From second-hand Saddam to air guitar rules, from crazy crims to coops on the rocks, TAR brings you its maddest worldview yet

TAR Diary

August sees that classic TAR event of the year, the Air Guitar World Championships, take place in Finland - where else?

Believe it or not, the air guitar world championships have real Rules.

RULES

The Air Guitar World Championships and all the qualifying competitions organised within its authority will comply with the following rules:

1. The instrument of an Air Guitar player must be invisible, i.e. air.
2. An Air Guitarist may play an electric guitar or an acoustic one - or both.
3. Each competitor must participate in a qualifying round (excluding the Champion of the previous year and the winners of official qualifying countries, who have direct access to the final) to compete for a place in the final.
4. The winner of the previous year has direct access to the final, should he/she wish to defend the Championship title.
In the qualifying competition the competitors perform a one-minute-long song of their own choice. The judges select the best competitors from the qualifying competition into the final, so that a total of 12-20 Air Guitar players play in the final (including the previous Champion and winners of national qualifying competitions).
5. In the final the competitors perform two one-minute rounds:
- Compulsory song (1 minute), which is the same for all the competitors and which the competitors will not hear until right before the final.
- Song of own choice (1 minute). The competitors must bring their personally selected song with them on a CD. The competitor may edit the song beforehand so that it lasts one minute, or alternatively let the organisers know the point from which to start playing the song.
6. Personal Air Roadies are allowed.
Backing groups - real or Air Groups - are not allowed.
The dress code for an Air Guitar player is free and he/she may use additional props in any way he/she desires.
An Air Guitar player may use a real pick or play by strumming or finger picking.

Of course, Britain has its entrants and, of course, this week's Air Guitar story was a typical Torygraph rant about "dumbing down". TAR says: shut up to the Torygraph, and big up to Amanda Griffiths...

Academic takes PhD in art of air guitar

Telegraph

The first academic study into the sweaty pursuit of air guitar playing is to use the work of French philosophers to explain why men and women do it differently.



Doctoral research has begun under the supervision of Britain's first professor of pop music, who is also overseeing a PhD into the art of "moshing", the vigorous head-shaking dance popular among concert crowds.

The study will try and answer why men and women play differently.

For the next three years, Amanda Griffiths, 32, a dance teacher from north Wales, will attempt to explain, in 60,000 words, why the attractions of an invisible guitar are generally overlooked by women, and how the girls who get involved do it differently.

To do so, she will use the complex arguments of French post-structuralist theorists such as Michel Foucault and Marxists such as Roland Barthes.

Miss Griffiths, who is funding her research at a cost of about £10,000, said: "The time seems right for a cultural study of phenomenon, because there is a very hardcore air guitar scene that has been bubbling away for years. But as a feminist I am interested in why there are so few women at events."

Her work, one of the subtitles of which is "air guitar: celebrating the fakeness of the inauthentic", has come to the attention of the organisers of the World Air Guitar Championships, and she has been invited to address a training camp for competition entrants in Finland this month.

Britain created the first world record for an air guitar ensemble when more than 4,000 people flailed along to Sweet Child o' Mine by the heavy metal band Guns 'n' Roses at the Guildford Festival in Surrey last month. (:/)

Yeah. Chiggachiggawow-wahhh-chiggawaaahhhhh...

Cats Rock, Dogs Suck

TAR loves cats, and thinks dogs suck. Well, ok, not suck exactly, but next to cats they just seem stupid. Don't agree? Screw you! I'll set my cat on you! Not scared? But then, you haven't met my cat...

Cat, Alligator Face Off In Suburban Driveway

CBS

Dateline: Joliet, Ill. - Pikachu the cat just got quite a toothy surprise. She found herself fangs to fangs with an alligator Wednesday morning.


This cat rests after its fangs-to-fangs encounter with an alligator.
CBS

That wouldn’t be a surprise in a swamp, but Pikachu lives in Will County.

CBS 2’s Vince Gerasole paid her – and her surprised owner – a visit.

He’s a tough guy in a pick-up, but Wednesday morning Duane Johnson was in desperate need of some “gator-aid.”

At the other side of his screen door – at the end of his driveway Wednesday morning – Duane’s stroll for the morning paper brought him face to face with a four-foot-long alligator.

“I was more worried about my cat cause the cat was acting like a tough guy like she was gonna take him on, and I think the alligator was laying low for the cat to get close enough,” Johnson said.

Pikachu is now resting comfortably after the encounter.

“I grabbed a flashlight, and I shined a flashlight at it and it was two yellow eyes glittering back at me,” Johnson said.

