Handy horns, Thai-tanic strangeness, Jewish music fusion, US cops use devious nuptials, and the world's ugliest dog, all on the world wide weird

Talk Like A Pirate Day

spotter R Millman

September 19th is Talk Like A Pirate Day! As some of us know, Pirates, in fact, can only be speaking in the present tense. You're not even supposed to be using the conditional! However, I'm sure, as Geoffrey Rush would advise, these be more guidelines than rules...

Want to talk like a pirate?

HISOAS

It's those Headlines In Search Of A Story again...

That's why Ian Brady's feeling damp

That's why the Lady's on a ramp

The Hills Are Alive To The Sound Of Oi Vey!
(there is a prize for the person who knows the album this refers to)

Top TAR

Man lifts 14 bricks with his 'horn'

Ananova

A Chinese pensioner can lift up to 14 bricks with a 'horn' that's grown on his forehead.


Wang Ying, 73, lifts 14 bricks with a horn that grew on his forehead /Photocome

Wang Ying, 73, has been practicing Kung Fu, especially the study of Qi, since he was just eight-years-old.

But his studies took a new direction after a 5cm long tumour grew on his forehead.


Wang Ying and the horn-like tumour he's incorporated into his kung fu routine /Photocome

Doctors told him they could not operate on the tumour because of its location.

So Wang has incorporated it into his Qi routine.

He lives in a farm in Pei County, Jiangsu Province, and walked for 18 days to Nanjing to show off his stunt. (:/)

Thai me up, Thai me down

Penis Issue Harming Thai Cabinet

AP

Dateline: Bangcock, Thailand - Thailand's prime minister is trying to ferret out a government minister who allegedly had a penis enlargement procedure, saying news of it is affecting the Cabinet's reputation, a news report said Wednesday.

"Who did it? Tell me," Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra told his ministers at Tuesday's Cabinet meeting, triggering a round of banter and causing some to squirm in their chairs, The Nation newspaper said.

Last week, a woman — being sued for defamation by a clinic after she claimed it gave her a face-disfiguring silicon injection — said a Cabinet member had received a penis-enlargement injection at the same clinic and urged him to come forward as a witness in her defense.

Calling on the official through reporters on the steps of Government House on Tuesday, the woman, Rawiwan Setharat, said, "The problem of my face is bigger than the problem of your penis."

"This has affected the reputation of the Cabinet, because the news went around the world. I don't want the people to think the Cabinet members are obsessed with this kind of thing," the newspaper quoted Thaksin as telling his ministers.

Speaking to reporters after the meeting, Agriculture Minister Sudarat Keyuraphan said no one had admitted to the enlargement procedure. Other ministers joked about various suggestions on how he could be identified. (:/)

Bangcock, indeed. Now, if you could combine that story with this one, things could get painful...

Thai PM Gives Tough Questions the Buzzer

AP

Dateline: Bangkok, Thailand - Thai Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra has long complained of press criticism. But he sought to turn the tables Thursday with a new tactic — sounding a buzzer every time reporters ask questions he deems "not constructive."

To the surprise of journalists and colleagues alike, Thaksin raised a handheld buzzer — which displayed an "X" sign — from behind the podium to indicate his disapproval of some questions asked at the first in a new series of weekly news conferences.

The button-pushing Thaksin sounded the alarm when a Thai newspaperman asked why the government had failed to seek parliamentary consent before introducing an emergency decree in the volatile southern provinces, where a Muslim insurgency has taken hold.

"Not constructive!" he exclaimed, referring to the reporter's question and a related one about whether foreign terrorists might be linked to the rebellion.

But other questions elicited a sweeter response: when a female reporter asked about government plans to offset rising oil prices, Thaksin's gadget emitted a pleasant tone and displayed an "O," signaling his approval.

Thaksin joked about the buzzer to puzzled reporters: "My son brought it from Japan for his sister, and I just borrowed it to use with the media to make the atmosphere more relaxing."

But some journalists failed to see the humor.

"I think it's a little overboard for a prime minister to do anything like that because in this forum, I think, reporters have the right to ask any questions that concern the Thai people, the public interest," said Tulsathit Taptin, editor of The Nation, an English-language daily.

"They have the right to ask those kinds of questions," he said.

The new series of news conferences was organized by the government to give reporters better access to Thaksin and to information about government activities.

It wasn't clear whether Thaksin planned to keep using the buzzer. (:/)

"some journalists failed to see the humor" - priceless.

No sex please...

No sex please, we're a British teen TV show

AFP

Dateline: london - Twelve teenagers are facing a challenge to go five months without sex in a new British reality television show, the BBC announced.

The show will follow six boys and six girls aged 15 to 17 as they are coaxed into favouring celibacy over sex.

The show will see the dozen share a house for a weekend to test whether they can resist the urge to get frisky.

"No Sex Please, We're Teenagers" is the brainchild of Christian youth workers Dan Burke and Rachael Gardner.

The duo are to set up a "Romance Academy" to teach the teenagers the ways of good old-fashioned courting, rather than the booze-fuelled romp that led to one of the young folks, 15-year-old Wesley, losing his virginity at the age of 12.

Of the teens, all from Harrow in northwest London, three will start the show with their virginity intact.

They include 17-year-old Andre, who became a Christian after hearing a speech on saving sex for marriage, and Mounisha, 16, a Hindu girl who says she is waiting to "meet the right person".

"Rachel and Dan have both practised celibacy and think that teenagers would be much happier if they were involved in long-term, serious relationships," said a BBC spokeswoman.

"With teenage pregnancy and sexually-transmitted disease rates in Britain the highest in Europe, this documentary gives them the chance to test their beliefs."

The show is to start in September. (:/)

And in the spirit of balance:

Sperm donor reality show?

Reuters

Amsterdam - Billionaire television producer John de Mol, behind the pioneer show Big Brother, will test the limits of reality TV with a program in which a woman searches for a potential sperm donor to conceive a child.

His new TV station Talpa, launched earlier this month, confirmed it will air a program called "I want your child ... and nothing else!" but gave no further details about the show due at 1830 GMT Wednesday.

"The plan is that we visit potential donors and -- of course on camera -- decide which man is most suitable," the 30-year old woman who will feature in the program said in an interview with De Telegraaf newspaper.

"Afterwards there will be artificial insemination," said the woman who was identified only as "Yessica" and who has bought a house with a room for a child.

The show is a one-off competing with four other reality TV programs, one of which follows five former prostitutes starting a cafe. The program receiving most votes from viewers Saturday, after all the shows have aired, will be turned into a series.

De Telegraaf also published an email address for men wanting to donate sperm to Yessica. (:/)

Yeah but what is it?!?! And, frankly, this all makes me feel that Micheal Buerke was right...

Criminal Negligence

Two arrested for dumping alligator into L.A. lake

Reuters

Dateline: Los Angeles - Two men have been arrested for releasing a man-sized alligator into a Los Angeles lake, where the big reptile has eluded increasingly frustrated authorities for two weeks, police said on Wednesday.



Anthony Brewer, 36, was taken into custody on Tuesday night at his home in the Los Angeles suburb of San Pedro, where police said they found remnants of a make-shift alligator habitat, two snapping turtles and drugs.

Evidence seized there led officers to the nearby home of Todd Natow, 42, who was also arrested. A Los Angeles police spokesman said officers discovered three alligators, four piranhas, three desert tortoises, six tortoise eggs, one rattlesnake, a scorpion and marijuana.

The spokesman said investigators believe that Brewer owned the alligator and gave it to Natow, who put it into Lake Machado in the Harbor City neighborhood of Los Angeles about two months ago.

The reptile was reported to authorities about two weeks ago and since then has dodged repeated attempts to capture it by park rangers and professional gator wranglers brought in from out of state.

The cagey creature has meanwhile won the affection of some local residents, who gather around the 53-acre (21 hectare) lake waiting for it to surface from the brackish water.

Others have hawked T-shirts bearing an alligator drawing and the words: "Harbor City You Will Never Catch Me." (:/)

I really want one of those T-shirts.

Britain's thickest thief?

Sky.com

A hooded man has been dubbed Britain's thickest thief after stealing from a CCTV shop.

The man was caught on eight separate surveillance cameras as he targeted the shop in Manchester and stole a laptop computer worth £700.

He chose to raid the store despite numerous signs around the store warning that closed circuit television cameras were in operation.

CCTV images show the man from every single angle - one frame shows him handling a door, which forensic experts believe will provide them with a perfect set of fingerprints.

There are even pictures of him looking through the shop window half an hour earlier, jumping up to get a better look.

Owner of the shop, David Arathoon, 54, has said the thief's actions are proving "the biggest boost to business imaginable".

He said: "I didn't know whether to laugh or be annoyed, and in the end I did both."

Mr Arathoon told the Daily Star: "Frame by frame, cameras filmed him around the shop. The stupidity to think stealing from a CCTV shop is a good idea is astonishing."

Manchester Police have said they will collect any evidence. (:/)

Which they'll wipe, er, I mean be unable to find...

Drug dealers hitched lift from cop

Ananova

Two Romanian drug dealers were arrested when they accepted a lift from a passing drugs squad officer.

Catalin Vasile and Gheorghita Marienescu, both 22, from Targu Frumos, had filled their rucksacks with 25 ounces of cannabis from their own plantation.

They started hitch-hiking on their way back into town when it started to rain - and got a lift from an off duty police officer with the local drugs squad, who soon recognised the distinctive smell.

Policeman Florin Ardelean said: "I saw the two men standing near a field trying to hitch a lift. I felt sorry for them as it had just started to pour down and so I stopped to help.

"I smelt the cannabis on them as soon as they had shut the doors."

The policeman then drove the pair straight to the police station in Targu Frumos.

He added: "It turns out they had been cultivating the drugs for some time in the field and were selling it locally."

The pair are now facing up to five years' jail on charges of growing and dealing drugs. (:/)

Postal Worker Charged in Coffee Urine Case

AP

Dateline: Akron, Ohio - A postal worker has been charged with putting urine in the coffee of co-workers who set up a video camera in their break room after they became suspicious, authorities said.

Thomas Shaheen, 49, of suburban Springfield Township, who works as a vehicle mechanic for the U.S. Postal Service, was charged Aug. 5 with two misdemeanor counts of adulteration of food or placing harmful objects in food.

He was ordered to appear in Akron Municipal Court on Monday.

Prosecutors said workers believed Shaheen poured urine into a coffee pot in a break room on July 5 and again July 6. Suspecting a problem, workers started their own investigation.

"Employees did put a video camera in, and that's how they were able to put a stop to what he was doing," Akron Prosecutor Douglas Powley said.

Powley said Shaheen was unhappy at work but the prosecutor declined to get into any further details.

None of Shaheen's co-workers was physically harmed.

Shaheen could not be reached for comment. Repeated calls to his home went unanswered Thursday. A message was left for his attorney, Paul F. Adamson. (:/)

I'd love to get a copy of that attorney's answerphone tape...

Man faked kidnap to skip wedding

Ananova

A Guatemalan man faked his own kidnapping to get out of his wedding.

The 25-year-old disappeared on the day of his wedding and appeared again hours later claiming he'd been kidnapped.

He gave the police a full statement but officers thought his story was suspicious.

A police spokesman said: "We soon found out that it was a lie. He did it all to escape the wedding, poor bride."

The man now faces charges of wasting police time, Estado de Sao Paulo reports. (:/)

Man Calls 911 About Booze, Leads Chase

AP

Dateline:
Coon Rapids, Iowa - A man who police say pointed a gun at police before leading officers on a chase was arrested. Gary Michael Ritchie, 53, of Coon Rapids, fled from police after he called 911 at least four times about a problem he was having with neighbors, police said.

Ritchie was drinking at a neighbor's house Saturday night when he become unruly and was asked to leave, police said.

He later called 911 asking police to help him retrieve a bottle of pure-grain alcohol he left at the neighbor's, police said.

Police Chief Joel Roetman went to the neighbor's and then to Ritchie's, where Ritchie pointed a gun at Roetman, court records show.

Ritchie then drove off, leading police on a chase that ended when county deputies placed stop sticks on the road, flattening the tires on Roetman's car south of Scranton, records show.

Police say Ritchie led them on a foot chase into a cornfield, where officers were unable to find him.

Ritchie was arrested at his home on Sunday. (:/)

Strange but true

Monday is favored day for British suicides

Reuters

Dateline: London - Britons are more likely to commit suicide on Monday than any other day of the week, researchers said on Thursday.

This is due not only to the "Monday morning blues" associated with a return to work but, more generally, to a sense of unease related to the start of something new, they said.

The Office for National Statistics (ONS) collated evidence from nearly 35,000 suicide cases between 1993 and 2002.

