A dalek returns, an eagle has landed (badly), flirting at Wal-Mart, Australians claim genius, what plumbers really do, and how, truly to drink whisky

After comments that last week's TAR was "too sad" (life can't be a bed of roses you know!) we've gone slightly more whimsical this week. Don't miss the eagle that bit off more than it could chew, the most expensive bottle of whisky TAR's ever heard of quaffed in one sitting, Australians showing everyone how almost everything should be done, and what happens when someone's REALLY had enough of your snoring. Enjoy...

Missing Dalek found on Tor

BBC

A Dalek stolen from a Somerset tourist site has been found on Glastonbury Tor after thieves said it was "too hot".


The Dalek was stretchered off the Tor

The prop, which was at Wookey Hole Caves, near Wells, for a Doctor Who exhibition, was taken more than a week ago. A "ransom note" was then issued.

Cave owner Gerry Cottle made appeals for information. In the early hours of Tuesday, staff recieved a phone call telling them where the Dalek was.

Mr Cottle has denied that the theft of the Dalek was a publicity stunt.

Last Thursday, staff found a Dalek plunger arm and a ransom note on a doorstep.

The note read: "We are holding the Dalek captive. We demand further instructions from the Doctor."

But in Tuesday's phone call, the thieves said it had become "too hot to handle" and had been placed on Glastonbury Tor.

The Dalek had been on display at the Bath and West Show and was in temporary storage at the Wookey Hole site when it was taken.

Former Dr Who actor Colin Baker had been in touch with staff at the attraction. (:/)

Really?? Why??

87-year-old Australian man fights off intruder with shoe

AFP

Dateline: - An 87-year-old Australian man fought off an intruder with his shoe after being attacked in his home, reports said.

"I took the bloody shoe off and thumped him," semi-retired horse trainer Johnny Oswin was quoted as saying by the Australian Associated Press.

Oswin went on the offensive when the man hit him with a metal bar after breaking into his home at Mount Eliza, south of Melbourne, on Monday night.

"I probably broke his nose and broke his teeth and he fell over. He got up and I thumped him again. He ran out the door and he said 'I'll get you, I'll come back to get you'," Oswin said.

The octogenarian, who suffered cuts and bruises, said he was not worried by the threat. "I'll fix him up if he comes in, I'll use my fists on him next time, I'm pretty handy."

Police described the incident as "a vicious attack on an elderly man in his own home," but urged people not to confront intruders. (:/)

Surely "a vicious attack by an elderly man..."?

Home sale to defense contractor raises questions

San Diego Union-Tribune

Dateline : San Diego - A defense contractor bought Rep. Randy "Duke" Cunningham's Del Mar home in November 2003 and sold it nearly nine months later at a $700,000 loss, it was reported today.

At the time, the Republican congressman was supporting Mitchell Wade and his firm MZM Inc. in efforts to win Pentagon contracts, The San Diego Union- Tribune reported.

Cunningham used the proceeds from the sale to buy a home in Ranch Santa Fe for about $2.5 million, the newspaper reported.

About the same time, Wade's company, which had been suffering through a flat period, was awarded tens of millions of dollars in defense and intelligence-related contracts, according to the Union-Tribune.

Cunningham denied anything untoward about the dealings.

"My whole life I've lived aboveboard," he told the newspaper. "I've never even smoked a marijuana cigarette. I don't cheat."

But others congressional and political watchdog organizations said it just didn't look right.

"This doesn't look good at all," Larry Noble, director of the Center for Responsive Politics, told the Union-Tribune. "It doesn't look like something that was on the up and up."

Wade was unavailable for comment last week. Scotty Brumett of MZM Inc. said Wade bought Cunningham's home to raise the firm's profile in San Diego.

"We were looking at expanding our company presence in San Diego," he told the Union-Tribune. "We looked at the property and thought it would work for us. But after we bought it, we realized that it did not meet our security or our corporate needs."

The Del Mar home was put back on the market within a month of the purchase, but it was never included on the multiple listing service used by Realtors, the newspaper reported.

MZM has been a major contributor to Cunningham campaigns, having donated $13,000 in the 2003-04 election cycle, the Union-Tribune reported. (:/)

Curiouser and curiouser...

