The end of an aria? The Fat Lady sings as the curtain comes down on TAR (at least as we know it, ladies and gentlemen)

It's ta ra to TAR

It's been a good run. Nine months, I think. But the time has come, dear friends, to put away childish things. Which means, sadly, that tar is unlikely to be coming out again for a while. I have a new job which will keep me busier, so it may be that TAR has had its day. But we'll see... it might be possible to do.

So I've prepared a right proper throbber for you this week, to make it up to you, to kind of smooth the way, pour oil on troubled whatever, and show you all how much I love you. Enjoy, and adieu.

World Wide Weird

Police honor poodle that can walk
on two legs for road safety

Mainichi Daily News

Police have honored a 4-year-old male toy poodle that can walk on its hind legs for promoting road safety, it has been learned.


Pluto the poodle crosses a pedestrian crossing on his hind legs in Matsusaka, Mie Prefecture, in this June 2005 file photo.

The poodle, Pluto, was honored for walking around on its hind legs bearing a road safety advertisement during the national autumn road safety campaign. The dog's owner, Kimio Koyama, 53, a resident of Matsusaka, Mie Prefecture, was handed a certificate of appreciation and some dog food as part of the award.

On Sept. 21, the first day of the campaign, Pluto walked 20 meters on his hind legs over a pedestrian crossing, wearing a sash bearing the words, "traffic safety."

Passersby contacted police afterwards, saying the dog had given them renewed recognition of the importance of road safety.

Pluto walked on his hind legs into an office at Ise Police Station to receive the honor. Station head Etsujiro Kurachi addressed the canine saying, "Thank you, Pluto," and handed over the dog food prize.

"I'm happy that we were able to be of use," Koyama said. "In the future we want to keep working to enlighten the public." (:/)

Mower ramming leads to arrest

St Petersburg Times (Florida)

Ralph L. Padgett told deputies he's had his differences with David Ervin before.

But he says he climbed aboard his red Snapper lawn mower Friday night to ride out to his mailbox, not to ram Ervin's lawn mower or to knock him off the mower.

A deputy says the latter is exactly what happened in the street in front of Padgett's home that night.

Padgett, 73, was arrested at 9:49 p.m. on charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and criminal mischief between $200 to $1,000, according to a Citrus County Sheriff's Office report.

Ervin of 6858 W Hans Court told deputies he was mowing along S Bob White Drive, when he saw Padgett driving toward him on a mower. The impact sent Ervin flying off the mower. He told deputies he hit his head and injured his left arm and elbow.

A deputy who interviewed Ervin noticed his elbow was bleeding and his clothing and hair were dusted with grass clippings, according to the report.

Ervin told deputies that he stood up and began to walk toward his house, but he noticed Padgett dragging away his, Ervin's, mower. Ervin grabbed the mower and called the Sheriff's Office.

Padgett told a deputy he thought Ervin was going to hit him. He said he "was not going to allow him to hit me, so I got him," according to the report. (:/)

Demon Ducks of Doom?
The Giant Ducks of Central Australia

Washington State Uni

The skeleton of one of the largest birds that ever lived has been installed at the Burke Museum. The museum is acquiring a cast of the fossil bird, known as Dromornis stirtoni, and it will be the first one ever displayed in the United States.



Dr. Vickers-Rich, director, Monash Science Center, Melbourne, Australia, will present a talk about Dromornis stirtoni—the giant prehistoric duck of Central Australia—and introduce visitors to the study of these fascinating flightless birds.

Over nine feet tall, Dromornis stirtoni roamed Central Australia more than 8 million years ago. Mihirungs, the common name for this group of extinct birds, is an Aboriginal word meaning giant emu. Mihirungs were a unique group of Australian flightless birds also known as “thunderbirds” and were derived from early waterfowl (ducks, geese, and swans). The last of their kind became extinct about 30,000 years ago. This Dromornis cast, mounted in a dramatic running posture, is a gift to the Burke Museum from Hugh Ferguson. (:/)

Cambodian Couple Suck Daughter's Blood

AP

Black magic may have driven a Cambodian couple to bite off their daughter's thumb nails and suck her blood, officials said Sunday.

Chheng Chhorn, 46, and Srun Yoeung, 37, attacked their 12-year-old child before dawn on Thursday while she was still asleep, biting off her thumb nails and a small part of her nose to drink her blood, said Keo Norea Phy, a police official in Kampong Cham province where the incident occurred.

Neighbors rushed to the couple's house and rescued the girl after hearing her screams, he said.

After treatment at a hospital in Kampong Cham, about 50 miles east of Phom Penh, the girl was placed in the custody of other villagers. Relatives had taken her parents to a black magic healer to chase away the evil spirit that was believed to have possessed them, the police official said.

"We, the police, just have no idea what offense to charge them with," Keo Norea Phy said.

Preap Nhim, a local official, said the couple sold noodles in their village and had never before acted in a strange manner. He said they may have been driven by the spirit guarding the altar they kept inside their house.

Cambodia is a Buddhist country, but many people in the countryside are deeply superstitious. Some claim the ability to communicate with the dead and cure the sick by exorcising evil spirits from their bodies. (:/)

Morning Show Hosts Suspended Over Kitten Humor

WAVE3 TV

Radio One, Louisville today [13 Oct] announced that WXMA Morning team "Lambert and Lindsey" consisting of George Lindsey, Lynda Lambert, and Aaron Miller was suspended indefinitely without pay for a radio prank gone sour.

The three radio personalities performed a “bit” on the morning of Thursday October 13th detailing the search for a kitten named “Skittles” that had supposedly been lost in a basket tied to helium balloons.

The morning team began the prank at 7:10 AM with a "science fair experiment" involving a GPS cell phone that was to be lifted into the air and tracked via computer. The kitten, they claimed, jumped into the basket with the GPS phone and lifted off into the skies of eastern Louisville.

None of this ever happened. There was no experiment and there was no lost kitten.

Upset listeners have jammed the phone lines at Radio One resulting in the suspension. Most felt that humor about a kitten in peril was not funny. Many were late for work as they drove around the eastern part of the county searching for the kitten.

A decision about the morning team’s return to the airwaves will be made by station management. (:/)

Mom delivers 16th child, thinking of more

AP

Michelle Duggar just delivered her 16th child, and she's already thinking about doing it again.



Johannah Faith Duggar was born at 6:30 a.m. Tuesday and weighed 7 pounds, 6.5 ounces.

The baby's father, Jim Bob Duggar, a former state representative, said Wednesday that mother and child were doing well. Johannah's birth was especially exciting because it was the first time in eight years the family has had a girl, he said.

