Let them eat cake (but not escape), turkeys of doom, why reading porn while airborne is bad, swedish crims in the gym, & piercing insight from the US

So long, Pope John

John Paul reborn as 'Incredible Popeman'

(MSNBC, orig. Reuters, spotter D Quainton)

Comic book turns late pontiff into Satan-fighting superhero

Dateline: Bogota, Colombia - Pope John Paul II is being reborn in a Colombian comic book as a superhero battling evil with an anti-devil cape and special chastity pants.

The first episode of the "Incredible Popeman" is about to go on sale in Colombia and shows the late Polish pontiff meeting comic book legends such as Batman and Superman to learn how to use superpowers to battle Satan.

"The pope was a real-life superhero, of flesh and blood," said Colombian artist Rodolfo Leon, a non-practicing Catholic who has been working on the comic book for about a year.

Like any self-respecting superhero, the Incredible Popeman has a battery of special equipment. Along with his yellow cape and green chastity pants, the muscular super-pontiff wields a faith staff with a cross on top and carries holy water and communion wine.


(Pics: Daniel Munoz / Reuters)

"HomoPater," a comic book rendering of the late Pope John Paul II as an evil-fighting superhero, is shown in Bogota, Colombia.

In the comic book, the pope dies and is reborn with superpowers beyond the infallibility Catholic doctrine gave him on Earth.

Leon said he was saddened by the death Saturday of John Paul II, whom he admired. The artist worried some people might be offended by such a revered figure's becoming a comic book hero, but said the reception so far has been good. (/)

That's the only obit he's gonna get here.

Cake robber returned once too often

(Ananova)

A Chinese man was arrested after attempting to steal cakes at knifepoint three times in an hour from the same shop.

The 36-year-old burst into the cake shop at Changchun city, Jilin province, and told staff to give him some cakes.

"He came in with a knife and told us to freeze. Taking two cakes, he ran away," the shop manager told the Eastern Asia Economic News.

Considering the loss was so minor, the manager didn't call the police, but then, after only ten minutes, the robber returned and stole two more cakes.

This time, the manager called the police and officers were at the scene 30 minutes later when the man came back to the shop, asking staff to "load him with another two cakes".

At first, he told police he was a visitor and only spoke "foreign language", but he finally admitted he had just been hungry. (/)

Pensioner ordered to cut the grass

(Ananova)

A pensioner who took his daughter and son-in-law to court to force them to cut his grass has been forced to do it himself.

Paul Mueller, 72, argued he was too old to cut the lawn at the house he shared with daughter Karin and her husband Peter Hoffer.

He went to court to get them to take on the job at the house in Bonn, Germany.

But the plan backfired when the court ruled that the pensioner should be responsible for cutting the grass.

If he fails to do the job, his daughter, 43, is allowed to hire a professional gardener and make the old man pay the bill. (/)

MP shocks parliament

(Ananova)

A Brazilian MP shocked parliament when he went into graphic detail about his prostate examination.

The session had to be adjourned because so many of his colleagues were laughing, reports Terra Noticias Populares.

MP Sargento Isidorio told the regional parliament in Bahia that he had had no idea what the examination involved.

He said: "I'm still seeing stars when I close my eyes... The doctor arrived in the room and didn't lose a minute to introduce his finger.

"I wasn't aware of how it is done and the way the doctor inserted that finger was horrible, I almost fainted!"

And he called for changes in medical practice, saying: "I am not against the test but I'm against how it is performed." (/)

Artist invents pierced glasses

(Ananova, also Metro, various)

A Dallas artist has had permanent glasses pierced through the bridge of his nose.



James Sooy, 22, came up with the idea because his specs were constantly slipping down his nose.

He and a friend designed the piercing, which features magnets so Sooy can take the lenses off to bathe and sleep.

He wants to offer a model for sale by June and patent the pierced glasses.

Elayne Angel, medical co-ordinator for the Association of Professional Piercers, said the idea was eye-catching but impractical.

