A new look for Spider-man, a monstrous meal, crazed crims, a biter bit, a strange idea of payment, a fish gets feisty, and Abbey reveals its true face

TAR NEEDS YOU!

Actually, I need Sports Strange News spotter help, because I don't really read sports news. So, if you do, and you see something, let me know.

A rocking TAR for you this week, running the gamut of crazed news. From crazy Chinese aviators to sword-wielding driving critics, from Miss Chubby to the world's heaviest burger, we've got it all this week. Look out for prostitution, more missing digits and the future of outsrourcing too. Enjoy...

Spider-Man swings across cultures into Bombay

Reuters/byline Rina Chandran

Dateline: Bombay - Dressed in a flowing dhoti, or a sarong, pointy shoes and a familiar red mask, he will swing between three-wheeled motor rickshaws and scooters down crowded Indian streets to take on the evil Rakshasa, or demon.


Pix - Gotham Comics

Creators of India's Spider-Man, who is called Pavitr Prabhakar, hope he will soon be as well-loved as the original one, Peter Parker.

Gotham Entertainment Group (GEG), based in Bangalore and New York, has launched four issues of the comic in the United States and will introduce the first of the four-part series in India next month, in a deal with Marvel Enterprises Inc.

"The culture of India and Asia is increasingly finding an audience in the West," said Gotham Chopra, president of Gotham Studios Asia and son of feel-good guru Deepak Chopra. "The superheroes of tomorrow will be cross-cultural."

Like Parker, Prabhakar is an orphan who lives with his aunt and uncle in Bombay, India's answer to New York City.

And like many residents of India's film capital, he dreams of becoming a movie star. The source of his powers is a yogi, or an ascetic, not a radioactive spider, and his enemy is a business tycoon who turns into a rakshasa, or demon, with a magic amulet.

Gotham Studios, a joint venture with Deepak Chopra and film director Shekhar Kapur, will create original Indian properties based on mythology and folk tales, which it hopes will influence popular Western culture much in the same way that Japan's manga comics and anime animation style have.

"As Asia flexes its economic and cultural muscle, when some of the superheroes take off their masks, they may have Indian or Chinese faces," said Deepak Chopra, who has successfully marketed an Eastern brand of spirituality in the West.



Publishers in India have found comics based on mythology and religion typically outsell Western fare.

The market for English-language comics in India is a niche one, with publishers often unable to land lucrative merchandising deals because of a thriving gray market in books, toys, and bags.

But GEG, publisher of Marvel, DC Comics and Warner Brothers Publishing titles in India, aims to tap a market where nearly half the billion-plus population is below the age of 25.

"It may take some getting used to -- seeing Spider-Man climbing the Bombay Stock Exchange, rather than inching up a New York skyscraper -- but some will think it cool," said Murali Gopalan, a comic book enthusiast. (:/)

For some reason I think that's marvellous.

Young Chinese peasant plans six-day odyssey aboard self-built aircraft

AFP

Dateline: Beijing - A young Chinese peasant plans to tour his home region in a plane he built himself from scratch, becoming the country's first farmer to do so, state media said.

Liu Yibing intends to spend six days in late September visiting the main cities of Ningxia Hui region in China's northwest, the Xinhua news agency reported.

He will perform the feat in a 6.2-meter (21-foot) two-seat aircraft, known as model ROTAX582, according to Xinhua.

It has a maximum speed of 160 kilometers (100 miles) per hour, and will simply glide safely to the ground if the engine suddenly stops, the agency said.

Liu, who previously designed nine aircraft all by himself, has 300 hours of flight time under his belt without a single crash, Xinhua reported. (:/)

Now, finding a finger in chili is one thing. Especially as it seems likely that was a hoax. This, however, isn't.

Man Finds Finger in Frozen Custard

AP

Dateline: Wilmington, N.C. - A man who ordered a pint of frozen chocolate custard in a dessert shop got a nasty surprise inside — a piece of severed finger lost by an employee in an accident.

Unlike a recent incident at a Wendy's restaurant in California, no questions of truth have been raised about the finger found in a package from Kohl's Frozen Custard.

State officials went to the shop Monday, and the owner confirmed one of his employees lost part of a finger in an accident with a food-processing machine.

Wilmington television station WWAY reported that Clarence Stowers found the finger in custard he purchased Sunday night.

Stowers, who did not immediately return calls Monday from The Associated Press, told the station: "I thought it was candy because they put candy in your ice cream ... to make it a treat. So I said, 'OK, well, I'll just put it in my mouth and get the ice cream off of it and see what it is.'"

Stowers said he spit the object out, but still couldn't identify it. So he went to his kitchen, rinsed it off with water — and "just started screaming."

Stowers said he planned to contact a lawyer.

Shop owner Craig Thomas said the employee who lost the finger had dropped a bucket while working with a machine that dispenses the custard. He tried to catch the bucket when the accident occurred.

Thomas told WWAY that several employees tried to help the injured worker, and that a drive-thru window attendant apparently scooped custard from the bucket into a pint before being told what had happened.