Jim Bob Duggar, 40, said he and Michelle, 39, want more children.

"We both just love children and we consider each a blessing from the Lord. I have asked Michelle if she wants more and she said yes, if the Lord wants to give us some she will accept them," he said in a telephone interview.

The Discovery Health Channel filmed Johannah's birth and plans to air a show about the family in May.

The Learning Channel is doing another show about the family's construction project, a 7,000-square foot house that should be finished before Christmas. The home, which the family from the northwest Arkansas town of Rogers has been building for two years, will have nine bathrooms, dormitory-style bedrooms for the girls and boys, a commercial kitchen, four washing machines and four dryers.

Jim Bob Duggar, who sells real estate, previously lost his bid for the U.S. Senate. He said he expects to run for the state Senate next year but isn't ready to make a formal announcement.

Michelle Duggar, 39, had her first child at age 21, four years after the couple married.

Their children include two sets of twins, and each child has a name beginning with the letter "J": Joshua, 17; John David, 15; Janna, 15; Jill, 14; Jessa, 12; Jinger, 11; Joseph, 10; Josiah, 9; Joy-Anna, 8; Jeremiah, 6; Jedidiah, 6; Jason, 5; James, 4; Justin, 2; Jackson Levi, 1; and now Johannah. (:/)

Some guys just think women should be chained to the sink, you know? Erm, like this guy it seems:

DOO WEEP!

Seemingly scary sexist nutball? (:/)

Animal Magic

X-rays to show if hungry python devoured a Siamese cat

AFP

A Burmese python with a suspicious bulge in its belly will be x-rayed to confirm if it swallowed a family's Siamese cat, local authorities in the US state of Florida said on Monday.

The python, three-a-half meters (12 feet) long, was found on Sunday with a large protusion in its digestive tract near the Rodriguez family's home outside of Miami.



Puzzled by the disappearance of its one-year old pet feline, Frances, the family feared the worst.

"I am sure there's a cat in there," Andres, one of the family's sons, told local media.

His mother, Elidia, was worried but wanted proof about the fate of Frances. "I still would like to know for sure that it's him in the snake's stomach," she said.

Captain Al Cruz, of the Miami-Dade Fire Rescue antivenin unit, told AFP that the reptile would be taken to a state park, where it will be x-rayed to determine if the Siamese cat had met an unfortunate end.

Another python made headlines last week. That snake, which was four meters (12.5-foot) in length, burst after trying to ingest an alligator in the Everglades National Park.

The presence of the large snakes, which can reach seven meters (24 feet) in length, has alarmed biologists in the Everglades because they pose a threat to native alligators, which are the principal predators in the regional ecosystem.

Many Florida residents adopt pythons as pets but abandon them later when they grow too big. Seven or eight pythons are found annually in the county, Cruz said. (:/)

Cat Born With 2 Tongues

Local6

A cat in Dobson, N.C., is believed to be the only cat in the world with two tongues, according to a Local 6 News report.



The cat, named Five Toes, was born with two tongues and five toes on each paw.

Owner Bill Whittington told a North Carolina TV station that he noticed the cat's second tongue in December. He said he yelled when he saw the tongues flicker.

He also said people laugh when he tells them about the cat -- until they see the tongues.

Whittington said Ripley's Believe It Or Not will feature Five Toes in its 2006 guide. (:/)

Crazy Canadians

Sunken cheddar defeats divers

Globe and Mail, Toronto

Luc Boivin's lost cheddar is passing into local legend as the Titanic of the cheese world.

The Quebec cheese maker dropped a 2,000-pound cargo of cheese to the bottom of the Saguenay fjord last year in a ripening experiment. Then he spent this summer searching for it. And now, after deploying a team of divers and an arsenal of high-tech tracking equipment, Mr. Boivin has given up the quest.

The sunken treasure of cheddar is nowhere to be found.

"It got too expensive to continue. At some point, you can't be crazy," he said recently from his factory in La Baie, Que.

No one can accuse Mr. Boivin, a fourth-generation cheese maker, of giving up easily. Searchers used state-of-the-art sonar equipment and underwater cameras to look for the bounty. Divers returned to the waters of the Baie des Ha! Ha! eight times. And the Development Centre in Ocean Mapping sailed to his aid with a $1-million, multi-beam sonar device, one of the most sophisticated marine mapping systems in Canada.

No luck.

"It's a mystery. All we know is that the cheese is no longer where it was left," said Pierre Dufour, a master diver who assisted La Fromagerie Boivin in the hunt. Whether it was eaten by cheddar-loving fish or stolen by cheese smugglers is anyone's guess.

"Where is it? We don't know," Mr. Dufour said.

According to a company estimate, $50,000 was spent to look for the cheese. The most popular theory is that its anchoring cables got caught up in the winter ice and that the cheese was carried downriver. Still, Mr. Dufour is not discouraged.

"The Titanic sank in 1912, but it was only found in 1985," he said.

The story has captured the public's imagination. The Saguenay cheese hunt made headlines around the globe. Mr. Boivin received random reports of sightings of the errant cheese barrels miles from where they were placed.

Last month, a commander of the HMCS Chicoutimi, on a local visit, said perhaps the Canadian Forces submarine could locate the cheese. "He said he had systems that could help," Mr. Boivin said.

"It's become like a treasure hunt. It has intrigued a lot of people," Mr. Boivin said, adamantly refuting suggestions the sunken cheese story was a fish tale, although he can't deny its priceless marketing value.

Mr. Boivin dropped 10 barrels of cheese into the Saguenay last fall after a fisherman reported reeling in a piece of Boivin cheese from a lake bottom and trying it. It was pronounced the best cheese he'd ever tasted.

Undeterred by the apparent failure of this year's underwater cheese experiment, Mr. Boivin is trying again. He still believes that underwater pressure will enhance the taste of an aged cheddar. So within the next few weeks, he will drop another charge of cheese in a stainless steel, submarine-type vessel into the Baie des Ha! Ha! But this time, he's taking no chances. The cheddar will be outfitted with a tracking device. (:/)

I checked to make sure it wasn't April 1st when I read that. But it’s true.

Sport

Lucky fan is twice in the right spot

Houston Chronicle

"I never caught one in a game before."
— SHAUN DEAN, Lucky fan who caught 2 balls in history-making game

Chris Burke's homer might not have been the only history-maker in Sunday's 18-inning victory over the Atlanta Braves. The fan who caught it — Shaun Dean of Porter — also caught Lance Berkman's grand slam shot in the eighth.

Dean, 25, was sitting in the second row of the Crawford boxes. A client had given tickets to Joslin Construction, where he is comptroller.