More than 700 turn out for social boating event in Cape Coral

News-Press, byline Joan D. LaGuardia

Barry Donegan kisses the ground after reaching the shore of the lake at Seahawk Park on Sunday as Bob Miller gets his boat out of the water. The lake was the venue for this year's cardboard boat race. Donegan paddled this year's smallest boat, The Man In Tub.


ADITHYA SAMBAMURTHY/news-press.com

More than 700 people, including 30 dressed Bedrock-style in animal prints, turned out for the fun social event despite stormy weather that forced it to be rescheduled twice.

Lightning and thunder cut Sunday's competition short at about 2 p.m., but all 10 boats that made it into a race did actually float, defying the apparent folly of building a boat from nothing but cardboard, glue, tape and paint.

Designs ranged from the silly — such as the Flintstone's-inspired "Fred's Folly" by the Paradise Pirates boat club — to sleek, kayak-style boats.

"It's more fun to build a theme boat," said Paul Moses of Cape Coral, a Paradise Pirate participating for his fifth year.

The Pirates, boat owners who meet at local waterfront restaurants for monthly luncheons, earned trophies for Best Team Effort, Best Decoration and Best Design, as well as Captain's Choice.

Little Tug Boat, built by the Rotary Club of Cape Coral, the event's main sponsor, won Best Construction.

The event was at a new venue this year: Seahawk Park in north Cape Coral, which is part of the Festival Park now under development by the city.

The new site offers more space for parking than the Cape Coral Yacht Club beach, previously used for the event.

While the sun shone Sunday, children and a dog played in the water and visitors of all ages sampled sausage and drinks, bought T-shirts and raffle tickets, and watched radio-controlled airplanes soar and loop.

City planners hope the scene is a preview of what the park can offer in the future, said Mike Jackson, Cape Coral's economic development director, and Terry Stewart, Cape Coral city manager.

Both were supposed to ride Little Tug Boat in the multi-paddler competition, but didn't make it before the rain started.

Those who did get to compete put on quite a show. Ladies of the Spirit of the Gulf Sweet Adeline Chorus sang as they carried their lavender two-seater Notes Afloat into the water, its helm decorated with a sequined collar.

"All the Sweet Adelines have a little glitter," remarked Jackie Barfield of San Carlos Park.

Rhonda Watkins proved there was prowess beneath the glitter. She piloted Notes Afloat tightly around a buoy to edge out the hippie-inspired Flower Power, which was paddled by Brad Leonard of the Fort Myers Rowing Club.

The most enthusiastic cheering came from the Twisted Conch restaurant team from Cape Coral. They launched a red, crustacean-like boat that resembled a lobster more than a conch.

"Go red, go red," they whooped in an echo chorus from one group at the launch site to their pals at the finish line.

Fred Flintstone's car — well, actually a cardboard boat made to look like it — earned the Captain's Choice award at the 12th Annual Cardboard Boat Regatta on Sunday in Cape Coral. (:/)

Victim Of Chimp Mauling Out Of Coma

AP

Dateline: West Covina, Calif. -- A California man mauled by two chimpanzees in March has been brought out of his medically induced coma.

His attorney said 62-year-old Saint James Davis has begun his slow recovery. Davis was attacked by two chimps while he and his wife were visiting their own pet chimp at a wildlife sanctuary near Bakersfield.

Davis was attacked while he and his wife LaDonna were visiting the Animal Haven Ranch outside Bakersfield to celebrate the 39 birthday of their pet monkey Moe.

While the couple was standing outside Moe's cage with a birthday cake, two other chimps escaped and attacked them. They chewed off most of Saint James Davis's face, tore off his foot and attacked his limbs and genitals.

The owner of the animal sanctuary is asking state authorities to find Moe a new home. (:/)

OW.

Sport

Irish Champ: "Crazy Tyson Bit My Nipple!"

Badjocks.com

By now, most people know that former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson disgraced himself Saturday night in a fight against Irishman Kevin McBride.

After getting knocked around for several rounds, Tyson took a seat and didn't answer the bell for the seventh round. What most of you haven't heard is that--in addition to other dirty tricks he tried to use to win the fight--Iron Mike also allegedly bit McBride's nipple!