A 911 operator was in disbelief when Johnson called.

“It’s gonna sound funny, but I got a live alligator,” Johnson said in the 911 call.

“A what?” the operator asked.

“In my driveway, a live alligator,” Johnson responded.

“Where did it come from?” the operator asked.

That question remains unanswered in this suburban subdivision, especially considering owning an alligator in Illinois is a crime.

Duane says animal control officers eventually cornered the gator, who seemed pretty tame – for the most part.

“One time he opened his jaws and hissed at me,” Johnson said.

The alligator is now in the protective custody of the Chicago Herpetological Society. They report it showed signs of abuse. Their goal is to eventually release it into the wild in Florida or Louisiana.

Yeah! Go Pikachu go!

Cops On The Rocks

Edison Cop Busted For Indecent Exposure

1010WINS

Dateline: Ocean City, Md. - Police arrested a New Jersey police officer on an indecent exposure charge after people complained the man was standing naked in front of his hotel room window.

Edison, N.J., police officer David Salardino, 32, and a friend, Brian J. Rossmeyer, were arrested about 2:30 a.m. Wednesday.

Several people had complained that two nude men were visible through the window of their room at the 112th Street Comfort Inn. The hotel's night manager told police that when he went outside of the building and looked up, ``he was able to clearly see full frontal nudity as Salardino stood fully exposed in front of the hotel room window,'' according to a police report.

``Salardino was attempting to 'show off' by flexing as he stood naked in front of the window in order to attract the attention of the people on the sidewalk in front of the hotel,'' the report said.

Witnesses told police they also saw Rossmeyer expose himself for a brief period of time.

When officers went to the room, Salardino identified himself as a police officer and denied the accusations. After police told him about the several witnesses they had talked to, ``he apologized and said he took full responsibility for what happened ... he never actually admitted to exposing himself,'' the report said.

Both men were arrested on indecent exposure charges. (:/)

Criminal Negligence

Nude Man in Ski Mask Enters Sandwich Shop

AP

Dateline: Spencer, Iowa - A man who police say showed up at a sandwich shop wearing nothing but a ski mask will face several charges once he's released from the hospital, police said Thursday.

Mathias Kout, 55, of Spencer, walked into a Subway about 11 p.m. Wednesday without any clothes on — except for the mask.

He didn't stay long and he didn't order anything, Police Chief Mike Lashbrook said.

A woman was working at the counter when Kout walked in, Lashbrook said.

Not long after, the woman's boyfriend walked in and Kout left, he said.

Police spotted a pickup truck described as the one Kout left in. During a chase, Kout lost control and crashed, Lashbrook said.

Kout was taken to a local hospital, where he remained Thursday. Hospital officials did not release any information about his condition.

Lashbrook said he doesn't believed Kout intended to rob the restaurant. He wasn't armed, the chief said.

"I'm not sure what he would rob it with," he said. (:/)

Completely F*Cking Insane

Sports fan gets death for killing wife who wanted to cuddle

AP

Dateline: Panama City -- A man angry with his wife because she repeatedly asked him to cuddle after sex while he wanted to watch sports on television has been sentenced to death for killing her with a claw hammer.

Christopher Offord, 30 received the sentence Wednesday from Circuit Judge Dedee Costello, who said the brutality of the killing outweighed any mental health issues.

``The defendant struck his wife approximately 70 individual blows after spending a happy interlude with her,'' Costello said. ``Her desire to cuddle after sex does not justify the extremely violent, brutal response of the defendant.''

Offord pleaded guilty to first-degree murder in the July 31, 2004, death of Dana Noser, 40, at his Panama City apartment.

He initially confessed to a bartender at a sports bar before being arrested. He told investigators he got annoyed when he wanted to watch a sports program and Noser continued to ask him to return to bed with her.

Offord did not speak in court Wednesday but in the past has repeatedly said he wanted a death sentence.

``Prison isn't the issue,'' he said in June during a jailhouse interview with The News Herald of Panama City. ``I figured I killed her so I deserve to die.''

All death sentences are automatically appealed to the Florida Supreme Court.

A 12-member jury unanimously had recommended death. The only other option was life in prison without parole.

At that June hearing, Offord claimed he had a history of mental illness since he was 6 years old. He also told arresting officers that a voice in his head told him to kill Noser.

At a second sentencing hearing last month, however, he denied having any mental impairment, saying he had fooled doctors all his life. He said he ``just lost it'' when he killed Noser and had been thinking about murdering her for weeks. (:/)

There's something so disturbing about this - confessing in a sports bar, becoming psycho about 'wanting to cuddle', and the bizarre need to say "Her desire to cuddle after sex does not justify the extremely violent, brutal response of the defendant"...