"I never caught one in a game before," he said.

But with one out in the eighth, with the bases loaded and the Astros down 6-1, Berkman hit his line drive. Fortunately, Dean was wearing a glove.

"It came right at me," he said, "I just reached over and caught it."

Later — about three hours — Burke came to the plate with two out in the 18th. When he connected, the drive was not on as direct a line as Berkman's but Dean said "it was all just a blur ... (it) came more toward my father-in-law, and he just leaned over and I reached down and caught it."

Soon afterward, "an usher came down and talked to me." He told Dean that the Astros normally offer cash and other considerations to fans who return special home-run balls to the players who hit them.

He said he probably would give the ball to Burke, since the homer made history, for the club and for Major League Baseball, since it ended the longest playoff game ever.

On the way out of the park, Dean was an instant celebrity.

"Everyone was congratulating me, patting me on the back," he said. "I had several people say I should buy a lottery ticket or go to Vegas." (:/)

Cuban claims new football head juggling record

AFP

A former Cuban football player set a new football head juggling record, making 146 consecutive touches in 30 seconds, according to event organizers.

Erich Hernandez, 39, broke the mark set in 2003 by Ferdie Adoboe, an American of Ghanaian origin who made 141 consecutive touches with his head in 30 seconds. Adoboe's mark is in the Guinness World Records book.

"I was very confident of my ability to beat the record since I had made 161 touches in a previous attempt," Hernandez told about 100 people at the exclusive Havana Club, whose guests included British Ambassador John Dew.

Dew handed Hernandez a Guinness certificate recognizing his record for juggling a football 319 times in one minute in December 2004 in Havana. Hernandez is the only Cuban athlete in the records book.

"I will get back to training in January to try to claim all the ball control world records," he said. (:/)

Reality vs. Virtual Reality

InsideLine

I'm approaching the blind crest of Laguna Seca's front straight in the 550-horsepower Ford GT. The speedo has swung past 100 mph, but the car continues to accelerate through its meaty torque band like a low-altitude cruise missile. Yet despite the blind hill I already know exactly what resides on the other side, because I've just completed four laps at this same circuit on Sony's PlayStation2 driving simulator, Gran Turismo 4.



In fact, the level of accuracy and detail conveyed by Gran Turismo 4 is downright eerie. By setting up a 43-inch LCD monitor, Sparco Racing Cockpit Pro seat and GT4 force feedback steering wheel, and driving the circuit in Laguna Seca's infield just before sliding into a real Ford GT, I truly feel like I'm already familiar with the track's layout before ever leaving pit row. The placement of the "Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca" pedestrian bridge as I rush under it on the front straight; the location and design of the tower just off Turn 1 — they're all spot-on representations of the real deal (OK, the grass surrounding the real track, in August, wasn't nearly as green and lush as it's portrayed on Gran Turismo 4).

And if I just pulled a 1-minute, 38-second lap time on Grand Turismo 4, driving a Ford GT around Laguna Seca, obviously my lap time in the real world, driving the same car on the same track, should be the same, right?




Wrong. I can't manage better than 1 minute, 52 seconds in the harsh reality of…well, reality. Where did those 14 seconds go? Most of them disappeared on the front straight I just described. Sure, the track's layout and visual cues are all the same as in Gran Turisimo 4. But careening over a blind crest at 100-plus mph is somehow different when seated in Ford's $150,000 exotic press car than it is when seated on a Sparco race seat, staring at a widescreen LCD. Very different.

Watching the practice session replay on Gran Tursimo 4 makes it painfully obvious where — and why — I lost time. In virtual land I keep the throttle mashed all the way over that crest and halfway down the hill before braking for Turn 2. My terminal velocity in the game is around 140 mph. In reality, I'm braking just before I crest the hill, topping out at a meager 105 mph. On a track like Laguna Seca, where your terminal velocity on the front straight is crucial, I'm throwing away any chance of matching my virtual time by refusing to stay on the gas over that crest.

Which brings up the single biggest difference between reality and virtual reality — consequences. A mistake on Gran Turismo 4 costs me nothing more than a bad lap time. A mistake with a real exotic car on a real racetrack is…a bit more costly.

The other major difference between virtual racing and the real thing is feedback from the car — or an almost total lack thereof. Yes, the force feedback steering wheel does its best to let you know when you're veering off the track, or sliding the rear end, but none of this comes close to the kind of information you get while driving a real vehicle. And in a car like the Ford GT, that's vital information. Because of the GT's midengine layout and powerful brake system you can use trail braking to rotate the car and set up your entry angle on any given turn. You can also sense how much traction you've got left in the front and rear tires when getting on the throttle, which greatly aids cornering speed.

So while the consequences of real life work against your lap times in reality, the complete immersion in vehicle feedback that you get while driving an actual Ford GT makes it easier to push the envelope on the real Laguna Seca racetrack than on the virtual version. It's these two factors that battled it out as I drove not only a Ford GT, but also a Dodge Neon SRT-4, Ford Mustang GT, a Mazda RX-8 and a Mitsubishi Lancer Evo through the corkscrew and around the 11 turns that make up Mazda Raceway Laguna Seca.

And just to keep this story interesting we dragged along Justin Kaehler, gaming editor extraordinaire from IGN.com, and Champ Car driver AJ Allmendinger, to see which background provided the best training for virtual-versus-reality gaming. Who would pull the best times? Would it be the hard-core gamer, the professional racer, or the deluded automotive journalist who thinks he's both? (:/)

Bastard. I always stuffed Laguna Seca up royally. For the rest of this (to me) fascinating tale, see InsideLine's website .

Cops on the Rocks

Vice Unit's "Hands On" Tactics for Catching
Prostitutes is Rubbing People the Wrong Way

Seattle Times/CrimProf Blog

(Seattle) Lynnwood police concede they engaged in "rarely used" tactics during an undercover investigation into a suspected prostitution ring. Those tactics, which included officers allowing prostitutes to masturbate them in exchange for cash, have raised questions among law-enforcement officials, legal experts and the Snohomish County Prosecutor's Office.

Lynnwood police Cmdr. Paul Watkins said he spent a great deal of time justifying the officers' actions to prosecutors to prove that the officers themselves weren't breaking the law...The officers didn't cross that line of engaging in intercourse or oral sex," Watkins said. "I advised them no oral sex, no intercourse, that's not going to happen. That's the understood policy. There's no written policy regarding this."

But other law-enforcement officials who weren't involved in the investigation say allowing officers to engage in such acts, even in an undercover investigation, goes too far. The usual tactic, they say, calls for an arrest once someone agrees to perform a sexual act in exchange for money. Seattle and King County police, for example, do not allow undercover officers to have sexual contact with prostitutes...