According to a story in the our favorite UK tabloid, The Sun, McBride told reporters, “He could not get up high enough to bite my ears — good job he wasn’t a midget otherwise he would have bitten something else! He was also trying to bite the thumb of his glove in the ring and I just couldn’t work out what he was trying to achieve by that."

The nipple biting caught the 6'6" McBride completely off guard, adding, “I didn’t realize it at first but he had his teeth around it. I just felt a strange sensation and then realized what he’d done." Fortunately for McBride, Tyson wasn't able to "Holyfield" his opponent's nipple, but it wasn't for lack of trying!

BONUS: Tyson sez, "I'm not going to disrespect the sport anymore." Uh, Mike, I think that ship sailed about 1991 ... (:/)

Dumb crims

Clumsy China cable thieves bring down seven pylons

Reuters

Dateline: Beijing - The high-wire theft of a power line in north China went spectacularly wrong when a loose cable got tangled up with a passing truck and pulled down seven pylons, state media said on Wednesday.

Theft of power lines has become rampant, the China Daily said, two days after the cut cable left 80,000 people in the dark.

Despite the shock, it didn't say if anyone had been charged.

The high-tension cable was cut in Huayin, northern Shaanxi province, and fell on to the highway below, the newspaper said.

"The fallen wire was caught on a passing tanker truck, pulling down seven steel towers," local official Zhao Zhimin was quoted as saying.

The accident brought traffic to a halt for nine hours and caused some 1.3 million yuan in direct economic losses, the newspaper said without elaborating.

Power supplies have been running short across China as strong economic expansion has fuelled the fastest power demand growth in the world.

The wire is cut for scrap value. Missing manhole covers are a hazardous fact of life on the sidewalks and roads of Beijing where they are stolen to be sold for a couple of dollars each. (:/)

Fish-Toting Eagle Crashes Into Alaska Home

AP/Ketchikan Daily News

Dateline: Ketchikan, Alaska - A bald eagle crashed through a window of a home and landed in the living room, scattering broken glass, feathers and a salmon carcass across the floor. Homeowner Jean Stack heard the crash and initially wondered if someone had thrown a dead fish through the window.

"I stopped in my tracks and thought, 'Oh my gosh," she said.

But then she heard her neighbor, Kurt Haskin, yelling. He saw the whole thing from his deck.

Haskin had been drinking coffee and watching eagles from his deck shortly before 6 a.m. Monday. He said one eagle was on his roof, and three more were in a nearby tree. Another pair occupied a tree across an alley.

"They were fighting, thrashing around; there were leaves and limbs (shaking)," Haskin said. "This was all within 50 feet of me, and I was thinking this was pretty cool."

Then one eagle swooped out of the nearby tree, up past Haskin's head, around the eagle on the roof and back behind the tree, said Haskin.

"I didn't notice it was packing a fish when it swooped over me," he said.

The eagle re-emerged and bore down on Stack's bay window, which is about 15 feet off the ground.

"It just grenaded that window," Haskin said. "The window didn't even slow it down."

But the jolt apparently shook the fish and some feathers free. A moment later, the eagle popped out the hole where the window had been.

"It was only about four or five seconds, then it must have gathered its wits and flew back out of there," Haskin said.

Stack was awake in bed when the eagle hit.

"I heard this tremendous noise," Stack said. "I thought, 'What in the world was that?' It was so loud, and I didn't know where it was."

When she reached the living room she found glass from one end of the room to the other. "There was this huge fish carcass right where my dog usually slept," she said. "It didn't have a head. It was at least two feet long — just the back bone and the tail."

There were feathers about eight feet into the room, she said.

When Haskin began calling and asking whether she was OK, Stack went outside and got the story.

"I said, 'There was an eagle in your living room,'" Haskin said. "I just couldn't believe it." (:/)

Would you really, like, need to be told?

Lottery winner turns thief after blowing cash

Reuters

Berlin - A German lottery winner who blew all his winnings decided he was better off supplementing his income as a thief than claiming welfare benefits, a court in the central town of Meiningen said on Tuesday.

