Fingers in custardy, why Arnie's not mad at the moon, why American pilots shouldn't fly, Steve Wonder's video for the blind, and a whole slew more

This week's been crazy for TAR. So much TAR, so little time. As a consequence we're going out late and there's very little comment from me this week. Perhaps that's a good thing. Perhaps not. Who knows?

Well, you do actually. TAR wants to hear your comments, and your recommendations. TAR also needs Sports funnies spotters, as I don't read sports news.

Either way, write to TAR at tar@rcw.info and tell me what you think.

Custard Customer Won't Turn Over Fingertip

AP

To a dessert shop customer, the severed fingertip found in a pint of frozen custard could be worth big dollars in a potential lawsuit. To the shop worker who lost it, the value is far more than monetary.

But Clarence Stowers still has the digit, refusing to return the evidence so it could be reattached. And now it's too late for doctors to do anything for 23-year-old Brandon Fizer.

"I'm not saying who has it, but somebody has it," Stowers said this week in a telephone interview, refusing to let on where the fingertip is now.

Soon after Stowers found the finger in a mouthful of chocolate soft-serve he bought Sunday at Kohl's Frozen Custard in Wilmington, he put it in his freezer at home, taking it out only occasionally to show to television cameras.

He refused to give it to the shop's owner, and refused to give it to a doctor who was treating Fizer, who accidentally stuck his hand in a mixing machine and had his right index finger lopped off at the first knuckle.

Medical experts say an attempt to reattach a severed finger can generally be made within six hours.

But according to the shop's management, Stowers wouldn't give it back when he was in the store 30 minutes after the accident.

"The general manager attempted to retrieve it and rush it to the hospital," reads a statement posted Thursday on Kohl's Web site.

'Unfortunately, the customer refused to give it to her and declared that he would be calling the TV stations and an attorney as he exited the store.'

Officials at Cape Fear Hospital said their efforts to retrieve the finger also failed.

Even if Stowers decides to sue, an expert in medical law said the fingertip could easily have been returned while preserving the evidence.

'The man who lost the finger has the superior claim,' said Paul Lombardo, who teaches at the University of Virginia's law school. 'It's his finger and he might be able to use it.'

Fizer is dealing with his loss in private. The Carolina Beach resident's mother, Sheri Fizer, said the family had been instructed by an attorney not to talk about the case.

Public opinion seemed to be running against Stowers.

'It's a mystery how that customer can live with himself after he refused to return the finger so that doctors might try to reattach it,' said an editorial Thursday by the Star-News of Wilmington.

'Unless he offers a better explanation for that decision, people will assume that customer Clarence Stowers cared less about another person's loss of a body part than about his chance to squeeze some bucks out of the custard stand.' (:/)

Driver fined for 'having a face like a moron'

Ananova

A Romanian traffic cop has been demoted after he fined a driver for "having a face like a moron and being a big monkey".

Marius Vlasceanu pulled over Gheorghe Tosa as he drove through Craiova in Romania, local daily Jurnalul National reported.

But Tosa failed to see the funny side as Vlasceanu fined him £22 and handed him a ticket explaining the reason for the fine was "having a face like a moron and being a big monkey".

Head of the Romanian police Dan Fatuloiu said Vlasceanu, who claimed he had handed out the fine as a joke, had been demoted for "inappropriate behaviour and defaming the police force".

He has now been given a desk job in a remote village. (:/)

Scientist 'lives on sunlight'

Ananova

A German scientist is being studied by colleagues after claiming to have eaten nothing for four years.

Cancer researcher Dr Michael Werner claims to get all his energy from sunlight.

He says he drinks only water mixed with a small amount of fruit juice.

Dr Werner has written a book about his experiences, saying that when he started the experiment he even managed to put on weight.

In his book, Living through the Energy of Light, he says: "I can't really explain what is happening on a scientific level in my case, but perhaps just a little bit of faith is all that is needed." (:/)

Pizza delivery ends Australian prison siege

Reuters

Dateline: Sydney - An Australian prison siege ended on Monday after a group of inmates agreed to release a guard they had held for two days in return for a delivery of pizzas, prison officials said.

A group of up to 20 inmates seized control of the reception area of the maximum security Risdon Prison in Hobart, capital of the southern island state of Tasmania, on Saturday, demanding better treatment and improvements to the jail.

The siege was resolved in far less dramatic circumstances.

"Our staff member was negotiated out with the delivery of 15 pizzas," Graeme Barber, Tasmania's director of prisons, told reporters.

The prisoners had earlier made a list of 24 demands. But none was so pressing as the need for a take-out meal and the guard was released unharmed not long after midnight.

About 20 prisoners, some being held as hostages, were involved in the siege. The last of the hostages was released by their pizza-filled captors early on Monday.

Risdon Prison holds Martin Bryant, who was convicted of Australia's worst massacre of modern times when he shot dead 35 people in 1996 in the Tasmanian tourist town and former penal colony of Port Arthur. (:/)

Blaze Damages North Carolina Fire Station

AP

Dateline: Charlotte, N.C. - Firefighters at a station here needed some help from their colleagues in unusual fashion.