"I imagine putting those on and taking those off is going to be difficult, especially to try to put it on yourself," she said. (/)

For an interview and many more disturbing pictures, click here

Stone age porn

(Guardian, spotted in Ananova, original byline Krysia Diver)

Archaeologists in Germany have found what could be the oldest pornographic scene in the world.

They have unearthed what they believe to be the 7,200-year-old figurines of a couple having sex, reports the Guardian.

The find, at an archaeological dig in Leipzig, shatters the belief that sex was a taboo subject in the stone age era.

First, Harald Stäuble of the Archaeological Institute of Saxony, discovered the 8cm lower half of a man, which he named Adonis von Zschernitz.

One month later, Dr Stäuble found what could be the matching female figurine.

Dr Stäuble said: "Adonis is bent forward and the female figure is bent forward even more.

"There are two ways of looking at this. The first is that they were doing a ritual dance, but the other possibility is that the man and woman were copulating and that he was standing behind her.

"The copulation option is far more likely, and would make this the oldest representation ever of a pornographic scene." (/)

Really wanted an image with this story. If anyone finds one, tell me.

Man stabbed at Tokyo station for giving 'dirty look'

(Ananova/Mainichi Shimbun)

An unemployed man who stabbed a stranger in front of JR Tokyo Station was arrested on Saturday, police said.

The man, Juichi Ohara, 58, of no fixed address, has been accused of attempted murder.

Ohara was lining up at the taxi stand in front of Tokyo Station in the capital's Chiyoda-ku and stabbed a man behind him in the chest at about 1:20 a.m.

Ohara said the victim was giving him a dirty look when he turned around.

"He was giving me a strange look. I thought he was going to attack me so I stabbed him preemptively," officers quoted Ohara as saying.

The victim, 33, was seriously injured and taken to hospital after fleeing the scene by taxi, according to police.

Police added that Ohara was in possession of a knife which he claimed was for self-protection. (/)

Swedish prisoners go on strike over buffness

(Reuters)

Dateline: Stockholm - Swedish jail inmates have gone on strike after authorities cut down on weight-lifting and exercise sessions to stop prisoners becoming too muscle-bound.

The prisoners, whose protest sparked no violence, were locked in their cells after refusing to attend any workshops or study sessions. Around 1,000 inmates from 20 of Sweden's 60 prisons protested.

"We want to offer them other ways to keep fit and to take away some of the heavy weights," Swedish jail system security chief Christer Isaksson told Reuters on Monday.

"We don't feel it is part of the mission that society has given us to create ... over-sized muscle builders." (/)

Police Offer Reward in Horse Tail Thefts

(AP originally Oshkosk Northwestern)

Dateline: Town Of Leon, Wisconsin - Some horses in central Wisconsin may still be bright eyed, but no longer bushy tailed. Waushara and Portage county sheriff's departments are trying to figure out who is cutting off the tails of some horses.

Someone cut off parts of the same horse's tail about four times since January at a town of Leon property, Waushara County Sheriff David Peterson said.

And Portage County officials are investigating the theft of the tails of four show horses in the town of Eau Pleine.

The horses were not injured and no one has determined a motive.

In both counties, the owners described the horses as friendly and all were in pastures when the crimes occurred.

The most recent incident occurred at Waushara County rural residence during the evening of March 25.

The sheriff's office is offering a cash reward through Waushara County Crime Stoppers, Inc., to anyone who helps solve the case.

"Somebody's got to have seen something, or heard something," Peterson said.

Portage County officials publicized the incidents in their county in February but received no tips.

"We don't know if it's part of some kind of ritual. We have no idea what's going on," Peterson said. (/)

Now, I went and read the Oshkosh Northwestern, because I'm like that. It's amusing. It does, however, have what have to be the world's most obvious/stupid headers…

Headers Of The Week

Headlines for Apr. 03, 2005

Oshkosh remembers pope
Two hope to be next chairman

Really? Both of them?

Headlines for Apr. 02, 2005

Volunteers show caring
Oshkosh man passed on his passion for pigeons to children

????!!!!!