America - mind boggling.

Go Banksy, Go!

Art prankster sprays Israeli wall

Auntie Beeb/spotter Ben Gallagher

Secretive "guerrilla" artist Banksy has decorated Israel's controversial West Bank barrier with satirical images of life on the other side.



The nine paintings were created on the Palestinian side of the barrier.

One depicts a hole in the wall with an idyllic beach, while another shows a mountain landscape on the other side.

Banksy's spokeswoman Jo Brooks said: "The Israeli security forces did shoot in the air threateningly and there were quite a few guns pointed at him."

Another picture shows the head of a white horse appearing to poke through, while he has also painted a ladder going over the wall.

Banksy, who hails from the UK city of Bristol, never allows himself to be photographed and created the images last week.

He condemned the wall but described it as "the ultimate activity holiday destination for graffiti writers". (:/)

Sadly not for anyone else, however...

Wristband too near the knuckle

Ananova

A BOY WHO bought a charity-style wristband from a vending machine was shocked when, instead of an inspirational message, it had the word f*** printed on it.

Seven-year-old Brendan Garvin bought the 20p wristband - which should have carried a positive message such as love, hope, dream, believe or faith - from a machine in Bells Stores in Simonside, South Shields.

A spokesman said: 'This was obviously a rogue band. We're sorry for any distress.' (:/)

Canadian divers search for missing cheese

AFP

Dateline: Montreal - A team of divers are searching at the bottom of the "Baie des Ha! Ha!" in northeastern Canada for 800 kilograms (1,700 pounds) of cheddar sunk by an entrepreneur hoping to revolutionize cheese making.

"A few years ago, a fisherman came to us and said he'd found a piece of Boivin cheese at the bottom of a lake where he'd been diving. He took it, hesitated, ate it and told us it was one of the best cheeses he'd ever eaten," dairy owner Luc Boivin told AFP.

Stunned by the fisherman's gastronomic adventure, the dairy, established four generations ago, discovered that deep depths are good for cold storage and water pressure accelerates the cheese aging process.

So the family cheese-dairy chucked 10 barrels containing the cheddar into 40 metres (130 feet) of water at the bottom of the "Baie des Ha! Ha!" in the Saguenay region.

The owner asked divers to collect the cheese, but several searches Thursday returned empty-handed.

"We'll definitely find it," Boivin said, watched closely by Canadian authorities who wish to prevent the cheese from hitting store shelves because it is not possible to ensure the quality, according to the Canadian Food Inspection Agency. (:/)

Bank Sorry Over Blunder

Sky.com/spotter Jeremy White

A bank has apologised to a customer after sending him a debit card bearing the name "Dick Head".

NatWest said it had launched an inquiry after Chris Lancaster, 18, of Tiptree, Essex, received a cash card with the wording: "Mr C Lancaster Dick Head".

Mr Lancaster said he did not spot the insult until he was handing over the card in a supermarket to pay for something a few days after it arrived in the post.

"I couldn't believe it," he said.

"When I got the card out I saw the name embossed on it. I was so embarrassed I put it back in my wallet.

"I know I've been overdrawn a few times but I've done nothing to deserve this.

"The bank said it must have been a worker with a grudge."

A NatWest spokesman said: "We have apologised unreservedly to Mr Lancaster."

"This is completely unacceptable and we have launched an investigation." (:/)

two countries, two worlds

Boy wins Sheriff for the Day

Reno Gazette-Journal

Only 8 years old, Enrique Sanchez of Carson City on Monday tried on a bullet-proof vest and night-vision goggles, toured a SWAT van and saw sheriff’s deputies chase down a domestic-battery suspect.

None of it was a video game, though.



It was all real as Enrique held the winning ticket to be Sheriff for the Day drawn June 18 at the Cops and Kids Fair.

Sheriff Ken Furlong gave Enrique, who will be in the third grade this year at Bordewich-Bray Elementary School, the grand tour of the sheriff’s operations. Enrique’s brother, Kaleb Pierce Beer Van Meter , 7, came along as back-up, Furlong said.

He took the pair to the dispatch center.

“You got to hear like . . . ,” Enrique began.

“9-1-1 calls!” Kaleb interjected.

“Yeah,” Enrique said.

“I heard two,” Kaleb said.

Furlong was leaving the dispatch center with the two when a report came in of a man hitting his girlfriend. The suspect took off, and deputies had to chase him. Furlong brought the pair along to watch at a distance.