Firefighters called for help when a fire started in one of their two trucks, engulfing the station's garage and making the station's gear inaccessible late Friday. Firefighters from a nearby station arrived and extinguished the blaze.

"It's just kind of a twist of fate thing," Fire Station No. 8 Capt. Dennis Williams said. "It's due to happen to some people."

No one was injured, but the fire caused about $500,000 in damage, including a fire truck and equipment that will need to be replaced.

The fire started in a cab area, where firefighters sit, Charlotte fire Capt. Rob Brisley said. Investigators haven't yet determined what started the blaze. (:/)

Virgin Mary Image Restored on Underpass

AP

Dateline: Chicago - A stain on the wall of an expressway underpass that some believe resembles the Virgin Mary is again attracting visitors after two car wash employees cleaned graffiti and brown paint off the image.



Rosa Diaz and Anna Reczek used a degreaser to clean the wall Friday on their lunch break.

Onlookers said they again could see the Virgin Mary. The Illinois Department of Transportation has said the stain was likely the result of salt runoff on the emergency turnoff area under the Kennedy Expressway.

A man had scrawled the words "Big Lie" in shoe polish on the image Thursday night, and authorities charged Victor Gonzalez of Chicago with criminal damage to state-supported property, a misdemeanor.

Gonzalez, 37, told relatives he believed visitors were worshipping a graven image in violation of the Second Commandment, said Mandy Gonzalez, who identified herself as Gonzalez's niece.

On Friday, Chicago police directed transportation workers to paint over the image with brown paint for safety reasons.

Hundreds of people have flocked to the underpass since last month to see the image. Some leave devotional candles, take snapshots or kneel in prayer before the wall. Others approach the image, touch it and make the sign of the cross. (:/)

Mom Crashes Car Into Son Leaving Hospital

AP

Dateline: Manchester, N.H. - A man on his way out of the hospital ended up back inside after his mother hit him with her car when she came to pick him up.

The accident happened as Lillian Carter, 84, was heading to the entrance of Elliot Hospital Thursday afternoon to get her son, police said. Ron Carter, 49, was walking to meet her when the car sped up, struck him and then crashed into a concrete pillar.

Both were admitted to the hospital, with Ron Carter suffering from serious injuries. (:/)

Man, 76, Accused of Crushing Birds' Heads

AP

Dateline: East Northport, N.Y. - A 76-year-old man who trapped birds and crushed their heads was arrested Thursday, police said. Animal protection authorities searched William Thomas' Long Island home after receiving complaints from neighbors, Suffolk County police said in a news release.

Officers with the Suffolk County Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals said they confiscated traps and collected the carcasses of several dead animals found on the property. Police said they were charging Thomas with animal cruelty.

Thomas was released on a field appearance ticket and was taken to University Hospital at Stony Brook for a psychiatric evaluation. He also was issued several summonses for hunting and trapping violations, police said.

A woman who answered the telephone at Thomas' home Thursday night said he wasn't there and hung up. (:/)

Military Confronts Reckless Air Crashes

AP

Dateline: Washington - A deadly aircraft accident in Afghanistan last summer is one of a series of exasperating crashes in the military that was blamed on recklessness, not enemy gunfire or faulty equipment, The Associated Press found.

Events that led to the crash unfolded as 11 Marines packed into an Army Black Hawk helicopter in eastern Afghanistan asked for an exciting flight on an otherwise dull mission, demonstrating for visiting dignitaries how troops are sped into battle.

"Fly hard," the Marines asked. The cockpit responded, "You asked for it."

Climbing and swooping, the Black Hawk pilot crested a 400-foot hill then deliberately nosed into a dive so steep and abrupt that everyone inside felt weightless. A wheel chock rose off the floor like a magician's prop and flew forward into the cockpit, jamming the controls.

In the horrific, tumbling crash that followed, a crew chief in the doorway died. Everyone else was injured. The $6 million helicopter was destroyed.

"Top Gun"-style flying, personified by Tom Cruise as a brash Navy pilot in Hollywood's 1986 film, presents thePentagon with a dilemma: How to breed aggressive aviators in high-performance jets and helicopters capable of extraordinary maneuvers without endangering crews, passengers and aircraft.

The pilot in Afghanistan, Chief Warrant Officer 3 Darrin Raymond Rogers, 37, of Mililani, Hawaii, pleaded guilty last week at his court-martial to charges of negligent homicide, reckless endangerment, property destruction and failure to obey orders.

Reckless accidents, which happen every year, frustrate senior military commanders because these typically occur during training flights and are considered easily avoidable. Air Force crews are encouraged to announce, "Knock it off," when a pilot begins to fly unsafely.

"There will be repercussions," the head of Army aviation, Brigadier General E.J. Sinclair, said in an interview with the AP. "If someone goes out there and does that and it's observed, I usually hear about it from another pilot."

For training, the Army uses a dramatic cockpit video from the crash of an Apache attack helicopter at Fort Campbell, Ky. It shows the co-pilot yelling, "Yeehaw!" during one maneuver banned as unsafe by the Army.