Headlines for Apr. 01, 2005

Death stirs emotions
Police investigate new robbery

And my favourite:

Headlines for Mar. 31, 2005

Man to serve in prison (/)

New woolly wonder in New Zealand as Shrek2 is shorn

(AFP)

Dateline: Christchurch, New Zealand - Shrek, a New Zealand sheep who won international fame a year ago with his substantial 27.5 kilogram (60.5 pounds) fleece, has been left bleating in the background with the emergence of an even bigger woolly wonder.

Fleece from Shrek2 weighed 31 kilograms and measured three metres (9.9 feet) in length when shorn over the weekend.

David Wightman, Shrek 2's owner, said he believes the 11-year-old sheep avoided muster for the past seven years in the remote hills above his Winterslow Station near here.

The original Shrek became a national celebrity. He was flown to Wellington for an audience with Prime Minister Helen Clark and featured in a fundraising campaign for a cancer charity. (/)

Police Hunt for Menacing Turkeys

(AP)

Dateline: Menominee, Michigan - A group of turkeys has been trotting around the city, chasing kids, startling motorists and loitering at people's homes. Authorities were notified, the EagleHerald reported, and after a slew of complaints, a hunt ensued.

"It's been keeping us on our toes," said Mike Baker, public service officer for the Menominee Police Department.

Two turkeys were captured by state Department of Natural Resources employees and turned loose in Menominee. One disappeared. Another turned up as a carcass on a city street, the newspaper reported.

A fifth, nicknamed Gertrude by a local family, also has disappeared.

Another group of marauding turkeys was found in nearby Marinette, Wis., but they appear to coexist well with residents.

"There have been no problems whatsoever," said Joe Rossley, Marinette's animal control and code enforcement officer.

The sight of turkeys in the city may be mostly in the past for the time being. In the spring, turkeys typically begin nesting and they like to do that in rural or wooded areas, not in backyards.

"A lot of wild instincts take over in the spring," says Craig Albright, a wildlife biologist with the DNR. "Most of the time they scatter about. It makes for a very exciting spring turkey hunt."

Turkey hunting season in Michigan starts in April. In fall and winter, turkeys may flock to more urban areas where residents, initially delighted with the novelty of a backyard turkey invitation, feed them.

"Turkeys seem to find cities to their liking, especially if they can find food," Albright said. "They're not afraid of people or traffic." (/)

Regular TAR readers (hello, both of you) will remember this story starting out. Sadly, Boise police took a very dim view of a nightclub's attempts at 'high' culture…

Police not fooled by strip club's "art night"

(Reuters)

Dateline: Boise, Idaho - An Idaho strip club that attempted to get around a ban on full nudity by giving patrons sketch pads for special "art nights" was cited for violating the city's nudity rules, officials say.

(AP Photo/Matt Cilley)

The citation was issued on Monday night to the Erotic City Gentleman's Club in Boise, Idaho.

Boise allows full nudity for "serious artistic" expression only, so the club handed out pencils and sketch pads to patrons so they could sketch naked women.

A police spokeswoman said officials concluded, however, that patrons were not focused on art, so officers cited three dancers for violations of the city nudity ordinance. "The case is being reviewed by the Boise city attorney for the possibility of future citations," said spokeswoman Lynn Hightower.

Erotic City owner Chris Teague called the citations a violation of the civil rights of the dancers, as well as an "insult to the patrons." But the club would suspend 'art night' until the matter was settled in court. (/)

Indeed. I also read AP's version, and was amazed to find that strippers need to wear Cornish foodstuffs over their nether regions...

AP BOISE, Idaho - Art night at Erotic City apparently wasn't artistic enough. Police raided the Boise bar Monday night for violating the city's nudity ordinance, which requires that dancers wear at least pasties and a thong unless they are engaging in a performance with "serious artistic merit." (/)

So I asked around (as you do) and in fact they're pronouned "pay-stees" and they're a kind of stick-on invisible bra. Now you know. Don't say TAR doesn't come good on its remit to educate and inform.