Joe Reardon of the state Agriculture Department's food and drug division said state officials closed the shop while the food-processing equipment involved was cleaned and sanitized.

In March, a Las Vegas woman claimed she bit down on a 1 1/2 inch-long finger fragment while dining with her family at a Wendy's restaurant in San Jose, Calif.

Investigators have since called her claim a hoax and charged her last month with attempted grand theft related to millions in dollars of financial losses Wendy's has suffered since news of her claim broke. (:/)

Ick. Though Lord alone knows how many fingers you would need to notice they were there if you were eating this behemoth...

Pennsylvania Eatery Offers New 15-Pound Burger

PA

Dateline: Clearfield, Pa. - The burger war is growing. Literally. Denny's Beer Barrel Pub, which lost its crown as the home of the world's biggest burger earlier this year, is now offering a new burger that weighs a whopping 15 pounds.

Dubbed the Beer Barrel Belly Buster, the burger comes with 10.5 pounds of ground beef, 25 slices of cheese, a head of lettuce, three tomatoes, two onions, a cup-and-a-half each of mayonnaise, relish, ketchup, mustard and banana peppers — and a bun.

It costs $30.

"It can feed a family of 10," said Denny Liegey Sr., the restaurant's owner.

Denny's Beer Barrel Pub had offered a 6-pound burger — with 5 pounds of toppings.

In February, a 100-pound female college student became the first to eat the burger within the three-hour time limit. Kate Stelnick, of Princeton, N.J., was awarded a special certificate, a T-shirt and other prizes and Leigey picked up the $23.95 tab for the burger.

One month later, the Clinton Station Diner in Clinton, N.J., introduced a 12.5-pound burger dubbed Zeus.

So Liegey responded, and the Belly Buster was born.

Over the weekend, four men took the challenge, but couldn't get through the entire burger. They opted for doggie bags, instead.

"It's a little too much for me to handle," said Steve Hepburn, of Clearfield. "It's like trying to eat half a cow." (:/)

Which, for no reason at all, leads us on to:

No dieting needed for Thailand's Jumbo Queen contest

AFP

Dateline: Nakhon Pathom, Thailand - One month before Bangkok hosts the Miss Universe competition, Thailand crowned a 110-kilo (240-pound) business student winner of a light-hearted, heavyweight pageant staged to promote elephant conservation.


All Pix - Reuters

Tarnrarin Chansawang, 18, was crowned the eighth Miss Jumbo Queen after a contest in which 24 large-size women sang and danced to pop tunes and traditional Thai music.

The annual event is an unlikely precursor to the international pageant May 30 in Bangkok, but the Jumbo Queen has become a strangely popular event in a country where most women strive to be skinny.

More than 700 people attended the contest at the Samphran Elephant Ground and Zoo, about an hour's drive west of Bangkok.

In a nod to the upcoming Miss Universe pageant, a special Miss Jumbo Universe prize was awarded to the heaviest contestant -- Thanchanok Mekkeaw, a 25-year-old political science who was weighed on-stage at 182 kilos (401 pounds).

Women aged 18-35 are eligible to enter, as long as they weigh at least 80 kilos.

Judges score the women not only on their performances and an interview, but on how well they exhibit the qualities of an elephant, something of a compliment in a country where the animals still have a respected role.

Suphaphini Buanwongse, a 21-year-old who won the Miss Mahout title for best performance for a dance in which she mixed and served drinks for the judges, said she wanted to keep her 140 kilos.

"I still want to be fat. I don't want to lose my weight," she said.



Tarnrarin had only praise for the competition, after she tearily accepted the crown.

"I feel I am also beautiful, whatever the figure, it's OK," she said after the pageant. "I'm happy with my body."

"Slim or big, just have fun with your friends," she said, while admitting that she might try to lose weight once her reign is over.

In addition to the 50,000-baht (1,250-dollar) cash prize, Tarnrarin becomes an elephant conservation ambassador, taking part in awareness campaigns to highlight the plight of Thailand's herds.

Thailand's total elephant herd population is nearly 5,000, with up to 2,000 of them in the wild. Experts have warned that the wild population could be wiped out within 15 years if no action is taken. (:/)

I'm really not sure about that all being to do with elephants...

This next one's for Mark.

Man gets the poop on outsourcing

Reuters

Dateline: Delmar, N.Y. - Computer programmer Steve Relles has the poop on what to do when your job is outsourced to India.

Relles, one of a rising number of Americans seeking new opportunities as their work shifts to countries with cheaper labor, has spent the past year making his living scooping up dog droppings as the "Delmar Dog Butler."

"My parents paid for me to get a (degree) in math and now I am a pooper scooper," Relles, a 42-year-old married father of two told Reuters. "I can clean four to five yards in a hour if they are close together."

Relles, who lost his computer programming job about three years ago, got the idea of cleaning dog dirt from people's back yards from Mark Booth, a friend in Buffalo, New York.

Ralles has over 100 clients who pay $10 each for a once-a-week cleaning of their yard.