The tape also shows the pilot and co-pilot debating whether they can fly safely between tall trees while traveling nearly 90 miles per hour at 16 feet above ground.

"Think I can make it in between there?" the pilot asks.

"Nope," the co-pilot answers.

"Oh, ye of little faith. Look how big that is," the pilot says.

Seconds later, the Apache's rotors struck a huge limb, shattering one blade as the pilot struggled to land safely. "C'mon, get it under control, Mark!" the co-pilot shouts. Both crew survived. The 1997 accident caused $1 million in damage. (:/)

I'm sorry but I found the quotes very funny.

Police nab activists seeking Bush's nuke suitcase

Reuters

Dateline: Maastricht - Dutch police arrested six activists on Sunday who said they wanted to enter President Bush's Netherlands hotel and look for the suitcase which allows him to activate nuclear weapons.

"We heard Bush carries a nuclear suitcase and can push the red button at any time to set off atomic weapons. We find this extremely shocking," said Leo de Groot, a spokesman for the activist group.

The activists, carrying binoculars and wearing signs that identified them as "citizen's inspectors," mimicking the International Atomic Energy Agency's weapons inspectors, were caught by Dutch soldiers as they approached Bush's hotel. (:/)

In London, pricey shark's fin soup is fit for a Buddha

AFP

Dateline: London - The most expensive soup in Britain is the star dish on the menu of an upmarket Chinese restaurant in London -- at a mere 108 pounds (160 euros, 205 dollars) a bowl.

Called "Buddha Jumps Over the Wall", the shark's fin soup -- which must be ordered five days in advance -- is made with whole abalone, Japanese flower mushroom, sea cucumber, dried scallops, chicken, Hunan ham, pork and ginseng.

Despite the eye-popping price, Chinese restaurant Kai, in London's chic Mayfair district, sells on average two bowls each month, the restaurant's proprietor Bernard Yeoh said on Monday.

"I would say it is worth the money because if you were trying to prepare this dish with ingredients you bought yourself, it would cost pretty much the same," he said. "It is not a dish with a high mark-up."

The soup -- "fit for an emperor", the menu promises -- is said to have earned its unusual name from its mouth-watering aroma which prompted the vegetarian Buddha to leap over a wall to find it.

During its painstaking preparation, the soup's different elements are boiled or steamed in four separate dishes for between four and seven hours each. The end result is a highly-flavoured meaty stock.

"The idea is that the slower you cook the stock the clearer it is and the purer its taste," Yeoh said.

At the other end of the spectrum, Kai can cook up an "original Southeast Asian Chinese version" sweet and sour pork for 12.50 pounds, or a basic shark's fin soup with shredded chicken or crab meat for 14.50 pounds. (:/)

Jesus Christ in Legal Battle

AP

Dateline: Charleston, W.Va. - Even Jesus Christ can't circumvent the rules for getting a driver's license in West Virginia.

Attempts to prove his name really is Christ have led the man born as Peter Robert Phillips Jr. through a lengthy legal battle and a recent victory in the District of Columbia Court of Appeals.

"This all started with him expressing his faith and his respect and love for Jesus Christ," attorney A.P. Pishevar told The Associated Press. "Now he needs to document it for legal reasons."

Described by his attorney as a white-haired businessman in his mid-50s, Christ is moving to West Virginia to enjoy a slower lifestyle. He bought property near Lost River, about 100 miles west of Washington, and has a U.S. passport,
Social Security card and Washington driver's license bearing the name Jesus Christ.

But he still falls short of West Virginia title and license transfer requirements because his Florida birth certificate has his original name on it and he has been unable to obtain an official name change in Washington.

"We just need official documentation that that's his name," said Doug Stump, commissioner of the West Virginia Division of Motor Vehicles. "He will be treated no different than anybody else."

Christ applied for the legal name change in May 2003, but it was denied by District of Columbia Superior Court Judge Tim Murphy because "taking the name of Jesus Christ may provoke a violent reaction or may significantly offend people."

In his appeal, Christ's attorney argued that Phillips had changed his name to Jesus Christ 15 years earlier, and "has been using the name since then without incident."

The appeals court last month sent the name-change proposal back to the lower court, saying some required hearings in the case had not been held.

Any comment from the man in the middle of this legal tussle?

"Christ is not speaking to the press at this time," Pishevar said.

Hefty Trio Down 12 1/2-Pound Hamburger

AP

Union Township, N.J. - The Clinton Station Diner's 12 1/2-pound "Zeus" burger met its match Monday in the person of 345-pound "Gentleman Joe" Menchetti and two slightly less hefty friends. The trio managed to devour the monster meat patty plus 2 1/2-pound bun and 3 pounds of fixings in one hour, 11 minutes and 52 seconds.

Their Herculean effort bested five other teams that had come to take part in an event billed as America's Biggest Burger Eating Competition.

All for a good cause. Proceeds from the event — at least $500 — are being donated to Operation Shoebox New Jersey 2005, a volunteer effort to ship such items as candy, toilet paper and other personal items to the troops in
Iraq.