Suspect's Phone Tips Police to Burglary

(AP)

Dateline: Rogersville, Tennessee - Hawkins County authorities were waiting for two would-be burglars after a cell phone in a suspect's pocket accidentally dialed 911 and dispatchers overheard them plotting the crime.

Authorities arrested Jason Anthony Arnold, 29, and James Keith Benton, 38, both of Church Hill, and charged them with burglary and theft over $500. Officers said they tried to steal a refrigerator from a mobile home dealership.

The Hawkins County Sheriff's Department was tipped off early Friday morning when dispatchers overheard a 40-minute conversation from a cell phone about plans to rob the dealership.

"It's the kind with the numbers exposed," detective Eve Jackson said. "Apparently with this type of phone if you hold down the number nine it automatically dials 911. So Mr. Arnold's phone was in his front jeans pocket, and somehow the number nine got pressed, and central dispatch heard everything they said."

Deputies thought the 911 call could have been a prank because it was April Fool's Day, but the scene unfolded exactly the way the conversation had described.

The suspects went into one of the mobile homes, carried out a refrigerator and were surprised when police came out from hiding and confronted them. (/)

Loslyf reader thrown off plane

(News24, SA)

Dateline: Cape Town - An irate businessman was chucked off a Nationwide Airlines flight at the Easter weekend when he allegedly kicked up a fuss because flight crew would not allow him to read Loslyf magazine on the aircraft.

(Esa Alexander, Die Burger) AC Hoffman of Somerset-Wes with the Loslyf magazine that apparently led to him being thrown off a flight

"Nowhere on my ticket does it say that this magazine may not be read on the aircraft," said Capetonian AC Hoffman on Monday.

"And, I held the magazine in such a way that not even the woman in the seat next to mine could see what I was reading."

Hoffman and his partner, Tim Els, were en route from Johannesburg to Cape Town on business.

They are developers working in the tobacco industry and travel between the two cities once a week.

Els said: "AC always buys Loslyf."

According to Hoffman, this time around, he accidentally dropped the magazine while they were boarding the flight.

"The air hostess saw me dropping the magazine, and when I was unwrapping it in my seat, she came over to tell me to put it away," said Hoffman.

"At first, I refused, but then she went and told the captain who broadcast her request via the intercom so that everyone could hear."

According to Hoffman, the air hostess then snatched the magazine and took it to the front.

"She came back and threw the magazine down in my lap. That's when I told her she was fuckin' rude," said Hoffman.

"She obviously does not know the difference between fuckin' and fuck you, because she claimed I was swearing at her."

The aircraft was already moving and turned back from the runway towards the airport building where Hoffman was unloaded.

He had to make a statement to the police.

"This will not be the end of the matter," he said.

"My hand luggage has not even been returned yet," he said.

According to Vernon Bricknell, the airline's chief executive, his personnel complained about Hoffman's alleged "offensive" behaviour.

"Our policy contains no stipulations on pornography, but we simply do not allow that kind of stuff on our flights," he said.

"It is not acceptable. If you want to look at it, go and do so in the toilet, but not there in front of everyone. There are children around."

Eugene Goddard, editor of Loslyf, said on Monday: "The only CNAs still selling the publication are those at airports.

"It is strange," he said. "Why do you sell something at airports if people are not allowed to read it on flights?" (/)

Why indeed? I'm interested in this. Any comments gratefully received.

Norwegian Job Ad Seeks Friendly Vikings

(AP)

Dateline: Oslo, Norway - Help wanted: Vikings. Must be friendly, tourist-oriented and interested in ancient Norse traditions. Crazed, bloodthirsty pillagers need not apply.

In a rare employment opportunity for Vikings, whose job market peaked about 1,000 years ago when they terrorized Europe in their longboats, southern Norway's Vestfold county wants to fill slots at its local historical park.

The ad, to appear in local media Saturday, will be simple: "Jobs available. Vikings in Vestfold," with a link to the center's Internet home page, said Lars Kobro, self-described chieftain of the Midgard Historical Center.

"More and more we see that tourists are interested in Vikings," Kobro said Tuesday. "They don't want just exhibits, but face-to-face encounters.