"The most common day of death was Monday for both males and females," they said. "This 'Monday effect' for suicides was consistent across all age groups, methods of suicide and all categories of marital status."

Previous studies have suggested that the Monday effect is related to work, but the ONS noted it was also apparent in Britons aged over 75, most of whom do not work.

"(This is) consistent with the theory that the day of the week pattern in suicides is related to the effect of a new beginning, rather than employment-related," they said.

While Monday was usually the bleakest day of the week, the ONS found that the worst day for suicides in the 9-year period was January 1, 2000 -- a Saturday. (:/)

I found this story and actually found myself amused by the presentation, the writing. In a sense there's a real black humour to this.

However, a couple of things remain actual issues here:
a) I'm not sure that a "sense of unease related to the start of something new" is really enough to tip you over the edge (or Beachy Head),
b) the "Monday effect" is worryingly real in some lesser sense for many of us, and perhaps speaks of a larger social malaise that Marx would have a few words for, and
c) I actually remember Millenium night and I, personally, had a completely shite evening.

Headlines of the Week

Super Zotob goes ballistic,
XP users cautious

SC/byline D Quainton/spotter D Quainton (unsurprisingly)

Jerry Seinfeld a dad again -
third child to also be named "Yadda"

FARK.com

World Wide Weird

Funny, It Doesn't Sound Jewish

New York Times

In 1973, Gershon Kingsley was invited to perform at a convention of cantors at Grossinger's, the Catskills retreat for midcentury Jews of a certain station. Mr. Kingsley, a pioneer of the Moog synthesizer, listened as the cantors lamented the increasing commercialization of Jewish music and the creeping influence of rock 'n' roll. And then, with some trepidation, he took the stage to perform some of his radical religious Moog compositions. "It was a huge success," Mr. Kingsley, now 82, recalled with a laugh. "The same people who had been complaining came up to me and said that they thought it worked beautifully."

"Bagels and Bongos" became a hit not only in America, Mr. Fields said, but also in Europe and Japan. A sequel, "More Bagels and Bongos," was commissioned, followed by more fusion experiments: "Pizza and Bongos," "Champagne and Bongos," "Bikinis and Bongos."

Despite all those bongos, there were no more bagels. "French music or Italian music in a Jewish style?" Mr. Fields said. "But there's no such thing." (:/)

Pop along to the Rebooters website for more on this madness.

Off his trolley?

Ananova

A designer is trying to reduce Britain's mountain of old shopping trolleys - by turning them into furniture.



Designer Colin Lovekin with a chair he made from disused supermarket trolleys. The 46-year-old made his first batch of trolley-based furniture for his BA degree and he's now looking to make them commercially /Empics

Colin Lovekin, from Exeter, says about 100,000 trolleys are destroyed every year - many going into landfill sites.

The 46-year-old made his first batch of trolley-based furniture for his BA degree in three-dimensional design.

Newly graduated, he is now looking at the potential for making the furniture on a commercial basis.

He made three chairs and a sofa while studying for his university degree, the final chair design featuring curved arms, wheeled legs, and even a basket at the back.

Mr Lovekin uses one of his prototype chairs at his home in Budlake, near Exeter, Devon, and is now set to make a couple more for a friend. (:/)

Taiwan drops anti-AIDS ad
featuring nun holding condom

Reuters

Dateline: Taipei - Taiwan has withdrawn an anti-AIDS campaign ad featuring a smiling nun holding a condom after it sparked an outcry from Roman Catholics, local media said on Wednesday.

The poster, which shows the nun holding the condom with both hands and saying "Although I don't need one, even I know", had been removed from all condom machines in Taipei hospitals, subway stations and elsewhere.

"As a nun, I can't agree with their way of expressing things," a church spokeswoman said on Wednesday. "This is a serious insult."

Nuns take vows of poverty, chastity and obedience and the Vatican considers all forms of contraception a sin.

Local media said the plan had been to use someone with a "positive image" to promote the use of condoms to prevent AIDS. There are about 300,000 Catholics on the island of 23 million people. (:/)

N.Y. Man in Record Book for Eyebrow Hair

AP

Dateline: Saranac, N.Y. - A bushy brow landed Frank Ames in the Guinness Book of World Records, but not before a new entry was created for him. The 43-year-old upstate New York man now holds the world record for having the longest eyebrow hair, measured just over 3 inches.



"I don't know why it grows like that; it just always has," Ames told the Press-Republican of Plattsburgh.

Ames' journey toward notoriety began almost two years ago when a co-worker at Bombardier Corp. noticed the lengthy brow and suggested Ames try for a record.

When Ames decided to go for it, he discovered that no such category existed. So, he called Guinness and got the rules for official recognition.

Ken Joy, a machinist at Bombardier, measured the hair in February 2004 with Plattsburgh Mayor Daniel Stewart and other city officials standing by as witnesses.

Ames' record appears in the 2006 edition of the record book, in the "Body Parts" section.

"It's crazy how much people want to know about this," Ames said Tuesday. "I've been on radio shows all day. I could build children's hospitals all across the world, and this is what I would still be known for." (:/)

Don'alf remind one of the "You f*ck one sheep" punchline...

Principal defends smacking pamphlet

TVNZ

The principal of a small christian school in Auckland doesn't believe there's anything wrong with sending smacking guidelines to parents.

Carey College gave guidelines to parents outlining how to smack their children on the buttocks with their hand or a rod in what it calls an expression of love - responsible parenting in the child's best interests.

The pamphlet was sent out after steps were taken in parliament last month to ban smacking in New Zealand.

The Children's Commissioner Cindy Kiro says it is irresponsible and misguided for a school to send out the pamphlet.

But, Carey College principal Michael Drake says the school has always supported parents right to smack their children and has sent the information to parents in response to the anti-smacking bill.

He says he hasn't had any complaints from parents of the private school's 50 students about the pamphlet. (:/)

Not from *parents*, no...

Campaign for Turtle Eggs Stirs Controversy

AP

Dateline: Mexico City - A campaign aimed at halting the illegal consumption of endangered turtles' eggs has run into trouble before it starts, with a women's group asking officials to block public service announcements featuring a scantily clad model.


(AP Photo/Wildcoast,HO)

"My man does not need turtle eggs because he knows they don't make him more potent," Argentine model Dorismar purrs from posters in which she poses alternately in sexy bathing suits, skimpy shorts and an unbuttoned shirt and cowboy hat.

The message, designed by the nonprofit, California-based conservation group Wildcoast, is aimed at Mexican men who for years have eaten the eggs, believing they are aphrodisiacs.

The National Women's Institute considers the campaign offensive, and a step back in the country's bid to overcome its culturally ingrained machismo. (:/)

Sport

With goalie at a concert, Belgian
girls football team suffers 50-1 defeat

AFP

Dateline: Brussels - A third-division provincial girls football team entered the annals of Belgian soccer on Saturday after suffering a crushing 50-1 defeat because of the absence of a single but crucial player: their music-loving goalkeeper.


(AFP/File)

SK Berlaar's goal was left unguarded in a match with FC Malines after its goalie opted instead to go to a rock festival, Het Laatste Nieuws reported Monday.

"Kick-off, move upfield and in it goes. That was repeated without a halt. At half-time, it was already 27-to-0," the Flemish newspaper said, describing how 16-year-old Charlotte Jacobs tried in vain to defend the goal in the absence of the usual goal-keeper.

"We came back in the second half. We only took 23 goals and we even made one at the end. They let us score, that was nice," the teenager said.

"If you subtract the time needed to get the ball from the net and bring it to centre-field, we can say that the girls from Malines scored almost every minute," she remarked.

"Luckily, there's no return match," team captain Julie Lemmens said more bitterly.

But SK Berlaar's secretary, Jan Verbinnen, was unmoved by the loss and saw a way of inverting the outcome, noting that the other team had registered 16 instead of 15 players for the match.

"If I tell the Federation, they will have lost the match 5-0 and will be eliminated from the championships," he told the newspaper. (:/)

What has Star Trek's Federation got to do with this? Will Jean Luc Picard help them somehow??

Brie Fly

Superman spotted in Serbia

Ananova

Serbian authorities are investigating reports of a real-life Superman after people claimed to have seen a cloaked figure flying over their houses.

Hundreds of residents in Ljubovija described seeing a cloaked person flying above buildings "as if he had an invisible engine on his back" and changing directions while in mid-air, local daily Blic reported.

One local said: "It was like something out of Superman or Batman. No one has any rational explanation for what we all saw."

Police in the town have refused to comment. (:/)

Cops on the Rocks

Officer accidentally opened prison doors

AP

Dateline: Honolulu - Last month's riot at a Mississippi prison holding Hawaii inmates began after a corrections officer accidentally opened 20 cell doors.

Prison officials say a sergeant who hit the wrong button probably is to blame for releasing about three dozen Hawaii inmates and triggering a violent disturbance.

Two prisoners in the Tallahatchie County Correctional Facility unit were hospitalized after other inmates attacked them when the cell doors opened on July 17th.

Prison guards dropped tear gas grenades from the roof into the Special Housing Incentive Program unit, and regained control of the unit about 90 minutes after the cell doors opened. (:/)

Police battle looters after beer train crashes

AP/MSNBC

Dateline: Johannesburg, South Africa - Hundreds of looters battled police all weekend at the site of a beer train wreck in violence that left one woman dead, South African police said on Monday as they kept a heavy guard on the remaining alcohol.

The train carrying 180,000 crates of beer from South African Breweries derailed on Friday night near Waterval Boven, 124 miles east of Johannesburg, Superintendent Izak van Zyl said.

By Saturday morning, police were battling up to 200 people from the nearby township trying to make off with crates of beer.

“It was a lot of trouble from one train crash,” Van Zyl said. “They were firing rubber bullets into the crowd. The issue was the beer.”

A 19-year-old woman in the crowd was killed when she fell under the wheels of a truck, he said.

Police handed the site over to railway security staff but were back again on Sunday morning, firing more rubber bullets as looters converged on the train. Officers raided nearby houses, recovered three out of 500 missing cases and arrested six people.

Van Zyl said 20 officers would remain at the site until the overturned wagons and surviving beer crates could be recovered, an operation that could take up to a week. (:/)

Cops at the Docks!

FBI Agents' 'Wedding' Is a Bust for Guests

LA Times

Dateline: Washington — After their wedding guests had streamed into Atlantic City, N.J., for the festivities Sunday aboard the yacht Royal Charm, the happy couple surprised them all — by having them arrested as part of an alleged international Asia-based organized crime syndicate.

Unbeknown to the attendees, many of whom came from China for the occasion, the supposed bride and groom were FBI agents. The government said Monday that the pair had spent four years investigating a sophisticated racketeering enterprise suspected of smuggling into the United States vast quantities of black-market cigarettes, high-tech weapons, Ecstasy, counterfeit Viagra and virtually undetectable counterfeit $100 bills.

The operation had a large Southern California presence, authorities said, and much of the contraband was moved in shipping containers through the ports of Los Angeles and Long Beach.

The wedding, Justice Department officials said, was part of an elaborate trap designed to entice overseas-based alleged members of the crime syndicate into the U.S. so they could be arrested and charged. Several dozen of them were taken into custody while on the way to the dockside "wedding ceremony," dressed in their wedding finest and apparently shocked at the turn of events, according to one Justice Department official.

"They were literally being taken out of their limos and into custody," one Justice Department official said. "Some of them were bearing gifts — expensive ones like Rolex watches."

By Monday morning, at least 59 people had been arrested in Atlantic City, Los Angeles and nine other U.S. locations. Authorities were searching for at least 28 other people indicted by federal grand juries on both coasts. (:/)

That's 'Entertainment'

Bodyguards tackle Ali G

Ananova

Dateline: Los Angeles - Sacha Baron Cohen aka Ali G was dunked in the sea by Pamela Anderson's bodyguards - after rugby-tackling the actress at her dogs' wedding.

The Ali G star was dressed as his other creation, Kazakhstani TV journalist Borat, when he pulled the stunt.

Cohen, 33, in trunks, leather jacket and Village People-style cap, emerged from the surf on an inflatable turtle.

His rugby tackle sent Pam, 38, hurtling to the sand on the beach at Malibu, California.

Concerned security men grabbed the comedian and dragged him into the sea.

Pam was presiding over the nuptials of her Golden Retriever Star to Chihuahua Luca. (:/)

Talking of dogs... (not Pammy, of course)

Whoa!

'Ugliest' Dog Gaining Cult Status

Local 6

A dog deemed the ugliest dog in the world has become a canine celebrity and is quickly becoming a hit online since his mug was featured in newspapers and on television, according to a Local 6 News report.



Since his third contest win, Sam has inspired several Web sites, blogs and even an Internet comic strip.

Sam, a 14-year-old pedigreed Chinese crested, won the World's Ugliest Dog contest for the third time in June.