Mark Roe, Snohomish County's chief criminal deputy prosecutor...plans to meet with the officers and their supervisors and said if he finds the actions were questionable, the criminal charges could be amended or dismissed...

[CrimProf John Strait of Seattle University], said what the Lynnwood officers did is not illegal in an undercover investigation, but he calls it "very bad policy." "This is the equivalent of [undercover] cops doing drugs," Strait said. "I think very few narcotics officers toot crack, shoot heroin, do coke and marijuana. Here they are doing the same thing they are busting for." (:/)

Criminal Negligence

Australian caught smuggling
bird eggs in underpants

AFP

An Australian man who attempted to smuggle cockatoo eggs out of the country in his underpants was jailed for two years.



Customs officials said Keith Miller, 51, was arrested at Sydney airport in November last year trying to board a flight to Zurich with 23 eggs concealed in his underwear.

The eggs included protected native Australian species such as gang gang cockatoos, Major Mitchell cockatoos and red collared lorikeets.

Sending a message that bird smuggling would not be tolerated, the New South Wales District Court jailed Miller for two years with a 14-month non-parole period. (:/)

Tech Support for Stolen Laptop

Fox News

It had to be the dumbest customer-service call ever.

Lancaster County, Neb., sheriff's deputies say a man couldn't get a stolen laptop computer to work — so he called the manufacturer's toll-free tech-support number for help.

The IBM ThinkPad was reported missing after a rural home burglary Sept. 13, but there were few leads until IBM called, reports the Lincoln (Neb.) Journal-Star.

It turned out someone who wasn't the registered owner had failed in booting up the machine and called IBM's customer-service line, which still handles the calls although IBM sold its personal-computer division to China's Lenovo earlier this year.

When the caller gave the machine's serial number, support personnel realized it had been stolen and notified the authorities.

On Sept. 29, deputies executing a search warrant on a Lincoln home found both the ThinkPad and a pistol that had been stolen in Omaha in 1989.

They arrested Darrell Brown, 48, on suspicion of possessing stolen property. (:/)

Scitech

Robotic fish to cause a splash at London aquarium

AFP

The world's first self-controlled robotic fish were due to be unveiled at the London Aquarium, officials said.



The three aquatic robots were developed by a team at the University of Essex, in southeast England, to teach the public more about robotic technology.

Built to look like the real thing, the fish can swim around a specially designed tank, avoiding obstacles and reacting to the environment.

They have sensor-based controls to navigate autonomously.

Project leader Huosheng Hu and his robotics team worked with the aquarium for three years, studying the behavior and movement of a variety of fish before creating the robots.

"This work has many real-world applications including seabed exploration, detecting leaks in oil pipelines, mine countermeasures and improving the performance of underwater vehicles," Hu said.

The fish feature jewel-bright scales and can swim as fast as a tuna, accelerate like a pike and navigate like an eel.

"Our robotic fish are really wonderful to look at and very entertaining. It's amazing how beautiful and graceful their movements are -- they're going to be incredibly popular with our visitors," said aquarium director Foster Archer. (:/)

And finally

Pitching Pumpkins

Skagit Valley Herald

Like a barbarian at the gates, Wes Frank, leader of team TreBarbaric, stood in his blue-gray kilt and silver hard hat and gave the order.

“Mount up,” Frank said.

Three members of TreBarbaric climbed astride their trusty steeds — sorrel stick ponies — and took a lap around “The Machine.”

Standing 58 1/2 feet tall, The Machine is a trebuchet, a siege engine similar to a catapult. But TreBarbaric’s trebuchet flings pumpkins, rather than stones.


Photos by Frank Varga / Skagit Valley Herald
((From left) Steve Kramer, Brandon Krauch, Scott Wakeman and Trevor Blue of TreBarbaric with The Machine in the background celebrate their world record-breaking pumpkin pitch Saturday)

On Saturday, TreBarbaric’s seven men, who hail from their castles in Lyman and Sedro-Woolley, were just one pumpkin pitch away from their mission: Take back the world record.

After their stick pony sally, the men got down to the serious business of pitching pumpkins. After the words “fire in the hole” and the warning blast of a handheld air siren, Frank pulled the pin holding his wooden war engine in check.

With a whoosh of wind and whorl of wood, The Machine flung a white pumpkin high above the grass field of Skagit River Park in southeast Burlington.

For a moment, the burly men of TreBarbaric watched as the pumpkin flew across the sky. It smashed down, almost out of sight behind a truck and near foliage at the north end of the park. The men waited as the crew of volunteers measured their fifth and final toss.

“They are way up by the trees,” one of them said.

The announcement — 1,676 feet — was almost drowned out by their victory shouts.

“That’s 300 feet better, baby,” yelled Scott Wakeman of TreBarbaric.

Last year the team’s throw of 1,269 feet held the world record for 13 days. Then the mark was broken at the world championship pumpkin chucking contest in Delaware when Yankee Siege flung a gourd 1,399 feet. This time, TreBarbaric smashed the record by 277 feet.

About 5,000 people, who likely saw TreBarbaric’s final toss, attended Saturday’s Burlington Harvest Festival and Pumpkin Pitch, said Christi Kinney, city parks and recreation coordinator.

Attendees tasted pie, built scarecrows, ate salmon and pancakes, raced zucchinis, and watched five teams pitch pumpkins.

During a practice run Friday, TreBarbaric inadvertently demonstrated the devastation that could be wrought by a trebuchet. One of the team’s practice shots damaged the roof of a business near the park.

Each machine can be adjusted to change the trajectory of the throws. Weight can be added to the counterweight and the sling shortened or lengthened, which will affect the altitude of the pitches.

The lower the altitude the less likely the wind will steal the pumpkin’s forward momentum, Frank said. TreBarbaric’s first four tosses went high into the sky above the field and landed about 1,200 feet from the trebuchet. The team made some adjustments, which helped them break the record.

“We increased our counterweight, which caused it to throw flatter,” Frank said.

Event results
TreBarbaric of Sedro-Woolley (world record): 1,676 feet (formerly 1,399 feet)
Gourdinator of Sedro-Woolley: 566.3 feet
NERDS of Everett: 363.3 feet
Launch and Cover of Burlington:302.9 feet
Unidentified Flinging Objects of Burlington: 284.1 feet

Learn more
For more information about trebuchets log onto “NOVA Builds a Trebuchet”
(:/)

Indeed. I'd say the now traditional "Until next time...", but perhaps it's better just to say:

Au revoir, mes amis.