But the center is seeking to play down the Scandinavian Vikings' reputation as wild, murderous looters who pillaged and burned through much of Europe, a claim Kobro said was largely exaggerated in texts left by ancient English monks.

"They were really more traders and merchants," said Kobro. He said they are seeking a corps of about 50 part-time Vikings, ready to turn out at the center when needed. (/)

Have axe, will travel.

Toilet Paper Used To Be Really Crappy

(Wireless Flash)

Regardless of what you think about your toilet paper, it's a definite improvement over what passed over the posterior in the past.

James Buckley, Jr., author of a new book, The Bathroom Companion (Quirk Books), says the ancient Romans had no knowledge of two-ply toilet paper and were forced to wipe their bums on a communal sponge soaked in salt water.

Folks in medieval England cleaned their keisters with discarded sheep's wool while ancient Hawaiians preferred coconut shells.

During the 18th century, members of French royalty used lace doilies when doing their business.

These days, toilet paper is universally available but there are still some regional differences. For instance, T.P. in the Ivory Coast is named after popular American soap operas, which means the locals can buy brands like Dallas Jumbo or Santa Barbara. (/)

Press Release Heaven

The Most Sexually Adventurous State in America is...

(Xpress Press)

Dateline: Beverly Hills, Calif-- According to a 5-year study released today by the New Sex Institute of Beverly Hills, California (http://www.NewSex.org) the Top 10 list ranking the most sexually adventurous states in America is:

1. Missouri
2. California
3. Texas
4. New York
5. Utah
6. Florida
7. Michigan
8. Illinois
9. Massachusetts
10. Pennsylvania

New Sex Institute Founder Clint Arthur explains the study's methodology: "We have provided information about New Sex techniques over the Internet since 1999, so we took the total number of orders for each state and factored in the population to arrive at a Sexual Adventurousness Quotient (S.A.Q.). The Show Me State came out on top -- which makes perfect sense when you consider our best-selling DVD 'New Sex Now' shows you exactly how to have the New Sex Experience."

For more information contact: 1-866-661-LOVE or visit http://www.NewSex.org. (/)

Ho ho ho.

Husband of 92 women dies at 81

(Sify.com)

Dateline: Bhubaneswar -- His last wish remained unfulfilled. Udaynath Dakshinray wanted to marry 100 women, but this was not to be. He died early this week, having married only 92 women in his lifetime!

Dakshinray, from Orali village in Keonjhar district of Orissa, had been paralysed for the past month. His fifth wife and 15 children were by his side at the hospital when he passed away. Also see: Sify Offbeat special

Dakshinray was an ayurvedic doctor. His first wife, Sibapriya, was a teacher in Dhenkanal. He wanted her to give up her job and go with him to his village.

When she refused, he returned to his village, with a vow to marry 100 women during his lifetime.

He married girls not only from his neighbouring villages but also from Bihar, West Bengal and Madhya Pradesh. He claimed that even foreigners had wanted to marry him.

He married his 92nd — and last — wife 10 years ago.

Dakshinray had no knowledge of the whereabouts of most of his wives. However, his 5th and 72nd wives were living with him. (/)

This month's People With Issues

(Chuck Shepherd, News of the Weird)

• In March, Billy Reed, 49, of Fleetwood, Pa., lost a 19-month battle with the state Department of Transportation over his insistence that he has a right to have his eyes closed in his driver's license photo, because of freedom of expression and his "right to happiness." After a Commonwealth Court ruled against him, Reed (who said he studies law in his spare time) said he would probably appeal. "I didn't set out on this as a mission. It's one of those things that happen in life. Here you are. Life takes you down a path, and you end up where you are."