Since his third contest win, Sam has inspired several Web sites, blogs and even an Internet comic strip.

Web sites are even selling Sam memorabilia and attempting contests to find an even uglier dog than Sam, according to the report.

Also, the Internet myth debunking site, Snopes.com, has Sam's story as a "true" status.

Another Web site cheered the fact that Sam is neutered, saying, "We do not want another Son Of Sam."

Sam's owner, Susie Lockheed, 53, said her dog is an accident of breeding, Local 6 News reported. Lockheed took Sam in five years ago when he was considered not adoptable.

"Sometimes other dogs don't seem to quite know if he's a canine," Lockheed said. "They have to have a good sniff." (:/)

And finally...

Stalking devotion

Seattle Times/byline Vanessa Renee Casavant

Dateline: Seattle - At a time when plastic surgery has become fairly commonplace, some believe the Catman of Whidbey Island may have gone too far.

Dennis Avner, who goes by his American Indian name, Stalking Cat, is known around the world as the Catman. Over the past 25 years, Stalking Cat, 47, has received so many surgical and cosmetic procedures he’s lost count. And he says all of them - from full-face tattoos to fanged dentures to steel implants for detachable "whiskers" - have been done to achieve oneness with what he calls his totem, the tiger.


Dennis Avner shows his tiger teeth at his home in Freeland, Wash. He had all of his teeth removed to install tiger-like dentures.
AP photo

"I’m Huron and Lakota," he said, relaxing barefoot in his Freeland, Wash., living room. "I’m just taking a very old tradition, that to my knowledge is not practiced anymore."

He insists his unusually startling appearance is nothing more than trying to make physical his spiritual and traditional calling. He was raised in a small Michigan town near the Grand Traverse Band of Ottawa and Chippewa in Sutton Bay. Respect for the old ways, he said, was passed on to him by a Huron medicine man. Undergoing extreme measures of body modification, he said, is simply taking advantage of modern technologies to practice a devotion that’s been lost.

Stalking Cat started his transformation in 1980 after leaving his post as a sonar submarine technician for the Navy. He eventually settled in the San Diego area as a computer technician, and began the series of procedures that has resulted in his current appearance.

He has had all his teeth removed and replaced with tigerlike dentures and fangs. He has had his lip split to resemble the mouth of a cat. He has six stainless-steel mounts implanted on his forehead and 18 piercings above his lip to which he can attach whiskers. He has had nose and brow implants, and silicone cheek, chin and lip injections. The tips of his ears are pointed. And he has so many tattoos they almost cover his body.

Stalking Cat said he has lost track of how much his transformation has cost, though one figure quoted on a Web site estimates it would cost more than $200,000 - a figure Stalking Cat would neither confirm nor deny. He would only say, "It’s a lot."

As for any pain, Stalking Cat said some of the procedures hurt, but says there is no ongoing discomfort: "This is me," he said. "This is who I am."

The man responsible for the majority of Stalking Cat’s most extreme procedures is Phoenix body-modification artist Steve Haworth. He could not be reached for comment, but Stalking Cat is featured on Haworth’s Web site, www.stevehaworth.com.

Stalking Cat said he next plans to start tattooing the rest of his body with tiger stripes and to go back to Haworth to have stainless-steel mounts implanted in the top of his head so he can attach catlike ears to them. But further procedures will have to wait while he goes about the more mundane process of finding a job and fixing up the home he has shared since May with friends Tess Calhoun and Rick Weiss.

"The people here have been pretty welcoming," he said.

He has already found a local manicurist to paint his fingernails. "They don’t look very good today," he said, examining the tiger print detailing on them. "I’m still teaching her how to do it."

"I think he fits in well on the island," said Sarah Pankau, 18, who works near Stalking Cat’s house. She said there’s already a diverse mix of people on the island and he’s a welcome addition.

Nevertheless, not all islanders have embraced him. After Stalking Cat announced his move on his online journal, a person with the screen name "atomicdrunk" said, "... we have lots of hunters here. You can move here if you agree to stay in the woods and not wear orange." (:/)

Indeed. Until next time...

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Headlines in search of a story; man loses mind, Porsche; Britain's loneliest men; grannytastic action, and more rubbish from this week's weirdo bin

This week's been a bit tough over at TAR Towers, but nothing stops the news juggernaut does it? Does make one wonder why one bothers, though.

So, without further ado:

Headlines In Search Of A Story

The weekend shall inherit the mirth

Will always has Paris

The umpire strikes back

Isn't it bubonic? Don't you think?
(In which Alanis Morisette gets a medieval virus - DQ)

Same Shi'ite, different day

Tae kwan doh!

I FOUGHT THE LAW SPECIAL

After learning from the gorgeous Erica Davies on the Currant Bun that her backbench came up with the award-winning fashion headline:

"I fought velour, but velour won"

TAR wants a subsection of HISOAS devoted entirely to abusing that famous song title

"I fought Loire and Loire won"
(In which a Richard Branson land buying opportunity falls through due to odd French laws)

"I fought the lard, but the lard won"
(Obvious)

I fought the Bard, and the Bard won
(My entire school 'career')

Your submissions are invited.

Brits steal carloads of F**king Austrian roadsigns

The Register (from Ananova)

An Austrian village called Fucking will not change its name despite sniggering Brits making off with its roadsigns.

Mayor Siegfried Hauppl has asked visitors to lay off the signs which began to attract outside attention after British and US soldiers passing through in 1945 illuminated the locals as to the English meaning of Fucking, Ananova reports.

Hauppl explained: "We had a vote last year on whether to rename the town, but decided to keep it as it is. After all, Fucking has existed for 800 years, probably when a Mr Fuck or the Fuck family moved into the area. The 'ing' was added as a word for settlement."

We reckon that Fucking has been around a lot longer than 800 years, otherwise there wouldn't have been any Fucks to lend their name to the village in the first place, would there?

Be that as it may, the disappointing news is that the residents of Fucking are - according to Franz Duernsteiner, an expert on preposterous Austrian village names - very "conservative" people. He said: "Most of them can speak English, and when someone asks them where they come from they are a little ashamed to say it."

That's fair enough, and certainly something the residents of Milton Keynes can sympathise with. (:/)

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Naughty but nice

Violent or erotic images cause momentary
periods of “emotion-induced blindness”

Vanderbuilt University

If your partner seems to be ignoring you after a flash of nudity on the television screen, it might not be his or her fault: A new psychological study finds that when people are shown violent or erotic images they frequently fail to process what they see immediately afterwards.



Photo by Neil Brake
David Zald - (:/) ... now needs glasses, one assumes ... (:/)

Two studies that explore this effect, called attentional rubbernecking, were conducted by Vanderbilt University psychologist David Zald and Yale University researchers Steven Most, Marvin Chun and David Widders. The results are described in the August issue of the journal Psychonomic Bulletin and Review.

“We observed that people fail to detect visual images that appeared one-fifth of a second after emotional images, whereas they can detect those images with little problem after viewing neutral images,” says Zald, assistant professor of psychology and member of the Vanderbilt Kennedy Center for Research on Human Development.

Anyone who has ever slowed down to look at an accident as they are driving by – or has been stuck behind someone who has – is familiar with the “rubbernecking” effect. Even though we know we need to keep our eyes on the road, our emotions of concern, fear and curiosity cause us to stare out the window at the accident and slow to a crawl as we drive by.

According to Zald, this appears to be an involuntary effect: “We think that there is essentially a bottleneck for information processing and if a certain type of stimulus captures attention, it can basically jam up that bottleneck so subsequent information can't get through.”

Previous studies have demonstrated that there are limits to how much information people can hold in their visual short-term memory. As a result, we often miss visual images that pass right before our eyes when we are paying attention to something else. The new research indicates that we can also miss what we are searching for if we are shown an unexpected image that impacts us emotionally, a situation the researchers call “emotion-induced blindness.”

This effect can explain some common human behaviors. “If you are simply driving down the road and you see something that is sexually explicit on a billboard, the odds are that it is going to capture your attention and – for a fraction of a second afterwards – you will be less able to pay attention to other information in your environment,” Zald says. “So you might not see that car coming at you or the person crossing the street because your bottleneck has been jammed.” (:/)

Porn proves perennial staying power

AAP/Spotter Rene Millman

Pornography and glossy men's magazines buried at tips last longer than other magazines, new Australian research has found.

Scientist Fabiano Ximenes, 31, dug through two Sydney dumps to find out how long wood and paper products survive in landfill sites.

He found that magazines, newspapers and old bits of wood thrown away up to 46 years ago were in almost perfect condition, with pornography lasting the best of all.

He displayed a 1979 copy of the men's magazine Playboy which was in near mint condition, and said its thick wax coating could be the reason for its longevity.

"The best preserved was the pornography," Mr Ximenes said.

"It was a bit ironic." (:/)

Gone temporarily blind, I'd say...

Crash tradegy [sic - no, really]

The Evening Chronicle (NE UK)

A grandfather whose heart stopped at the wheel was jolted back to life when he crashed into a bus stop - only to suffer a second fatal attack.

Just minutes after Selby Sarginson, 66, dropped off his wife Frances for work at a chartered surveyors in Gateshead's Team Valley, he is believed to have blacked out causing him to lose control of his car.

But the pensioner, known as Sonny, appeared fine when his wife arrived at the scene of the accident on Ropery Road, Gateshead, after a call from police, although he couldn't recall what happened.

Sonny, of Cedar Crescent, Dunston, Gateshead, who had a heart transplant in 1997, had just been for a regular hospital check-up. He was taken to Newcastle's Freeman hospital for observation but while Frances sat in the waiting room he suffered a fatal heart attack.

Today Frances, 62, paid tribute to her loving husband of 43 years and champion side-car enthusiast.

She said: "Sonny suffered problems with his heart for many years which caused him to feel breathless and tired, but in 1997 he was given a heart transplant and began to feel much better.

"On the day of his accident Sonny and I had been to hospital for his check-up and before driving home he dropped me off at work.

"Then I got a phone call saying he had been in a crash but was fine. I went to the scene where Sonny was chatting to people."

Sonny, a former glazier, had two daughters, a grandson Ben, 12, and grandaughter Abigail, five.

Mrs Sarginson added: "We were driven to hospital in an ambulance so Sonny could be checked over.

"When I asked him what happened he said the only thing he could remember was that he had bumped into a bus shelter. He had no idea what else happened.

"I waited for him in hospital thinking he would be fine and we could go home, but I was told he'd passed away.

"It's thought his heart had stopped when he was driving and then when he crashed into the bus stop the force of the impact jump-started it again.

"It's just such a shock. We knew he'd been feeling a bit off-colour but we never thought anything like this would happen." (:/)

Almost worth having just for the headline writer hoo kant spel...

Farming Today

Farmer turns vigilante

Ashburton Guardian (NZ)

A Pendarves farmer sick of people stealing from his rural property spiked a drum of petrol with sugar and soap, then ran down thieves who stole it when their car wouldn’t work properly.

One of the thieves, Justin John Ruffles, appeared before Ashburton District Court Judge Murray Abbott yesterday for sentence after admitting a charge of burgling the farmer’s shed. Defence counsel Jared Bell said Ruffles was one of several in the car, but the only one charged. “He took the liquid in the container and, with the associates, poured it into the car.”

The farmer interrupted and the offenders fled, though not speedily.

Mr Bell said the car couldn’t go more than 70kp/h and was spluttering as the spiked fuel made its way into the engine.

The farmer followed and called police.

Judge Abbott said it was notoriously difficult to trace thefts from farms and other rural properties and Ruffles and like-minded people needed to be deterred.

He sent the 21-year-old shearer to jail for four months.

The judge said farmers and other rural land owners should not have to be concerned about being victims of theft of petrol or other items from their properties.

He repeated the warning to Ricky David Bennett, a 17-year-old freezing worker who appeared later.

Bennett admitted stealing petrol from a Winchmore farm, as well as illegally carrying a shotgun and possessing a cannabis pipe.

Bennett and an associate were making off with $60 of petrol in two containers when the farmer disturbed them and they fled.

Police found the dismantled gun on the floor of the car when they stopped Bennett’s vehicle a short while later.

The judge fined Bennett a total of $1000 and ordered him to pay $130 court costs on each of the three charges. He ordered the gun to be destroyed. (:/)

"Farmer turns vigilante" SHOCK!

Farmer Writes Personal Ad in Cornfield

AP

Dateline: Canandaigua, N.Y. -- It sounds a little corny. A farmer looking for love has planted a personals ad, using corn stalks in a cow pasture. It reads: "S.W.F Got-2 (love symbol) Farm'n." Underneath is a 1,000-foot-long arrow pointing single white females to his house.