At least one deputy pulled out a Taser in case the suspect needed to be subdued. Furlong explained to them it wasn’t a gun to hurt or kill the suspect but to take the suspect into custody with the least amount of force.

“That was cool,” Enrique said.

“The guy they were chasing, he, like, beat up a girl,” Kaleb said.

Kaleb saw one of his teachers pointing to deputies where the suspect ran.

The tour also included a tour of the sheriff’s office special-weapons-and-tactics room, where the pair tried on night-vision goggles. Furlong put a bullet-proof vest on Enrique. The vest went down past his knees and the 8-year-old walked, although his wobble suggested it wasn’t easy.

Enrique, who said he’s a fan of the “Dick Tracy” movie, isn’t sure he wants to go into law enforcement. But Kaleb thinks there might be a career for him. He particularly liked the Taser.

“It has a little laser and dart that I always wanted,” he said. (:/)

Sadly, in Britain, our dreams are more... prosaic:

Boy's birthday - a load of rubbish

Ananaova

A boy has celebrated his sixth birthday by becoming a binman for the day.

Gordon Bradley's parents arranged the day at the local dump in Peterborough, Cambs as he has always been fascinated by rubbish.

Gordon even has a collection of 15 model refuse vehicles from around the world reports the Daily Express.

He helped the other binmen load bins onto the lorry and chatted to them about their work.

He said: "I want to be a binman when I grow up. I've really enjoyed learning how bins work."

His mum Cheryl added: "He loves bins and knows which are which and what goes in them."

A council spokesman said: "We are pleased he is so interested in our vital service." (:/)

Cough mixture made from snail slime

Ananova

A company in La Florida, Chile is producing and selling a cough remedy made with snail slime.

Maria Sannino, owner of the snail farm told Las Ultimas Noticias: "I have more than 8500 snails working so we can get material for this ancient cough medicine recipe.

"The snail slime has antibiotic property as well as antibacterial and anti-inflammation ones."

The medicine is called Karacoflu and has artificial flavour of strawberry and avocado. (:/)

It'd need it.

A tipple benefits the brain

The Advertiser (Oz)

Dateline: Canberra - Regularly having a glass of wine, or two, with dinner could sharpen your dinner party conversation. But abstain altogether, or drink too much, and you could be considered a dullard.

People who average two alcoholic drinks a day are better thinkers than teetotallers and very heavy drinkers, a new study has found.

An Australian National University study of 7000 people has found those who drink in moderation have better verbal skills, memory and speed of thinking than those at the extremes of the drinking spectrum.

But researchers say it is a mystery why.

The study overturns the conventional belief that alcohol kills off brain cells, leaving all drinkers less well off in the brains department.

Researcher Dr Bryan Rodgers said people who drank moderately also seemed to be healthier physically and mentally. (:/)

I've been telling people this for years, but they don't listen. Mind you, I'm normally drunk at the time...

'Best handjob in town' ad slammed

AFP

Dateline: London - A car wash called Scrubbers was reprimanded on Wednesday by advertising watchdogs in Britain for circulating a leaflet that boasts "the best handjob in town".

Services offered by Scrubbers, based in Luton, northwest of London include an "In 'n' Out and a Polish Off", "The Quickie," "The Full Monty" and a "Personal Service".

The eye-popping phrases appeared in a leaflet — intended for distribution on windshields of vehicles in company parking lots — illustrated with Scrubbers' logo: A cartoon of a car-washing buxom blonde.

The Advertising Standards Agency, upholding a complaint from a member of the public who got the leaflet at home, said it was "likely to cause serious or widespread offence and was inappropriate to be viewed by children".

It urged Scrubbers — where "handjob" means a manual car wash — to take more care when distributing its leaflets.

Maureen Gallagher, from Scrubbers, disagreed with the ruling, saying "you could see a whole of a lot worse" on the upper racks of newsstands where adult magazines are displayed.

"Some people are very small-minded and they can't take these things in fun, which is what the intention was." (:/)

In-Equity

Will loses lucky pants

Ananova

Will Young had to go on stage late when he lost his lucky pants.


Will Young /Empics

The pop idol winner searched for the pants at the gig in Manchester until a band mate came to the rescue with replacements.

Will plans to release a new album later this year. (:/)

"threatens" to release a new album, surely?

SciTech

First smokeless cigarette to go on sale

I've forgotten

The world's first smoke and tobacco free cigarette is due to go on sale.

The cigarette has been cleared for commercial release and should be on sale early next year.

Swissmedic, the Swiss Agency for Therapeutic Products, has decided the NicStic is not a medicinal product and has cleared the path for its commercial production.