Diner owner Michael Zambas staged the event to celebrate the diner's one-year anniversary. He was also donating 15 percent of the Monday night dinner receipts to Operation Shoebox.

Manchetti's teammates on the Tri-State Titans included Dominick "The Doginator" Cardo, 46, a competitive eater is from Bartonsville, Pa., who weighs 325 pounds, and Arnie "Chowhound" Chapman of Oceanside, N.Y., the lightweight at 240 pounds. He is president of the Association of Independent Competitive Eaters. (:/)

The Doginator. Great stuff.

A correction

Schwarzenegger not mad at moon

Reuters

Dateline: Los Angeles - California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger does not want to destroy the moon.

A U.S. political commentator has admitted he failed to check his facts when he erroneously reported on the MSNBC cable news network last month that Schwarzenegger had jokingly advocated doing away with the moon.

In one of the stranger mea culpas from a major U.S. news outlet in recent years, the commentator, Joe Scarborough, a former congressman, acknowledged on Friday that the governor's purported lunar outburst on the nationally syndicated radio show of Howard Stern was actually a spoof.

Citing a British newspaper, Scarborough had quoted Schwarzenegger on the air as saying: "If we get rid of the moon, women, those menstrual cycles are governed by the moon, will not get (pre-menstrual syndrome). They will stop bitching and whining."

Scarborough chided Schwarzenegger for insensitivity, saying: "Hey, governor, way to make 50 percent of California's voting population turn frigid toward you.

"I don't know how it works in Austria, but let me tell you something, friend. Jokes about such matters, (are) not laughing subjects to women in America."

It turned out the remarks Scarborough attributed to the Austrian-born governor were actually made by a Schwarzenegger impersonator who regularly appears on Stern's show as part of a running call-in gag.

Eleven days later, Scarborough admitted on the air that he had been duped and apologized to viewers and Schwarzenegger "for my terrible mistake." (:/)

Cannibal fantasist gets 13 years for murder

Reuters

Dateline: Berlin - A Berlin man who killed a music teacher and stored his victim's body parts to satisfy cannibalistic fantasies was convicted of murder Tuesday and sentenced to 13 years.

Ralf M., 41, confessed to stabbing Joe R., 33, with a screwdriver during a sexual encounter at his apartment in Neukoelln in southern Berlin.

He then cut up and stored body parts in his fridge, but was in the end too disgusted to eat them as originally planned.

The Berlin court concluded the accused, known in the German media as the "cannibal of Neukoelln," was psychologically disturbed and had developed increasingly pronounced human flesh-eating fantasies over the years.

The prosecution had sought a sentence of almost 15 years for the killer, an unemployed painter, but the court handed down a lesser sentence on the grounds of diminished responsibility. It also ordered his temporary confinement in a psychiatric clinic. (:/)

Good news on severed goat heads: Satan not involved

Reuters

Dateline: Vancouver, British Columbia - A lazy worker, not a satanic cult, was responsible for severed goat heads that caused a scare at a Vancouver-area school, Canadian police said on Monday.

Police were called in after goat heads were twice found on a bench outside a school in nearby Chilliwack, British Columbia, prompting fears in the suburban community that it had been targeted by a satanic animal killing.

A 19-year-old worker at a local slaughterhouse has admitted he took the two heads with the intention of having them mounted, but then changed his mind and left them at the school in hopes a janitor would dispose of them.

"(Police) want to reassure the community that there were no satanic intentions in relation to these incidents," the Royal Canadian Mounted Police said, adding that the man "should have known better." (:/)

Forced Laxative Violated Rights

AP

Police in Milwaukee performed an unreasonable search and seizure when they forced a man to take laxative treatments for several hours until they recovered a baggie of heroin he swallowed, a state appeals court ruled Tuesday.

Police officers said they gave Tomas Payano-Roman the treatment at a Milwaukee hospital in 2002 because they feared the bag would break and he would die of a drug overdose.

But the 1st District Court of Appeals ruled prosecutors failed to prove the liquid laxative treatment "was motivated out of medical necessity for his well-being."

"The only logical conclusion was that the administration of laxatives was done to assist the police in recovering the suspected heroin," the appeals court ruled in granting a motion to suppress the bag of heroin eventually recovered.

Acting on a tip that someone was selling drugs out of a car, officers approached Payano-Roman in the vehicle in April 2002. As they approached, they saw Payano-Roman swallow a baggy containing a white substance, according to court records.

The officers arrested him and took him to a hospital, where he was forced to drink the laxative every half hour. (:/)

Hong Kong Men Lax on Hand Washing

AP

Dateline: Hong Kong - Nearly a third of Hong Kong men don't wash their hands after using the washroom, according to a survey released Tuesday by the Hong Kong Toilet Association.

The observations of 361 washroom users also found only 4 percent of women failed to cleanse their hands afterward.

"After looking at the results, women may laugh at their male counterparts, and hopefully that will help remind them to keep up their personal hygiene," Dr. Lo Wing-lok said.