Photo of Pieter DeHond‘s field in Canandaigua, N.Y., shows his lovelorn message in his cow pasture in 50-foot-tall letters made from corn stalks. (AP Photo/Robert Mincer)

"It only took me about an hour - I did it with a corn planter in May," Pieter DeHond said Wednesday as he removed weeds from the 18-acre field. "I was just horsing around."

In place of a newspaper ad, DeHond said he decided on an impulse to use up the extra corn seed left after spring planting at his 200-acre Pleasure Acres farm in western New York.

"I wouldn't place a personal ad in the paper. To me it seems desperate," he added, laughing. "This is more of a fun thing. I put this out in a field where nobody could see it unless you flew over it."

The 41-year-old divorced father said running a business and looking after his two teenagers doesn't leave a lot of room for socializing.

His corn stalk appeal, featured this week in his hometown Daily Messenger newspaper, has already drawn quite a few phone calls and e-mails.

"I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't a little proud," DeHond said. (:/)

Criminal Negligence

Car thief suspect asks victim for help

AP

Dateline: Fort Smith, Ark. - Police say a man who broke into a car severed his left wrist on some shards of glass, then kicked in a door to the car owner's home and asked for help.

Avis Pilcher, 78, called police to aid Joseph G. McQuade, 29, of Huntington, who initially said he had cut himself while being chased. Police later discovered blood in Pilcher's garage, presumed McQuade cut himself while breaking into the woman's car, and arrested McQuade.

Pilcher said she awakened to screams for help about 12:35 a.m. Monday and that McQuade entered her room, blood shooting from his left wrist, a police report said.

McQuade was arrested on suspicion of burglary, breaking and entering a vehicle, breaking and entering an unoccupied structure and on other warrants. McQuade was taken to the hospital for treatment of his injuries. (:/)

Scilly knicker thief exiled from islands for 7 years

The Grauniad

A bed and breakfast owner who amassed a bizarre collection of women's underwear and sex aids during five years of petty thieving on the Isles of Scilly was exiled to the mainland yesterday for seven years.

Andrew Stephan, who exploited the islanders' habit of leaving properties unlocked, will not be allowed to return, even for holidays or to visit his estranged wife and two young children, until August 2012.

The ban, covering 140 islets as well as the five main inhabited islands, was imposed by Truro crown court as a more effective penalty than a fine or jail. Judge Paul Darlow told 42-year-old Stephan, who expressed "deep shame", that he had "badly shaken the islanders' trust".

The court heard that the thefts of 160 pairs of knickers had gone undetected during the five years Stephan preyed on washing lines and bedrooms, mostly on the main island of St Mary's, where he also worked as a builder. He was caught after his marriage broke down in late 2003 and he had moved out of the five-bedroom bungalow that he and his wife, Sonia, ran as a B&B.

The hot water in the house failed shortly afterwards. When Mrs Stephan's new partner, James Vickers-Fletcher, unscrewed floorboards in the loft, he was startled to find three bags of knickers stuffed beside the plumbing. During the next few days he lifted other sections and found more underwear, sex toys and intimate photographs.

"Every time I went through a hatch, I seemed to find more stuff," he told the court, which heard how further caches were discovered in the garden shed, where one set of lingerie was entangled with diving equipment left behind by Stephan.

News of the find spread rapidly in the small community of some 2,200 islanders, 1,670 of whom live on St Mary's, and women went to the police station to identify their clothes and other items.

Stephan pleaded guilty last month to 10 counts of theft after earlier contesting the charges in proceedings which saw 11 women flown from Scilly to give evidence, at a cost of £5,000. He was also sentenced to 1,500 hours of community service, ordered to pay £1,000 in legal costs, and banned from entering any house in England and Wales without an invitation.

Barrie van den Berg, prosecuting, said Stephan had told police he had gone thieving for sexual reasons."He told them that he was trying to get help for it and knew he needed help."

Llewellyn Sellick, in mitigation, said Stephan had no previous convictions and the punishment was effectively "banishment from his home" on the islands where his 10-year-old daughter and four-year-old son live with their mother.

Judge Darlow told Stephan the Isles of Scilly had a trusting atmosphere that allowed people to be relaxed about locks. "That is a trust that does not exist, unfortunately, here on the mainland, and one that must have been badly shaken by your activities." (:/)

And it's not just the Scilly Isles...

Singaporean fined for stealing women's underwear

AFP

Dateline: Singapore - An unemployed Singaporean man suffering from depression was reportedly fined 2,000 Singapore dollars (1,212 US) for stealing 49 pieces of women's underwear.

According to the Straits Times, Cheng Chee Kam, 48, was caught red-handed in May when he tried to steal a red G-string from a washing line outside an apartment block.

Police later found 48 other pieces of underwear at his home.

Cheng's lawyer told the court Tuesday her client was suicidally depressed because his construction business had failed.

Under local law, Cheng could also have been jailed for up to three years. (:/)

No Golden Arches for McDonald's extortion man

AFP

Dateline: Taipei - A Taiwanese man who reportedly tried to extort more than 60,000 dollars from McDonald's to help pay off his credit card bill has been arrested.



Hsieh Hsin-ling tried to get the Golden Arches to live up to their nickname and fork over two million Taiwan dollars (62,500 US) by making threatening phone calls demanding the money.

The jobless 38-year-old allegedly threw a Molotov cocktail into a McDonald's outlet in Taoyuan, south of Taipei, at dawn on Monday. No one was injured and the fire-bomb was unlit.

Police said they arrested him on Wednesday when he was making another blackmail call to the Taipei offices of the US burger giant. Local media said the man was trying to pay off his credit card debts.

Food extortion is not unknown in Taiwan.

In 1992, blackmailers put bombs in two McDonald's outlets in Taipei, killing a police officer and wounding two employees.

Last month, a 40-year-old man was sentenced to death after lacing energy drinks with cyanide in another extortion case. One person was killed. (:/)

Woman charged with kidnapping lawn boys

AP

Dateline: Martinsburg, W.Va. - A woman faces two counts of kidnapping after allegedly paying two boys for a lawn job with a fake $50 bill, then holding them hostage when they caught on.

Tracy Lynn Clinton, 39, remained in the Eastern Regional Jail on Wednesday, where she has been held on $12,500 bail since her arrest Monday. Police say she has no known address.

Martinsburg Patrolman E.C. Neely said Wednesday the victims were two slightly built boys, ages 12 and 13, who told investigators they were terrorized by Clinton. She allegedly screamed at them, threatened physical violence and exhibited bizarre behavior that included publicly urinating on a fence.

The boys told police they had been cutting lawns around Martinsburg when they saw Clinton sitting on a porch. She offered to pay $30 but said she needed change for what turned out to be a fake $50 bill.

The boys did the job, but questioned the currency. Clinton allegedly talked them into going with her to another location, then made them wait for more than an hour and threatened to harm them if they tried to leave.

Neely said Clinton punched one child in the back when he finally ran away, but neither boy was seriously injured.

If convicted, Clinton could get life in prison on the kidnapping charges and as much as a year in prison on the counterfeit bill charge.

She also faces two counts of failing to appear in court for unrelated incidents. (:/)

Man Busted Over Pot-Filled Bear

AP

Dateline: Rohnert Park, Calif. --- The owner of an overnight mailing business grew suspicious of a customer who sent a package to different addresses in Wisconsin every two weeks. His hunch was right.

A quick inspection of the customer’s latest package revealed an unusually heavy teddy bear with a crude stitch on the back, so the businessman called police.

Investigators opened the bear, unrolled 30 feet of cellophane and found a heat-sealed plastic bag at the center of the teddy filled with roughly a pound of marijuana.

Gilberto Perez Pereira, 43, and Susan Janette Roark, 48, were arrested after an investigation, Rohnert Park police said Monday.

Pereira told police that he was sending the packages for a friend and that he didn’t know what was inside the boxes.

Pereira allegedly provided a fake name to the mailing business, but police said he was easily tracked because he repeatedly called the business to ask why his package hadn’t been mailed. (:/)

Home News

Britons 'have £1bn in loose change'

PA/Spotter - The Grauniad

Britons have enough small change around their homes to fund half of the London Olympic Games, according to a survey published today.

About £1bn is lost or lying idle in the UK's 24.7 million households, the study found.

An overwhelming 88% of the 1,500 people surveyed said at least £10 was lost in small change throughout their home.

A further 62% estimated they had at least £56 in jars, pots, pockets and down the back of sofas.

Less than a quarter (24%) intended to take this loose change to the bank or spend it, according to the research, commissioned by banking and finance recruitment company, Jonathan Wren.

Londoners were the country's biggest losers, with £121 worth of redundant cash at home, whereas people in Birmingham had £61.

Men lost most money at home, accounting for three quarters (73%) of the lost funds.

Added to the lost sterling was forgotten foreign currency left over from annual holidays. Those questioned estimated they had a average of £20 worth of foreign coins at home.

The survey goes on to reveal that it is not only the loose change that gets neglected or forgotten.

Fewer than one in 10 (9%) of those questioned could give an accurate account of their bank balance to the nearest £25 and only a third (36%) knew the exact amount of the debt they carried on their credit or store cards, or how much they had left to pay on their mortgage.

Philip Marks, managing director of Jonathan Wren, said: "It seems as a nation we're too apathetic to make our money really work for us and it's leaving us poorer than we should be."

To help households keep track of their cash, the company suggests people put all their loose change in one jar or pot, keep all banking documents in an organised file including pension, payslips, tax returns and investment documents, and read bank statements before filing them. (:/)

Picture Story

Gas Thief Escapes on Tricycle

National Geographic

Photo: Chinese boy stealing natural gas on a tricycle
Photograph by China Newsphoto/Reuters/Corbis

August 16, 2005—Speeding from the scene of the crime, a Chinese boy tows a floating plastic bag of stolen natural gas last week. Flouting a government ban, farmers around the central Chinese town of Pucheng frequently filch gas from the local oil field.

As Chinese industry booms and automobile use spreads, the country as a whole appears to be on a feverish quest for fossil fuels. Oil consumption rose by 11 percent last year, and the number of private autos hit 14 million in 2003—and is expected to rise to 150 million by 2015. (See "China's Boom Is Bust for Global Environment, Study Warns.")

China National Offshore Oil Corporation dropped its bid for U.S. oil and natural gas company Unocal earlier this month. But the China National Petroleum Corporation, the country's biggest oil company, has now joined with an Indian company in an effort to buy PetroKazakhstan, a Canadian company with oil fields in the central Asian country of Kazakhstan. (:/)

Escapes? From what?? What's slower than a boy on a trike towing a bloody great bag??????

That's Entertainment?

Housewife hammered

Reuters

Actress Eva Longoria, co-star of the Seven hit Desperate Housewives, was struck in the head by a falling pole while filming a scene for the show today, but was not seriously hurt, her publicist said.

The petite actress, who plays the conniving, adulterous Gabrielle Solis on the series, was taken to a nearby hospital where she was treated for a bump on the head and released, spokeswoman Liza Anderson said.

Longoria, 30, will return to work as scheduled, Anderson said, adding, "She's got a hard head." (:/)

Braking spews

Woman Gets Cable Bill With Derogatory Name

AP/ABC 7

Dateline: Chicago - LaChania Govan said she got bounced around by her cable company when she called to complain. She made dozens of calls and was even transferred to a person who spoke Spanish - a language she doesn't understand. But when she got her August bill from Comcast she had no trouble understanding she'd made somebody mad. It was addressed to "Bitch Dog."

"I was like you got to be freaking kidding me," said Govan, 25. "I was so mad I couldn't even cuss."

Govan said the only thing she did to Comcast employees that might be considered rude came after a few dozen calls when she felt she was treated shabbily. "I did tell them, 'You know what, it has to be a qualification to work for your company that you have to be rude,'" she said.

Govan said she talked to a supervisor and he offered her two months free service, which she turned down.

Finally Wednesday, about two weeks after she got her bill, somebody from the company left a message on her answering machine in which the caller apologized.

Comcast officials said it shouldn't have happened.

"We only use the actual customers names on the bill," said Patricia Andrews-Keenan, a Comcast spokeswoman.

Company officials went through the records and identified two people who were involved with the name change and fired them, Andrews-Keenan said. It's unknown why the employees did it.

In another case, Peoples Energy customer Jefferoy Barnes started getting letters addressed to "Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes."

"I had no bad words at all. I guess the earliest letter is dated in May and from then on up until now my name has been listed as Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes and I have no idea why."

Barnes said he received an apologetic call from a company official. He also has contacted an attorney to determine if he can take legal action.

A Peoples Energy spokeswoman called the letter inexcusable. (:/)

Far shorted than the words its recipient had to use, methinks.

Drug dealer must forfeit lottery winnings

Reuters

Dateline: Houston - A Mexican citizen must forfeit about $2.75 million (1.52 million pounds) in Texas lottery winnings because of his drug-trafficking conviction, a federal appeals court said on Wednesday.