• In 1989, after his release from prison on petty crimes, John L. Stanley undertook the serious study of criminology, lecturing and even hosting a Dallas radio program on crime, but in December, he confessed to robbing a Commerce Bank in Kansas City, Mo., because he needed to return to prison to further his study, telling the judge, "(T)here are some things about crime you can't understand unless you get into the belly of the beast" and that he needed to "be secluded and do the things I need to do while I still have the time." "You can take a butterfly and put it on a light stand, but until you are a butterfly and fly, you can't understand why a butterfly flies." (Stanley showed up for sentencing in March in a wheelchair, which was the result of his, not surprisingly, being beaten up by another inmate.) (/)

Lima taxi drivers driven to distraction

(Reuters)

Lima, Peru - Anyone climbing aboard a bus or taxi in Peru should think twice because many drivers have psychopathic tendencies, a university study says.

Some 40 percent of the 640 taxi and bus drivers surveyed by Lima's San Marcos University suffered from psychological problems and showed psychopathic tendencies, such as aggressive, anxious and antisocial behaviour, the study said.

"Drivers showed they would not feel any guilt in injuring or running over a pedestrian," the study added.

Peru's capital, Lima, is crowded with aging, pollution-pumping taxis and buses, many of which do not obey traffic rules or stop lights.

Hundreds of people die each year in bus and taxi crashes in Peru because of bad roads, poorly maintained vehicles and recklessness by drivers. In just the last three months of last year at least 85 people were killed in crashes, according to police figures. Prosecution is rare. (/)

Japanese town gets real Robocop, or
You have 20 seconds to pay your parking fine!

(AFP)

Dateline: Tokyo - The safety of a Japanese neighborhood was put in the hands -- briefly -- of a robot, which became police chief for the day in a campaign to promote safe driving.T63 Artemis, named after the Greek moon goddess Artemis, helped its subordinate human officers distribute fliers on traffic safety at the train station after its appointment as head of Hakata station and surrounding neighborhood in the southern city of Fukuoka.

Madame, I'm not fucking around. You have 20 seconds to comply

The 157-centimeter (five-foot, two-inch) tall Artemis, which has two arms and weighs 100 kilograms (220 pounds), can go on patrol with the help of a battery, police said.

Locally developed Artemis will enter the record books as the first robot police chief in Japan, where robots are being put to growing use for security.

The World Exposition, a six-month showcase of technology in central Aichi prefecture, has eight security robots on patrol day and night. (/)

I. however, am with Engadget.com:

If there's one thing all the Terminator movies have taught us, it's that you NEVER put the the robots in charge, but apparently heedless to the obvious dangers, a police station in Japan decided to make one of tmsuk's T63 Artemis security bots its chief of police for a day (it has something or other to do with promoting safe driving). (/)

Man Who Defended Self Cites Incompetence

(AP)

Dateline: Springfield, Mass. - Thomas P. Budnick says his lawyer's incompetence was to blame for his assault conviction. The funny thing is he was representing himself.

He took his case before the state Appeals Court on Wednesday, arguing that the trial judge never should have allowed Budnick to defend himself against charges of trying to poison a friend by lacing a bottle of beer with nitric acid.

Budnick once filed mining claims on Mars and threatened to sue NASA for trespassing. Such antics should have been enough to make the judge question his competence to waive counsel, his new court-appointed lawyer said.

"This was a guy who had just come out of Bridgewater," said Linda Harvey, referring to the state mental hospital.

Budnick was charged in 2002 with trying to poison friend Ryan Gauthier by spiking a 40-ounce bottle of beer.

Budnick, who claimed he had accidentally given Gauthier a bottle of acid he kept in his garage for cleaning his collection of meteorites, was convicted of assault with a dangerous weapon and sentenced to two years in prison.

But he was cleared of the more serious charge of attempted poisoning because the liquid spilled on Gauthier's leg and burned him before he could drink it.

Hampden County prosecutor Carl Lindley told the Appeals Court that, despite his eccentricities, Budnick had "made an effective litigant."

"The jury acquitted him of the most serious charge," Lindley pointed out to the panel of justices who met Wednesday at Western New England Law School.

For more than 20 years, Budnick tried to file and peddle mining claims in such diverse places as George's Bank, the asteroid belt, Mars and the moons of Jupiter. After trying several states without success, he finally persuaded Texas authorities to accept his astral mineral rights claims in 1984. (/)

25-Foot Inflatable Gorilla Stolen in Washington

(AP)

Dateline: Stanwood, Washington - Police are looking for an oversized but rather limp gorilla. Owner Mike McDaniel said the 25-foot blue and yellow inflatable animal was cut from its tether at the Viking Village shopping center after the air was let out because of high winds last Friday.