The study said people who use toilets with automatic faucets and paper towels are more likely to clean their hands. (:/)

Men chat, women text

Reuters

Dateline: London - British men are almost twice as likely to use their mobile phones for talking compared with women, who prefer to text, according to research on Wednesday.

A report from consumer information group Mintel found 39 percent of women and only 25 percent of men were categorised as "Social texters" -- people who text message to keep in touch.

In contrast, 30 percent of men but only 17 percent of women were judged to belong to the "Personal Touch" type -- people who prefer to communicate by talking.

"The fact that women are more likely to be texters could suggest that women now see mobile phones as extremely social tools," said Ellen Shiels, senior market analyst at Mintel.

"They can stay in touch with each other and make arrangements to meet without getting drawn into a long conversation."

The study of 1,996 adults aged 18 and above found 45 percent of owners were "Emergency Users", people classed as those who used their phones sparingly.

Expenditure on phones hit 1.02 billion pounds last year. Around 80 percent of Britons own a mobile. (:/)

Man sets texting record

(CNET from Textual.org from ANI/WebNewsIndia123)

Not that the guy has too much time on his hands or anything, but Deepak Sharma of Ludhiana, India, has gotten his name registered in the Guinness Book of World Records for sending 182,689 text messages a month, notes gizmo hub Engadget.

That would be, oh, something in the neighborhood of 6,000 messages a day, 253 an hour, 4.2 a minute or a new one every 14 seconds. Which leaves Sharma just enough time get in a quick wrist exercise every 12 hours or so.

Sharma aims to increase his messages to 300,000 in the coming month, according to Web News India, which notes that Sharma sends his rapid-fire messages to his relatives and friends, who purport to fully support his endeavour. Sharma's wireless operator, Airtel, reportedly sent him a 1,411 page bill.

[From Web News India (ANI):]

Deepak Sharma aims to increase the number to 3,00,000 in the coming month.

"At first I sent 50,000 SMS, after that I reached the figure of 1,13,000 and now I have reached the figure of 1,82,689 in one month. That makes it to 6000 SMS daily. Now I am aiming to send 3 lakh SMS which makes it to daily of 10,000 so that I can register my name in Guinness Book of World Records", said Deepak Sharma.

Deepak, who sends messages to all his relatives and friends, has received his family's full support in his endeavour.

"I used to be very angry earlier. But then I started supporting him so that he can register his name in the Guinness Book of World Records", said Pushkar Pandey, Deepak's friend.

Sharma received a bill of 1411 pages this month, which was sent specially to him by Airtel. He is making the best out of Airtel's scheme of unlimited SMS with 99 paise. (:/)

Mums pregnant with boys may be less forgetful

Reuters

Dateline: Vancouver, British Columbia - Mothers pregnant with boys may be less forgetful than those carrying girls, Canadian researchers said on Tuesday.

The researchers said they found evidence that women who gave birth to boys consistently outperformed moms of girls in tests that specifically taxed memory in areas of listening, computational and visualization skills.

"When we set out to look at the effects of pregnancy on cognition, we weren't thinking of the sex of the fetus, so we were shocked by our results," said study leader Neil Watson, a Simon Fraser University psychology professor.

Watson said the results suggest that an "unknown fetal-derived factor" that differs between male and female fetuses may have an influence on the mother's cognition.

The researchers' findings will be published in the May 12 findings of the journal NeuroReport. (:/)

Gossip

Tara Reid horses around at Kentucky Derby,
Kid Rocks comes 'prepared'

MSNBC

Tara Reid caused quite a scene when she crashed an exclusive Kentucky Derby bash.



The actress showed up at the famed Barnstable Brown party Friday night and tried to get in, even though she wasn’t invited. "A security guard kept her out, and she did the whole, ‘Don’t you know who I am’ thing, and then a whole crowd outside started chanting, ‘Let Tara In! Let Tara In!’" reports an eyewitness. "So they went ahead and let her in."

Once inside, reports the source, Reid was an aggressive partier and was downing Grey Goose martinis. "She was going up to male celebrities and trying to cozy up to them, with little success," says the insider. "She kept trying to talk to Usher, but he pretty much ignored her."

The next day, at the Derby itself, a source says Reid showed up in a dirty dress "that looked like she’d been rolling around on the ground." She went into a VIP room and knocked a woman over and — apparently not realizing her mistake — walked on. When she was informed what happened, she offered to give the woman an autograph.

A rep for Reid said "No comment" and hung up the phone.

Kid Rock showed up with two women, one African-American and one white. "He wasn’t wearing his usual grunge outfit, but was sort of dressed up," a source told The Scoop.

"Someone asked him why and he said that he must have passed out and somebody dressed him up because he couldn’t remember putting on those clothes himself." (:/)

I've got to use that line.

Fake musicians play out fantasies at
Canadian Air Guitar Championships

Canadian Press

Dateline: Quebec - Backstage at the first round of the Canadian Air Guitar Championships, faux musicians nervously adjust their wigs and tune invisible instruments.

Pierre Lepine, his fake locks a shiny strawberry blond, peeks around the curtain and sees a packed house filled with screaming fans waiting for pretend guitarists to strut their airy talents and nail a pretend riff.


