Finger-lickin' good chili, what firemen do for laughs, more banana stupidity, why football players like pets, and why the Easter Bunny went to jail

This being a short week, and a week in which, where I work, things have been somewhat stressful, TAR is a little short itself. Not nearly as short as that caveat would imply, however.

There's still a healthy level of repellant stories to take us into the Easter holiday period, so 'feast' your eyes on what happens when your cook takes her eyes of the dicer...

Woman Eating Chili Bites Into Human Finger

(AP)

Dateline: San Jose, California -- A woman's meal at a Wendy's restaurant brought a whole new meaning to the term "finger food." The woman bit into a portion of a human finger while eating a bowl of chili Tuesday night at the San Jose restaurant, Santa Clara County health officials said Wednesday.

The woman, who asked officials not to identify her, immediately spit out the finger and warned other diners to stop eating, witnesses said.

"Initially she did put this object in her mouth and did bite down on it and wasn't sure exactly what it was," Santa Clara County Health Officer Dr. Martin Fenstersheib said at a news conference. "She's doing OK. Initially she was a bit grossed out it was described to me, and vomited a number of times."

Fenstersheib said the finger had been cooked at a high enough temperature to kill any viruses.

Officials said the fingertip was approximately 1 3-8-inches long and a half-inch piece of fingernail was also found. They believe it belongs to a woman because of the long, manicured nail.

Health investigators seized all of the ingredients at the restaurant and are tracing them back to their manufacturer. They believe the finger got into the chili at an earlier stage.

"We have no evidence of any accident within the employees at the facility itself," said Ben Gale of the Santa Clara County Health Department. "We asked everybody to show us they have 10 fingers and everything is OK there." (/)

Oh. That makes it ok, then. More weird food...

Giant strawberry found in China

(Ananova)

A giant strawberry has been found in China.

The strawberry is as big as a human palm, reports Shanghai Youth Daily.

It was bought by a junior middle school teacher in Shanghai.

The paper says nobody has dared to taste it over fears it might be processed with chemicals or genetically modified. (/)

I want it. Send it round.

Doll mistaken for alien

(Ananova)

A burnt rubber doll was mistaken for a badly injured alien and taken to a hospital in Brazil.

It happened after people in Aracruz found a burnt 'body' on the ground after seeing a fireball fall from the sky.

A police spokesman told Terra Noticias Populares: "Many people were terrified thinking that an alien invasion was taking place.

"They thought the doll was a burnt ET and more than 50 people called the station."

The 'alien' was taken to the local hospital where doctors soon confirmed it was a burnt rubber doll.

A hospital spokesman said: "It was obviously a practical joke but we wonder who would do that in such a small and quiet town." (/)

Doctors 'soon' confirmed it was a rubber doll?? Would you want to be treated by one of them now? I wouldn't - because I want to be treated by these doctors.

Man grows penis on his arm

(Ananova)

Doctors have replaced a man's penis with one grown on his forearm.

The 30-year-old Russian, named only as Sergei, has his 2-and-a-half-inch penis removed and attached to his arm.

Using tissue it grew to 6-and-a-half inches and was sewn back on his groin in an 11-hour operation reports The Sun.

A Moscow surgeon said the man will be able to have sex in a few months. He said: "Women will never suspect." (/)

Erm, he could always have asked them to leave it on a little longer...

Bored fireman start fires

(Ananova)

Two firemen from Ancud in Chile have been arrested for setting property on fire.

Jose Antecao Gonzales and Luis Navarro Aguila are being accused of setting fire to houses and shops in the Isla Chiloe area.

The firemen told the police they were bored and that they would compete to see who would arrive first at the fire.

A police spokesperson told La Cuarta newspaper: "They would set the places on fire then run back to their HQ." (/)

Tee hee!

Formula for a happy relationship

(Ananova)

A German scientist has calculated a formula for a happy relationship where criticism needs to be cancelled out by five compliments.

Dr Hans-Werner Bierhoff, from the social psychology department at the Ruhr University Bochum, claims that couples should ideally compliment their partners five times for each time they criticise them.

He said:"Then people feel good in their relationship. Goodwill increases your potential to be happy."

Professor Bierhoff and his colleague Elke Rohmann conducted tests on thousands of individuals and couples and used the results to write a book called "What makes love strong" that provides advice on how relationships can be made to last.

The book also addresses problems that relationships can face as circumstances change.

He said that unemployment, infidelity or "stressful experiences" like diseases, depression or child birth can upset the balance and lead to a break-up. (/)

No. Really?

Police Charge Man for Flashing With Banana

(AP)

Dateline: Greenwich, Connecticut -- A former Stamford police officer has been charged with lewd conduct involving a toy banana.