Monique Helfer of Swissmedic said: "If we had classified the NicStic as medication, the manufacturer would have had to apply to have it covered by health insurance and therefore it would have required the approval of the Federal Health Office and taken a lot longer to get to the public."

Instead the Swiss invention aimed at smokers who enjoy smoking regardless of growing condemnation of the habit should soon be available for the same cost as normal cigarettes.

The smokeless and tobacco-free cigarette uses a rechargeable heating coil in a plastic cigarette-sized stick to dispense nicotine without smoke.

NicStic's inventors say their invention will allow smokers to "light-up" without annoying others with passive smoke and therefore avoid the increasing smoking bans in public places.

The company promises that dragging on it releases "a similar taste" to cigarettes without the health issues from tar, arsenic, cadmium and formaldehyde that a normal cigarette contains.

But Janine Messerli from the Swiss Institute for Alcohol and Drug Prevention is critical of NicStic and the Swissmedic decision: "Nicotine is what makes smoking addictive, and so this product changes nothing." (:/)

When?????? For more on the crazy NicStic (I want one), visit the company's website.

Out of this world: magazine launches name-the-planet initiative

AFP

Dateline: Paris - Should it be named after a Greek or Roman god? A great scientist or artist? How about calling it after a character in the "Star Wars" film series? Or your best friend?


(AFP/NASA/JPL/File)

The British magazine New Scientist has called on readers to help suggest a name for the solar system's 10th planet, whose discovery was announced last week by a team led by US astronomer Mike Brown of the California Institute of Technology.

The new world has been given the provisional designation of 2003 UB313.

But Brown has 10 years in which to think of a catchier name and have it approved by a panel of the International Astronomical Union (IAU).

Brown, a fan of TV's Warrior Princess, has given the informal name of Xena to 2003 UB313, a frozen orb some 15 billion kilometres (nine billion miles) from Earth, New Scientist said on its website (www.newscientistspace.com) on Tuesday.

"But that was our tongue-in-cheek internal name, never intended for public consumption," Brown told the magazine.

Under the IAU's nomenclature guidelines, names should be pronounceable, non-offensive, 16 characters or less in length and preferably one word.

Names should not be too similar to an existing name of a minor planet or natural planetary satellite.

In addition, names for persons or events known primarily for their military or political activities are acceptable only after 100 years have elapsed since the person died or the event occurred.

Commercial names are not allowed, and the names of pet animals are discouraged. (:/)

Oh go on! The one before it's called PLUTO for f*ck's sake!

Scottish cities scuffle over 'birthplace' of Star Trek character

AFP

Dateline: London - It is an unusual spat to say the least: four places in Scotland all vying to be the recognised home of someone not even due to be born for another 200-plus years.



Nonetheless, a spat has broken out over boasting rights to fictional "Star Trek" engineer Montgomery "Scotty" Scott following the death last month of the actor who played him, James Doohan, The Times reported Tuesday.

Linlithgow, central Scotland, was first off the mark, claiming as its own the character from the science fiction series set two centuries into the future -- the recipient of famous command "Beam me up, Scotty" -- soon after Doohan's death.

Local councillor Willie Dunn told the newspaper that Linlithgow had "information" Scotty was supposed to have been born in the city in 2222, and that a plaque honouring him would be put up to boost tourism.

But now, the cities of Edinburgh, Aberdeen and Elgin have all made their own claims on the character.

Aberdeen believes Scotty was born there in 2220, citing a fan website which lists an episode in which the USS Enterprise's engineer refers to himself as an "Aberdeen pub crawler", or serial bar drinker.

Doohan, who died on July 20 aged 85, was open about the fact that his occasionally shaky Scottish accent was based on someone from Aberdeen he met during military service in Britain in World War II.

However, Edinburgh has its own claim, based on another website which lists Scotty's birthplace as "Edinburgh, Earth", while Elgin bases its boast on an interview with Doohan in which he supposedly names it as his character's home.

Linlithgow's Dunn, who has accused his city's rivals of "boldly clinging onto our coat-tails", had a solution, he told The Times.

"We should all agree to meet up in 2222 and see who was right," he said. (:/)

Germans - We Love 'Em

German guide aims to bridge gulf between the sexes

Reuters

Dateline: Berlin - A German handbook has set out to bridge the gulf between the sexes by explaining that what men say is not necessarily what they really mean.

The Langenscheidt publishing group, best known for its respected foreign language dictionaries, says tests have shown men utter about half as many words as women in a typical day so it is imperative they are understood.