Relles competes for business with another local company called "Scoopy Do." Similar outfits have sprung up across America, including Petbutler.net, which operates in Ohio.

In the United States, there are about 63 million dogs, each producing about 23 "presents" per week, which if left can be unsafe for children and pets.

Relles says his business is growing by word of mouth and that most of his clients are women who either don't have the time or desire to pick up the droppings.

"St. Bernard (dogs) are my favorite customers since they poop in large piles which are easy to find," Relles said.

His "scooper" is a converted ice scrapper duct-taped to a ski pole. He flicks the poop into a dust pan lined with a plastic bag, then loads the waste into a large garbage can which he takes to the dump when full.

"It sure beats computer programming because it's flexible, and I get to be outside," he said. (:/)

I wouldn't want to have been around when he was learning his flicking technique.

Fortune tale too good to be true

Reuters

Dateline: Boston - In the end, the tale of buried treasure just didn't fit the bills.

Two New England men regaled television audiences this week with their story of finding 1,900 antique U.S. bank notes -- worth at least $50,000 -- in one of their backyards.

But their "Eureka!" traveled too far, too fast.

Investigators became suspicious over discrepancies in their stories and by Friday police had the men in court, saying the treasure was taken from a construction site where they had worked.

"If they had not gone ... on TV, they could have gone to New York or somewhere and just sold the money and they probably would have gotten away with it," Methuen, Massachusetts, Police Chief Joseph Solomon told ABC's "Good Morning America."

Earlier in the week, the same show had featured the men, Barry Billcliff of Manchester, New Hampshire, and Timothy Crebase of Methuen, who said they unearthed antique currency in Crebase's yard.

Billcliff and Crebase were arraigned and pleaded not guilty to charges of receiving stolen property over $250, conspiracy to receive stolen property and being an accessory after the fact to receiving stolen property, the Essex County prosecutor's office said.

Lawyers for the men said the pair stick by their story and that prosecutors may have a hard time getting a conviction.

"Our position is, that if they can't prove where the money was stolen from, how will they prove (they were) receiving stolen property," said attorney Michael Ruane, who is representing Crebase.

While the story may have been faked, the bills are real, said Domenic Mangano, owner of the Village Coin Shop in Plaistow, New Hampshire.

Mangano appraised the collection of bank notes, which date from 1899 to 1928, at more than $50,000.

But he said he has since received a telephone call from a buyer in Texas who was willing to pay $400 per bill. That would bring the total value to more than $700,000. (:/)

I had to stick a Pope story in, you know:

John Paul trading card sells for $8,100

Reuters

Dateline: Los Angeles - Of all the athlete trading cards on the U.S. market today, the most valuable is not that of baseball great Barry Bonds or basketball star Shaquille O'Neal but noted skier and outdoorsman Karol Wojtyla -- the late Pope John Paul II.

Beckett Media, whose pricing guides are the acknowledged arbiters of value for collectible trading cards, said on Tuesday a limited-edition Pope John Paul II from the 2005 World Treasures line of card maker Topps has sold for $8,100 (4,280 pounds).

The Topps series includes other historical figures like Czar Paul I and King Frederick the Great, though their cards are trading for around $3,000. All the cards in the series have etchings of the figures' autographs.

In comparison, Beckett said, regular cards depicting Barry Bonds, who is contending for baseball's all-time home run record, have never sold for more than $1,200.

The market for John Paul collectibles heated up dramatically after his early-April death. Thousands of people queued up last week in Vatican City for the last run of euro coins bearing the late pontiff's image. (:/)

G-string weirdo nabbed by cops

Winnipeg Sun/byline Dean Pritchard

Maybe he was just looking for a good pair of pants.

A high-speed police chase ended in the children's clothing department of the Unicity Wal-Mart with a male suspect in handcuffs, a T-shirt, a G-string and little else.

The suspected car thief's physique got failing marks from cashiers who saw the man dash into the store about 11:40 a.m.

"I saw his ass and it wasn't cute," said a woman named Vicki who did not want to give her last name.

"He should have done some bodybuilding or something. If they are going to give some excitement at least make it well worth looking at."

The chase started in Carberry yesterday morning after RCMP were alerted to a 2003 Dodge Ram pickup in the area, reported stolen from Brandon.

Police picked up and abandoned the chase as the truck was spotted in MacGregor, Portage la Prairie and Oak Bluff, where reports were received of a man waving people over to his truck and exposing himself.

Headingley highway patrol spotted the truck about 11 a.m., sparking a chase that reached speeds of 130 km/h before police backed off.

Winnipeg police, alerted to the chase, placed a spiked "stop stick" at Portage Avenue and the Perimeter Highway. The truck, driving on three flattened tires, continued for several blocks, stopping in front of the Unicity Wal-Mart, where the driver raced inside followed by several police officers with their guns drawn.

"It was weird seeing police come into the store with guns," said Amanda McLeod, who works at a portrait studio inside Wal-Mart.

"It was kind of funny when they brought him out because it was all these cops and just one guy."