Arthur Bertana, 62, who had been on probation for lewd conduct more than four years ago, was arrested Saturday after police said he placed a toy banana in his pants and flashed people.

Bertana was charged with breach of peace and interfering with a police officer.

"Over a span of time, there were several reports of a subject wearing extremely tight pants with an obvious bulge stuffed down his pants," Sgt. Roger Petrone Jr. said Wednesday.

Bertana would allegedly greet passersby on the busy street while trying to draw attention, Petrone said. At times, he placed a bag in front of his pants, then moved it and show the bulge, he said.

"It was a yellow, plush, child's toy banana," Petrone said. "It had a smiley face on it." (/)

Interfering with a police officer, like, how? This next is wonderful.

Sport

Football Player Caught With Stolen Sheep

(AP)

Dateline: Corvallis, Oregon -- An Oregon State football player had a stolen sheep in the bed of his pickup when he was pulled over for speeding last week, Benton County authorities said.

Defensive tackle Ben Siegert, 20, was charged with driving under the influence of intoxicants after failing field sobriety tests. Ninety minutes after being pulled over, the 280-pound Siegert registered a .14 percent blood-alcohol content on a breath analyzer at the Benton County Jail, according to the sheriff's office. Oregon considers drivers with a .08 percent blood alcohol content to be drunk.

Siegert told the (Corvallis) Gazette-Times that he had nothing to do with the stolen ram.

"I don't know anything about that," he said. "I'm from a city. I don't know anything about sheep."

Benton County Undersheriff Diana Simpson disagreed, saying Siegert might have been "too intoxicated to remember."

The 200-pound ram lives at the university's Sheep Center, and is part of a study on homosexuality in sheep, said Sheep Center manager Tom Nichols.

"We have at least one prank a year where we have to go to a dormitory or a sorority house and pick up a ram or a lamb or a ewe," Nichols said. "It's one of those springtime pranks."

The deputy chose not to arrest anybody for taking the sheep.

Coach Mike Riley is still evaluating Siegert's situation, said Steve Fenk, the Oregon State sports information director.

"At this point they're just going to deal with it internally," Fenk said. "I don't know if it's going to affect spring practice." (/)

"Deal with it internally"! Dearie me.

5-Year-Old Cuffed, Arrested in Florida

(AP)

Dateline: Saint Petersburg, Florida -- A 5-year-old girl was arrested, cuffed and put in back of a police cruiser after an outburst at school where she threw books and boxes, kicked a teacher in the shins, smashed a candy dish, hit an assistant principal in the stomach and drew on the walls.

The students were counting jelly beans as part of a math exercise at Fairmount Park Elementary School when the little girl began acting silly. That's when her teacher took away her jelly beans, outraging the child.

Minutes later, the 40-pound girl was in the back of a police cruiser, under arrest for battery. Her hands were bound with plastic ties, her ankles in handcuffs.

"I don't want to go to jail," she said moments after her arrest Monday.

No charges were filed and the girl went home with her mother. While police say their actions were proper, school officials were not pleased with the outcome.

"We never want to have 5-year-old children arrested," said Michael Bessette, the district's Area III superintendent. The district's campus police should have been called to help and not local police, he said.

Under the district's code of student conduct, students are to be suspended for 10 days and recommended for expulsion for unprovoked attacks, even if they don't result in serious injury. But district spokesman Ron Stone said that rule wouldn't apply to kindergartners.

"She's been appropriately disciplined under the circumstances," he said.

The girl's mother, Inda Akins, said she is consulting an attorney.

"She's never going back to that school," Akins said. "They set my baby up." (/)

Yeah, right! And that 9-mil she was packin' was fruit-f*ckin-filled, man!

Documentary Confirms Hogzilla's Existence

(AP)

Dateline: Alapaha, Georgia - A team of National Geographic (news - web sites) experts has confirmed south Georgia's monster hog, known to locals as Hogzilla, was indeed real — and really, really big.


AP Photo

They also noted the super swine didn't quite live up to the 1,000-pound, 12-foot hype generated when Hogzilla was caught on a farm last summer and photographed hanging from a backhoe.

Donning biohazard suits to exhume the behemoth's smelly remains, the experts estimated Hogzilla was probably only 7 1/2 to 8 feet long, and weighed about 800 pounds. The confirmation came in a documentary aired Sunday night on the National Geographic Channel; it will be rebroadcast Wednesday and Saturday.

"He was an impressive beast. He was definitely a freak of nature," said documentary producer Nancy Donnelly. She said Hogzilla's tusks — one measuring nearly 18 inches and the other nearly 16 inches — set a new Safari Club International North American free-range record.

That wasn't good enough for Ken Holyoak, owner of the 1,500-acre fish farm and hunting preserve where Hogzilla was shot by guide Chris Griffin.