Jose Luis Betancourt, 52, was arrested after making a cocaine delivery shortly after accepting $5.5 million for having the winning ticket in the December 11, 2002, lottery drawing, according to court documents.

A jury convicted Betancourt, who was living in the border city of Brownsville, Texas, of conspiracy and two counts of possession with intent to distribute cocaine in May 2003 and also found he must forfeit his one-half interest in the lottery ticket.

A three-judge panel of the 5th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals agreed with the trial court judge's ruling that Betancourt bought his share of the ticket with drug proceeds because that was his only apparent source of income.

The court also upheld his punishment of more than 24 years in prison without parole.

"Mr. Betancourt's luck ran out, and appropriately so," said U.S. Attorney Chuck Rosenberg. (:/)

City, restaurateur at odds over banners

Delaware Maryland Virginia Daily Times

Dateline: Salisbury -- A downtown restaurateur has until Friday to remove banner reminders that the rear parking lot at Flannery's eatery is not a public restroom, signs officials say were erected in a historic district without permission and in violation of a city code.


(Times Photo by Joey Gardner: Flannery's owner Stewart Davis adjusts one of the signs he has put up to deter people from using the parking lot behind his restaurant as a restroom. The city says the signs are in violation of code and has asked Davis to remove them by Friday)

William Holland, director of the Salisbury Department of Building, Housing & Zoning, notified the James Taylor Family Partnership, which owns the Flannery's property, of the violation in an Aug. 12 letter.

Failure to comply, Holland said Tuesday, would result in fines that could mount to $500 a day.

"There is a law about the banners themselves and then there is the part about a permanent structure sign being erected without approval," Holland said. "I received a complaint from somebody who didn't like looking at them."

Stewart Davis, who owns and operates Flannery's, in July erected the banners on Calvert Street in the rear of the property to discourage passers-by from using the lot as a restroom. The issue surfaced in the early summer, Davis says, when the region's public transportation service, Shore Transit, reduced operating hours of public restrooms for bus riders.

The Salisbury terminal for Shore Ride is at the corner of Calvert Street and North Salisbury Boulevard and next door to Flannery's, which fronts West Main Street. Shore Ride is a reservation-only public bus service and component to the Shore Transit system.

"Bathrooms were open until midnight but the transit company cut back and began shutting them down (earlier)," Davis said. "I have trailers and a dumpsite behind the restaurant and people waiting for the bus find a cubbie hole and urinate, defecate and throw tampons. ... I have to hose the area."

The problem, he says, usually begins after 6 p.m., the hour Shore Transit closes its public restrooms. The restaurant operates until 9 p.m. on weeknights and until 10 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays.

"People can see them (relieving themselves) from the parking lot, Route 13 and the (convenience) store across the street," Davis said. "Some come inside wanting to use the bathroom. If I don't let them, they go behind the restaurant."

Complaints to the city of Salisbury and Wicomico County Health and Salisbury Police departments failed to resolve the problem, Davis said.

Police officers have responded to calls from the restaurant, but culprits have usually disappeared by the time they arrive, he said.

"The police can't do anything unless they (catch them in the act)," Davis said. (:/)

Lovely!

Stunned waitress gets Porsche as a tip in Sweden

AFP

Dateline: Stockholm - A waitress in Sweden thought her elderly customer was joking when he offered her his Porsche as a tip, but he kept his word and gave her the keys to the car, daily Aftonbladet reported.

"I thought at first he was joking with me," 19-year-old Josefin Justin told the paper on Thursday.

Justin was waiting tables at the Njuraanger Cafe in Sundsvall in central Sweden when the man, who had recently retired and was dining with a group of gentlemen, asked her age.

When she told him, "he said I would get his Porsche as a tip."

"At first I was a little suspicious but I didn't get the feeling he was hitting on me or anything, he just seemed really nice," she said.

She got his phone number and the next day when she called him, he said he remembered his generous offer. Accompanied by her father, she went to the man's house to pick up her new car.

It turned out to be 1979 Porsche 924 worth 30,000 kronor (4,000 dollars, 3,215 euros).

"It needs a little work, a paint job among other things, but we checked it out and everything was fine," Justin said.

The man, who asked to remain anonymous, told the paper he couldn't really explain why he gave her the car.

"I was just sitting there in the restaurant and looked her in the eyes and saw an angel and thought to myself 'The Porsche, she should have it'," he said.

Asked if he had any regrets, he replied: "No, absolutely not." (:/)

Loch Ness Monster TV stunt fools Nessie-hunters

AFP

Dateline: London - Loch out! Hundreds of stunned tourists were duped into thinking they had seen Scotland's famous Loch Ness Monster, the television pranksters behind the stunt revealed.

The legendary creature, said to live in the Highland lake's murky depths, has attracted Nessie-hunters to the shoreline for decades, eager for a glimpse of the mystery being.

Around 600 people got just what they were looking for when they saw a 16-foot (five-metre) beast rise through the water.

However, Britain's Channel Five television admitted Tuesday that the startling vision was actually a 440-pound (200-kilogramme) animatronic model named Lucy which had roamed the loch for a fortnight.

The results were filmed for a forthcoming programme on Nessie.

The television channel said the public reaction ranged from those utterly convinced they had seen the legendary beast and those who know a fibre-glass and polyurethane rubber hoax when they see one.

"The Loch Ness Monster is one of the world's most enduring myths, and we thought it would be fascinating to see if the general public, fed on a diet of movie special effects, could still believe in Nessie," said Five's senior programme controller, Chris Shaw.

A Five spokeswoman said: "Some people were thinking 'what is it?' -- they couldn't quite work it out -- whereas other people thought it was the waves and some were saying they had definitely seen a green hump.

"I think it shows that people still want to believe in the myth."

Ronald Mackenzie, who runs Royal Scot boat cruises, said some tourists had been taken in.

"The first time Channel Five put the monster in the loch even we were unaware of it, so we were pretty shocked.

"There were a lot of Americans who were impressed, some people who believed it and others who thought it was just part of the tour." (:/)

(Head of) A Right Old State

Yachts a sign of economic strength for Berlusconi

Reuters

Dateline: Rome - What economic doldrums? The huge number of yachts that Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi says he can spot from the window of his luxury villa is proof that Italy's economy is enjoying very smooth sailing.



"Not even the economy is doing so badly," Berlusconi told La Stampa newspaper in an interview published on Wednesday.

"From my villa I have a big panoramic view in front of Punta Lada which is noticeable even this year for the many yachts," he said from his sprawling holiday home on the island of Sardinia.

But, La Stampa asked, don't they just belong to the wealthy?

"If they are rich people's yachts then we have a lot of rich people," the media magnate responded, blaming slumping consumer confidence in Italy on a media campaign launched by the centre-left opposition ahead of next year's general elections.

Italy's economy grew an unexpectedly strong 0.7 percent in the second quarter this year, bringing an end to a recession. But analysts still expect full-year growth to be flat, lagging much of the rest of Europe.

Berlusconi, however, had a more positive outlook.

"Salaries have risen more than inflation, our family wealth doesn't have an equal in Europe. No one else can boast more mobile phones, more cars, more televisions than Italians. Do you know how many of our ladies can afford beauty treatments?"

Berlusconi himself reportedly underwent hair implant surgery for the second time in 12 months. (:/)

You go (old) girl

93-year-old Lithuanian woman floors
robber with killer grip

AFP

Dateline: Vilnius - Two thieves who tried to rob two elderly women in the Lithuanian city of Klaipeda, thinking they were easy prey, got more than they bargained for when the older of the two victims, aged 93, valiantly defended herself.

The two would-be thieves rang the doorbell where Zoja Popova, 93, lives with an 85-year-old woman, and attacked the two elderly women as soon as they opened the door.

But Popova showed courage and great presence of mind, and brought one of the robbers to his knees.

"I did what I could," Popova told Lithuanian daily Lietuvos Rytas.

'What she could' involved grabbing the thief -- who at 25 was almost one-quarter her age -- by the family jewels and squeezing as hard as she could.

"I pressed as hard as I could and he squealed like an animal," said Popova, who in her younger years worked as a washer-up in the canteen of a military hospital.

The other robber abandoned his attempt to tie up Popova's friend and rushed to help his accomplice, but was confronted by Popova's neighbours who came to find out what all the shouting was about.

Both robbers tried to escape through a window but were caught by private security guards and handed over to the police. (:/)

Late breaking pews

Lions stalk little Smart cars in English big game park

AFP

Dateline: London - Lions at a safari park in the north of England are prowling after Smart cars, in the apparent belief that the boxy little two-seat European city cars are worthy prey.



Visitors to Knowsley Safari Park, outside Liverpool, have long been able to drive their vehicles within metres (yards) of the big cats -- but those in Smart cars have discovered that the lions are paying them particular interest.

"The lions are used to seeing saloons (sedans) and family cars on a daily basis, but they had never seen a Smart before," park manager David Ross said Tuesday.

"Because of the cars' small size and unusual looks, the lions were immediately interested and went to take a closer look."

"We won't be excluding Smarts from the park but we will monitor their progress and ensure that the lions don't take anything more than a passing interest."

Knowsley Safari Park is home to a variety of exotic animals including tigers, buffalo, baboons, camels, rhinos, elephants and giraffes.

A spokesman for Smart, a Mercedes-Benz brand, said the animal attraction was "very unusual" (:/)

Japanese eating champion wins Hong Kong
contest, downs 100 buns in 12 mins

AFP

Dateline: Hong Kong - A Japanese eating champion beat five local challengers to win his first contest in Hong Kong, gulping down 100 roasted pork buns in just 12 minutes.



Takeru Kobayashi, a five-times winner of the Nathan's hotdog-eating competition in New York, tightly squeezed each of the local delicacies before stuffing them into his mouth amid a cheering crowd at the Lung of the World eating final.

Sipping water regularly to help him soften the buns, Kobayashi -- known as "The Tsunami" -- effortlessly outguzzled his challengers to win 20,000 Hong Kong dollars (2,600 US).

Runner-up Johnny Wu ate just 47 buns.

The five-foot-seven professional competitive eater, who weighs 143 pounds, displayed his abdominal muscles after his win.

In the semi-final Saturday he beat 30 challengers by downing 83 steamed dumplings in eight minutes.

Kobayashi, 27, set a world record in 2004 by gulping down 53 1/2 hotdogs in 12 minutes at Nathan's. He won another world record the same year by eating 69 hamburgers in eight minutes at Krystal Square Off in Tennessee. (:/)

And finally

Wanted: women to live the high life with
lovelorn lads of Alston - must like solitude

The Grauniad

Alston is justly proud of its claim to be the highest market town in England. The capital of the north Pennines, surrounded by fells and moors in an area of outstanding natural beauty and 20 miles from any other town, stands in splendid isolation.

And that's just the problem - at least it is if you are a lusty young chap in search of someone to love. High fells and beautiful high clouds are much more lovely to gaze upon when you have someone special by your side.

Now in a desperate attempt to find partners, the young bloods of Alston (pop: just over 1,000) have launched a campaign to bring young women to the Cumbrian town they do not want to leave: they claim that there are 10 men there for every eligible local woman. The story so far echoes the plot of Seven Brides For Seven Brothers, except that they haven't got round to abducting anyone yet.

The men, all in their early 20s, have founded what they have coyly called the Alston Moor Re-Generation Society and have set up a website and scattered pleading posters in towns, cities and villages across 1,400 square miles of the north.

"Are you female and single?" they ask. "Sick of putting up with boring, lazy, ugly, inconsiderate and poor men? Are you looking for some excitement in your life?

"If you answered yes to any of these questions then the town of Alston Moor is waiting for you ..."

The posters go on to advertise the spoils on offer: "The average male in Alston is single, athletic, intelligent, well-groomed, an extremely good sense of humour, owns [his] own vehicle, and in many cases owns [his] own land and property as well. Compare this to the average male from your area and you will see why you were lucky to spot this notice."

Somewhat implausibly, it also boasts of the town's "superb nightlife, which led to one travel critic describing the area as 'the Ibiza of the north'!"

The accompanying website publishes messages from four local lonelyhearts, along with their photographs. They include Vince Peart, 21, builder and student, the society's founder, who did not have a girlfriend until he started his course at Lancaster University two years ago. "That's not right for a fit young lad," he lamented.

"The census figures say the number of men and women in Alston is about equal. But when I went to the pub one weekend, I did a count and found it was 10 men to every woman.

"Last Friday, it was 17 men to one woman. And that woman had a boyfriend who was one of the strongest men in the pub, so we didn't dare even look at her, let alone say anything to her. That's how bad it is."