When out shopping, "that doesn't suit you" means "it is too expensive", and "buy that one" means "I want to go home", said co-author Susanne Froehlich.

The guide's female authors hope they can help solve some couples' lack of communication -- the sixth most popular reason given for divorce in Germany.

They also list ten questions women should never ask men as men will not understand the logic -- including "would you still love me if I was fatter and uglier?", "why do you love me?", and "what are you thinking?".

Froehlich pre-empts accusations of sexism saying the book is light-hearted, that not all men display all listed traits, and that she herself is happily married. (:/)

Now this next one, imho, sorry if it offends, is *cunning*, man.

German court convicts man for sex hotline fraud

Reuters

Berlin - A court in Germany convicted a man for fraud after he racked up huge phone bills phoning a sex hotline from work and split the proceeds with a woman working at the service, authorities said on Wednesday.

"He wasn't calling for the stimulation," said a spokesman for the court in the western city of Duesseldorf.

The court handed the 38-year-old an eight-month suspended jail sentence for the ruse which he cooked up with the hotline worker while working for a local medical insurer.

German media said the man had made more than 160 calls within half a year, at a cost to his company of almost 16,000 euros (11,000 pounds). (:/)

My. Hero.

Envelope containing mysterious powder
sparks elephant-sized alarm in Paris

Dateline: Cergy, France - An envelope leaking a strange pinkish powder sparked an alert in a Paris suburban post office, but tests revealed the substance to be nothing more than dessicated elephant dung, police said.

With France on high terrorism alert following the London bombings last month, postal workers in a sorting centre in the northwestern suburb of Bonneuil-en-France took no chance when they noticed the strange envelope from Sri Lanka with the powder inside.

After police were called in Thursday, six employees who had been exposed to the powder were subjected to medical examinations.

The powder was analysed too, and was eventually found to contain the elephant excrement.

Police said the envelope was addressed to a Paris-based immigrant from Sri Lanka who apparently used the pachydermal poo for traditional religious rites. (:/)

Pachydermal. Poo. Come on, you've got to admit it, TAR is educational.

Hoping to lose his wife, Florida man
confesses to murder that didn't happen

AFP

Miami - A Florida man reportedly confessed to a murder that never happened, hoping it would persuade his wife to leave him.

According to the Ocala Star Banner, Teddy Akin, 28, told his wife he had killed a hitchhiker and stolen his wallet, and later repeated the same story to investigators after police arrested him. He claimed he hit the man on the neck, causing him to gasp and make a gurgling sound. He said he buried the body in a forest.

But police eventually found the allegedly murdered man alive and astonished.

Akin admitted that his murder confession was bogus, Sue Livoti, a spokesman with the Sheriff's Office told the daily. He told investigators he was having problems with his wife and was hoping the murder story would encourage her leave him.

He said he had found the wallet in the street.

Police said Akin would be charged with theft and making a false report. He might also be sent a bill for the cost of the search.

The paper did not say whether or not Akin's wife left him. (:/)

I think we can work it out for ourselves.

Researchers to launch exploration for
"lake monsters" in northwest China

AFP

Dateline: Beijing - Chinese researchers will reportedly launch an investigation next month to study "lake monsters" in northwest China's Xinjiang region.



For hundreds of years, there have been rumors that mysterious creatures that devour livestock live at Kanasi lake, China's deepest alpine lake, located in Xinjiang, at the region bordering Mongolia, Kazakhstan and Russia.

Horses, cattle and sheep are said to go missing near the lake every year, the Xinhua news agency said Firday.

In 1985, teachers and students from Xinjiang University's biology department launched the first search for the creatures and discovered that dozens of huge red fish, each 10 to 15 meters (33 to 49 feet) long and weighing more than four tons lived in the lake, according to Xinhua.

Scientists concluded after a two-year-long investigation in 1989 that the fish, a species of Taimen -- a mighty salmonid that grows to monstrous proportions -- were the "monsters."

In August last year, a team of Chinese scientists went to the site for an exploration.

But researchers still do not know how many Taimen are living in the lake or how long they have been there, how big the largest one is and whether the livestock that have gone missing for centuries were really devoured by the fish. (:/)

The Legend of XinJiang Ness, surely...

Politics

Harassment rap latest twist to bizarre
Queens council race

NY Daily News

The race for the seat of controversial Queens City Councilman Allan Jennings - himself under censure for sexual harassment - turned even more bizarre yesterday as one candidate was charged with harassing the wife of a rival, police said.