"I need to stress that they did not have that much to work with, seeing as how the poor beast had been underground for nearly six months," he said Monday.

Holyoak said Hogzilla weighed in at half a ton on his farm scales, and that he personally measured the hog's length at 12 feet while the freshly killed beast was dangling by straps from a backhoe.

"As with any organic being after death, tissues will decompose and the body will atrophy, making actual measurements change over time," Holyoak said. "Have you ever seen a raisin after it was a grape?"

Donnelly said the experts allowed for some shrinkage in making their final estimate.

Despite the dispute, this town 180 miles south of Atlanta has already adopted Hogzilla as its own. It went with a Hogzilla theme for its fall festival, with a parade featuring a Hogzilla princess, children in pink pig outfits and a float carrying a Hogzilla replica.

"Our insides were just bubbling," said Darlene Turner, who hosted a party to watch the documentary Sunday night. "At first, I was afraid it might be an embarrassment. But now I wish everybody could see the documentary. It would take the doubt out of people's minds." (/)

HOGGGGZILLLLLAAAA!!!

Next, one of those Dumb Crim stories I'm so fond of. Burrito anyone?

Boy Allegedly Kidnapped Over $50 Dispute

(AP)

Dateline: Fort Myers, Florida -- Three teenagers kidnapped a 15-year-old and ordered his father to drop off a $50 ransom at a Taco Bell restaurant, authorities said. The father called police instead, and the teens were arrested.

Police said the dispute began over $50 that David Gibbs, 15, owed to Joseph Garrett, 17. Gibbs went to Garrett's apartment Tuesday, and Garrett asked him to repay the money, police said. Gibbs couldn't pay up, so Garrett and two other teens punched him in the face and held him at knifepoint, then forced him to phone his father and ask him to drop the money in a planter at the Taco Bell, police said.

Ralph Gibbs called police, who set up undercover officers at the restaurant. Two people who took the cash told police that Garrett had paid them $10 for the deed, and they agreed to call Garrett to arrange a meeting at a Goodwill store.

Police who went there found 16-year-old Samuel Aidoo standing by a trash bin and found he was carrying a knife. Garrett, who was at his nearby apartment with the son, saw the officers and fled, police said. The son then left the apartment.

Aidoo, 16, and Victoria Aidoo, 15, were arrested Wednesday. Garrett turned himself in the next day. (/)

'Easter Bunny' Arrested for Harassment

(AP)

Dateline: Council Bluffs, Iowa -- The bunny trail led to trouble for a mall Easter Bunny who got upset at a co-worker, police said.

Michael J. Desantiago Sr., 36, of Council Bluffs, was arrested Saturday at the Mall of the Bluffs where he had a job dressed as the Easter Bunny. He told officers he became upset when someone threw water and other items at him, police said.

Desantiago left the area, changed clothes and came back to tell a fellow employee he was leaving. The employee told police that Desantiago "got up in her face and started to yell at her."

Desantiago threatened another person if he didn't get out of his way, police said. (/)

Easter Bunny goes postal. Beautiful. Next!

Thief meets running champion

(Ananova)

A Chinese thief stole a girl's money, but never expected the girl would turn out to be a running champion.

Chu Weiwei, from Chengdu city, was stopped by a man on her way shopping.

She explains: "He said to me that I had a good temperament and that he wanted to recruit me as his company's image representative."

Chen chatted with the 'boss' in a nearby cafe but he ran off with her purse. When she sprinted after him he threw the purse towards her.

She said: "He never knew I was the running champion of Shandong province", reports Tianfu Morning Post. (/)

Well, one would have thought he did eventually.

Vermont Boy's Sneakers Named Smelliest in U.S.

(AP, Lisa Rathke)

Dateline: Montpelier, Vermont -- There wasn't much left of the sneakers Noah Nielsen entered into the contest Tuesday, but it was the stench that earned him the top prize.

Nielsen, 10, beat six other contestants from around the country in the 30th annual national rotten sneaker contest.

The secret of his success? "No socks, ever."

"The stank was from rubbing my toes back and forth and making them sweaty," said Nielsen, with his trophy in hand and two golden sneakers hanging from his neck.

Nielsen said he also played soccer and baseball in the three-year-old Adidas patched together with duck tape. The wide gaps in the shoes revealed grimy toes and emitted a pungent odor that drove one judge to gag, another to take a step back and a dog to roll on top of the sneakers.

"Human feet shouldn't smell that bad," said judge Bill Fraser, Montpelier city manager.

Nielsen is a veteran of the competition. Last year he was a runner-up in the state event.

In the week leading up to this year's contest, he refused to take a bath. When his parents insisted, they found him with his feet hanging out of the tub, his father Peter Nielsen said.