Garden centre staff working outside the store said the man was led out of the store with a T-shirt wrapped around his waist.

"All I could hear was him saying he was sorry," said an employee.

Police were expected to charge the 21-year-old man with committing an indecent act, theft, break and enter and flight from police. (:/)

But officer, you've got the thong man...

Pizza man assaulted after refusing to take pot as payment

AP

Dateline: Fargo - A pizza delivery driver here was assaulted after refusing to take marijuana as payment for a pie, police said.

Police arrested a 21-year-old man early Saturday for robbery. He was released from the Cass County Jail after posting $5,000 bond.

Pizza Patrol driver Atif Yasin phoned police about 3:30 a.m. to report the assault, said Sgt. Shannon Ruziska.

Yasin said he thinks the man was asleep when he arrived to deliver a medium pizza and 20-ounce soda.

After knocking a few times and calling the man on his cell phone, he answered the door in his boxers, Yasin said.

The man took the pizza, spent a few minutes looking for money and then offered to pay with marijuana, Yasin said.

When Yasin said he either needed money or the pizza, the man began to yell, Yasin said.

Yasin said the man pushed him and punched him in the face.

After calling police and waiting for officers to arrive, Yasin delivered two more orders that were waiting in his car.

Officers who arrested the man said he was intoxicated, Ruziska said.

Because the man is accused of assaulting Yasin while committing a theft, he was arrested on suspicion of robbery, Ruziska said.

Yasin did not seek medical attention for his injuries. The right side of his face was still red and swollen Saturday afternoon, he said.

Yasin, a 22-year-old Minnesota State University Moorhead student, said it is the first time he's been assaulted in three years delivering pizza.

He said he was a little nervous to work his next shift, which began at midnight on Sunday. Yasin said he'll handle it differently if he encounters a similar situation again.

"I won't argue to the people who took the pizza," he said. "I'll just leave right away." (:/)

I used to deliver pizzas, and no one ever offered me pot for payment. Would that be pot-payment on something then?

Star Wars 'stand-a-thon' kicks off

Reuters

Die-hard Star Wars fans have launched a marathon "stand-a-thon" countdown to the opening of the final film of George Lucas' intergalactic science fiction saga.


Reuters Photo

With 19 days to go before the film's first public showing, the around-the-clock line debuted to the beat of Star Wars tunes from a boombox swung by Bobafett, a bounty-hunter character in an outfit sprayed with silvery chrome.

A black-clad Darth Vader and storm troopers in white armour also flanked a Jedi knight with an angelic smile in the line.

"We all know what it's like to go through this insanity even though its temporary," 39-year-old Steve Lorenzo said, a technical writer for a software company.

"It's like a class or family reunion even though it's not."

Yet the pack's eager anticipation over Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith " was tinged with sadness the new film would be the last silver screen glimpse into a parallel universe of space-fought intrigue played out over six films.

"It's kind of bittersweet; it's the last one which makes it more emotional," Chris Bergoch said, one of the 300 people signed for the line.

"You want to look forward to the movie, but then again you almost don't want since there won't be another one again."

The event follows another non-stop street-side countdown kicked off by fervid Star Wars fans on April 2 across the country in Hollywood.

Opening on May 19, Episode III completes a trilogy which is a prequel to the original three films.

The series has generated nearly $US3.4 billion in global box office and an estimated $US9 billion in retail sales since the first film appeared in 1977.

Registering for the stand-a-thon outside the Ziegfeld, New York's largest stand-alone theatre, were fans drawn from 22 US states and nine foreign countries, mainly West European but also including Japan, Peru and Brazil. (:/)

Doo-weep!

British warning about driving while tired is
soporific, motorist warns

AFP

Dateline: London - In one of the more unusual cases ever presented to Britain's Advertising Standards Authority, a man has complained that a radio advertisement warning motorists against driving while tired is itself likely to send them to sleep.

David Briscombe from Newport, Wales, has asked the advertising watchdog to stop the Department of Transport-produced radio campaign from being broadcast again, the Daily Telegraph newspaper reported on Tuesday.

The commercial says: "If you are tired the monotony of driving sends you to sleep," a message repeated four times.

"It is unerringly sending suggestions to the listener, which could send somnambulistic people to sleep," Briscombe, who runs a stress management company, was quoted as saying.

"The ad should not be aired again. It should be re-made in a way that delivers its messages to alert people to the dangers of driving when tired, rather than inadvertently inducing tiredness."

The Department of Transport said it would await the advertising watchdog's verdict. (:/)

Holy mackerel! Fish floors Australian fisherman in revenge attack

AFP

Dateline: Sydney - In a fishy tale with a different ending, an Australian angler described how a five-foot mackerel jumped into his boat, knocked him down and injured him -- and then got away.

Glen Hopper said he suffered bruised ribs and cuts to his face and arms when the 1.5 metre (five foot) mackerel flattened him in what he dubbed a case of "fishy's revenge".