The court said shortly after the man had frittered away the last of his prize worth around 760,000 euros (506,510 pounds) by autumn 2003, he turned to robbery, looting cars and houses for sums as small as one euro.

"He's confessed to about 60 offences," said a spokesman for the court. "He would break in to see how much money they had -- I guess you could say it was a kind of lottery too."

The spokesman added the 49-year-old, who stopped working after his cash bonanza in 1997, had said he was too ashamed to go to the welfare office after the money ran out.

"He didn't want it known he'd spent it all."

The court said he faces a jail sentence of several years. (:/)

Ohio Woman Trying to Sell Husband's Casket

AP

Columbus, Ohio - It won't be death that parts them, so Dixie Fisher is trying to sell the casket her soon-to-be ex-husband planned to use when he dies. Fisher placed a classified ad in the newspaper last week hoping to sell the steel casket the couple kept in their garage.

"Marriage died before husband did," read the ad in The Columbus Dispatch.

Fisher and David Budd, who are divorcing, bought the gray casket a year ago from a friend who works at a metal salvage business. Budd said he agreed Fisher should sell the casket.

"There wasn't anybody in it, and it looked like it had never been used," Fisher said.

Fisher plans to be cremated, but the couple thought the casket would come in handy for Budd.

"I told my husband that, if nothing else, it was a good investment for the future," Fisher said.

Budd said having his own casket in the garage never bothered him.

"When it's my time to go, it's my time to go," he said.

The couple also said they have a taste for the macabre: married on Halloween in 1997, they had a party the next day featuring bride-and-groom skeleton decorations.

Fisher is asking $980 for the casket.

"I'm really pressed for money, and I'm hoping I can use some of it for attorney fees," she said. (:/)

!?!

Bear Guzzles Campers' Beer, Eats Food

AP

Dateline: Dunbar, W.Va. - Larry Gaynor and his brother had to cut their latest fishing trip short after a black bear ate their food and guzzled their beer. Gaynor, 67, and his brother, Billy Bob Gaynor, 53, were camping at Summit Lake near Richwood on Friday when the bear wandered into their campsite at about 9 p.m.

Hearing a noise, they looked outside their tent and saw the bear with its mouth clamped on their cooler. Larry Gaynor said the bear dragged the cooler 30 yards into the woods and flung it against a tree, scattering a case of Coors Light.

"He only drank three cans," Larry he said. "He would've drank all of them if it would've been Budweiser." (:/)

Nicely done.

Identical Twin Brothers Could Lead Poland

AP

Dateline: Warsaw, Poland - The identical twins entered the spotlight as child actors playing a pair of rascals. Now, the Kaczynski brothers are promising to solve Poland's problems with a return to clean government and traditional morality.



Not much distinguishes this power pair, whose similarity extends from their cherubic faces and silver hair to a back-to-basics message that has helped put them in position to vie for Poland's two top jobs.

Warsaw Mayor Lech Kaczynski is leading in the polls for president. As head of a leading right-wing party, Law and Justice, Jaroslaw Kaczynski is a possible contender for prime minister.

That twins are in the running for the positions is one of the quirks of an election year that will culminate in general elections Sept. 25 and presidential balloting in October.

Polls indicate the right will win parliament and the presidency — now both in the hands of former communists. Such a handover of power would mark the sharpest change in direction since the end of the communist rule in 1989.

Should they hit the double jackpot, the Kaczynskis, Geminis who turn 56 on June 18, are promising nothing less than a radical "moral renewal," sweeping away a left-of-center government they say has been infected with corruption.

In separate interviews with The Associated Press, the brothers — who avoid appearing together in public — laid out their vision for a better, cleaner Poland.

The twins gained fame as youngsters in a movie based on a popular Polish children's book, "The Two That Stole the Moon."

In high school and the army, they would sometimes take exams for each other. "Mostly my brother would take exams for me, in tactics, armaments, regulations or knowing the terrain," Lech recalled with a smile.

The best way to tell them apart? Look for the distinctive moles that Lech has on his cheek and nose.

The brothers differ on whether they can imagine ending up a president-premier pair.

Jaroslaw said he might ask another party member to head the government to spare Poles the confusion of two top leaders with the same face.