His parents wouldn't allow him to wear the sneakers to school, so he put them on in the morning and at night. Noah Nielsen even wore them to bed Monday night, said his sister, Izabel, 13.

As the winner, he was awarded a $500 savings bond, a $100 check for new sneakers and a supply of Odor-Eaters products.

The other young contestants came from as far away as Alaska, Texas, Washington and Utah to compete in the event, which is sponsored by Odor-Eaters.

They each competed in state competitions to make it to Montpelier.

The contest began in 1975 as a way to help a local sporting goods store sell shoes. In 1988, Odor-Eaters — maker of anti-foot-odor insoles, sprays and powder — assumed sponsorship of the event.

The four judges, including an odor expert from NASA (news - web sites) and a black Labrador retriever, ranked the sneakers for their soles, heals, toes, laces and odor.

Kylan Dinkel, 10, from Wasilla, Alaska, said she played soccer in her muddy laceless sneakers for four years.

Jake Nelson, 10, of Lehi, Utah, dragged his behind his scooter. "He just doesn't like to wear socks," his father Steve Nelson said.

But it was Nielsen's that stood out. "I didn't like that," Bill Aldrich of NASA said after he took a sniff.

"I'll just take a step back," said judge Martha Tucker. "Those are impressive." (/)

Brie Fly

Woman marries clay pot

(Ananova)

An Indian bride was married off to a pot by her relatives after her groom failed to turn up for the ceremony.

Savita took her vows with a clay pot when her fiance Chaman Singh, an officer with the Indo Tibetan Border Police, reportedly got stranded on the border because of heavy snowfall, reports newspaper Deccan Herald.

Savita from Jaunsar Babar agreed to go through with the wedding to the clay pot.

It is reported a photograph of the groom was placed behind the pot. (/)

Driving instructor gives lesson in road rage

(Reuters)

Dateline: Amsterdam -- A Dutch driving instructor hit a knife-wielding fellow motorist with a baseball bat during a fight over his student's skills, police say.

"Words were exchanged between the instructor and the man who pulled a knife and then the other hit him with a baseball bat," a police spokeswoman said on Wednesday.

The 27-year old driving instructor and a 51-year old man with a head injury and a mild concussion were arrested and must appear in court.

Police would not say what the student did that precipitated the fight. (/)

Who said the Dutch were peaceful, fun-loving sorts eh? And you know we all want to know not what the driver did, but what gender the driver was...

Pants war erupts in sumo world

(Reuters)

Dateline: Tokyo -- A tussle has broken out in Japan's tradition-bound sumo world over the right to wear pants in the ring.

Gargantuan sumo wrestlers generally compete naked but for a "mawashi", an arrangement of wrapped cloth that preserves a bare minimum of modesty.

Sumo's amateur association hit upon the idea of allowing shy youngsters to wear "sumo pants", a more substantial garment similar to cycling shorts, to try to boost the dwindling numbers of children taking up the sport, the daily Yomiuri Shimbun said on Thursday.

"Pubescent kids are not going to want to take part if they don't look cool," Yomiuri quoted one local amateur sumo official as saying.

The sport's professional body, the Nihon Sumo Kyokai, however, has made clear that it will not allow wrestlers in pants to take part in youth tournaments at the venerable national stadium in Tokyo, the paper said.

"The national stadium has its rules and ways of doing things," the paper quoted a Sumo Kyokai spokesman as saying. "We have no intention of allowing children in pants into the ring." (/)

No, because they'd get arrested. I mean, read TAR, man.

And finally

Drunk Driving Suspect Nabbed at Drive-Thru

(AP)

Dateline: Mount Carmel, Tennessee -- A yearning for breakfast helped city police end a "low speed" chase of a drunken driving suspect. Jeffery Lynn Drinnon, 30, was arrested at the drive-through lane of a Hardee's restaurant about 5 a.m. Tuesday.

Police began chasing Drinnon after a market reported he drove away without paying for $7 of gasoline. Officers said they used blue lights and sirens to try to get Drinnon to pull over but he kept going until he saw the restaurant.

"He turned into Hardee's, pulls up to the drive-through and rolls the window down like he's going to order a biscuit before he goes to jail," Mount Carmel Assistant Police Chief Mike Campbell said. "They had the car surrounded with guns drawn at the drive-through at Hardee's, and he's wanting breakfast."

The assistant chief said the suspect, who has a history of drunken driving convictions, was obviously intoxicated as he argued that he was really in Kingsport, 6 miles to the southeast.

"He was the drunkest (driver) I've seen in a long time," Campbell said.

Drinnon was charged with driving under the influence, driving on a revoked license, evading arrest, resisting arrest and theft under $500.

He was taken into custody before he could place his order. (/)

Indeed. Until next time... and enjoy your Easter break.

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