"It felt like I'd just run into a brick wall, because I was going 20 knots one way and it was speeding the opposite direction," Hopper, from Queensland state's Sunshine Coast, told the Australian Associated Press.

"I remember it coming out the water and the next thing I knew I'm in the back of the boat winded, trying to get my breath."

Hopper, 43, who was fishing on the Mooloolah River, estimated that the mackerel weighed about 30 kilogrammes (66 pounds). It shot into his boat, hitting him in the chin and chest, before spearing back into the water.

"It's fishy's revenge I suppose. It's been a bit of a laugh with my friends," he said. (:/)

The Mooloolah River?? Superb.

Sport

Scottish police called to trouble at football
match -- between girls' teams

AFP

Dateline: London - A referee in Scotland was forced to call police after trouble broke out at the game he was controlling -- between two under-13 girls' teams.

The problems were not on the pitch, but instead came from members of the crowd verbally abusing players, police and reports said late Monday.

Dave Blair was refereeing the game between St Johnstone under-13s and Celtic Tayside A taking place in Perth, central Scotland on Saturday, when he was forced to stop the match due to the behaviour of some of the Celtic Tayside supporters.

"It was unbelievable. I've been involved in boys' football for 20 years and that was one of the worst games I've ever been in," he told the local Courier newspaper.

"There was no problem on the park between the girls and not a foul in the game, but from about five minutes in, every decision was met with abuse.

"One wee girl running down the wing was even called something by a woman in the crowd.

"I told the crowd to calm down as they could upset the girls but the abuse continued and I decided to abandon the game."

After the police arrived the match was re-started, with another referee taking charge.

A spokeswoman for the local Tayside Police force confirmed that officers had gone to the football pitch. (:/)

Entertainment

Jennifer Lopez wants to be first female US president

AFP

Dateline: Berlin - After conquering Hollywood and the pop charts, Latina superstar Jennifer Lopez says she is ready to wrestle George W. Bush out of the White House.

"I'm a total powerhouse. If you ask me, I'd like to become the first female president -- that would be really cool," J.Lo told German celebrity glossy Bravo in an issue to be published Wednesday.

"The first thing I would do is redecorate the White House -- it doesn't look very cozy."

"La Lopez", 35, said the best break from her growing entertainment empire is housekeeping.

"Believe it or not -- I clean my house! All the stress disappears when I'm straightening up," she said, in comments published in German.

Lopez said she was sure after two divorces and her "Bennifer" engagement debacle with actor Ben Affleck that her marriage with singer Marc Anthony would last.

"I have a very good feeling and am sure that we will never part," he said.

"I think he would father beautiful children." (:/)

Oh, you've got laugh haven't you. I mean, really, would J-Lo actually be worse than GW?

Crime and punishment

Samaritan tows motorist -- at 100 mph

Reuters

Dateline: Berlin - After accepting what appeared to be a kind offer from a German motorist to tow his broken car, a stranded Polish motorist was taken on a terrifying high-speed joyride at speeds of 160 kph (100 mph), police said on Tuesday.

Police said a 36-year-old German man who offered assistance proceeded to hurl down the motorway at high speeds after tying a cable to the stranded car.

The Polish motorist, who remained inside his vehicle during the tow, flashed his lights and honked his horn at the speeding German driver to stop. Police said the Pole was finally able to bring the German to a halt by swerving his car back and forth.

The German was taken to a psychiatric clinic, police said. (:/)

Now this next one, I like it, because it's a 'biter bit' story. And I like biter bit stories.

Smile, perv - you're busted!

New York Daily News

Girls snap cell phone photo in subway & run for cops

A subway pervert was caught in a flash yesterday by feisty Catholic schoolgirls armed with a cell phone camera in Queens, cops and witnesses said.

The suspect sicko flashed the teens twice last week as they rode the F train toward their high school in Jamaica Estates.

He got away - but made the mistake of lurking inside the 179th St. station yesterday just as the girls stepped off the train at 7:30 a.m.

Terrified, but determined to get the creep arrested, one of the girls snapped his photo with her cell phone and ran to NYPD Officer Vincent Tieniber for help, police sources said.

"The cop looked at the picture, ran down to the platform and spots the guy getting on a train," a high-ranking police source said.

"He grabs him and takes him upstairs where the girl IDs him," the source said. "A little bit of new-age policing."

The alleged pervert, 57-year-old vagrant Wilfredo Ponte, was wearing the same brown pants, short-sleeved button-down burgundy shirt, silver jacket and black shoes he had on Monday morning, police sources said. He wore the same ensemble last night when he was arraigned in Queens Criminal Court and held on $3,000 bond.

Although police say he told a detective, "Maybe I did it, maybe I didn't," his Legal Aid attorney said Ponte is no flasher.

Lawyer Joseph DiFlumeri said, "Mr. Ponte adamantly denies the allegations in the complaint. He's frustrated, he's upset that he's being accused of this."

The girls' principal at Mary Louis Academy, Sister Kathleen McKinney, said she was proud of her plucky students.

"Our girls wanted him arrested," she said. "They didn't want him doing this to anyone else. They were willing to do what they did to stop him."