But Lech wants no such sacrifice.

"If we win, I will strongly prevail on my brother not to yield." (:/)

There's a film in that...

Anti-BB Gun Project Deemed Too Dangerous

AP

Dateine: Amherst, Mass. - Two eighth-graders who spent months working on a science project to prove how dangerous BB guns can be were disqualified from the state middle school science fair. The reason for the dismissal: BB guns are too dangerous.

Nathan C. Woodard and Nathaniel A. Gorlin-Crenshaw spent seven months researching and testing their hypothesis that BB guns can be deadly and should not be used by children.

The students spent about $200 on ballistics gelatin, which has the same density and consistency as human flesh, to use during their tests.

Nancy G. Degon, vice president of Massachusetts State Science Fair Inc. and co-chair of the middle-school fair, said fair rules prohibit hazardous substances and devices.

"The scientific review committee does not consider science projects involving firearms to be safe for middle school students," Degon said.

The boys were invited to present their findings to some judges and receive a certificate of accomplishment, but they rejected the offer because they were not allowed to compete.

"I was really disappointed," Woodard said. "We had a good point to prove." (:/)

Er, surely that proves it?

Home news

'Naked rambler' returns -- and this time he's got company

AFP

Dateline: London - A somewhat eccentric British man who was arrested 14 times while hiking the length of Britain wearing nothing but boots, hat and a rucksack, pledged to repeat his feat -- but this time in company.



Stephen Gough, 46, whose dogged pursuit of his goal during 2003 and 2004, slowed down by two jail sentences, brought him national fame as the "naked rambler", plans to set off on Thursday from Land's End in Cornwall, England's most southwesterly point.

Accompanied -- also in the nude -- by 33-year-old girlfriend Melanie Roberts and a librarian who does not want to be named, Gough plans to walk the 874 miles to John O'Groats in the far north of Scotland.

The former Royal Marine, who was forced to complete his last walk in the depths of winter after arrests slowed his progress, said the new trip would "celebrate being human".

Gough said he hoped attitudes to public nudity, which is illegal in Britain, had softened, but that he still thought arrest possible.

"With the three of us, I don't really know. Of course when you get to a certain number the police are then much more wary of what you're going to do," he said.

"Before even setting off this time there has been a lot of publicity so people are going to know it is happening.

"It is almost like I am a bit of a celebrity -- people then treat you differently than if they don't know who you are."

Gough, who said he hopes to make the walk an annual event, will begin on Thursday by touring the official tourist centre at Land's End, where the hiking boots he wore on his last trip are now on display. (:/)

Moving bins? A load of old rubbish!

AFP

Dateline: London - A costly British art project involving moving litter bins and benches was shut down within hours after an embarrassing series of smash-ups, a report said.

The 110,000-pound (165,000-euro, 200,000-dollar) display in Cambridge, eastern England, was meant to see the robotic solar-powered bins keep roaming outside the Junction music venue in the city, The Daily Telegraph reported.

But despite being fitted with sensors designed to prevent crashes, the bins and benches lasted just three hours before being recaptured after running amok and repeatedly slamming into everything in the vicinity.

"On the launch day they were showing signs of some anti-social behaviour and kept on being intimate with the bike racks and with each other," said Gordon Glass, spokesman for the Junction.

"The artists felt there was no other option but to take them away." (:/)

Bizarre.

Hidden camera catches British plumber
making own addition to water system

AP

Dateline: London - A hidden camera set up by council officials to trap rogue plumbers caught more than anticipated, producing shock footage of a tradesman relieving himself into a house's water system.

Plumber Roy Williams thought he was alone in the attic of a house in Surrey, southeast England, having sent his apprentice to his van to fetch spare parts, Guildford Crown Court was told on Tuesday.

However, the terraced house had been set up as a sting to trap conman plumbers, with local council trade standards officers stationed in a bedroom watching Williams via a video camera.

They were astonished to watch the plumber urinate into a vase and pour the contents into the house's hot water tank, before then rinsing the vase in the cold water tank, which feeds the drinking water system.

Jury members smirked and giggled on Tuesday as they watched footage of the incident, filmed in November last year.