Richmond Hill immigration lawyer Albert Baldeo was charged with menacing and harassment after Rachel Mahadeo, the wife of Council candidate Robert Mahadeo, told cops he pointed a gun at her on July 25 in Queens. She said Baldeo, who denies the charges, pointed the gun from a green minivan and threatened to kill her and her family if Robert Mahadeo didn't drop out of the race.

But Baldeo's campaign called the charges nonsense, and noted that Mahadeo previously lodged a similar allegation against a high-ranking police official.

"We firmly believe that justice will be swift and these lies brought by a desperate ex-candidate against Albert and a member of the NYPD will be put to rest quickly," said Farouk Samaroo, Baldeo's campaign manager.

The pair have waged an ongoing battle of accusations, with Baldeo accusing Mahadeo of threatening him several times beginning last year.

Mahadeo was arrested July 12 and charged with grand larceny, menacing, coercion, stalking and harassment, and is free on his own recognizance while awaiting trial.

Mahadeo vehemently denies the allegations and claims Baldeo made them up to force him out of the primary. (:/)

Who said people aren't taking an active interest in politics these days?

Golf Outing Allegedly Involves Strippers

AP

Dateline: Naperville, Ill. - Police on Wednesday were investigating a golf outing sponsored by a gentleman's club in this Chicago suburb that allegedly featured women strippers in bikinis giving male golfers lap dances.

Residents who live along the Country Lakes Golf Club's course said they were surprised to see scantily clad women dancing and performing on the course. One resident called police to complain and videotaped some of the event from her back window.

"It's not something you'd expect in a family-oriented town like Naperville," said Geoff Pacana, who lives near the 16th hole. "It's certainly not something you'd want any of the kids who live around here to see."

Monday's golf outing was sponsored by Blackjack's Gentleman's Club located near South Elgin.

Naperville Police Chief David Dial said the investigation was focusing on "whether there was a criminal act or whether there was a liquor license violation." (:/)

Giant 'Blue Bird' On Roof Upsets Neighborhood

Local6

A giant blue statue of "Sesame Street's" Big Bird character perched above a roof has angered homeowners in a Wisconsin neighborhood, according to a Local 6 News report.



The Village's Historic Preservation Board ordered Al Emmons to take the blue Big Bird off the chimney or face a $100 a day fine.

Al Emmons of Greendale, Wis., has been displaying the statue on his home's chimney located at Bluebird Court.

However, neighbors complained that the bird diminished the historic integrity of the community and went to officials to get Emmons to remove the statue.

"It's just an unhealthy obsession," Emmons said. "It's such a silly thing to get upset about. That's also what the big to-do is, is that everyone is wondering why would they get so upset about having a blue bird on a guy's chimney that the kids made."

The Village's Historic Preservation Board ordered Emmons to take the blue Big Bird off the chimney or face a $100 a day fine. And, hours before the deadline, the bird was removed from the chimney.

However, the statute is once again perched on top of some scaffolding at roof level, holding an American flag and in plain view for the neighbors to see. (:/)

I Want One

Saddam's Car

ABC/AP

Dateline: Danbury, CT- First Sergeant William von Zehle thinks he has the mother of all Mercedes, Saddam Hussein's car.

The Connecticut soldier bought the car for about $5,000 when he was serving in Baghdad. The armored Mercedes even has flame throwers that shoot out the sides for crowd control.

Von Zehle says he did some research on his pimped-up ride and found just three of armored 560 models were sold to the Iraqi government in 1988. He says that means only one thing – Saddam.

Von Zehle had the Mercedes shipped back home where it sits in his garage. He hasn't registered the car yet and says it needs some work.

He says he has to replace a broken front passenger window. But the bulletproof glass costs more than $14,000. (:/)

Crowd control. Right.

Correkshuns

Reuters wire

In HOUSTON story headlined "Widespread environmental damage seen from shuttle," please read in 12th paragraph ...we came once more to realize that we had let our guard down.... instead of ...we came to realize we had let our God down.... (:/)

Taxi for Mr Freud...

Shark Attack Special

Woman sues over burst shark tank

BBC News, Sydney

An Australian woman is suing Sydney Aquarium after a giant exhibition tank exploded, showering her with glass - and sharks.

The accident left Hazel Swinden, 61, in chest-high water with a badly gashed ankle caused by flying debris.

She claims to have suffered post-traumatic stress as a result.

One moment Ms Swinden was admiring the reef sharks at Sydney Aquarium and the next she was surrounded by them with blood pouring from a deep cut.

A glass tank had shattered, dumping thousands of litres of water on top of her.

The woman's lawyer has told a Sydney court how she was submerged for several seconds and could feel the sharks brushing past her.