A token booth clerk who helped the freshmen from nearby Mary Louis Academy praised them for staying calm and taking the photo.

"The girls came running up. They were really upset, but one had gotten the guy's picture, and wanted him stopped," said the clerk, who asked not to be named.

"For a grown man to be exposing himself to children at 7:30 in the morning, it's terrible," the clerk said. "That girl deserves a lot of credit for getting him off the street."

Ponte was arrested and charged with endangering the welfare of a child and public lewdness.

Ponte is apparently homeless - the address he gave cops turned out to be a Bronx bridal shop where one of his longtime friends works.

"He liked little girls," said the friend, Eva Santana, who described Ponte as a homeless man who often visited E&E Bridal on Westchester Ave.

"He liked to see the girls go by," she said. "We used to say, 'Get married, get an apartment.' But he wouldn't do it. He needed help. We told him every day, but he didn't want it."

Ponte targeted the girls because he was attracted by their freshman uniforms - baby blue shirts and gray skirts, a police source said. (:/)

Polite Sisters Plead Guilty to Robberies

AP

Dateline: Pittsburgh - Two sisters pleaded guilty Tuesday to a series of armed, but polite, convenience store robberies.

Carrie Huchel, 33, and her sister, Heather Huchel, 30, robbed seven stores in Allegheny and Washington counties between March 31 and April 7 last year, netting about $1,250. In five robberies, Carrie Huchel wielded a BB gun while her sister drove the getaway car; in two other robberies, they reversed roles, police said.

The sisters were dubbed the "polite" robbers because they always said "please" and "thank you" when demanding the money.

The sisters have told police they were addicted to OxyContin and heroin and robbed to feed their drug habit. The women were arrested after police found them living in their car on May 14 and found clothing, the BB gun and other items tying them to the robberies.

Allegheny County Judge David Cashman told the women they face a maximum of 200 years in prison each when they return for sentencing Aug. 3. (:/)

Michigan Cops Seize Secondhand Pants From Man

AP

Dateline: Traverse City, Mich. - Keith Schwartz figured the secondhand pants he bought for $3.25 from the local Goodwill outlet would be durable and comfortable — just what he needed for his job, cleaning office buildings at night.

But a detective recognized the brown slacks with distinctive leg stripes as part of the uniform of a Grand Traverse County sheriff's deputy. Fearing the garment could be used to impersonate an officer, the department asked to have it back.

"They said official uniforms are either supposed to be shredded or burned, not sold or discarded," Schwartz told the Traverse City Record-Eagle for a story Tuesday.

Schwartz was running errands last month when Dawn Wagoner, a plainclothes sheriff's detective, asked him about the pants and advised him not to wear them again.

"I thought it was a joke," Schwartz said.

In her report, Wagoner said the Goodwill manager told her it was store policy to destroy any castoff police clothing that came in, although the pants might have slipped through.

State law prohibits citizens from wearing Michigan State Police uniforms, but Sheriff Scott Fewins said he wasn't sure whether that applied to his department.

Regardless, he said, recent incidents involving impersonators raise a concern about civilians wearing or possessing police-issued clothing — although he didn't suspect Schwartz of any wrongdoing.

"I don't see it being a security issue, although they are very recognizable pants and every once in a while we have people trying to stop cars, which is something we are concerned about," Fewins said.

Wagoner later went to Schwartz's house to retrieve the pants. She offered to pay for them, but Schwartz's wife handed them over for no charge. (:/)

Just... weird.

Next, this week's picture story. I, actually, really want to eat here:

Restaurant at the end of the laxative

As reported at Coolhunting.com.

Two sliced up by samurai sword

AP

Dateline: Syracuse [not the ancient one] - Two men were stabbed with a samurai-style sword during an argument in the basement of a Syracuse home, and one went to the hospital with the blade sticking through him, police said.

Luke Jenkins, 34, had two wounds to his abdomen.

But Edward Cannon, 39, was pierced from the lower abdomen through the upper back, according to police.

Both men were in fair condition later at University Hospital, a nursing supervisor said.

Jeremy Bartle, 22, was charged with second-degree attempted murder and fourth-degree weapon possession in the stabbings about 4 a.m. Saturday at his address, police spokesman Lt. Joe Cecile said.

There was no word on what sparked the bloody sword play, or where the blade came from. (:/)

Tarantino has yet more to answer for there, then. It's a very long list...

Women Take Off Pounds With Stripaerobics

AP

Dateline: Mayfield Heights, Ohio -- They're sexy, mysterious and always in great shape. Exotic dancers don't just strut their stuff in clubs -- they have become trendsetters.

It's a trend even celebrities are cashing in on. Carmen Electra's aerobic striptease is the hottest-selling fitness DVD on the market, reported WEWS-TV in Cleveland.

She lap dances, role plays and even uses props in her school of seduction.

Now women everywhere are daring to bare it all with one of the fastest-growing fitness crazes -- stripaerobics.