Prosecutors said Williams was among a series of plumbers targeted by the operation, in which a council officer posing as a householder called out tradesmen to fix a water leak caused by an easily-repairable fault.

Williams and his company deny charges relating to attempted deception and making false statements. (:/)

HA HA HA.

Quotes of the week

Prime Minister's Questions, 15 Jun

Adapted from Hansard

Mr. Iain Duncan Smith (Chingford and Woodford Green) (Con): The Prime Minister has been against Europe, and then for it. He has been for the pound, and then against it. He has been against a referendum, and then for it. And although he has been against negotiating on our rebate, I discovered at the weekend that he is for it, although to be fair to him he is both for and against it right now ... (in the background behind the roaring laughter one member, Mr. Denis MacShane (Rotherham) (Lab), exclaims: "This is good!") ... The Prime Minister has taken more positions than the "Kama Sutra"!

Mr. Ian Davidson (Glasgow, South-West) (Lab/Co-op): Bonjour! (general guffaws) What steps does the Prime Minister propose to take to measure the results that his Ministers achieve on a regular basis? Will he consider introducing a "Minister of the month" award? Will he accept from me a nomination for Douglas Alexander, the Minister for Europe, who has achieved so much in such a short time? I had not fully appreciated that putting Britain at the centre of Europe meant renegotiating the common agricultural policy, renegotiating the European budget and picking a row with France. He has my complete support!

‘Michelangelo Code’ seen in frescoes

Reuters

Dateline: Sao Paulo, Brazil - Two Brazilian doctors and amateur art lovers believe they have uncovered a secret lesson on human anatomy hidden by Renaissance artist Michelangelo in the Sistine Chapel’s ceiling.


An illustration from a book titled "The Secret Art of Michelangelo" shows the "Cumaean Sibyl" panel from the Sistine Chapel, with a detail that the authors believe is a hidden reference to the human heart. Some art historians question the interpretation.
By Carlos A. DeJuana

Completed nearly 500 years ago, the brightly colored frescoes painted on the Vatican’s famous sanctuary are considered some of the world’s greatest works of art. They depict biblical scenes such as the “Creation of Adam” in which God reaches out to touch Adam’s finger.

But Gilson Barreto and Marcelo de Oliveira believe Michelangelo also scattered his detailed knowledge of internal anatomy across 34 of the ceiling’s 38 panels. The way they see it, a tree trunk is not just a tree trunk, but also a bronchial tube. And a green bag in one scene is really a human heart.

They say the key to finding the numerous organs, bones and other human insides is to crack a “code” they believe was left behind by the Florentine artist. Essentially, it is a set of sometimes subtle, sometimes overt clues, such as the way a figure is pointing.

“Why wasn’t this ever seen before? First, because very few people have the sufficient anatomical knowledge to see these pieces like this. I do because that’s my profession,” said Barreto, who is a surgeon in the Brazilian city of Campinas. (:/)

For the rest of this barking, and fascinating story, nip along to
the full story.

Workers keep right to flirt

Reuters

Dateline: Frankfurt - A German court has upheld the right of Wal-Mart staff in Germany to flirt at work, a spokesman said Thursday, showing that Germany's restrictive labor laws also have their permissive aspects.

The court rejected parts of Wal-Mart's code of conduct relating to employees' love lives, alcohol and drug use and a requirement for staff to report code violations via a so-called ethics hotline, the spokesman said.

He could not immediately confirm the grounds on which the Wuppertal employment court had ordered the clauses to be removed for German staff, saying the judge's opinion was still in the process of being written.

The Financial Times Deutschland said the court had found the clauses, including one banning "any kind of communication that could be interpreted as sexual," contradicted German labor law, in its ruling on the case brought by Wal-Mart's works council.

Wal-Mart Germany, which is based in Wuppertal and can appeal against the decision, had no immediate comment. (:/)

Flirting. With German Wal-Mart staff.

Goodyear Blimp Down - Ridley Scott Allegedly Interested

Palm Beach Post

Dateline: Coral Springs — A Goodyear blimp came crashing down in a thundering storm Thursday, knocking out power lines and electricity in nearby neighborhoods, authorities said.