She claims that acute stress forced her to give up her job as a sales assistant. (:/)

And what wouldn't? Best excuse I ever heard...

More Criminal Negligence

Woman Blames Newspaper Typo For Theft

NBC4

Dateline: Lawrence, Kan. -- A Kansas woman who had her possessions stolen blames the city's newspaper.



Kris Bryan said the Lawrence Journal-World printed a mistake in a street address, causing her apartment to be cleaned out by thieves, reported KMBC-TV in Kansas City, Mo.

Bryan said she returned home after work one day and saw strangers loading up her belongings into their vehicle. When she asked what they were doing, they showed her a classified ad in the newspaper. The public notice stated that all things at 1319 Tennessee St., Apt. 3, would be thrown away if unclaimed.

"It was just a real shock," Bryan said. "I was freaking out. I told them that's my apartment -- there's been some mistake."

It was a one-digit mistake -- the newspaper ad should have read 1339 Tennessee St., the television station reported. The ad was placed because a woman in that home passed away and no one had claimed her belongings.

Bryan said the people she confronted returned her things, but her TV, DVD player, movies, furniture and a 7-week-old kitten had already been taken from her apartment.

"I was crying, bawling," Bryan said.

She said she wants the newspaper to pay $3,500 for the stolen items, but that can't replace her lost kitten. (:/)

And Finally

Not really a TAR story, but I thought you'd like it.

French winemakers sniff revival with launch of vin lite

The Guardian

It looks, smells and, crucially, tastes like wine, but it has half the alcohol and half the calories, and it may be just what is needed to revive the flagging fortunes of France's most emblematic industry.

A small company near Bordeaux has spent four years and €500,000 (£345,000) perfecting a revolutionary process that will turn any wine into a drink with only 6% alcohol rather than the standard 13%, while, it claims, preserving the aroma, flavour and individuality of the original.

Launched five months ago, the jealously guarded and complex 10-step process, dubbed "lirisation", works by molecular separation and involves no chemicals.

Tastings by professional testers at a handful of wine fairs have produced approval ratings of up to 97%, and early reactions from the 20 daring French winemakers who have taken the plunge are encouraging.

"We started a fortnight ago, and it's going very well indeed," said Paul Bunan, from La Cadière d'Azur, in southern France. "For most people, there's simply no difference. I fooled a big wine professional, a major taster, with it last week. He was staggered to learn what it was."

Earlier this year, Mr Bunan had 2,500 bottles of his AOC Bandol rosé transformed into lir, the generic name for the new tipple (French law forbids any fermented grape-based drink containing less than 8% alcohol from calling itself wine). He believes that in an increasingly health-conscious France, it has a rosy future.

"You can comfortably drink two or three good glasses of this with no problem whatsoever," he said. "It appeals to women, to people worried about their weight, and of course, to anyone who's driving. It's early days yet, but I can certainly see it being important to the industry."

France's ailing wine industry, which employs 500,000 people and is worth €5.7bn, saw exports of all but the most prestigious appellation controlée (AOC) wines fall nearly 10% last year, due mainly to fierce competition from New World wines.

Pursuing a long-term trend, domestic wine consumption tumbled by a similar amount.

Reflecting a change in lifestyles, growing health concerns and, more recently, an effective government and police campaign against drink-driving, the French now consume just over half as much wine as they did 30 or 40 years ago: about 58 litres a head in 2004, compared to more than 100 throughout the 1960s. Prices have collapsed.

Catherine Linarès, of Lir, the company that invented the process, said the drink could help revive the industry's waning fortunes by appealing to a range of potential consumers who at the moment are deterred from drinking wine because of the side effects.

Following the success of low-alcohol beers, a number of American and Australian winemakers have tried producing low-alcohol wines but none of the products has so far taken off: it seems wine drinkers are not prepared to accept a product that tastes in any way different from the original. Several producers have tried to compensate for the lack of flavour or "mouth feel" that usually arises from the lower alcohol content, with commercially produced artificial flavourings.

Others have experimented with wines made from grapes harvested early, but experts say that this tends to reduce the flavour radically, while cutting the alcohol content only to about 10%.

"There are a lot of people out there, young and old, women and men, who refrain because they don't want to feel fuzzy-headed after lunch, or to know they're piling on the calories," Ms Linarès said. "The great thing about this process is that it can be applied to every kind of wine, red and white, light and heavy, Bordeaux, Côte du Rhone, Burgundy, Languedoc, and that it respects the winemakers' work. Each wine's characteristics, its identity, remains intact." (:/)

Of course, I'd have to taste every example. Just to make sure.

Until next time...

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