paid and then just drove off. I was very tired and not thinking straight.

"She usually sits in the back seat so I didn't really see she wasn't there, until I got a call when I was already in Germany."

My Ivanov immediately drove back to Pesaro to pick up his wife so they could resume their holiday.

"I had a lot of apologising to do," he said. (:/)

Oh Yeah.

More than 55,000 euros buys you love in Britain

AFP

Dateline: London - The average Briton spends over 38,000 pounds (55,000 euros, 68,000 dollars) trying to find love during their lifetime, a new study suggests.



But despite people collectively spending 15.2 billion pounds each year chasing Cupid, a third of relationships end within 12 months, according to online dating service Parship.co.uk, which commissioned the survey.

Men spend an average of 1,426 pounds on their partner during the first six months of a relationship, including 970 pounds on drinks and dinners, 148 pounds on presents and 63 pounds on taxis, flowers and chocolates.

Women, on the other hand, spend 740 pounds over the same period.

Three percent of men even claimed to have paid their new partner's gym membership.

But once a relationship has passed the 12-month barrier, men's spending drops off to an average 987 pounds, while that of women increases ever so slightly to 784 pounds.

"Clearly people are willing to invest a lot of money in the pursuit of love," psychiatrist Victoria Lukats said. "Nowadays the average age at which people settle down and marry is much older than it was 30 years ago, so singles will tend to have more disposable income." (:/)

Unbelievable when you consider that recently (also covered in TAR) it was surveyed that women spend 31,000 in their lives on bloody shoes! So, girls, we're worth marginally more than shoes? I mean, I could have guessed that, but...

And Finally

Corned beef nostalgia on the menu at Uruguay museum

Reuters/byline Louise Egan

Dateline: Fray Bentos (yes, FRAY BENTOS!), Uruguay - The cows grazing peacefully in the pastures of Fray Bentos don't know how lucky they are.

Their ancestors were herded into the Uruguayan town's meat packing plant by the hundreds to be slaughtered, chopped, pulverised and packed into cans only to reappear as corned beef on a dinner plate in London.

Those days are long gone and all that's left of the giant factory, maker of the world-famous Fray Bentos meat pies, is some crumbling old buildings with peeling paint and broken windows.

The cows may be happy but the people in the unassuming town of 22,000 people north-west of Montevideo miss those days when their company town was abuzz with activity.

The beef plant closed in 1979 after 117 years in operation but at its peak 4,000 workers from 60 countries kept it humming, their children gorged on beef daily and the British owners held glitzy garden parties.

To relive that heady past when Fray Bentos fed the Allies in World War Two and was dubbed "one of the largest kitchens of the free world" some local history buffs have created what they call the museum of the industrial revolution.

"It's like a fairy tale for our children," said Olma Villalba, whose grandmother was head housekeeper at the so-called casa grande, the British bosses' mansion.

"This place is the lifeblood of the town. Everything still revolves around the old meatpacking plant," she said of the now-decrepit "Anglo" neighbourhood that once encompassed the state-of-the-art factory, a port, worker housing and a school.

Tourists have been able to tour the cobwebbed grounds since 1990 and in March 2005 the museum itself opened its doors.

A two-headed calf in a jar, dated 1938, is one of the first displays to greet visitors to the museum.

Another cheerful exhibit shows the production chain from cow to OXO beef extract with colourful arrows depicting how even hooves, tendons and thyroid glands were transformed into some commercial product.

"What is the only part of the cow that wasn't used?" the interactive panel asks, urging the visitor to push a button to hear the answer: a cow's moo.

Fertiliser was made from animal blood, bonemeal and the contents of their stomachs in the site that is now the museum, tour guide Diana Cerrilla explains.

But tourists who signed the guest book don't seem daunted by the sordid details.

"This museum makes me hungry. The first thing I'm going to do when I get home is get a corned beef sandwich," says one typical entry signed "U.S."

Fray Bentos became synonymous with comfort food for millions of Europeans who were raised on the tinned meats during times of war and instability. Prince Charles fondly reminisced on the Fray Bentos cuisine of his childhood in a visit to Uruguay years ago.

The plant exported 16 million tins of corned beef in 1943 and during the war slaughtered some 12,000 animals a day, including pig, rabbit, chicken and turkey.

Everything from frozen sides of beef to steak and vegetable pie with puff pastry was shipped from Fray Bentos to the world's pantries. And not only foreigners squeal in delight at the kitschy labels for some 200 subproducts showcased here.

Villalba licks her lips recalling how her parents brought home loads of beef from the company store. "As you can imagine, we all have high cholesterol now," she laughs. (:/)

Indeed. Until next time...

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