The two people aboard were briefly trapped inside while electrical crews cleared the site, authorities said. Neither the pilot nor co-pilot, the only people on board, was injured.


Courtesy Coral Springs Fire-Rescue
The Goodyear blimp is shown partially deflated airship after it crash-landed Thursday in Coral Springs.

Employees at a nearby Red Lobster heard loud noises shortly before 7 p.m. and looked outside in time to see the 192-foot blimp drop slowly from the sky.

"It went right over our building and was making really loud noises," said restaurant general manager Maryann Clark. The blimp came down tail-first, at a steep angle. "It looked like it was trying to land in our parking lot, but there are too many trees."

The gray, blue and yellow blimp circled the area before ripping through power lines and crashing atop cars, vans and storage trailers in a secluded area of a corporate park near Sample Road and Coral Ridge Drive, several miles south of Palm Beach County.

The back half of the blimp rested deflating over a strand of trees while the front pointed in the air at a 45-degree angle, said Coral Springs police spokesman Mike Moser.

The booming sound from the downed transformers could still be heard several hours after the landing. (:/)

I feel sure the word "landing" there should have been ironic. Obviously that headline wasn't the original, either...

Strange fact

From the website of the US Libertarian Party

A hundred and seven years ago, in 1898, the federal government began levying a temporary 3 percent excise tax on telephones, ostensibly to fund the Spanish-American War.

Flash forward to 2005 -- and every American with a telephone is still paying this "temporary" tax. The war was over after just a few months, but the tax has been in effect for over a century. On top of that, the tax does not go for any specific purpose. Rather, the funds are simply added to the general fund.

Congress attempted to repeal the tax in 2000. Both the House and the Senate passed legislation to eliminate the tax -- it was a 420-2 vote in the House -- but then-President Bill Clinton vetoed the bill when it reached his desk.

Once again, the House has been presented with a bill -- H.R. 1898 -- that would repeal the tax on telephone and other communications services. The bill was introduced in late April by Rep. Gary G. Miller of California, and has been cosponsored by 39 other congressmen. It currently sits in the House Committee on Ways and Means.

The outrage?

This tax should have been repealed more than a century ago, but some members of Congress still support the tax -- and some even want to expand it. Congress' Joint Committee on Taxation issued an opinion in January, saying that the tax could be expanded to apply to wireless Internet and data connections. (:/)

You've been warned.

Woman accused of attacking snoring husband

AP

Dateline: Fargo, N.D. - A woman upset about her husband's snoring is accused of stabbing him with a pen and hitting him with a dumbbell to wake him up.

DeAnn Miller-Boschert, 45, of Fargo, was charged Thursday with simple assault, a misdemeanor.

Police Sgt. Jeff Skuza said the woman first poured water on her husband early Thursday morning, but that did not wake him up.

"She then stabbed him with a pen in the arm twice," Skuza said. "After he went back to sleep after the pen thing, she woke him up again with a workout weight."

Skuza said the man called police from a convenience store at around 4 a.m. Thursday. He was not seriously hurt and did not seek medical attention, Skuza said.

Skuza said the man had "two fresh puncture marks" from the pen but showed no signs of being hit with the 3-pound dumbbell.

"He did have some scratches on his shoulders and arms that he said were from previous attacks," Skuza said.

Officers said Miller-Boschert told them she wanted her husband to sleep on his side, to prevent him from snoring. She was taken to the Cass County Jail pending a court appearance Friday.

Skuza said the man returned to his home.

"I assume he went back to sleep," Skuza said. (:/)

Now, I snore, right, but...

This is just superb. Not so much Aussie Rules as Aussies rule:

Australian food firm in a stew over Gandhi curry

Reuters

Dateline: New Delhi - Mahatma Gandhi's family is pleading with the Indian government to force an Australian takeaway firm called Handi Ghandi -- "Great Curries...No Worries" -- to stop using the vegetarian pacifist to sell its food.

According to its Web site (www.handighandi.com), the company sells a range of meat and vegetarian curries -- including beef, which is sacred to Hindus and forbidden.

"It's offensive," Tushar Gandhi, the activist's Bombay-based great-grandson and head of the Mahatma Gandhi Foundation, told Reuters. "It goes absolutely against all his beliefs. Using his image to sell beef curries and such doesn't gel.