The overgrown ape, which was being used to advertise a hot tub sale at the mall, was more vulnerable to thieves because they could make an instant getaway, McDaniel said.

"If it's fully inflated, it does take five or 10 minutes for it to fully drain out," he said.

According to a police report, the last All Seasons Spa and Stove employee left the mall at 6 p.m., and the gorilla was gone when a night guard came to work three hours later.

Also taken was a fan used to inflate the unnamed gorilla, said McDaniel, who rents inflatable advertising characters from his business, Air Play Rental of Camano Island.

"I could just see it, some party blows this sucker up," said Judy Chapman, who coordinated the annual sale.

McDaniel, who has offered a $500 reward for return of the monster monkey, said it would cost $5,000 to replace, and he stands to lose $1,500 in rental income by the time a new one arrives.

At the same sale last year, vandals slashed the gorilla's leg, he said. (/)

Professor Accused of Stealing Manure

(AP)

Dateline: Rockport, Mass. - A Harvard economics professor has been accused of neglecting the standard market practice of paying for goods and services by trying to steal a truckload of manure from a horse farmer.

Stable manager Phillip Casey says Martin Weitzman, Harvard University's Ernest E. Monrad Professor of Economics, has been stealing manure from Charlie Lane's Rockport farm for years.

Police said said Casey found Weitzman on the property last Friday, so he blocked in Weitzman's pickup truck and called police. Weitzman got angry, Casey said, then offered to pay for the manure he'd already taken. But Casey said he wouldn't budge because he wanted the thefts to stop.

"He offered me $20 for it and then $40 for it," Casey said.

Casey said the land was marked private property and Weitzman, 63, had been warned before.

"He's been doing it for years," Casey told the Gloucester Daily Times.

The farm sells the manure for $35 a truckload and also uses it to fertilize a pasture.

Rockport police officer Michael Marino said Weitzman, who lives in neighboring Gloucester, is charged with larceny under $250, trespassing, and malicious destruction of property for tearing up some land with his tires. (/)

Sport

Forgetful Parnevik leaves his clubs at home

(AFP, pic AFP)

Dateline: Augusta - Jesper Parnevik's attempt to win the Masters got off to an embarrassing start here when the Swede arrived for a practice round - he had forgotten to bring his clubs.

The eccentric Swede, who once claimed he ate volcanic dust, admitted he had no one to blame but himself.

"I think I'm the first one to ever come to the Masters and forget their clubs in the garage," said Parnevik, playing this week in his seventh Masters.

"If you knew our family you would understand," added the Swede, who's best finish over Augusta National is 20th in 2001.

Parnevik was forced to play Sunday with borrowed clubs while a private jet was sent to bring his own from his home in Florida. His opening drive was a towering slice over the giant scoreboard.

The Swede's blunder raised a laugh amongst the other players.

Three-time Masters champion Nick Faldo was stunned.

"He arrived to play the Masters without his clubs," said the Englishman.

"What does that tell you? Does that tell you that maybe that volcano dust has maybe been a bit too strong. He needs to work on the mix of that volcano dust."

Davis Love, when told about Parnevik's mishap, could only laugh: "I'm not surprised." (/)

Brie Fly

New Ms Wheelchair crowned after dispute

(AP)

Dateline: Milwaukee - A new Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin has been crowned after pageant leaders stripped the original winner of the title when she appeared in a newspaper photograph standing up.

The announcement of the new winner Tuesday came amid a storm of protest over pageant officials' decision last week to take the crown away from Janeal Lee, a high school teacher and muscular dystrophy sufferer who uses a scooter as her main way to get around but says she can walk up to 50 feet on a good day and stand while teaching.