How not to get drugs from a mule, scary robot cars soon to take over, 28 Days Later comes true in Winnipeg, and why just listening to porn can be bad

No time to talk. Let's get on with it!

WORLD WIDE WEIRD

Bar Made From Arctic Ice Opens in London

AP

A chilly bit of Scandinavia is coming to the heart of London's West End Saturday with the opening of Absolut Icebar, a bar made entirely out of ice right down to the art on the walls and the glasses for the drinks.



Situated next to the accompanying but room temperature Below Zero restaurant, the bar is kept at minus 23 fahrenheit year round. For a cover charge of 12 pounds ($22.20), patrons are given a thermal cape, thick gloves and a glass made out of ice before entering the second of two airtight doors designed to keep heat out.

"It's an experience rather than a traditional bar. We feel we're really offering something different," said Anette Eliasson, manager of market communications for V&S Absolut Spirits vodka company, which is opening the bar with partner company Icehotel.

The Stockholm-based franchise launched the first Icebar in Jukkasjarvi, Sweden, in 1994 within Icehotel, where visitors stay in the comfort of a warm sleeping bag in an icy room. Since then, Icebar locations in Stockholm, Sweden and Milan, Italy, have been met with success, prompting a fourth permanent location in London.

"This is where trends come from, so that's why London was important to us," Agnetha Lund, director of Icebar International, said.

Bar patrons who would like a warm meal will find European cuisine and lounge-style seating at Below Zero restaurant next door. Fred Olsson, managing director, said the menu features dishes that can be shared among friends.

All the ice for the bar is imported from the Torne River in the north of Sweden, where the pure water and river freezing process make the finished product "crystal clear," according to Lund.

The entire venue will be redesigned and rebuilt every six months, because the ice will gradually melt with daily use and the body heat of the crowds, Lund said. Icebar commissions artists to sculpt the decor on site, and opening day art includes a floor-to-ceiling vodka bottle and partial human figures along the walls.

The 10,764-square-foot bar has a capacity for 60 people. Pre-booking for one of the 45-minute time slots is a must. (:/)

Bookmaker blasted over 'Last Supper' ad

Reuters

Irish bookmaker Paddy Power was fending off the wrath of Christians in overwhelmingly Roman Catholic Ireland on Friday over an advert depicting Jesus and the Apostles gambling at the Last Supper.



The billboard posters, on display in the Irish capital, adapt Leonardo da Vinci's famous painting of the event to show Jesus with a stack of poker chips, Judas with 30 pieces of silver and other apostles clutching hands of cards.

"There's a place for fun and games," says the caption.

Father Micheal MacGreil, Jesuit priest at St Francis Xavier's Church in central Dublin, branded the advert "grossly inappropriate and vulgar."

"This is an insult to the religious sensitivities of a lot of people and should be withdrawn immediately," he told Reuters.

"To abuse this image, which is central to Christian beliefs, in a vulgar advertising campaign is totally and grossly inappropriate and Paddy Power should apologize to the people." Paddy Power acknowledged it had taken a "load of flak" over the advert.

"We didn't mean to offend anyone so if anyone takes offence apologies for that," said a spokesman for the bookmaker, also called Paddy Power.

"It's a tongue-in-cheek situation -- people aren't supposed to take it as seriously as some people seem to be," Power said.

There were no plans to withdraw the posters, he added.

Two previous Paddy Power campaigns also caused controversy.

Animal rights groups complained about one showing a rabbit with a missing paw and the caption, "Make Your Own Luck," while another featured two elderly ladies using Zimmer frames to cross a road with odds written above them.

At the time, Power insisted it was a race to see who could cross the road first, but many saw the odds as relating to which woman would be run over by a car. (:/)

Rubber dog testes, pressured penguins win Ig Nobels

AFP

Artificial dog testicles, "Star Wars"-watching locusts and an elusive alarm clock loomed large at the 15th annual Ig Nobel Prizes honouring the flip-side of scientific genius.



Four genuine Nobel laureates were on hand at Harvard University to present the awards, which included a Fluid Dynamics Prize for a compelling study on avian defecation: "Pressures Produced When Penguins Pooh."

Founded in 1991 by science magazine editor Marc Abrahams, the Ig Nobels are awarded each year for scientific achievement that "cannot or should not be reproduced."

This year's 10 Igs went individually or jointly to pioneers from Australia, Britain, Canada, Finland, France, Germany, Hungary, Japan, New Zealand, Nigeria and the United States.

The Medicine Prize was claimed by Gregg Miller of Missouri for his invention of Neuticles -- artificial replacement testicles for dogs, which are available in three sizes and three degrees of firmness.

The much-coveted Peace Ig went to two British researchers at Newcastle University for electrically monitoring the activity of a brain cell in a locust that was watching selected highlights from the movie "Star Wars."

And a large group of researchers and institutions shared the Biology prize for painstakingly smelling and cataloging the peculiar odors produced by 131 different species of frogs when under stress.

Winners from seven of the 10 Ig categories attended the ceremony at Harvard's Sanders Theater, which drew an audience of 1,200 people.

Acceptance speeches were restricted to one minute -- a rule strictly enforced by an eight-year-old mistress of ceremonies approaching the lectern and repeatedly shouting "Please stop, I'm bored."

The authors of the penguin pressure study, professors Victor Meyer-Rochow and Jozsef Gall, were unable to obtain visas to enter the United States -- a problem they alluded to in their videotaped acceptance speech.

"Let's hope it had nothing to do with the explosive nature of our work," Meyer-Rochow said.

Abrahams created the Ig Nobels to shed a spotlight on some of the bizarre projects that crossed his editorial desk and might otherwise have been lost to posterity.

"Some of them ... were really staggering," Abrahams said. "It made you laugh and then it made you think, and from the beginning that's what this has been about."

So popular have the Igs become that winners from overseas are more than happy to pay their own way for the honour of accepting their prizes in person.

John Maidstone, from the University of Queensland in Australia, said he was "elated" to get the Physics Ig for his role in an experiment that began in 1927, in which a glob of congealed black tar has been dripping through a funnel at the rate of one drop every nine years.

Maidstone shared the prize with his late university colleague Thomas Parnell who sadly died sometime after the second drop.

"Obviously I've seen a lot more now that we are into the ninth drop," said Maidstone, who travelled to Harvard with his wife but only informed her of the real reason for the trip before their plane landed.

"She was a little incredulous," he admitted.

Another winner was Gauri Nanda of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology who invented a carpet-covered alarm clock that "runs away and hides" before it can be switchd off.