Linda Andrews teaches the class at Slender Lady in Mayfield Heights, Ohio, to housewives, professionals, moms and single women looking for a sensual way to get in shape.

"We feel that we're pretty much meeting a need in the fitness industry," Andrews said. "This is a big craze in big cities; New York, Chicago, there's pole dancing, strip dancing, belly dancing. So we're just responding to a need and the women came out."

Relerford said those who came out love the results.

"I've lost 10 pounds, so I'm really happy with the class, and I'm telling everybody I know," Selena Bank said.

The classes start with a few minutes of stretching. Then the women learn some sexy dance moves. The dancers put it all together in a routine that's complete at the end of the six-week course.

A lot of times people hear the term "stripaerobics" and assume the worst. But it is about sexuality, sensuality and gaining confidence.

"What they think about themselves determines how they feel," Andrews said. "And how they feel determines how they project themselves in public. I'm trying to teach them to be the best they can be and accept the results."

"I have two kids. It's just a nice thing to gain some confidence and feel sexy," Tina Basinger said.

Survey : Would you try stripaerobics?

- Yes, I already have.
- Yes, it sounds great.
- I'd consider it.
- No way.

[and these are the results as of Thursday:]

Would you try stripaerobics?
Yes, I already have. 5%
Yes, it sounds great. 53%
I'd consider it. 19%
No way. 23%

(:/)

I voted: "I'd consider it". I was trying to imagine myself into a woman. One I'd quite like to meet, probably. But what I really like is that well over half questioned said they'd either be well up for it or already had! Fan-tastic.

'Whore College' Offers Hands-On Training

AP

Dateline: San Francisco - The 25 students in jeans and T-shirts could have been in any career that requires hustle. The classes, covering topics such as effective marketing, stress reduction and legal issues, could have been part of any professional development seminar.

But this was "Whore College," and any illusion it was just another corporate how-to for young go-getters abruptly ended at the sex toy display and was stripped away for good during a graphic demonstration that put a whole new twist on the concept of hands-on training.

"We are still illegal," instructor Kimberlee Cline said before her 20-minute demonstration. "If we want to be treated as business professionals, we need to act ethically within the industry."

Presented in conjunction with the San Francisco Sex Worker Film and Arts Festival, the class Wednesday at an erotic art gallery was billed as away for working girls and guys to polish their skills in a supportive atmosphere.

It was the first time the biennial festival, begun in 1999 to showcase films about and by sex workers, included a session devoted to how to maintain a satisfying career.

By light of day, the women and men of the night swapped tips, argued over personal grooming choices and heard from others considered experts in their field. Many of the attendees said they were motivated as much by the networking opportunity and doing what they could to normalize the world's oldest profession as furthering their education. During Cline's workshop, for example, some in the audience skimmed magazines and chatted despite the carnal knowledge unfolding in front of them.

Participants who stuck it out for the whole day received diplomas certifying them as G.S.W's — graduates in sex work.

The more shadowy aspects of the profession were covered in the curriculum. Lawyer Erin Crane explained that accepting money for a specific sex act could land someone in jail, but she repeated several times she couldn't advise anyone on how to break the law.

Students practiced using assertive screaming for self-defense and they were told how to assess dangerous situations, and how to break free from an assailant's grasp.

Erin O'Bryn, 36, who has appeared on adult television networks, worked in massage parlors, owned an escort referral service and last year ran for Congress in Hawaii, said wearing a power suit and good heels dissuades clients from thinking they can take advantage of her.

"Sex work is work. Prostitution is work," Leigh said. "The most important thing is that we are diverse. Some are on the streets and in a very desperate situation. Others are in a working-class situation and maybe bored in their jobs. And others see sex work as their calling." (:/)

Lord! However, this next story just convinces me that I want to live in Scandinavia.

Considered an art, striptease is exempt from VAT (in Norway)

AFP

Dateline: Oslo Striptease is an art and should therefore be exempt from value-added tax (VAT), a Norwegian court has ruled.

The Diamond Go Go Bar in Oslo took the Norwegian state to court after it tried to impose VAT on entry fees to the club.



But in the Oslo district court's verdict, a copy of which was obtained by AFP on Wednesday, the judge ruled that striptease performances should benefit from the VAT exemption granted to opera, ballet and theatre performances among others.

The club's lawyer had argued in court that other shows, such as comedians telling dirty jokes or sword-swallowers, were not subject to VAT on ticket prices.

"To the court's knowledge ... in certain places, especially abroad, one can see incredibly beautiful artists move gracefully to music, with sensual movements and gradually taking their clothes off, which gives many clients a very nice experience," the judge said.

"There are also other kinds of striptease shows ... that can only be considered banal and vulgar and which have very little to do with a stage show," he said.

Since the Diamond Go Go Bar prohibits dancers from having any contact with clients, the club can be considered as falling in the first category, the judge said.

The club's owner did however agree to pay VAT on the cloakroom's revenues. (:/)

But love it's art! No, really! Just a quick one...