Guy Perreault performs during an air guitar contest, as part of the Air Guitar Canadian Championship tour. (CP PHOTO/Jacques Boissinot)

Lepine and partner Nicolas Cote are moments away from launching into a fiery impersonation of rock band AC/DC. They are among a dozen acts competing for a chance to take part in the Canadian finals this summer in Toronto.

Lepine betrays his nerves with a cringe and a muttered curse before retreating to the safety of the dressing area. He tries to bolster his bravado by giving a high-five to Cote, whose cheesy fake moustache and curly black wig make him a dead ringer for Burton Cummings.

"Sex, drugs and rock-roll, man!" shouts Lepine who by day is a mild-mannered architecture student at the University of Laval in Quebec City.

To compete in this official air guitar competition, contestants pay a $20 entry fee and strut around on stage to their favourite rock-roll song, wailing on an invisible guitar. Official contest rules state the pretend instrument can be an electric or acoustic guitar, or both.

A series of first-round competitions are taking place over the next several months across Canada, including Toronto, Victoria and Halifax.

Dozens of countries now have national championships but Oulu, Finland has been the world capital of air guitar since it first staged the world championships in 1996. The small city on the Finnish coast will again host the event in August in the name of promoting world peace. You can't shoot a gun while playing air guitar, the official website points out.

Local organizer Simon Lacroix has been airing his guitar since the first competition was held in Quebec City in 2003. He brushes aside talk of high-minded ideals.

"You gotta know the music but more importantly you've gotta love music. And you have to know when to give it some punch," said Lacroix.

Before taking on Canada and the world, Lepine and Cote, a cook in real life, must emerge top among two dozen acts performing over two nights in Quebec City. The winner gets a big black belt, more fitting for the winner of a wrestling title.

Lepine, 20, is not quite haggard enough to pass for AC/DC guitarist Angus, and Cote, also 20, looks more like the front man for the Guess Who, but they set the stage with a couple of cute tricks.

On the stage are fake speakers, replicas of the Marshall amplifiers often used by rock musicians that instead have "Marchemal," French for "works poorly," emblazoned on the front.

Lepine and Cote haughtily ignore the crowd and shun the MC as they carefully adjust the pretend knobs on the pretend amps and tune their pretend guitars. The crowd eats it up.

Stevie Wonder releases video for blind

(spotted in ABC News) Reuters

Dateline: Los Angeles - Stevie Wonder is releasing the first video containing an audio track for people who have trouble seeing, according to the blind singer's Web site.

One version of "So What the Fuss," from Wonder's upcoming album, "A Time To Love," will air on music channels.

Another version featuring the track narrated by rapper Busta Rhymes will air on channels with secondary audio programing, known as SAP technology, Universal Motown Records Group said.

The technology provides alternative audio, such as descriptions of scenery around program dialogue, for the blind and low-vision audience, said Linda Idoni of the Media Access Group of Boston public television station WGBH.

The Media Access Group wrote the description read by Rhymes on Wonder's video.

"Until now music videos have been very one-dimensional for those who are blind or with low vision," said Wonder in a statement.

Wonder, 54, unveiled the narrated video along with the traditional version of "So What the Fuss" at a Los Angeles news conference Monday at which reporters were blindfolded. (:/)

US company builds seven-foot wide coffin

AFP

Dateline: Lynn, - At seven feet wide, it's certainly the biggest coffin the Goliath Casket Company had ever built.



And since Goliath is the oldest oversized coffin company in the United States, it's probably the widest casket made since the days when lumber companies were asked to knock together a big pine box.

The seven-foot (2.1 meter) casket was built for a 900-pound (64 stone) man who died in Alaska.

Most people who weigh that much can squeeze into Goliath's 52-inch coffin, which is about as big as a double bed.

But this man's legs would not close.

"It's really quite sad," said Goliath's owner, Keith Davis. "The body's been frozen and from what we can gather it's taken a while for them to get (the funeral) arranged."

The expansion of American waistlines has forced US companies to make a number of adjustments.

Airlines have increased their passenger weight estimates. Clothing stores are offering larger sizes. Furniture manufacturers are making wider chairs.

But nowhere are the consequences of the obesity epidemic more painfully obvious than in a converted hog barn on a country road in rural Indiana.

Davis' father founded the company 20 years ago because he wanted to offer the families of the obese a more dignified coffin than the slipshod special orders he saw being made by the casket company he worked for.

He altered the coffin's design so it would not look like a train car and reinforced its structure so it would not bend or buckle under the extra weight.

He built lids that could be propped open for full or half viewings and had foam inserts that made them easier to close. And he expanded the width from the standard 24 inches.

"Thirty-three inches were our biggest back in '90. We thought that was pretty big," Davis said.

"Then we started getting calls for bigger and bigger caskets so I went up to 48 inches. Now I'm making them 52 inches."

Sales at Goliath have also been growing by about 20 percent a year and the four-person company can barely keep up.