Nanda was awarded the Economics Ig for "ensuring that people do get out of bed and thus theoretically adding many productive hours to the workday." (:/)

83-year-old woman fined for crossing road 'too slowly'

AFP

An 83-year-old Australian woman who was fined for crossing the road too slowly has had the ticket torn up following community outrage, reports said.

Pensioner Pat Gallen, who uses a walking stick to get around, was fined 30 dollars (23 US dollars) for failing to cross a road in her hometown of Malanda in far north Queensland "in the most direct route," The Daily Telegraph reported.

"She didn't know whether to laugh or cry," her friend Fay Millist was quoted as telling Australian Associated Press.

"Everyone thought the whole thing was so wrong in the first place for someone of that age."

Police said the ticket, which had been issued by officers who were passing through the town, had been torn up.

"Taking into account all the circumstances of the case and the public interest it was decided to have the ticket withdrawn," Mareeba District Inspector Rolf Straatemeier told the Cairns Post.

Gallen said she would have fought the ticket in court.

"But the matter has been resolved, the police have apologised, everyone has had a laugh and now we can forget about it," she told the paper. (:/)

Cops: Man Arrested for Playing Loud Porn

AP

A Finnish man and his Indian girlfriend were arrested in India after neighbors complained that they were playing pornographic movies with the volume turned up too loudly, a police officer said Wednesday.

Exhibiting pornography and possessing pornographic materials are illegal in India. If convicted, the two could face three months in prison and a fine.

The two were arrested Monday night at the Finnish man's home in the town of Gurgaon, a center of India's information technology and outsourcing business, the officer said on condition of anonymity.

Aside from arresting the couple, officers also seized a television and CD player, he said.

The couple, who were not identified, were granted bail Tuesday.

No date has been set for the hearing, said the police officer. (:/)

Gullible Paris banks fall victim to 'surrealist' sting

AFP

A gang that tricked Paris banks out of millions of euros by pretending to hunt down money-laundering by terrorists perpetrated what French investigators called a "perfectly incredible and surrealist" sting.

French police on Monday arrested two members of the gang and were hunting for the other three, including the alleged mastermind, Gilbert C., who they said had fled to
Israel.

The scammers carried out their operation by having one of their number present himself to the banks as an international bank director helping Western anti-terrorist officials track down suspicious money transfers.

He backed up his story by giving details on some of the banks' richest clients and supplying information about certain transfers.

He then told the banks they would receive a visit from an agent from France's DGSE counter-espionage service who would ask them to secretly collaborate so the 'money-laundering rings' could be infiltrated.

Some 20 banks were approached, according to investigators, and several complied.

In July, one unidentified establishment provided 350,000 euros in cash to a woman gang member posing as the DGSE operative.

In September, they changed tactics slightly, convincing some banks to redirect funds they said were being used to finance terrorist groups to different accounts.

One bank sent 2.5 million dollars to a Geneva account, another two million euros was sent to a Hong Kong account and five million euros was sent to an account in Estonia.

An alert raised by one of the warier banks allowed police to block the first two of the September transfers, but the third was allegedly pocketed by Gilbert C. before the noose closed.

Police found the gang had set up a myriad of screen companies controlled from abroad.

The suspected mastermind was "impossible to catch" and "worthy of the best" of the world's scam-artists, one investigator said. (:/)

Greased-up Hoover...

Private Eye

“You were one of a group of men involved in drug smuggling,” Lord Justice Hooper told Joseph Augustine in the Court of Criminal Appeal in London, “and you helped to set up a safe house in St Peter’s Street in Bedford. The purpose of this flat was to allow drug mules from the West Indies to hide out after travelling to Britain, until the drugs they had swallowed had passed through their system.

“In September 2003, you were looking after a drug mule, who had swallowed a kilogram of cocaine before leaving Trinidad. When the £50,000 payload you were expecting did not appear, you and your gang became impatient, and began force-feeding the smuggler with prune juice. You then resorted to what have been termed ‘extreme measures,’ such as inserting a broom handle and a carving knife into his anus, in an attempt to extract the drugs, although these attempts also failed.

“The man later escaped from the flat, and was found by neighbours, crawling in the street with various objects Philip Thompson illustrationprotruding from his anus. The cocaine was subsequently removed from his belly by surgeons in hospital. Police then raided the flat, and found what has been described as ‘a fully greased-up Hoover,’ with which you had tried to suck the drugs out of the mule’s bottom. They also found several electric toasters, which you have admitted were also part of the unsuccessful extraction process, although it remains unclear what use they would have been. You were subsequently convicted of smuggling cocaine at Luton Crown Court, and jailed for five years.

“You are now seeking leave to appeal on the grounds that the jury acquitted you of possession of the drugs, and that this was inconsistent with their guilty verdict on the smuggling charge. However, we see no reason why the two verdicts should be regarded as logically inconsistent, and therefore dismiss your application for permission to appeal against conviction.” (Bedfordshire on Sunday, 19/6/2005. Spotter: Garrick Alder) (:/)

Sport

Rocket racers promise to take Formula One into the sky

AFP

Personal spaceflight pioneer Peter Diamandis unveiled plans to take Formula One racing into the skies with rocket aircraft that will race around a three-dimensional course at up to 300 miles (480 kilometers) per hour.



Diamandis, the founder of the 10-million-dollar X Prize for private spaceflight, said his Rocket Racing League would seek to tap into the highly lucrative market enjoyed by Formula One and Nascar racing.

"It'll change the face of racing completely," he told reporters in New York.

The aerial racetracks will be approximately two miles (3.2 kilometers) long, one mile (1.6 kilometers) wide, and about 5,000 feet (1,520 meters) high, running perpendicularly to spectators.

The rocket planes, called X-Racers, will take off from a runway both in a staggered fashion and side-by-side and fly a course based on the design of a Grand Prix competition, with long straights, vertical ascents, and deep banks.

Each pilot will follow his or her own virtual "tunnel" or "track" of space, separated from their competitors by a few hundred feet.

"Of course it's risky," said Diamandis. "We're dealing with a new frontier."

Pilots will use state-of-the-art Global Positioning System (GPS) technology to reduce the chance of any mid-air collision.

The X-Racers, which are still in the development stage, are expected to cost around one million dollars each. They will be powered by a single 1,800 pound (800 kilogram) liquid and kerosene rocket engine.

Instead of a throttle, the racers will have a simple on/off switch to operate the rocket burner.

"It's either a glider, or it's a rocket, depending on which way the switch is clicked," said Rick Searfoss, a former space shuttle commander who will be among the first X-Racer pilots.