"He was not a foodie."

Although he espoused vegetarianism, Mahatma Gandhi admitted to trying beef at least once to see what it tasted like.

Contacted by telephone in Australia, Handi Ghandi's Troy Lister told Reuters "it's not a good time to chat at the moment" and to call back on Monday.

It is not clear if the company's spelling of the name is intentional or not, but "Ghandi" is a common Western misspelling. A handi is also a popular earthen cooking pot.

Handi Ghandi's Web site also features a line-drawing of Gandhi holding what appears to be an American-style Chinese takeout box.

The copyrighted site was only partly working on Friday, but Tushar Gandhi said it also included a jingle with a male voice singing, "I am Handi Ghandi, eat my curries".

"They have tried to get somebody to sound like Ben Kingsley," he said, referring to the actor who won an Oscar for his portrayal of Gandhi in the eponymous 1982 box office hit.

Although Gandhi's name and image are protected under India's constitution and national emblems laws -- the same as the national flag -- Tushar said he had no legal recourse in Australia, where the company is legally registered.

"Sitting here in India, I can't do anything about it," he said. "But I can lobby the government of India."

Foreign companies often unintentionally cause a stir among Indians by using images of famous people or Hindu gods.

Last month, a U.S.-based Indian lawyer said he would sue a California brewery for $1 billion over a beer label showing the popular Hindu elephant god Ganesh holding a beer in his trunk. (:/)

Ahh. Nearly pissed in me strides.

And finally

Hotel guest pays £32,000 for wee dram before bed

Daily Telegraph

A hotel guest has bought a bottle of whisky for £32,000 and drunk it in one night.

The anonymous regular at the Pennyhill Park Hotel in Bagshot, Surrey, was joined by a group of friends who helped him put away the world's most expensive single malt in the oak-panelled surroundings of the establishment's Ascot bar.

The bottle, a Dalmore 62-year-old malt, was produced by the tiny Scottish distillery at Alness, Ross-shire, 20 miles north of Inverness, three years ago.

The distillery combined casks of malt from 1868, 1878, 1926 and 1939 to make the single malt, making the youngest of the ingredients 62 years old when bottled.

The bottle, drunk late one evening in Surrey last month, is believed to be the only one of 12 to have been opened. One remains at the distillery and the others were sold to private collectors.

The hotel bought the bottle little expecting it to be drunk. David Broadhead, the general manager, would not reveal the identity of the middle-aged buyer, thought to be from Berkshire, but described him as a "regular hotel guest and a private collector of fine spirits".

He added: "He's got the bottle and he's got the presentation case, so at least it's on his shelf as a memento."

Denis Barthe, who looks after the hotel's VIP guests and was offered a taste by the customer, said it was "exquisite" and added that the customer "has the philosophy that there's no point in buying these fine whiskies and never drinking them".

A bottle of the Dalmore 62 sold at auction in Glasgow for £25,877.50 in December 2002, just after it was bottled, beating the previous record of £20,000 for a single malt.

The hotel bought its bottle from dealers for around £31,000, making the across-the-bar price a world record.

It was finished in an Oloroso Matusalem Sherry butt from Gonzalez Byass, Spain, and bottled at natural cask strength of 40.5 per cent volume.

Each of the 12 bottles is named after different characters and events in the distillery's history. The one that was drunk was called the "Matheson", after Alexander Matheson, who founded the distillery on the shore of the Cromarty Firth in 1839.

The distillery's master blender, Richard Paterson, said he was pleased the bottle had been "opened, shared and enjoyed".

His tasting notes describe the whisky as refined and elegant and add: "The true beauty of this unique single malt is unsurpassed.

"It must therefore be given total respect and sufficient time to fully open and reveal its many mysteries. The palate must be prepared - the time must be right. This indeed will be a memorable occasion."

Drew Sinclair, 62, the manager of the Dalmore distillery, said yesterday: "It is absolutely fantastic. I have worked at Dalmore for 40 years, so I have looked after this whisky for more than half its life.

"You want to savour it, so it's no use getting drunk and forgetting what it tastes like." (:/)

Indeed. Until next time...

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