Jonny Edgar, 21, has signed up to the society in solidarity with his mates. This came as a bit of a surprise to the girlfriend he has had for eight months. "When she found out this morning, she didn't seem at all happy," he said.

Stu "Potsy" Ridley is a sad singleton. "It's disgraceful," he said. "I like a good laugh with the lads but I cannot understand why there are no lasses to share the laughs with.

"There are not many females about and if there are they've always got a bloke with them. I'm looking for someone with a good personality, someone who is up for a good time. But I want to stay here - I'd hate to live in the city."

Mr Ridley said a few promising emails had started to come in but women have yet to flock to the land of sheep and lead mines: one local female cynic suggested yesterday that perhaps the average woman wants more than the men of Alston can offer.

"There have been no responses as yet," admitted Mr Peart. "Hopefully, the media reports will help. I've talked to local landlords and they are thinking about having some sort of special offer on - half price drinks for ladies who want to come up and see the place."

And if the lovelorn lads do lure curious women into the bar, they could always try wooing them with chat-up lines featuring poetry and industrial archaeology.

WH Auden loved the north Pennines and his library included Machinery for Metaliferous Mines by EH Davies, Stanley Smith's Lead and Zinc Ores of Northumberland and Alston Moor and Thomas Sopwith's An Account of the Mining Districts of Alston Moor, Weardale and Teesdale. He also kept a map of Alston Moor on his wall when living in the US and said of these empty hills:

I could draw its map by heart,

showing its contours,

strata and vegetation,

name every height,

small burn and lonely shieling ...

(from Amor Loci)

Note: A shieling is a summer pasture, perhaps with a shepherd's hut: a good place for a tryst with a chap bursting with testosterone in the landscape he loves?

The Alston Moor Re-Generation website is at www.villagesincrisis.tk (:/)

Which, in fact, you can't visit - because so many people have visited it that the site has been closed while the ISP extorts them for more money... However, if you're lonely, and you don't know who to turn to, and if you can find them...

Until next time

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Trevorism, bonnet bonking, Bruce Willis, a painful Brazilian, busty mermaids and breaking the law with extreme stupidity

TAR THREAT LEVEL: Size 8 1/2

We at the Alternative Review are sick, sick, sick of the lack of attention being paid one of the greatest threats to freedom in our country today: Trevorism.

It's well known that Trevorism is a cause of fear, uncertainty and doubt worldwide, but in these precarious times we should be be keeping a closer eye on Trevorists who are ON OUR DOORSTEPS.

The Met Police doesn't even have an Anti-Trevorist Task Force! International Trevorism just isn't on the radar as far as law enforcement is concerned. What are we doing about this? NOTHING.

We here at TAR Towers demand an answer from Sir Tony Blair, head of the Met Police, as to why:

a) There isn't a dedicated Anti-Trevorist Unit in the Met Police. There is apparently room between SO19 and SO21 in operational unit names, where SO20 was dropped after too many officers misread it as so-so, refusing to join. Obviously some retraining in reading skills will be required.

b) No attention is being paid to KNOWN TREVORISTS in London. I know several. Surely they should be followed into a Tube station and SHOT? Harsh language appears to be all London's citizens are allowed to use in situations where Trevorists are involved.

Surely a crackdown on Trevorism is just around the corner. All we need to do is to keep our upper lips stiff, our backs straight and spleens vented, and Her Majesty's Finest will doubtless do the rest...

TAR dairy

TOMATINA! Throw, my pretties, throw!

Fruity Spanish action on the 25th

This year the party of The Tomatina is on Wednesday 25 of August, and it begins at the 10:00 hours. This party is framed inside the Fair and Parties of Buñol that will be from the 20 August to 30 of August. (:/)

The Tomatina website.

Latest news

Couple had sex on police car

Ananova

Dutch police have arrested a couple for having sex on the bonnet of their patrol car.

The couple, from Groningen, said they hadn't noticed the two policemen sitting in the car.

One of the officers got out of the car and told the couple to stop what they were doing and leave.

The 25-year-old man was arrested after he refused and insulted the policeman, reports Het Laatste Nieuws.

His 33-year-old lover was also arrested after she tried to stop the car from taking her boyfriend away.

A police spokesman said: "The law doesn't say you can't make love on the bonnet of a police car.

"But the policemen have to be available for duty. If the two lovers had left when they were told, nothing would have happened." (:/)

Shtop! Shtop!

Barking Man Bites Mail Carrier

AP

Dateline: Houma, Louisiana - A mail carrier got bitten — by a barking man, police said.

Mark D. Plumb, 20, of Butler, Mo., was arrested and charged with simple battery Wednesday after he ran barking from a house and bit the letter carrier on the shoulder, police spokesman Lt. Todd Duplantis said.

Plumb said he bit the carrier as a joke, and has no history of criminal activity or mental illness, police said.

Plumb was released from the Terrebonne Parish jail after posting $165 bond. (:/)

Man beaten with his own leg
Says he couldn't get away

ABC12

Dateline: Midland —A Midland man talks is talking for the first time about his unusual attack. He was severely beaten with his own prosthetic leg.


Greg Gale has had some rough times.

He lost his leg in a train accident twenty years ago, and now, he's been beaten by his own prosthetic leg. Gale tells abc12's Jennifer Borrasso he and his girlfriend, Tammy Johnson, got into an argument at his Midland apartment this past Wednesday night.

He says she started beating him in the face and head several times with one of his spare prosthetic legs. He tried to get away, but says she followed him out the door, still hitting him with the leg.

A witness saw Gale and called police.

"She tried to kill me," Gale said. I've known her for years," he said, thinking that she is frustrated with their relationship. "Probably because I won't commit... I'm not sure."

Tammy Johnson is in the Midland County jail tonight.

She faces two felony counts - an assault with a dangerous weapon and larceny.

Police say she tried to steal the leg. (:/)

Web Entrepreneur Banks on 'Bum-vertising'
Homeless Advocates Say He's Exploiting the Poor

ABC

A budding Seattle entrepreneur looking for a low-cost marketing campaign says he's found an inexpensive and highly visible tool to publicize his Web site — he calls it "bum-vertizing."

Ben Rogovy, a 22-year-old University of Washington graduate, says the homeless and panhandlers are an untapped labor force, and he's putting them to work.

"It dawned on me this could be inexpensive and effective," he said. And he believes it's a campaign that benefits both him and the homeless people he's hired to hold signs advertizing his Web site. He said he's giving panhandlers a job and getting advertising on the cheap.

But the name he has trademarked for his marketing campaign, "bum-vertising," has some advocates for the homeless taking notice of what they say is exploitation of the people Rogovy calls his employees.

His "regulars" can be seen around Seattle, holding up green signs with a Web address on it.

"Now he's holding my sign and everybody stuck in traffic is looking at it," Rogovy said in an interview with ABC News affiliate KOMO-TV in Seattle, pointing to one of the panhandlers he has working for him.

In exchange for food, water and an undisclosed amount of cash, panhandlers agree to hold their please-give-sign and Rogovy's sign advertising his Web site, which purports to be an online directory that connects "poker players from around the globe."

One woman, who said her name was Janetta, took less than 10 seconds to say yes when Rogovy approached her about joining his "bum-vertising" team.

"Sure, why not, anything to help a budding entrepreneur," Janetta said. She told KOMO-TV she has to beg, because even though she has two other jobs, they aren't enough to pay the bills. Neighbors told KOMO-TV that Janetta begs every day and they doubt whether she really needs help.

Janetta said Rogovy's money is "easy money" — extra cash she doesn't have to beg for.

"The one thing people don't know, this is a job this is not easy," she said, referring to panhandling.

"They're better off advertising for me than not advertising, I wish I could help them more," Rogovy said. (:/)

"Help."

Testicles under padlock for two weeks

Ananova

A US man was taken to hospital after having his testicles stuck in a padlock for two weeks.

The man, from Brentwood, New Hampshire, says a friend fastened the padlock to his scrotum after a drinking session.

Corporal H D Wood IV said the man was severely intoxicated and had passed out.

He told police that when he woke up the padlock was locked around the top of his scrotum and his friend was gone.

"Never in my 13 years have I seen anything like this," Wood said.

The man tried to remove the padlock with a hacksaw after the key broke off inside the lock but without success.

He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith was called to remove the lock. The man was treated and released without sustaining lasting injury.

"At this point we are not sure if it was a prank, or if it was an intentional act, or something done during a sexual act," Wood said. (:/)

Criminal Negligence

Man Picks Wrong Car For Joke Traffic Stop

WFTV.com/AP

Dateline: Tampa, Fla. -- Marvin Williams thought it would be funny to put a blue-and-red flashing light on the dashboard of his friend's car and pretend to pull over another motorist, police said.

But the joke backfired Sunday night when Williams picked a car with two undercover Tampa cops inside.

It didn't help much when he laughed about it as he drove by. Then, when police followed him, the 22-year-old Williams ran from the vehicle, officials say.

He left behind two female friends who were riding with him, and 7 grams of cocaine on the center console, police said. The officers caught up, caught him and found the drugs.

Williams was charged with cocaine possession, impersonating a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest. Officers also arrested a woman riding in the front seat and charged her with cocaine possession.

Williams posted $4,500 bail Monday night and was released. A working phone number could not be located for him Tuesday, and it wasn't known if he had an attorney.

Police spokeswoman Laura McElroy said Williams joked with his passengers about pulling someone over in the moments before pulling behind Officers Sean Kruger and Jason Degagne shortly before midnight.

"The joke was on him," McElroy said. "His victims turned out to be police officers who escorted him to jail -- with a real blue light." (:/)

Man Uses Fork to Rob Restaurant

WOAI.com (San Antonio)

Employees of a north side restaurant were attacked and forced into a freezer during a Sunday morning robbery.

"He just came in and ordered two pounds," says owner Yvette Robles, owner of Trevino's Barbacoa on Bitters Road. "He jumped the counter and I said, 'what are you doing?' He said, 'I'm robbing you guys.'"

The robber told Robles he had a gun and a knife. He demanded cash and the keys to Robles' truck.

When she wouldn't hand him the keys, police say he used a fork to threaten the employees. Investigators say he held the fork to a worker's neck. She wasn't seriously hurt.

"I'm just trying to run my business and I just started and I wanted him to leave so I can continue with my job," says Robles.

The man tried to lock the employees in a walk-in freezer and then drove off in Robles' truck.

"He left with $100, my phone and my credit card machine, and my cell phone."

Investigators later found the truck. It had been left on the side of the road near Wayward and Nacogdoches. (:/)

Sport

ICC expels USA from Intercontinental Cup
Or USA barred from cricket - world sighs in relief

PakTribune

Dateline: Dubai -- After waiting more than a week beyond its original deadline of August 1, the International Cricket Council (ICC) delivered the coup de grace to USA by expelling them from this season's Intercontinental Cup. Their place will be taken by the Cayman Islands.

For the USA, this is a final chapter in its long saga of acrimony and infighting, and may mean that no USA teams will be playing any international cricket for at least the next two years. There are no other ICC-sponsored tournaments scheduled for the Americas in 2005; and even if there were, it is unlikely that ICC would reverse the stand it has finally taken about joint governance and team selection processes as a pre-requisite for admitting USA back into the fold.

It is an inglorious end to forty years of history, which began when USA became one of the first three countries to achieve the newly founded ICC Associate Member status. It has been a chequered four decades, marked at its zenith by USA's breathtaking win at the Sharjah Six Nations challenge and its nadir by its abject performance in the recent ICC Trophy. All that is over now, and what is left are the memories.

Reactions to USA's banishment into world cricket's wilderness were mixed, with a few bizarre items thrown in. The USACA web site, which has maintained its ostrich-like posture over events of importance like Project USA, was not expected to say much; however, it suddenly announced the venues and dates for the 2005 National tournament, which came as a total surprise to the USA Council of League Presidents (CLP) who would be expected to participate.

The CLP, for its part, was quietly celebrating ICC's decision on the Intercontinental Cup team. It was something they had wished to avoid, but (in their view), USA president Gladstone Dainty's intransigence and refusal to negotiate in good faith left them (and ultimately the ICC) with no other choice. (:/)

Cheerleaders Use Chant to Help Police

AP

Dateline: Ann Arbor, Mich. - A man who left an accident scene was tracked down with the help of some cheerleaders who witnessed the crash and turned his license plate number into a cheer, police said.

Members of the Lincoln High School varsity cheerleading squad from neighboring Ypsilanti were in Ann Arbor for a Universal Cheerleaders Association's camp when they saw the wreck near the University of Michigan campus.

"I knew I was going to not remember it because there was too much going on," coach Patricia Clark said Monday on NBC's "Today.""So, when I ran down the street and got the plate number, I yelled to the girls: 'Remember this!'"

The cheerleaders put their skills to work, chanting the license number.