The vehicles will only carry around four minutes worth of fuel, forcing the pilots to exercise their judgment in choosing the optimal moments to fire the rocket burner.

"It will mean multiple shut-offs and relights," Searfoss said.

Four of the aircraft will be brought online in 2006 and the league expects to have 10 X-Racers competing by 2007.

The project envisages competitions across the United States, with annual finals at the X Prize cup in New Mexico.

Diamandis, an aerospace engineer turned entrepreneur, is best known for the X Prize which he offered to the first ever privately funded spaceflight.

The 10 million dollar reward was claimed in October last year by the rocket ship, SpaceShipOne, whose successful sub-orbital flight was seen as ushering in a new era of space tourism.

Diamandis said commercial success for his new racing league would generate new investment in rocket technology and provide a further boost to the nascent space tourism industry.

"It's all about making space flight accessible," he said. (:/)

Oooh, Sailor!

Mids pull off daring prank in heart of wild blue yonder

The Capital, Annapolis

A dozen midshipmen earned the grudging respect of the Air Force Academy by repainting a jet fighter on the Colorado academy's grounds blue and gold, and labeling it with "Navy" and "Blue Angels."



The mids, who are studying there this semester as part of an exchange program, pulled off the prank sometime late Monday night or early Tuesday morning, in advance of Saturday's Navy-Air Force football game in Annapolis.

"This jet is in the center of cadet life," Air Force Academy spokesman John Van Winkle said yesterday. "You cannot be a cadet at the academy and not notice that plane."

The F-4D Phantom fighter, which downed six enemy MiGs in the Vietnam War, is in the middle of the Air Force Academy's assembly area, surrounded by dormitories, a classroom building and the campus chapel. Mr. Van Winkle said. It is normally painted tan and green.

"They have created a little bit of a legacy," Mr. Van Winkle said of the visiting midshipmen.

A Naval Academy spokesman was laughing when he discussed the incident.

"Good on 'em," Cmdr. Rod Gibbons said yesterday of the pranksters.

Mr. Van Winkle offered the Naval Academy some friendly advice:

"Be sure to ask the Navy people about the brass goat statute - just to see if anything happened there," he said of the statute that stands inside Gate 1.

Naval Academy spokesman Judy Campbell said this morning that 20 Air Force cadets are studying in Annapolis this semester, but they have not retaliated. Yet. (:/)

Scary

Worker 'stole human brains'

News.com.au

The Queensland state government has said it would investigate allegations that a forensic laboratory worker stole parts from human brains so they could be injected into racehorses to make them run faster.



The worker at a pathology lab in the northern city of Brisbane reportedly stole pituitary glands, found at the base of the brain, because the hormones they contain govern growth stimulation and could stimulate horses.

The claims, made by the worker's colleagues, appeared in a report in the Courier-Mail.

But Queensland state health minister Stephen Robertson said health department officials were "totally unaware of the allegations".

"The health scientific services branch is undertaking an urgent investigation into the allegations including interviews with employees and formal searches of departmental records," he said.

"The employee who appears to be the subject of these allegations has been interviewed and has categorically denied them."

The worker at the centre of the allegations, who agreed to the investigation, was also accused of keeping the nooses of suicide victims and the drip bags attached to people who died in hospitals. (:/)

FedEx plane crashes in downtown Winnipeg

Reuters

A small aircraft carrying cargo for FedEx Corp. — including six vials of research viruses — crashed in downtown Winnipeg on Thursday, killing its pilot, the only person on board, but sparing injury on the ground.

The Cessna 208 crashed on railway tracks in the western Canadian city just before 6 a.m. (1100 GMT), leaving only a "twisted heap" of wreckage behind, local radio said.

The crash occurred close to a Masonic Lodge at the intersection of several major streets that is known locally as "Confusion Corner."

The crash incinerated all cargo aboard the plane, including four frozen 0.5 milliliter (0.015 fluid ounce) vials of herpes virus and two of influenza, a spokeswoman for FedEx Canada said.

The viruses were not hazardous, Karen Cooper said, although they were packaged and handled as dangerous goods.

There was no danger to the public from the viruses, she said.

"It's not unusual for FedEx to send specimens, because this is what we're trained to do," Cooper said. "We have special packaging and we're licensed to transport dangerous materials."

The plane, which was on its way to Thunder Bay, Ontario, from Winnipeg, was operated and maintained by FedEx subcontractor Morningstar Air Express Inc., Cooper said.

Federal aviation inspectors and police have not yet determined the cause of the crash, she said.

Winnipeg was hit by an unusually early and heavy snowfall on Wednesday. (:/)

That's 'Entertainment

Fancy Lindsay for Xmas?

The Sun

MOST men can only dream of having Lindsay Lohan in their Christmas stocking.

Well, now this dream can become a reality. Well kind of …

The Mean Girls beauty has followed Britney Spears, Hilary Duff and Christina Aguilera by launching her own doll - and it could make the ideal Christmas present for male fans.

Her likeness was created after Lindsay appeared as herself in new animated movie My Scene Goes To Hollywood.

# The Lindsay Lohan toy is now on sale in shops nationwide for £24.99. For more information go to www.myscene.com. (:/)

Star Trek

Robotic Hummer Gets Pole in Robot Race

AP

A driverless red Hummer snagged the pole position Wednesday in a government-sponsored sequel race across the Mojave Desert that will pit 23 robots against one another.



The finalists were chosen after an intense, weeklong qualifying run at the California Speedway, where the self-navigating vehicles had to drive on a bumpy road, zip through a tunnel and avoid obstacles. No human drivers or remote controls were allowed.

The Hummer named H1ghlander, built by Carnegie Mellon University, flipped during practice a few weeks ago when it struck a rock. But it still managed to complete all four required semifinal runs.

Last year, only half of the 15 autonomous robotic vehicles that ran in the so-called Grand Challenge passed the semifinals. No team claimed the $1 million inaugural prize because all the contestants broke down within a few miles of the starting gate.

So this year, the sponsor, the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, doubled the purse with the hope that a vehicle would finish Saturday's $2 million race.

This year's finalists completed the hilly qualifying course littered with hay bales and parked cars at least once. Five of the vehicles finished it four consecutive times. Those included H1ghlander; a converted Humvee Sandstorm; a modified Volkswagen Touareg by Stanford University; a six-wheel truck; and a Jeep Grand Cherokee.

"I'm inspired by all the robots," said William "Red" Whittaker, a Carnegie Mellon robotics professor. "Never discount or diminish any of them."

The race is part of the Pentagon's effort to fulfill a congressional mandate to have a third of all military ground vehicles unmanned by 2015. The Defense Department envisions using robotic vehicles to bring supplies in combat zones.