Goliath sold 600 caskets last year, which Davis said is just a fraction of the market. He estimates there are 200 to 300 oversized caskets sold every day in the US.

"Fifteen years ago it was two or three per day," he said.

The families of the obese are used to waiting for special arrangements, Davis said. The trick is to make sure there are not any surprises, which is why Davis spends hours on the phone with funeral directors to help with plans.

The list of things that can go wrong is endless.

One woman ended up face down in her casket after the body lift broke. Another funeral home could not get the casket through the door. Then there was the casket that creaked and buckled during the service as it teetered on a small stand.

And there was the casket that did not close which ended up on the evening news. That family called Goliath in tears.

Solutions often are not pretty. Some families are forced to buy two gravesites. Others have to use pickup trucks to transport a coffin to the cemetery. One service was held in a garage.

Davis enjoys the challenge. He also talks about the obese with a great deal of compassion, though he often has to stop himself from walking up to people in restaurants and telling them to put away their second helpings.

"There's no reason for anyone in this country not to have a good diet. There's no reason to go out and eat a whole bag of ding dongs," he said. "If everyone went on a diet I could find something else to do." (:/)

School Suspends Boy for Wearing Prom Dress

AP

Lake Geneva, Wis. - A high school senior who thought it would be funny to wear a dress to his prom was ticketed $249 for disorderly conduct, suspended for three days and banned from his last track meet.

School district administrator Jim Gottinger said the discipline was for more than just the dress, noting Kerry Lofy, 18, was dancing in a sexually provocative manner at the prom, according to a police report.

Lofy doubts that was the real reason he was disciplined Monday.

"The whole night was that kind of dancing. They can't single me out and say, 'Oh it was you, it was only you,'" he said. "I think it's over the dress."

Lofy said Lake Geneva Badger High had no problem letting him go to Saturday's prom with another male, but that school officials drew the line at his dress.

"I thought it would be more appropriate for there to be one person dressed like a girl and a person dressed like a guy, than for there to be two guys to go," said Lofy, a member of the school's track, ski, powerlifting and soccer teams.

Also, he thought people would find it funny to see a 6-foot, 185-pound male in a black, stretchy, spaghetti-strap dress.

When Lofy showed up in the dress, a blond wig, open-toed platform sandals, blue earrings and a necklace, teachers turned him away. He said he showed up later with a tan-and-black plaid leisure suit over the dress, went inside and whipped off the suit during a dance-off. A security guard escorted him out, he said. (:/)

Okay this picture to follow is NOT a real... thingy. So don't complain.

Lawmakers object to fake penis for drug tests

Reuters

Dateline: Washington - A life-like prosthetic penis called the Whizzinator and other products promising to help illegal drug users pass urine tests provoked U.S. lawmakers on Wednesday to take legal action with subpoenas of manufacturers.



Lawmakers objected to attempts to circumvent drug tests with products such as The Whizzinator, a fake penis that can provide a flow of clean urine "again and again, anytime, anywhere you need it!" according to the Web site www.whizzinator.com.

A congressional subcommittee voted to subpoena the owner of Puck Technology of Signal Hill, California, the company that makes the Whizzinator. The panel also voted to subpoena the owners of Health Choice of New York City and Spectrum Labs of Cincinnati, two companies that lawmakers said also were suspected of selling products aimed at circumventing workplace drug tests.

The owners were required to provide financial and operational records by Monday and to appear at a congressional hearing on Tuesday.

"These companies seek through deception to make a buck by violating our trust and compromising our security," said Rep. Ed Whitfield, a Kentucky Republican who chairs the House Energy and Commerce Committee's oversight and investigations panel.

"It is a risk we simply cannot tolerate. This panel will uncover how widespread these products are and recommend the necessary steps to end their use," Whitfield said in a statement.

Actor Tom Sizemore, who played a sergeant in the war movie "Saving Private Ryan," was caught using the Whizzinator to try and pass drug tests, California prosecutors said in February. He was put in jail after using a similar device and failing a drug test, prosecutors said. (:/)

Tom Sizemore... guffaw. I'm thinking of getting one to freak people out in the gents...

Henderson Legs Raise Eyebrows

NBC

Dateline: Henderson, N.C. -- People in Henderson are talking about the massive sculpture of a woman's legs, spread open on Welcome Avenue.



At first glance, it looks more like something you'd find at a strip club, instead of a quiet neighborhood.

A backhoe contractor, Ricky Pearce poured concrete into hand-drawn molds to create the 40-ton, 17-foot-high legs. Then, he lifted them into place with a crane.

Complete with some landscaped foliage, strategically placed, the display is making some folks chuckle, and others shake their heads in disgust.

"The project took about three years," Pearce said. "I was inspired by Marilyn Monroe's legs, with the skirt blowing."

Some residents who live nearby are pleased with Pearce's legwork.

"Oh, I like them. I think they're great," one homeowner told NBC-17. "I think he did a really great job on them. And it just shows a lot of art work."

But, others aren't so forgiving. The sculpture is, after all, located between two churches.

"What is it insinuating to the kids in the neighborhood?" Walter Fuller wonders. "Why do they just show the legs. If it's a woman, why not show her beautiful face ... or her body clothed?"