"The coach just said it and we were saying it over and over, and then it just turned into a big chant since we kept repeating it," said Kimmie Ostrowski, a senior captain for the team who also appeared on "Today."

According to police reports, a truck hit a car stopped at a traffic light Wednesday, and the impact forced that car into another vehicle, which then hit another one.

The truck driver, found at his home, told officers he didn't think the damage was severe enough to stop, police Lt. Mike Logghe told The Ann Arbor News.

The man wasn't arrested and his name wasn't released, but police said he could face a misdemeanor charge of leaving the scene of an accident. (:/)

Reporter strikes out with arrival by helicopter

Milwaukee Journal Sentinel

Vince Vitrano, the Channel 4 reporter who specializes in fluff, sure knows how to make an entrance.

Worried that he might miss the first pitch for a recent media-league softball game at Dyer Park, Vitrano decided to arrive in style, hopping a ride on Chopper4 with Power Zoom.

Holy cow!

"There was much excitement and jubilation" when Vitrano landed, said one Channel 4 player.


Photo/File of Vince Vitrano

"It was unbelievable - I thought they were shooting highlights," said a member of the Channel 12 team that was squaring off against the Channel 4 sluggers. "To see him jump out, I thought it was cool - dumb but cool."

And memorable.

"That will forever be remembered as the helicopter game," the Channel 12 player quipped.

The honchos at Channel 4 have been a little less enthusiastic in talking about Vitrano's off-camera theatrics with the oft-hyped chopper.

News director Bill Berra and general manager Mark Strachota did not return calls. And a reticent Vitrano offered up only this one-sentence mea culpa:

"In retrospect, that was not the wisest thing to do," said Vitrano, a Milwaukee native who has been with the station for more than five years.

According to insiders, back on June 29, the reporter had a live report from the helicopter early in the 6 p.m. newscast about the upcoming Summerfest activities.

But Vitrano, one of the few stars on the anemic Channel 4 softball team, was slated to play his game at 6:15 p.m. Rather than ride back to Timmerman Field, where the chopper is based, and arrive late to the game, he had the pilot drop him off at the park near 80th St. and Blue Mound Road.

It was a sight to behold - with the whirlybird landing just beyond left field - considering the number of wires and trees in the area.

"It was kind of weird that there was enough room for the chopper to land," the Channel 12 player said.

Vitrano was met with some cheers and applause, something sure to make a blow-dried TV guy's heart go pitter-pat.

It wasn't long, however, for the television folk on both teams to realize Vince might have stepped in it.

"I'm glad it wasn't me," said the Channel 12 source, adding, "If we had done that, we'd have lost our jobs."

Within days, Vitrano was confiding to friends and colleagues that this stunt would do little to advance his career. He is still on the air and wasn't suspended. We've been told, however, that he was taken to the proverbial woodshed, with Channel 4 big shots making it clear that the station's helicopter was to be used to deliver the news, not the newsman.

And to add insult to injury, the presence of Vitrano didn't have much of an impact on the field.

"We got smoked," recalled the Channel 4 source, who was unsure how badly they were beaten.

The Channel 12 ballplayer had a little better recall.

"We crushed them. It was 24-4, I think. (:/)

Cops on the Rocks

Or: Life Imitating George Clooney, Imitating Art

Reuters

Dateline: Rio De Janeiro, Brazil -- Thieves tunneled into a bank in northeastern Brazil and stole $68 million, the biggest bank heist in the nation's history, police said on Monday.

"It's something you see in the movies. They dug a tunnel ... that goes underneath two (city) blocks. They've been digging for three months," police investigator Francisco Queiroga told Reuters by telephone.

The thieves broke into a branch of the central bank in the northeastern state of Ceara over the weekend and removed 156 million reais ($68 million).

The theft was not discovered until Monday morning because the bank was closed.

"The tunnel was dug right underneath the vault," Queiroga said. "We've never heard of so much money being stolen from a bank in Brazil."

Queiroga and the central bank said the tunnel was 200 meters (650 feet) long, but federal police who took over the case from local investigators said in a statement later it measured 80 meters (260 feet).

The tunnel, which started in a house rented by the gang, was reinforced with wood and plastic and had electric light.

Police said the thieves had perforated the concrete floor of the vault to get in, but motion sensors inside did not go off.

Federal police also said it was the biggest known heist in Brazil. They suspect that between six and 10 people did the job.

It exceeds the amount stolen by Britain's "Great Train Robber" Ronnie Biggs, who fled to Brazil and lived in the country for many years.

He and 11 other gang members robbed a Glasgow-to-London mail train in 1963 and made off with 2.6 million pounds -- some 30 million pounds ($53 million) in today's money. (:/)

Legal Schmeigel

The legal truth behind 'towel reservations'

The Scotsman

A GERMAN lawyer has sprung to the defence of Britons fed up with his countrymen using towels to bag all the best places around the pool.

Ralf Hocker has published a book which says that leaving towels on sun-loungers is not legally binding.

"A British tourist would be quite within their legal rights to ignore the reservation implied by the towels if there is nobody there," said Mr Hocker, 34.

His book, entitled The New Dictionary of Popular Legal Errors, also says people in bars who leave coats on chairs, and pedestrians who claim parking spots for yet-to-arrive cars are also on shaky legal ground.

Mr Hocker said: "The towel thing is not such a big deal in Germany, but I have to say that the stereotype is true - German people do reserve all the loungers. It is also worth saying that it also infuriates some German people." (:/)

Van Bought From Sheriff's Auction Contains Pot Stash

AP

Dateline: El Paso, Texas -- The used minivan came with an unexpected option -- about 100 pounds of pot.

A man recently bought the 1997 Plymouth Voyager from the El Paso County, Texas, Sheriff's Office.

A mechanic who checked under the minivan found the stash of weed.

Sheriff's officials say the buyer immediately returned the vehicle.

The minivan was seized by authorities when about 350 pounds of marijuana was found inside. Officials are trying to determine how deputies missed the rest of the weed.

The sheriff's department promises to return the van, minus the pot, to its new owner. (:/)

Gaming news

S.Korean man dies after 50 hours gaming

Reuters

Dateline: Seoul - A South Korean man who played computer games for 50 hours almost non-stop died of heart failure minutes after finishing his mammoth session in an Internet cafe, authorities said on Tuesday.

The 28-year-old man, identified only by his family name Lee, had been playing on-line battle simulation games at the cybercafe in the southeastern city of Taegu, police said.

Lee had planted himself in front of a computer monitor to play on-line games on August 3. He only left the spot over the next three days to go to the toilet and take brief naps on a makeshift bed, they said.

"We presume the cause of death was heart failure stemming from exhaustion," a Taegu provincial police official said by telephone.

Lee had recently quit his job to spend more time playing games, the daily JoongAng Ilbo reported after interviewing former work colleagues and staff at the Internet cafe.

After he failed to return home, Lee's mother asked his former colleagues to find him. When they reached the cafe, Lee said he would finish the game and then go home, the paper reported.

He died a few minutes later, it said. (:/)

Texas Man Aims to Visit Every Starbucks

AP/byline Chuck Brown

Dateline: Omaha, Nebraska - Documenting a caffeine-powered quest to visit every Starbucks in the world has become the mission of a Nebraska attorney.

Bill Tangeman, 32, of Kearney, who was a journalist before going into law, is making a documentary film about a Houston native who goes by the name Winter, who set out in 1997 to get a caffeinated drink at every corporate-owned Starbucks store on the planet.

On his Web site () Winter, who was born Rafael Antonio Lozano, said that as of Aug. 8, he had visited 4,775 Starbucks in North America and 213 in other parts of world. Outside of North America, Winter has gone to Starbucks in Spain, England, France and Japan. There are 5,715 corporate-owned Starbucks in the world, according to the Seattle-based company's August newsletter on it.

Winter said his trek has been satisfactory on many levels, not the least of which is that it has allowed him to be on a nearly constant road trip for eight years.

But having the incessant goal of reaching the next Starbucks provided another benefit.

"Every time I reach a Starbucks I feel like I've accomplished something," Winter said, "when actually I have accomplished nothing."

Tangeman wanted to film a documentary for years. When he read an article about Winter last year, he realized he had found his muse.

"I found his story fascinating," Tangeman said Monday.

Tangeman got in touch with Winter and has since spent several days on the road with him, gathering about 40 hours of film for the movie, which will be called, "Starbucking."

The 33-year-old Winter said he is baffled by the attention his quest has gathered.

"I'm tickled pink that anybody would want to make a movie about my project," Winter said.

Tangeman, who has been a deputy county attorney in Buffalo County since 2003, uses vacation time and long weekends to meet Winter at various spots around the country.

The two will meet again late this month in Reno, Nev., where Winter will begin another leg of his tour - this one into Northern California.

"It's been a lot of fun," Tangeman said. "I've been to 22 states with him."

On one trip, Tangeman and Winter gave a presentation, including a screening of a "Starbucking" trailer, at the University of California-Santa Barbara. On this Southern California tour, Winter set a personal single-day record by visiting 29 Starbucks.

"On the day he hit 29 stores he wasn't feeling too good," Tangeman said. "He was a little nauseous."

Winter has visited Tangeman at his home and even grabbed a cup of coffee from a local shop. But he was deprived of his Starbucks fix: There aren't any corporate-owned stores in Kearney, 126 miles west of Lincoln.

Tangeman said Winter has visited every corporate-owned Starbucks in Nebraska except for one that was just finished in Omaha. The speed at which new Starbucks are opened has been a major obstacle in Winter's quest, Tangeman said.

Tangeman wants to complete "Starbucking" by the end of the year in hopes of submitting it to the Sundance Film Festival, which begins in late January in Utah.

"I am pretty close to having everything I need," Tangeman said.

If Sundance doesn't accept the film, Tangeman said, he will submit it to other festivals.

"There's a million film festivals, so hopefully we'll find someone who will take it," he said.

Winter, who earns money to keep his quest going by doing computer programming work, and currently lives in the Washington, D.C., suburb of Silver Spring, Md., said he and Tangeman will split whatever profits the movie may make.

Winter hopes the movie does well. One basic reason for his hopes is that it could give him more money to continue his quest.

And some of the perks of fame that might come if the film is successful, like maybe meeting Natalie Portman or Scarlett Johansson, wouldn't be too bad either, Winter said.

"On a superficial level," Winter said, "celebrity has its benefits."

Winter's site.

Starbucking, the movie.

The Arts

Her cup(s) runneth over:
Busty mermaid sets off alarm

Sun-Sentinel (S. Florida)

Artist Norman Gitzen is determined to defend his buxom babe. After all, he created her.



Lovingly shaped out of hand-pounded steel and bronze, the mermaid, called The Siren, has provoked spirited debate about art and the obscene. With her arched back, the center of attention has been on her breasts.

The sculpture is part of the village's recently established public art program. About 21 artists have loaned art work to be displayed in public places throughout the village.

But it's The Siren, prominently displayed at the entrance to the Wellington Community Center, that has folks talking. One of the local weekly newspapers even began a poll, asking residents whether the mermaid should stay, go or be moved to a less conspicuous location.

The debate was prompted by a single anonymous phone call to the village switchboard by a woman complaining about the stacked statue. She promised to take her concerns to the Village Council.

Gitzen plans to be at Tuesday's council meeting to defend the curvy creature.

"If they find her obscene, are they saying all large-breasted women are obscene?" he said. "The world is full of large-breasted women."

Besides, Gitzen thinks The Siren is anatomically correct or maybe even undersized. He is searching for an engineer to see whether her breasts are proportional to her 10-foot-tall, 6-foot-wide stature.

A scientific analysis might find her "underboobed," Gitzen said.

Many residents seem to have no problem with the sculpture. "I think it's pretty cool, and I have children," resident Rita Dorr said.

Anita Nebb thought she would look bigger in person.

"Some people say they should cover the breasts," she said. "Let them go to the museum. Some people want to bring up their families with blinders on."

Gitzen, who lives west of Lake Worth, was inspired to make the sculpture after a longtime interest in mermaids.

"They're graceful, provocative and scary at the same time," he said.

A cabinetmaker turned artist, Gitzen began sculpting the piece about six years ago. It was a work in progress when Vice Mayor Lizbeth Benacquisto saw it during the Wellington Art Society's annual Art Walk.

Benacquisto's interest in the piece motivated Gitzen to finish the mermaid in time for the village's art program.

Benacquisto said The Siren definitely appealed to her.

"Something about the piece sort of calls to you," she said. "She's just so comfortable with herself and her form. It's just something very moving for me as a woman. The comfort of her with herself, I thought was great. And she's got a lot to be comfortable with."

Benacquisto encouraged Gitzen to submit his work to the village's public art program. She encouraged other artists to do the same.