DARPA, the Pentagon's research and development arm, spent $9 million on this year's event. The agency would award the prize to the first team whose computer-driven vehicle can traverse a rough and winding desert course of up to 175 miles in less than 10 hours.

There are several reasons why this year's field is more competitive. Teams had more time to prepare for the race. Many spent the past 18 months focused on the vehicles' computer "brain," beefing up their artificial intelligence through improved computer algorithms.

Teams also had the advantage of practicing in various parts of the Southwest desert under race-like conditions. Even before the semifinals, some robots had already driven hundreds of continuous miles during practice, including some that tested on last year's course between Barstow and Primm, Nev.

"Nobody was ready last year," said Bill Kehaly of Westlake Village-based Axion Racing, whose Jeep Grand Cherokee named Spirit is racing in the finals. "Everybody feels a lot more confident this year."

Because the vehicles must be self-navigating, they are equipped with GPS tracking. Mounted sensors, radar, lasers and cameras feed information to onboard computers to orient the vehicles and help them avoid obstacles and traps.

The exact route that vehicles must follow is kept secret until two hours before the competition. Organizers said the course, which will loop from and to the casino town of Primm will feature rugged desert and mountain terrain. Vehicles have to average 15 mph to 20 mph to finish in time.

"The worst vehicle we have is as good or better than the best vehicle last year," said DARPA director Anthony Tether.

Carnegie Mellon's workhorse, Sandstorm, traveled the farthest in the Mojave Desert last year despite trekking only 7 1/2 miles. It will start third in this year's race.

Of the vehicles that successfully coursed the speedway four straight times, an off-road, six-wheel truck built by Oshkosh Truck Corp., had the slowest time. But team leader Jim Fravert did not think that was a problem. The desert will be tougher and the truck was designed to handle 60 percent grades and push through five feet of water, he said. (:/)

The Winner Is... Fake Dog Testicle Creator

AP

Gregg Miller mortgaged his home and maxed out his credit cards to mass produce his invention — prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs.



What started 10 years ago with an experiment on an unwitting Rottweiler named Max has turned into a thriving mail-order business. And on Thursday night Miller's efforts earned him a dubious yet strangely coveted honor: the Ig Nobel Prize for medicine.

"Considering my parents thought I was an idiot when I was a kid, this is a great honor," he said. "I wish they were alive to see it."

The Ig Nobels, given at Harvard University by Annals of Improbable Research magazine, celebrate the humorous, creative and odd side of science.

Miller has sold more than 150,000 of his Neuticles, more than doubling his $500,000 investment. The silicone implants come in different sizes, shapes, weights and degrees of firmness.

The product's Web site says Neuticles allow a pet "to retain his natural look" and "self esteem."

Although the Ig Nobels are not exactly prestigious, many recipients are, like Miller, happy to win.

"Most scientists — no matter what they're doing, good or bad — never get any attention at all," said Marc Abrahams, editor of the Annals of Improbable Research.

Some, like Benjamin Smith of the University of Adelaide in Australia, who won the biology prize, actually nominated their own work. "I've been a fan of the Ig Nobels for a while," he said.

Smith's team studied and catalogued different scents emitted by more than 100 species of frogs under stress. Some smelled like cashews, while others smelled like licorice, mint or rotting fish.

He recalled getting strange looks when he'd show up at zoos asking to smell the frogs. "I've been turned away at the gate," he said.

This year's other Ig Nobel winners include:

• PHYSICS: Since 1927, researchers at the University of Queensland in Australia have been tracking a glob of congealed black tar as it drips through a funnel — at a rate of one drop every nine years.

• PEACE: Two researchers at Newcastle University in England monitored the brain activity of locusts as they watched clips from the movie "Star Wars."

• CHEMISTRY: An experiment at the University of Minnesota was designed to prove whether people can swim faster or slower in syrup than in water.

The Ig Nobel for literature went to the Nigerians who introduced millions of e-mail users to a "cast of rich characters ... each of whom requires just a small amount of expense money so as to obtain access to the great wealth to which they are entitled." (:/)

And Finally

Grumbling granny strikes gold with no-frills lingerie shop

Mainichi Daily News

"Hey you, can't you see the sign saying you're not allowed to use mobile phones?" the harpy like voice screeches out from an old woman.

She's expressing near heresy in a land where the keitai is almost a body part and the national walk involves leering down at the palm of the hand with a blank stare as you plod along unaware of little else around you. "If you aint gonna obey the rules, you don't have to buy anything. Get the hell outta here."

Ayako Tsuda, the 68-year-old owner of the shrill, piercing wails that send shudders into those game enough to ignore the iron-tight rules she sets, is as sacrilegious dealing with shoppers in a country where the customer is undoubtedly king as she is blasphemous in her hostility toward mobile phones.

But, according to Friday (10/14), it's precisely this hostile attitude that Tsuda displays to those who patronize Funde, her lingerie shop, that has made her business so successful.

Tsuda runs a tight ship at Funde, where the only fun permitted is in the name of the store. Among the rules she sets are no chatting between customers, any underpants touched at the store must be neatly folded back and returned to the exact position from where they were taken, no packaging of purchases and no refunds or returns under any circumstances.

In a country where fickleness is almost expected from buyers, Tsuda tolerates absolutely no dissent -- and her business couldn't be better off for it! After starting in Osaka, she has opened half a dozen shops in recent years, including a store in Tokyo.

"Our motto is to make sure we can sell good products to customers for even a single yen cheaper than they might cost somewhere else," the old woman tells Friday. "If you get an increase in bad-mannered customers, it means you've got to spend more time folding undies or working at the cash register. All that extra, useless work eats into labor costs. All these rules I set are aimed at making sure I can sell my stuff as cheap as possible."

While there're plenty of frills on the lingerie Funde sells, there are certainly no frills anywhere else. Its stores have no elaborate displays or decorations on the premises and not a single yen is spent to make them look more attractive. Nearly all products are laid out for sale in cardboard boxes.

Funde may not appeal to the eye, but it certainly touches a nerve with tight-fisted undies seekers, selling knickers for as cheap as 80 yen, bras for as little as 100 yen and even classy lingerie running up to about 10,000 yen an item, though it could cost significantly more elsewhere. It may not be much fun, but Funde is feeling fine.

"Recently, there're have been people coming to the store just so they can get told off by me," Tsuda tells Friday. "It looks like a little talking to makes 'em happy." (:/)

Indeed. It's my birthday next week, so as a present to myself, I might not do tar. I'll leave you in suspense... Until next time...

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