During the furor, the runner-up refused to accept the crown out of protest. Lee's sister, who also has muscular dystrophy and was named Ms. Wheelchair Minnesota, dropped out of the competition in that state. And the coordinator for the organization's Minnesota program stepped down from her job to "stand up for Janeal Lee." (/)

You either get the humour there, or you don't.

A quick shout out to http://www.bobfromaccounting.com/ which is this week's site of the week. It can't really be any other kind of site of the week, though, can it.

And, lastly, the kind of story I love. If you're squeamish, you may want to read this story looking between your fingers. I cross my legs and grip my desk.

And finally

Whatever You Do, Don't Read This...

(Reuters/MyWay, byline Ellen Wulfhorst)

Dateline Providence, R.I. - Tony Troiano grimaced as he was lifted off the floor by giant fishhooks pierced through the skin on his shoulders.

Within minutes, he started to spin, swing his feet and declare the painful experience "the greatest thing" ever.

"I was on Cloud Nine," the Wethersfield, Connecticut teenager said as he joined fellow body suspension practitioners at an annual convention over the weekend. "It was euphoric. It was spiritual. I'd do it again today if I wasn't so sore."

From tentative first-timers to the well practiced, more than a hundred aficionados celebrated their passion for body suspension at the three-day gathering, held in an old textile mill in Providence, Rhode Island.

To hang cost $100; just to watch cost $15 at what many say is the best such gathering for the hundreds, if not thousands, of people they estimate practice suspension across America.

"Ever stand up too fast and feel like you're about to pass out?" said Dave Post, of Albany, New York explaining why he liked hanging from hooks. "It's like you're stuck at that point."

The practice requires three-inch (7.6-cm) steel deep sea fishing hooks freshly inserted under the skin for each suspension.

A basic "suicide" hang uses hooks in the back, a chest suspension requires hooks in front, a knee suspension puts the body upside down, and the "Superman" pose requires hooks along the back and upper thighs. The hooks are attached to ropes, and pulleys slowly lift the body off the floor.

Some people spin like acrobats, some play like children on a swing and others hang solemnly. Some giggle, some cry.

"Some people have a spiritual experience, some people just have fun and some people don't like it and come right down," said Mike Giossi, a local mechanic and fan of the practice.

Jess Robins, a student from Canada, hung almost motionless from hooks inserted through the tops of her breasts. Blood poured down her belly, and her legs trembled.

Nearby, two men played a game of tug-of-war, pulling at each other with wire cables attached through their elbows.

"When I first got off the ground, I never felt pain like that in my life. But afterward, I was just filled with empowerment," said Giossi. "I've never been happier than when I came down."

Practitioners may seek the power and intensity suspension offers, said Karen Conterio, co-author of "Bodily Harm," a book about self-mutilation. Suspension also could be a rite of passage.

"It's a conquest of some sort. People are pushing the envelope more and more to attain some kind of separation and identification from society, and this is one way of doing it," she said. "Most people who probably are pretty healthy are not going to go to that extreme."

Many practitioners say suspension is somehow therapeutic.

"Look at his face. He's so serene," said Rosemary Curtis, watching her boyfriend swing slowly in the "Superman" pose. "We've had some really rough times this year, and he needed this really bad."

Not everyone was convinced. Colin Vanalstine watched but was not about to try it. "I'm afraid of needles," he said.

For such an off-beat practice, the convention is remarkably well-run, with sanitary precautions, surgical tools and almost military efficiency in preparing people for their suspension.

Some hang for a few minutes, others for an hour or more.

The biggest danger is cross-contamination, organizers said, due to so much open flesh and blood. Other dangers involve people passing out or suffering seizures, they said.

"The first couple of times, I didn't enjoy it," said Canadian Warren Hiller. "The first time I blacked out, and one time I was convulsing. But the third time I got better. I wasn't blacking out anymore."

It's not masochism, said Allen Falkner of Dallas, who has practiced suspension for 13 years. "Suspension is not about pain, it's about getting past the pain."

Advocates say suspension has been practiced since ancient times in many societies.

"It's searching for answers, trying new things," Hiller said. "You can only get pierced and tattooed so many times." (/)

Until next time...

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