Pearce said he doesn't think there's anything in the sculpture a kid shouldn't see.

"If they learned a little bit more about this and stayed away from drugs, they'd be better off," Pearce said. (:/)

Senator's Fiberglass Bovine Returned

AP

Dateline: Lincoln, Neb. -- The capitol cattle kidnappers who purloined a state senator's bull sculpture returned the beast unscathed. The fiberglass bovine had been displayed outside the office of Sen. Deb Fischer of Valentine until the rustlers struck on April 26.

The bull - about the size of a large dog - was found unharmed Wednesday morning, lying on its side in a grass circle in one of the capitol's interior courtyards.

"My little guy!" Fischer exclaimed when she saw the sculpture.

The bull was one of several from schools in Fischer's district, which covers a wide swath of cattle country, as part of the "Bitty Bulls" public art project.

Security cameras caught the caper on tape, but the picture was too grainy to allow identification of the rustlers.

"I think it was definitely an inside job," Fischer said.

She suspects one of her fellow senators was involved, but she would not name names.

One ransom note, signed by the "Suburban Rustlers," demanded that she vote for or against certain bills.

"I had to vote for six bills or against two bills ... or give a large box of Jujyfruits" candy, Fischer said.

One note threatened to turn her Bitty Bull into "itty, bitty burgers."

She refused to comply.

"I'm from the 43rd District," she said. "We don't negotiate with cowards."

Fischer said the bull, named "Big Bright," was painted to honor the works of artist Georgia O'Keeffe.

"Big Bright" was back on display Wednesday outside Fischer's office.

"We've got it tethered to my aide's desk with fishing line," Fischer said. (:/)

Skimpy Clothes Banned; What Will Students Wear?

The Pittsburgh Channel

Dateline: Modesto, Calif. -- Midriff-baring shirts, low-rise pants, pajamas and slippers will all be off limits this fall for thousands of student in Modesto.

Student Alexis Thompson said the new school rules will wipe out her current wardrobe.

"I will probably have to buy all new clothing for next year. It is going to be hard because pretty much all the stores sell lingerie," Thompson said.

And it's not just the girls who will have to dress more conservative. Mike Tershler, a senior at Davis High School, said he likes to show off his boxers, which peak over his pants -- a look that is banned for next year.

"I think I look good, pretty sexy. The ladies like it," Tershler said.

But not all students are against the ban.

"I agree with most of the things because I don't want to see a bunch of skin showing because that is not very classy," said student Kathleen Swicegood. "And we are in an environment where we are supposed to be sort of business like. We are trying to grow up."

Clothing business Anchor Blue has some skin-baring clothes, but the store manager said the key is dressing it up for school.

Students have a big incentive to comply with the new dress code. They will get one warning. After that, they will be suspended. (:/)

Tershler really reminds me of David Quainton. I can't quite put my finger on why...

Anyway, the survey results as of Thursday lunchtime were:

Do you think school dress codes should be more strict and not allow revealing or baggy clothing?
Choice Votes Percentage of 25103 Votes
Yes, stricter dress codes are needed 19056 76%
No, students should be allowed to wear what they want 1449 6%
Parents should control what their children wear to school 4598 18%

I voted NO, of course.

And finally

I wasn't sure whether to put this in, though it was the piece that, this whole week (at the least), affected me most. Feynman is, in a sense, the high priest of weird, in the sense that modern science is fundamentally weird, and I feel that, this week, and this week alone, I'm going to end TAR on a sombre note.


Arline Feynman died on June 16, 1945. The paper on which this letter was written is well worn, and it appears as though he reread it often.

To Arline Feynman, October 17, 1946

D'Arline,

I adore you, sweetheart ... It is such a terribly long time since I last wrote to you — almost two years but I know you'll excuse me because you understand how I am, stubborn and realistic; and I thought there was no sense to writing. But now I know my darling wife that it is right to do what I have delayed in doing, and what I have done so much in the past. I want to tell you I love you.

I find it hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead — but I still want to comfort and take care of you — and I want you to love me and care for me. I want to have problems to discuss with you — I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector.

Can't I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the "idea-woman" and general instigator of all our wild adventures. When you were sick you worried because you could not give me something that you wanted to and thought I needed. You needn't have worried.

Just as I told you then there was no real need because I loved you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true — you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else — but I want to stand there.

I'll bet that you are surprised that I don't even have a girlfriend after two years. But you can't help it, darling, nor can I — I don't understand it, for I have met many girls ... and I don't want to remain alone — but in two or three meetings they all seem ashes. You only are left to me. You are real.

My darling wife, I do adore you. I love my wife. My wife is dead,

Rich.

PS Please excuse my not mailing this — but I don't know your new address.

(/)

Until next time...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Like TAR? We'd love to hear from you. Feel free to forward TAR on to your friends, but we're always looking for more email addresses to target. No one will get spammed or salesed by TAR. More than they already do.

Contact TAR: Click here or just shovel thepitcanary@hotmail.com into your email system.