Brie Fly

Pittsburgh Aviary Plans Penguin Bingo Game

AP

Dateline: Pittsburgh - The National Aviary in Pittsburgh is planning to celebrate National Migratory Bird Days with various promotions, including a bizarre game of penguin bingo.

The birds will be released on a giant bingo board and allowed to waddle around. The numbers will be called whenever a bird, ahem, goes to the bathroom on a numbered square.

Aviary experts say each bird will do that every 20 minutes or so. (:/)

Ahh, you know I had to. It was a penguin story.

Denise Coke Arrested on Cocaine Charges

AFP

Dateline: Roseville, Mich. - A woman identified by authorities as Denise Coke was arrested after a drug-sniffing dog discovered 33 pounds of cocaine in her vehicle.

Roseville police acting on a tip gave Michigan State Police the description of a vehicle allegedly containing drugs. Coke, 25, of Detroit was arrested after being pulled over for speeding Tuesday night on Interstate 696.

Coke was arraigned Wednesday on a charge of possession with intent to deliver more than 1,000 grams of cocaine, punishable by up to life in prison upon conviction. A judge set her bond at $1 million.

Roseville Police Chief Richard Heinz said the cocaine had a street value of $7 million to $8 million, but the drugs' destination was not immediately known. (:/)

Hahahahaha.

Badly wired fountain electrocutes man

Reuters

Dateline: Sofia - A Bulgarian who dipped his hands into a popular public fountain in central Sofia was electrocuted because of faulty insulation in the fountain's lights and pump, the news agency FOCUS quoted prosecutors as saying Thursday.

The death of 33-year-old Veselin Petrov late Wednesday has spurred authorities into ordering rapid checks of other fountains in the Bulgarian capital, FOCUS said.

Other people in the Bulgarian capital had reported receiving shocks from the recently opened fountain but no action had been taken, the news agency added. (:/)

Cops: Driver Defends Skills With Sword

AP

Nashua, N.H. - A man is accused of defending his driving skills by pulling out a sword and popping a tire on another man's car.

Charles O'Neil, 36, was driving slowly on the Henri Burque Highway last Sunday when someone driving behind him became annoyed, honked his horn and passed him, police said.

When both vehicles stopped at a light, the two drivers got out and started an argument that ended with O'Neil allegedly pulled out a broadsword with a blade more than three feet long and telling the other driver, "I ought to run you through with this."

Police said O'Neil also pierced the other car's tires and then drove off.

He's been charged with criminal threatening and criminal mischief. (:/)

Bloody hell!

Absent husband returns home ... as a eunuch

Reuters

Dateline: New Delhi - An Indian man who left his wife and two young children two years ago shocked his family when he returned home as an eunuch, wearing garish red lipstick, the Asian Age newspaper said Thursday.

After a fight with his wife, the jobless Nabiullah left his family in Hathipur town in the northern state of Uttar Pradesh in the summer of 2003 to look for work, the paper reported.

During his absence, he got himself castrated and became a eunuch, earning money by singing and dancing, a common form of employment among India's ostracized community of eunuchs.

"I was always fond of singing and dancing, but felt suffocated in my body as a man," Nabiullah was quoted as saying.

His wife, Shama Parveen, fainted when he returned home late last month and now wants a divorce.

"I cannot live with this eunuch and subject myself and my children to social ridicule," she was quoted as saying. (:/)

Dear god!

Notable Quotes

Reuters

They really said it -- notable quotes from the news:

"I said to him the other day, 'George, if you really want to end tyranny in this world, you're going to have to stay up later.' Nine o'clock and Mr. Excitement here is in bed..."
--First lady Laura Bush at the White House correspondents dinner.

"I was a librarian that spent 12 hours a day in the library. Yet somehow I met George."
--Laura Bush again.

"I told him, 'If you screw up being an actor, you could be a crane operator.'"
--Brooklyn dockworker Louis Cavana, who taught Tom Cruise how to operate a crane for his role in "War of the Worlds," quoted in the New York Daily News. (:/)

If he screws up being an actor?

And finally

A rose by any other name...

Anna Tims' Consumer column

Guardian

Rude shock from Abbey's mailshot

Companies have to employ ever more dramatic tactics to catch the attention of today's beleaguered consumers, but a mailshot from Abbey proved a little too memorable. Or perhaps the bank just mistyped FJR King's name when it sent out an advertising mailshot to his home in Norwich. The letter, urging him to renew his kitchen with an Abbey loan, was addressed to Mrs Scratchya Cuntlice.

King phoned the bank to complain and was promised that the impertinence would not recur. Three weeks later another communication from Abbey arrived - not the apology that he might have expected but a reminder of Abbey's too-good-to-miss loan offer addressed to the same Mrs C. "Abbey seemed very vague as to why they had not taken more positive steps to prevent this," he says.

The official explanation is not very enlightening. The data was provided by a third party and the expletive was not picked up by Abbey's computerised checking system because it was part of "a longer word". Given that that "longer word" was an obscenity, this suggests that the bank might like to invest in more sophisticated screening devices. (:/)

Indeed. Until next time...

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