She and other village officials are quick to point out that there are 21 other pieces of art work throughout the village. Unfortunately, it's the well endowed who seem to get all of the attention. (:/)

Underboobed. Someone call the OED. Superb.

Sci/Tech

Review: New Blank Keyboard for Geeks Only

Typing on a Das Keyboard is a lot like typing on any other computer keyboard — except the keys are blank. Most people, especially those who rely on the slow but steady hunt-and-peck technique, might consider that a problem.



Not Daniel Guermeur, chief executive of Austin-based Metadot Corp. The self-proclaimed "uber geek" says he first came up with the idea for a blank keyboard while attending Stanford University in 1989. It was there that the French native noticed others typing much faster than he was.

"I was an OK typist but I was slowing down when I looked at the special characters," said Guermeur, 41. "One day I said, `If I could just improve my typing I could be much more efficient.'"

Two years ago, he built a prototype to test his hypothesis that a blank keyboard would force him to become a better typist. After many people asked him where he bought it, he decided to start making them commercially.

And recently, Guermeur began selling the keyboards for $80 with a new marketing spin: "Das Keyboard. Uber Geeks only."

For those needing a foreign language primer, "das" means "the" in German, and the name has to do with the fact that it's intended for "uber" (roughly translated to "super" in German) computer pros.

"People willing to buy this are total geeks," says Guermeur, a former tech manager for oil field services company Schlumberger Ltd. "The creme of the geeks."

The black, enhanced USB keyboard has 104 keys — all of them blank — in a wedge-shaped design reminiscent of the fabled IBM Model M, a keyboard with spring-loaded, clicking keys considered by some to be the greatest keyboard ever built.

As a reporter, my fingers are pretty much glued to the keyboard anyway, so I figured using Das Keyboard for a week would be a minor adjustment.

It is indeed comfortable to use, with five different key weights designed to keep the fingers nimble. The space bar, for example, requires slightly more effort to press than a quick tap of the "c" key.

I've found I don't look down at the keys as much as I thought I would. Yet I still keep a normal keyboard nearby. (Apparently I need more practice before I reach uber status. Certain keys still give me occasional problems, among them the apostrophe, the colon and the squiggly bracket.

My office colleagues remain largely unconvinced.

The conversation usually goes something like this: I say, "Hey fellow worker, look at this new keyboard I'm testing out."

They look down and the expanse of empty black squares, shrivel their nose and ask incredulously, "Why?"

I tell them by using it, I'm showing how cool and smart I am. Then they walk away, shaking their heads (whether it's in humor, befuddlement or jealousy, I can't really tell).

I left Das Keyboard connected to an office PC shared with others. (It's compatible with Windows, Mac OS X and Linux operating systems.)

Sure enough, the next day Das Keyboard had been unplugged in favor of a standard keyboard.

A popular observation: Wouldn't it be cheaper to buy a normal keyboard and either strip off the markings or give it a quick coat of spray paint?

"You could do it," Guermeur concedes, "but it's a pain in the butt to do that, a major pain. Also the paint would wear off eventually."

It might seem a gimmick, but Guermeur maintains Das Keyboard is an invention rooted in logic.

"If you look at a piano, it doesn't have notes on the keys, it's blank," he says. "Writing letters seems like a good help but actually it's not. It's counterintuitive, actually." (:/)

That's a bloody good point.

Bored on the Phone? Beware Jerk-O-Meter

AP

Dateline: Cambridge, Mass. -- Ever wonder if that spouse, friend or co-worker on the other end of the phone is really paying attention? The "Jerk-O-Meter" may hold the answer.

Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology are developing software for cell phones that would analyze speech patterns and voice tones to rate people -- on a scale of 0 to 100 percent -- on how engaged they are in a conversation.

Anmol Madan, who led the project while he pursued a master's degree at MIT, sees the Jerk-O-Meter as a tool for improving relationships, not ending them. Or it might assist telephone sales and marketing efforts.

"Think of a situation where you could actually prevent an argument," he said. "Just having this device can make people more attentive because they know they're being monitored."

The program, which Madan said is nearing completion, uses mathematical algorithms to measure levels of stress and empathy in a person's voice. It also keeps track of how often someone is speaking.

"It's an academically proven thing," Madan said of the math behind those measurements. "There are a bunch of academic papers published about this."

For now, the Jerk-O-Meter is set up to monitor the user's end of the conversation. If his attention is straying, a message pops up on the phone that warns, "Don't be a jerk!" or "Be a little nicer now." A score closer to 100 percent would prompt, "Wow, you're a smooth talker."

However, the Jerk-O-Meter also could be set up to test the voice on the other end of the line. Then it could send the tester such reports as: "This person is acting like a jerk. Do you want to hang up?"

The researchers also tested the technology at a bar in Cambridge where a group of singles were "speed-dating," rotating through a series of five-minute conversations.

"Mathematically modeling" each person's speaking style let the research team predict whether a speed-dater would agree to a real date. It was a good sign, Madan said, if the speed-daters engaged in "back and forth exchanges," punctuated by "ahas" and "yups." (:/)

Please tell me if "ahas" and "yups" get you moist, because they're easy, ok? Really. It's the stringing-whole-interesting-sentences-together thing that escapes me...

Brie Fly

Bruce's surprise German visit

Ananova

A German family were shocked to answer the door to find Bruce Willis asking to come in and see the house where he had been born.

Willis paid a surprise visit to his original home town of Idar-Oberstein in southwest Germany with his younger brother and father David, who was stationed at nearby US barracks when Willis was born in 1955.

Current resident of the house Doris Busch said: "We were so shocked. We were just sitting in the garden, and almost didn't hear the bell. We had no idea it was the house where he had been born.

"We also had no idea he was about to visit. My mother still had her curlers in when she opened the door."

According to local paper the Nahe-Zeitung, Willis had a look around the house he spent the first two years in, and took some photographs, before leaving.

He also refused, in broken German, to have his photograph taken by the couple as he was there on a purely private basis. (:/)

Surf's up for Australian rodents!

Reuters

Dateline: Canberra - Australia -- land of sun, sand and ... surfing mice?

Australian Shane Willmott is training three mice, named Harry, Chopsticks and Bunsen, to surf small waves on tiny mouse-size surf boards at beaches on the country's Gold Coast. The mice are put through rigorous bathtub training and then some have their fur dyed when it is time to hit the beach.

"Usually if he is surfing big waves, I usually colour his hair up. Because he's white, when he gets in the whitewash it's hard to find him," Willmott told Australian television.

Despite Willmott's training, Harry, Chopsticks and Bunsen -- who live in miniature custom-made villas and own specially made jet skis -- are proving no threat to world champion Kelly Slater just yet. (:/)

Man Fires Gun at Car to Silence Alarm

AP

Dateline: Simi Valley, Calif. - A man annoyed by a noisy car alarm fired at least three bullets into a Toyota Camry, silencing the alarm and bringing out police who hauled him away in handcuffs, authorities said.

David Owen Rye, 48, was arrested and booked for investigation of reckless discharge of a firearm and felony vandalism, Sgt. John Adamczyk said. Rye allegedly told officers he grabbed his handgun and went out to put a stop to the car alarm.

The owner of the Camry, a sailor whose ship the USS Theodore Roosevelt just returned from an eight-month cruise, was visiting a friend when he heard the gunfire at about 10 p.m. Tuesday, KCAL-TV reported.

"I mean, that's not a safe guy. I mean, you get upset over an alarm, over a noise like that, (then) there's some little kids making too much noise and he decides to do something awful," sailor Nicholas Moreno, 25, said.

Police were called to the Yosemite Avenue apartment building and Rye was ordered out of his apartment by an officer with a bullhorn. A Los Angeles Police Department helicopter also responded and Rye was arrested.

Neighbor Ken Davis said he heard gunshots and looked outside to see Rye holding a gun.

"It was little scary," Davis said. "I didn't know what kind of mood he was in. I didn't want to say anything to him." (:/)

Man left wife at filling station

Ananova

A Macedonian drove six hours across Italy and into Germany before noticing he had left his wife at a petrol station.

Ljubomir Ivanov , 35, only realised he had forgotten wife Iskra, 37, when he got a call on his mobile from police to say she was still waiting for him at the petrol station near Pesaro, in central Italy.

He said: "I filled up the tank with petrol, paid and then just drove off. I was very tired and not thinking straight.

"She usually sits in the back seat so I didn't really see she wasn't there, until I got a call when I was already in Germany."

My Ivanov immediately drove back to Pesaro to pick up his wife so they could resume their holiday.

"I had a lot of apologising to do," he said. (:/)

Oh Yeah.

More than 55,000 euros buys you love in Britain

AFP

Dateline: London - The average Briton spends over 38,000 pounds (55,000 euros, 68,000 dollars) trying to find love during their lifetime, a new study suggests.



But despite people collectively spending 15.2 billion pounds each year chasing Cupid, a third of relationships end within 12 months, according to online dating service Parship.co.uk, which commissioned the survey.

Men spend an average of 1,426 pounds on their partner during the first six months of a relationship, including 970 pounds on drinks and dinners, 148 pounds on presents and 63 pounds on taxis, flowers and chocolates.

Women, on the other hand, spend 740 pounds over the same period.

Three percent of men even claimed to have paid their new partner's gym membership.

But once a relationship has passed the 12-month barrier, men's spending drops off to an average 987 pounds, while that of women increases ever so slightly to 784 pounds.

"Clearly people are willing to invest a lot of money in the pursuit of love," psychiatrist Victoria Lukats said. "Nowadays the average age at which people settle down and marry is much older than it was 30 years ago, so singles will tend to have more disposable income." (:/)

Unbelievable when you consider that recently (also covered in TAR) it was surveyed that women spend 31,000 in their lives on bloody shoes! So, girls, we're worth marginally more than shoes? I mean, I could have guessed that, but...

And Finally

Corned beef nostalgia on the menu at Uruguay museum

Reuters/byline Louise Egan

Dateline: Fray Bentos (yes, FRAY BENTOS!), Uruguay - The cows grazing peacefully in the pastures of Fray Bentos don't know how lucky they are.

Their ancestors were herded into the Uruguayan town's meat packing plant by the hundreds to be slaughtered, chopped, pulverised and packed into cans only to reappear as corned beef on a dinner plate in London.

Those days are long gone and all that's left of the giant factory, maker of the world-famous Fray Bentos meat pies, is some crumbling old buildings with peeling paint and broken windows.

The cows may be happy but the people in the unassuming town of 22,000 people north-west of Montevideo miss those days when their company town was abuzz with activity.

The beef plant closed in 1979 after 117 years in operation but at its peak 4,000 workers from 60 countries kept it humming, their children gorged on beef daily and the British owners held glitzy garden parties.

To relive that heady past when Fray Bentos fed the Allies in World War Two and was dubbed "one of the largest kitchens of the free world" some local history buffs have created what they call the museum of the industrial revolution.

"It's like a fairy tale for our children," said Olma Villalba, whose grandmother was head housekeeper at the so-called casa grande, the British bosses' mansion.

"This place is the lifeblood of the town. Everything still revolves around the old meatpacking plant," she said of the now-decrepit "Anglo" neighbourhood that once encompassed the state-of-the-art factory, a port, worker housing and a school.

Tourists have been able to tour the cobwebbed grounds since 1990 and in March 2005 the museum itself opened its doors.

A two-headed calf in a jar, dated 1938, is one of the first displays to greet visitors to the museum.

Another cheerful exhibit shows the production chain from cow to OXO beef extract with colourful arrows depicting how even hooves, tendons and thyroid glands were transformed into some commercial product.

"What is the only part of the cow that wasn't used?" the interactive panel asks, urging the visitor to push a button to hear the answer: a cow's moo.

Fertiliser was made from animal blood, bonemeal and the contents of their stomachs in the site that is now the museum, tour guide Diana Cerrilla explains.

But tourists who signed the guest book don't seem daunted by the sordid details.

"This museum makes me hungry. The first thing I'm going to do when I get home is get a corned beef sandwich," says one typical entry signed "U.S."

Fray Bentos became synonymous with comfort food for millions of Europeans who were raised on the tinned meats during times of war and instability. Prince Charles fondly reminisced on the Fray Bentos cuisine of his childhood in a visit to Uruguay years ago.

The plant exported 16 million tins of corned beef in 1943 and during the war slaughtered some 12,000 animals a day, including pig, rabbit, chicken and turkey.

Everything from frozen sides of beef to steak and vegetable pie with puff pastry was shipped from Fray Bentos to the world's pantries. And not only foreigners squeal in delight at the kitschy labels for some 200 subproducts showcased here.

Villalba licks her lips recalling how her parents brought home loads of beef from the company store. "As you can imagine, we all have high cholesterol now," she laughs. (:/)

Indeed. Until next time...

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